elevator

It’s been a long time since I’ve put the disclaimer at the top of the page. I do not own Gundam Wing. The show and it’s characters are the property of Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency as well as its creators Yoshiyuki Tomino and Hajime Yadate.

The Elevator Scenario

Relena Darlian, Vice Minister of Foreign Affairs, looked impatiently at the little lighted numbers in front of her silently willing the tiny red light that slowly switched from one number to the next to start switching a little faster. Sure, she could have taken the stairs but the door to the stairs had not wished to open for her (a definite safety hazard) besides, trying to run down the stairs in the new heels she had just gotten would be unnecessarily life threatening and she got enough treats on her life from elsewhere so she was stuck with the elevator.

<Come on, come on,> she thought, her impatience increasing with each little second that ticked by. If she didn’t get to the lobby soon she was going to be late for her next meeting. According to the schedule she had on her miniature palm computer, Relena had a mediation with the Leading Council for the colony she was on (L3-Z98462) and the delegate sent from the Nation of Grenta. Building good relations and an understanding between Earth and Space citizens was essentially what her job was all about (and with a bit of pardonable pride, Relena thought she was damned good at it too). But there was no denying that it was a very busy lifestyle. The Office of the Vice Minister of Foreign Affairs was a varied role to fill. She was faced with acting as the eyes and ears of the Office of Foreign Affairs and its Prime Minister, she was sent out to “trouble-spots” to try to resolve minor conflicts before they could become big problems, bring matters of importance gleaned from her travels before the Council of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation involving anything from trade and communications between Earth and Space to the colony in the L2 cluster that was having difficulties with its crops that year, she was also occasionally called upon to help with the legislature and mediating conflics between various committees and sub committees… but mainly her job was to foster open and free communications between Earth and Space, between different colonies and between different sectors on Earth. She was moved around a lot.

<This is my life,> she thought. <Being constantly moved from one place to the next; I barely get enough time to eat and sleep before they ship me off again. I haven’t even had a boyfriend in… well, pretty much ever.> Actually, Relena wasn’t exactly sad about that fact either, dating could be tricky. She had difficulties in that area, it was just so hard to open up to someone knowing that anything personal she told the man she dated could be used to hurt her. So, naturally she wanted to be careful. A woman of her position had to be very careful in how they conducted themselves, Relena had no more privacy than a goldfish. She had once flipped on the television in a rare spare moment to one of the wake-up morning shows to find them discussing her attire (Relena had quickly flipped the television off with a muttered comment of “well who the hell asked you?”).

The no privacy thing was just one reason why Relena was, as yet, unattached and it wasn’t even the main one. The main reason was the rather embarrassing fact that Relena was skittish. She avoided becoming deeply involved with others because she was not accustomed to inviting people she was unfamiliar with into her life. Her career only required interaction on a surface level and that was what Relena was most comfortable with. She had never really had any true friends when she’d been growing up; she’d been shy, quiet, reserved but polite and had found that it worked for her. With about everyone else but her adoptive father, there had been that emotional distance there. Relena was still very much a loner of spirit. And for all of her passion and her oratory skills, her abilities at profiling people and judging situations, Relena still had problems with interacting with people on anything past a surface level. She could build peace between worlds, but she still had difficulties building relationships. Trust and commitment were things that came slowly to her. Dedication she understood, but dedication was not the same as commitment. She could dedicate herself to peace and follow through on that dedication because it was what she believed in... but committing herself to a relationship meant having to open herself up to another person knowing that the knowledge she gave them might be used to hurt her. Also knowing that committing herself to a relationship meant that she might have to change some things about how she was running her own life. She was not precisely sure she was ready for any of that...in fact it seemed kinda scary to her, like jumping off a bridge and then wondering if the water was deep enough at the bottom. No, Relena was perfectly content the way her life was going. Her career was challenging, exciting, fulfilling and rewarding if a trifle exhausting. So what if she was going it alone? History had shown that those with power and the integrity to wield it correctly usually were alone. She could live with it. She didn’t need anyone, she could be strong all on her own.

