[FIC] D2 Lines of Communication

[Nightheart]

Here's my contribution for the fanfic contest. It's not the humor one that I wanted to post but I couldn't get that one finished in time so I picked this one which has only been posted once on the mailing list.

[dragonlady9]

Cute!! I really liked your story!

[zapenstap]

Hey, Nightheart!!!!! I haven't read a fic of your in ages (probably b/c you don't post them where I can find them *cough cough*) so I thought I would read this one.

It doesn't seem finished! They need to make up, and I wanted to know what Relena was going to say before she peetered out at the end. Also, the formatting is all one block. It makes reading it kind or intimidating, but you're a good writer so it was worth it.

Some stuff I just loved! Relena's life as a goldfish was a great image. I saw one swimming around, in a tank. I actually thought this fic was funny, but then, I'm easily amused. I'd like to see your comic effort when you finish it!

Let's see...what else did I like? I liked Relena's palm pilot, the description of her day, her addiction to work, and the early description of her character as someone who is lonely and unable to get close to people. I identify with that sometimes. Also, I could really FEEL her angry, and reading the things that Heero said to her actually made me want to tear up a little. I'm sure Relena cried like a baby. It was very touching, all the things anti-Relena people rant about her. Heero's case was less sympathetic, but your descriptions of him were good too. I thought some things were over-redundant, like explaining again how Relena can't trust boys. I remembered that from the first time I read it and didn't need to hear it again. You could probably cut out a little of the extra thinking to make sure you say everythign only once. I'm not sure if I liked the bit about Relena listening to music b/c I keep thinking it's AC 195 and the current name bands throw me off. Also, I just can't see Relena doing that. But the tap tap tap of Heero trying to get her attention is really funny.

There were some really great oneliners, though. Relena's Zen quote (not a real quote, I take it) about rivers made me laugh out loud. And as I mentioned, I really liked the goldfish. Oh, and when Heero went through the scientific equation. That was great too. I also liked the bit on Wufei and patience, and the caps on all the pilots were nice simply b.c they were funny. There is a lot of little, funny stuff in this fic.

It's a great story. Great idea. The scenes shifted nicely. I never got lost in the past or the present and there was always something that kept me reading. The transition when Relena sees Heero the first time is perfect.

Okay, this is really long. I hope you don't mind such a detailed review. I hope is culminates to a big praise because generally I thought it was a great fic. You made some recycled stuff look brand new and it was both funny and angsty and endearing. Great job, Nightheart. I'm never disappointed in expecting great things from you.

zapenstap

[Nightheart]

*sniffles* I got praised! not just that you went over specifics.... I love it when people do that! (I had a problem with the formatting when i wrote this because I was usuing a new brand of word procesing software and it kept returning my work to its default mode... and pissing me off) Oh, the reson it was so redundant was the fact that it was once two separate fics; I realized that I was writing basically the same fic twice so I decided to combine them and take all of my favorite lines from one and put them in the the other. I must have gone over it 12 times and to be honest I'm still not happy with it. I am, however, glad you like it!

[blackrose]

NIGHTHEART!!!!

What categories is it competing in????




*hugs*

Love,
Rose

[Nightheart]

Since I don't like to write angst I'll put it in the one-shot category.

[blackrose]

O.o

Okay, just one category, you're sure? We have drama, romance, etc. I haven't read it yet so I can't advise, but I just want to be certain...

On a side note, does not entering it in angst mean it's NOT angst?

Thanks for entering!

Love,
Rose

PS - I'm not sure if you got my email this weekend, but if you think you can get your humor piece finished in the next week (give or take), I got your placeholder in for it. Go here: http://blissfulignorance.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=2688 to see the deadline info. No pressure if you can't finish it in time, I just know you said wanted to try to enter it, and it sounded like a fun fic! *hugs* Love, Rose

http://blissfulignorance.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=2720