<Besides, I let a boy see past my barriers once and he used that knowledge to deliberately inflict pain upon me in return for kindness. I trusted one once, that’s why I don’t now,> she thought frowning again at the little light which was moving too slowly for her taste. <And right now, I’d settle for this damned elevator going a little faster so I can get to my next meeting on time!>

Right then, the elevator did the exact thing that Relena had been hoping to avoid… It stopped to let someone on. That was even more seconds lost while she waited for this little idiot to get moving and-

<Oh, well isn’t this just the capper on my day,> she thought once she saw who it was. She repressed the urge to sigh loudly and look at the ceiling on the grounds that giving in to the temptation would be unconscionably rude.

“Relena,” he said in surprise.

“Heero,” she said, in clipped formal tones.

* * *

Heero walked the halls of the Conference Hall headed toward the elevator, and noted that they were uncommonly empty but didn’t see anything suspicious nearby that might be the cause of a disturbance and so merely continued on his way to the elevator with the intent of using it to deliver himself back down to the lobby as his survey of this building had been completed.

The only reason he was at the Conference Hall in the first place was because a bomb threat had been called into one of the nearby buildings a week ago and Une, Preventor One of the Preventors Agency had ordered a general sweep of all important buildings nearby. And normally such… drudge work was beneath a trained expert like Heero but he had just gotten back from a long, hard and unusually dangerous stint in the Peruvian jungles so Une felt it wise to give him a bit of a breather. Heero required no such breather, but it was company policy.

<And the reason I was in that jungle in the first place was so I could get out of contact with everyone for a while, I don’t know how much more I could have endured of Duo’s insinuating comments before I sent him face-first through the office window,> Heero thought darkly. It was irritating; just because the guy had found some poor sucker who thought he was the Alpha and the Omega of the entire galaxy (Heero felt that Hilde should definitely make an appointment for a cat-scan) Duo now felt that he had to “share the wealth”. More specifically, he thought Heero needed to be in a relationship of some kind and had already graciously picked out just the right girl for him. Relena.

That was not to say that Heero had anything against Relena, quite the opposite in fact, but the young ex-Gundam Pilot did resent being pushed into something. Aside of that, the last conversation they’d had together had likely burned that particular bridge quite effectively. Relena seemed to be more than busy enough with her own life, he doubted she had time for him in it. He had already said more than enough to her anyway, she likely would not want him involved in her life even if she did have time for him.

A four month stint of isolation in the hot, waterlogged jungles of Peru with no television, no newspaper and no contact with the outside world save the official channel on the communications radio had certainly had the desired effect of cutting him off from the rest of the world, however they had failed to cut her out of his mind. In the long periods of waiting between orders in which Heero had absolutely nothing to do (after every piece of machinery and electronic device had been tuned, upgraded , taken apart and reassembled three times over that is) he’d sat by himself and brooded. He had plenty to brood over.

Coming to terms with himself after three years of boring peace had left him with a strong sympathy for his old arch-rival Zechs, who had been unable to endure peace for very long before the Barton Incident blew in. Heero didn’t like peace as much as he’d thought he might… It was great for about everyone else but him. Everyone else had something to do, somewhere to go and generally someone to be with. He was the only one, it seemed who still took apart and cleaned his handgun every night, who still kept a fully stocked rucksack of supplies under his bed within easy reach, who still worked out three times daily to keep himself in peak fighting condition. Who still lived the life of a soldier.

His ex-compatriots and other Gundam Pilots seemed to have adjusted themselves well to peace. Trowa, the quiet mercenary fighter he had the most in common with seemed to have laid all of his inner demons to rest and was quietly and happily ensconced in his life with his family at the circus. He had a sister who doted on him and other performers who called him friend. Duo lived at the house of a friend he’d made during the war named Hilde and they split the chores and the responsibility of running a small business out of their home right down the middle with an equal partnership; one adjusting their habits and routines to accommodate the strengths and weaknesses of the other. And they both brought in the occasional part-time paycheck from the preventors during the off-season when there wasn’t much trade going on in their business. Quatre, the kind polite and wealthy heir to a business dynasty had had the easiest time adjusting to peace it seemed. His family was supportive and loving, his friends in space and on earth were always glad to see him, and because Quatre was no mean strategist his business did as well or better than it had under the guidance of his father. Even Wufei, who had quite obviously had the most objections to the peace that encompassed the Earth sphere, showed no real signs of restlessness. He worked with Preventer Water, Sally Po, full time and when he was not doing that he liked to teach martial arts classes. Sally had said that he was a surprisingly good teacher once she could convince him that his students were not being deliberately obtuse and that he should cultivate the very useful and important martial arts skill known as patience.

So there it was; everyone was content in the peaceful era but him. Heero had not enjoyed war, in fact he had looked forward to the day when all would be peaceful… He had not expected to be so discontent with his life. Ironic, that was what it was. Of course, part of the restless feelings of general discotent could stem from the one major problem he had at the moment. No matter how many assignments he took on earth or out in space, no matter how he tried to keep himself busy the fact remained that he had unfinished business.

<I should never have said that to her,> he thought. Heero was familiar with what he was feeling now. Remorse. If he could take the words back, he would.

She had only been trying to be nice, kindness was in her nature and she cared about him (for whatever her reasons). When she had bumped into him that day in the market place and walked with him out to the park on L1-Y866107 despite his obvious efforts to give her to cold shoulder (Heero’s justification for his behavior was that, she was a peaceful diplomat who had no business talking with active duty warriors). She had only been trying to make sure that he was faring well. Heero regretted his actions of that afternoon. It had haunted him, the way she’d looked at him with her innocent eyes full of confused hurt and innocent betrayal; no matter how far he traveled or how difficult the mission he took on, he had found that running from himself and his memories was impossible. That afternoon he had decided to sever her ties to him quickly and efficiently by saying the most hurtful things he could think of. He had not been raised to be a gentleman, but even so he knew that his behavior had been way out of line. She had never harmed him; the opposite was true, she went out of her way to see that he was doing alright. Telling her to find someone else to add excitement to her life, and telling her that her only real value lay in maintaining the peace he’d helped create and saying that he wished no further contact with her because she was nothing more than a distraction as well as a variety of other terrible things was a very poor way to repay the kindness and care she had shown him. To his shame, he was glad that she had decided to keep their little “conversation” to herself, he really did not want to face the condemnation in the gazes of the very few individuals he could remotely call ‘friends’.

But Heero knew no other way to act. Pushing people away when they got too close to the person behind his walls had always been his way and it was the way he was most comfortable with. At the end of the Barton Incident, when he had let himself fall forward, he’d been expecting to hit the ground like he always did; he’d been expecting to pick himself up off from it later when he’d regained a little of his strength. Instead, he’d found himself caught and cradled by two arms that offered love and comfort; he’d found himself reassured by a voice that was soothing and gentle… and at the moment when he’d been too exhausted to behave as he normally would, he had (for lack of a better word) cuddled closer to that warmth and comfort offered. He’d let himself be cared for, he’d let himself be held, he’d let himself be weak. It wasn’t supposed to be like that, he was the strong one. It was supposed to be him who protected, him who provided and it really had hurt his pride that his strength had given out right in front of everyone. Lashing out seemed like the natural thing to do to cover his hurt pride; Relena shouldn’t be talking with him anyway, she had other matters she needed to concentrate on and worrying about him would make her lose focus. At the time he’d said those hateful things to her he’d believed that he’d been doing them both a favor… But he hadn’t thought that he would actually miss her as much as he did. He hadn’t taken into account that on those rare occasions when he did get to see her she wouldn’t smile at him, he hadn’t realized that she would no longer show him the little kindnesses like inquiring after his day, permitting him to discuss recent proposals with her (and even sometimes acting on his advice) or trying to lighten his mood with amusing stories or anecdotes she’d heard and picked up during her travels.

When the doors opened up to reveal the less than pleased looking Relena Darlian, Heero realized that he hadn’t gotten a single glimpse of her in many months and that his hazy memory of her that was always changing and being revised fell short of reality. Relena had been a pretty girl who had grown into a lovely woman in all senses of the word. She had eyes that smiled for her when she laughed and looked reprovingly at a person when they acted in a fashion that countered good behavior. The last time those eyes had looked at him, they had been filled with hurt and betrayal; that was something time and distance had not managed to erase. She had grown a little and would probably always be petite, giving her a look of delicacy and fragility that was at odds with the strong woman he and everyone else knew she was. She still had a young looking face although the past few years had melted away the last of her baby fat refining her classical features. She was still proud in her bearing meeting all of her challenges directly and staring down the world without flinching… She was still entirely stubborn. He could only imagine (or try to keep himself from imagining) what the rest of her looked like as the business suits she wore were cut to conceal her feminine curvature behind its distance-setting androgyny.

“Relena,” he said, surprise coloring his tone. He’d not expected to see her so suddenly.

“Heero,” she said stiffly and pushed the button to close the doors.

Heero quickly acted to hold the elevator door open and step inside. He stood next to Relena who was facing the door and watching the little numbers change with irritating slowness; probably so she could ignore him completely.

The silence in the elevator was stiff and uncomfortable as all the words he wished he’d never said hung in the air between them. Relena herself was acting in a way he was unaccustomed to; she just stood there beside him staring straight ahead with her weight shifted slightly away from him like she didn’t want to soil her perfect self by touching him. Her faultless mask of perfect smiling serenity was well in place and Heero found to his inner dismay that he couldn’t read her. Heero had always been made to feel welcome by her even if he didn’t really want the welcome; he’d always been able to read what was going on inside of her simply by looking into her eyes and she’d never been able to hide anything from him… But that had been before he’d deliberately hurt her.

The silence continued to stretch out between them as Heero debated internally with himself. They were alone for the first time in a very long time, he might not get another chance to be alone and uninterrupted with her again for a long time so he should apologize to her. Even if he couldn’t take the words back, he should make amends and try to heal some of the damage he had caused her. But on the other hand he did not want to apologize to her in an elevator, it sort of gave off the feeling of ‘Oh-by the way, as long as we’re here…’ As if he didn’t really care, as if he were just tossing her a table scrap. He watched as the tiny numbers slowly ticked away, lessening his chance to make things right with her second by second as he debated. He had to make a decision…

<Always act according to your emotion, that is the best path for those who live in the present,> he thought. The advice of his old mentor echoed back to him. <Sure, great. He’s dead, what can he know about this? He doesn’t need to think about what will happen next.> Even so, the advice was applicable, and Heero was running out of time.

“Relena,” he began, turning to face her. The proud young diplomat deliberately kept facing forward, not acknowledging him.

“Relena,” he said again, trying to get her attention so that she would face him. She looked down and away, which where he was from was tantamount to a slap across the cheek. It was a way of saying ‘I dislike you so much that I do not even acknowledge your existence.’ Heero knew he deserved it but that didn’t make it hurt any less. He pressed on

“I… Relena, I wanted to talk to you about what I said.”

Nothing. Not even a flicker.

“I’m certain you recall our encounter in the gardens that afternoon…” Heero said stiltedly, unaccustomed to making apologies in the verbal manner. His usual form of apology involved actions and not words. He waited. Relena was still looking at the floor beside her saying nothing and doing nothing.

“I’m trying to tell you that I’m…”

Relena, who had always been patient and gentle and kind and caring with him simply stood there looking away, not helping him, not reassuring him that he had her forgiveness.

“Look at me Relena,” he commanded. “Say something.”

Relena was a chaos-riot behind her mask. Her emotions were bouncing all over the place; relief that he apparently hadn’t meant what he’d said warred with anger and hurt that he had said it. Suspicion about what he wanted from her by telling her this so suddenly after so long of saying nothing came creeping up behind joy that he cared about her a little, or at least seemed to care. If he hadn’t meant it then why had he said it? And why was he repairing damages now? Did he want something from her? Most people who were nice to her now wanted something from her; maybe he had something else he wanted.

Her response was cut off however when the elevator jerked to a halt between the numbers four and five. The tiny box was suddenly plunged into pitch blackness, however there was no boom or shudder that would indicate an explosion. The dim emergency lights snapped on and a computerized voice came through on the speakers.

“The system operating your turbo lift is experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by while our staff of trained technicians begins repairing the problem. You will be receiving regular updates but the estimated time for repairs is one hour and thirty minutes. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

“I can’t wait that long!” Relena said in dismay. “I have to make it to a meeting in an hour!” All thought of Heero or apologies flew out of her head at the thought of missing one of her meetings. Her career was her life!

“You’re going to be missing your meeting in an hour it appears,” Heero said. Relena shot him a withering look for his comment and went back to ignoring him, however there was only so much standing and staring at the floor she could do before it got old.

Great, just great. Her day had been going along reasonably smoothly (or at least as smoothly as any of her days ever did) and then he had showed up and now she was struck with a sudden crimp in her otherwise perfect day. It wasn’t like she didn’t think that stuff like this happened, it was just that it seemed to happen a lot more when he was around. It was like he had some kind of cosmic hoodoo out on her. And now she had to endure over an hour alone in a small box suspended in midair with the man who had called her a manipulative, calculating, frigid politician whose only concern was for herself. He’d called her stupid, naïve; he’d called her a spoiled little rich girl who stuck her nose into affairs where she wasn’t welcome, a helpless damsel in distress that needed to be rescued every time he turned around, nothing better than deadweight. He’d told her she was useless as a person, the only value she had lay in what she could do and what she was; not who what. Relena had wondered at the time why he didn’t just simply punch through her flesh and rip her heart out, it would have been a lot less painful for her and less troublesome for him; he wouldn’t have had to waste as much of his precious time.

Because of that day Relena had pulled away from forming emotional attachments to other people at all, especially men her own age; she’d opened herself up by allowing herself to care for someone and he’d used the knowledge and the feelings she’d given to him to tear her up. He’d done it deliberately, every word he’d said and every gesture he’d made had been carefully chosen to bring her down. Maybe pulling back from getting close to anyone had been a bit of an overreaction on her part, but she was just as new and inexperienced in the matters of the mature emotions arena as any girl her age. She’d been a self-contained child who had always handled her problems on her own. Relena hadn’t exactly been certain of what she was supposed to do about Heero’s sudden and vicious attack on her character. She couldn’t follow him and make him change his mind about her; she had a life and a career of her own to think of and didn’t have the luxury of clearing her schedule just to chase after someone in hopes that she would be able to show him that she was a worthwhile person.

It had been a major blow to her and for a little while she had even questioned her own worth; had he been correct? Was she a burden? He’d hit on something of an old and lingering insecurity that she’d buried deep inside her heart. Relena had always secretly feared that it might be true somehow, that she really was nothing more than an inconvenience to those she cared for. It wasn’t logical, but feelings often weren’t affected by logic. She’d tried to place as little stress as she could on her family when she had been a child, tried not to do anything that might interrupt the harmony of their home or cause ant discomfort to her parents. Because of that niggling secret fear she’d made herself into a model child, good grades, perfect appearance, polite, well-spoken, every parent’s dream child. She’d wanted her mother and father to be happy that they’d had her and never wanted them to think she was an inconvenience to them so she’d been generally quiet and self-contained, she hadn’t wanted them to think she was ungrateful so she’d made gifts and remembered to be as polite and kind as she could be. She had never really known why she felt as if she were a guest in her own home that might wear out her welcome, just that she’d always felt that she should make them proud of her. If she’d been a little distant, and a little quiet, and reserved; well that was just her nature. She didn’t bother her parents with her own problems, she handled them on her own, quietly. She learned to fall asleep quickly after waking up in a cold sweat from nightmares of fire and suffocating smoke that she couldn’t explain, if the smell of scorched flesh gave her cold chills… well, she simply learned to be a vegetarian. If she had troubles at school she handled them in her own quiet way until the desired effect had been achieved.

<I couldn’t help it that I was kidnapped,> she thought rebelliously, her throat tightening. Heero had really hit on her greatest worry when he’d called her a burden. <I couldn’t even defend myself, they drugged me, I couldn’t fight against the guards guarding me and Mariemaia they were all armed soldiers with automatic weapons. How could I fight a whole crowd of them? I tried the best I could, I did! I tried to reason with my kidnapper, I tried to help out… I couldn’t help it that I wasn’t able to do anything in that situation.> But the feeling that there was something she could have done to make things better if she’d only been a little stronger lingered in the back of her mind like a festering malignancy.

She took a deep breath to shake herself out of it. It was in the past now, it didn’t matter. She’d simply handled it in her own quiet self-contained manner, namely she’d immersed herself in her work until it gradually gave her back that self-esteem he’d so casually crushed under his shoe. It had been a tough road, but Relena was accustomed to handling things by herself, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. She really should feel grateful to him for what he’d done… now she was a much stronger person, she supposed. She was fully dedicated to her career and it was something that truly required dedication. If she’d continued to be distracted by worrying about someone who so obviously didn’t need her she would never have realized her inner strength. She would have been happy accepting the fact that somewhere out there Heero was finding his own happiness and that would have been enough for her.

<I need to start trying to juggle my schedule to make up for this missing hour…> she thought as she found herself a corner as far away from Heero as she could get. Relena took her flip-open palm-top. It came with everything, mini-discvid player, music storage player, satellite connection (which was currently down because of the ultra-thick walls of the elevator) a built-in corder and line for virtual meetings, a super-compressed processor, audio-command panel, virtual panel, super clear graphics display, and a host of other useful and nifty things. Relena used it to manage her bursting-at-the-seams schedule, her shuttle and jet tickets, her hotel reservations, her meetings, her notes… her life. It was less than half and inch thick and could easily be stored in her purse. She loved it, she could create her own mix of her favorites, which included Pavarotti, Jewel, Sheryl Crow, Aiko as well as some newer groups like Elvis Sightings, Ethnotechno, Earthbeat, Spacerunners and Fat Jupiter, while she wrote out a new speech or updated her notes.

Relena plugged herself in to the earplugs and pulled up one of her favorite mixes. The music was cheerful and upbeat with songs that reinforced her confidence and bolstered her optimism. Relena sometime still had difficulties maintaining her verve and energy in the face of her almost overwhelming responsibilities and listening to music that reminded her to look to herself for her strength, to be independent and carry her own burdens and help others as much as she could, that if she kept up her positive attitude there was nothing she couldn’t do, that even when times were tough she couldn’t give up, that there was power within a single soul to change the entire universe… she got so many buoying messages from her music and she’d found it to be an excellent method of positive reinforcement. It built her up so that the world and even Heero Yuy could never tear her down.

Heero looked over at the young woman in the tan slacks and blazer suit sitting in one corner of the elevator (as far away from him as she could get he noted) plugged into her palmtop listening to some music, she looked a little strange wearing earphones… Incongruous was the word that came to mind, the suit made her look very much like an adult, but the earphones gave the stereotypical impression of a rebellious teenager.

He debated what to do next. She quite obviously wanted nothing more to do with him, and he couldn’t blame her for feeling that way. Perhaps he should just leave things as they were, it would be easier that way. But that was when he realized that the reason he was even entertaining the notion of simply saying nothing and letting her go for good was because he was quite afraid. Perhaps fear was too strong a word, people feared death, people feared pain, none of those thing made any difference to him life was pain and death was a part of life… so nervous might make a better word, but her could barely recall being nervous before. He wasn’t afraid of what she would do to him as she had made it quite clear that she had no desire for revenge, or really even further contact of any sort. But Heero felt a strange knot tightening in his stomach the longer he sat there looking at her while she ignored his existence by immersing herself in the workdesk on her palmtop.

Was he… angry? No, the knot wasn’t anger, he knew what that felt like, a deep burning sensation that coiled round his stomach like a snake; Heero wasn’t angry about anything for he had nothing to be angry about. He closed his eyes and relaxed his mind for a moment, to the casual observer he would look like he’d decided to relax and sleep standing slumped against the wall with his arms crossed. He would probe and analyze this tangle of emotions to smooth them out before proceeding on with his notion of apologizing to Relena.

So he wasn’t angry, was he afraid? Not quite but close enough. Possible causes for this discomfort? One, his work? No, status clear on his occupation. Two, his present dissatisfaction with the status of his life (i.e. boredom with peace and lack of the family situation enjoyed by the rest of his colleagues)? Perhaps that was part of it. Three, was the situation with Relena making him feel this discomfort?

He looked over at her, studying her frown of concentration and how she got a little tiny crease, just so, on her forehead when she focused particularly hard on something. Well, that last hypothesis seemed like the most plausible. Even when analyzing his emotions he liked to use the scientific method, it was efficient, it was thorough, and it got the job done… probably the result of living for a good part of his life with a scientist. First identify the problem, next formulate a hypothesis that addressed the problem, gather data, then analyze the data to see if it proved or disproved the hypothesis, finally draw a conclusion.

First of all he would have to figure out just what precisely was wrong with him. There was a knot of tension in his stomach that hadn’t been there when he’d gotten onto the elevator. When he’d tried to talk to her the first time it had abruptly increased… his palms had actually been moistened with perspiration. That hadn’t happened very often. So proceeding on the theory that the current unresolved issue with regards to the woman curled up not even four feet away from him the logical thing to do would be to confront her.

As soon as he had that thought his stomach abruptly tightened again, he felt almost queasy. It was a definite sign of nervousness then. He was made nervous by the thought of confronting her with something like that on his conscience. Perhaps he should simply let the whole thing go, she seemed to be fine. Oooh, another stab. Well what was that all about…? Oh, he saw it now: perversely he seemed to be bothered, mildly insulted even, by the fact that she seemed to be doing fine without him. Well what was he expecting her to do, curl up into a fetal position and weep until he came along and soothed away he hurt feelings? He really should know better than that; he discerned very well that Relena was too strong for that kind of nonsense. He must really be getting an inflated opinion of his own importance if he was disappointed that he wasn’t the sole center of someone else’s universe and that she hadn’t ceased to function without him.

Pride was a difficult thing to have to swallow, in this he was just a susceptible as about any other man (or woman).

But Heero had never once run away from the face of a confrontation and he did not intend to start now. He had some amends to make and he was just going to have to get over his own nervousness and complete that confrontation whether he wanted to or not, besides that… Relena deserved to hear the truth from him. She was really innocent in all of this and he was the one who caused her needless pain because of his own difficulties. She had never done anything to deserve that.

He surreptitiously took a deep breath and walked over to where she was immerse in her work and tapped her lightly on the shoulder. She held up one finger and mumbled ‘just a minute’ at him without even looking up from where she was working and continued typing away and clicking with her finger pad, barely missing a beat. Heero waited patiently for a few seconds but it soon became apparent that she was simply going to keep on ignoring him. So…

Tap tap tap.

“One moment please,” she repeated with nothing more than cheerful politeness in her tone and continued typing away at her palmtop. The volume was increase on her earphones; oh that was real mature, why didn’t she just stick her tongue out at him while she was at it? He briefly considered finding the power button on her palmtop and pressing it to get her attention but decided that it would merely piss her off and since he was going to be apologizing he wanted her to be in a relatively good mood. A moment or two later she gave a few final decisive taps on her keypad and looked up at him, music still blaring in her ears… he could just make out the lyrics, it seemed to be about being cheerful even when things were difficult.

“Yes?” she inquired evenly, glancing up at him. Heero knelt down to bring himself eye level to her and said

“Would you mind taking your earphones out?” He intended to do this seriously after all.

Relena removed one and let it dangle while the other remained attached, Heero reached over and plucked that one off her ear, she shot him a cool look but he continued as if he hadn’t seen it. It was best to just say it and get it over with.

“I wanted to apologize for what I said to you the last time we met. I didn’t mean it and I was wrong to say it.” There, she couldn’t doubt that he was sincere since he had maintained eye contact with her the entire time no matter how difficult it had been for him. His heart rose as she smiled sweetly at him… but then she said

“Oh don’t be silly Heero,” she said lightly, smiling as beatifically at him as statue of Buddha himself.

“You don’t have to apologize for expressing your real opinion of me. I understand.” Her face was all benevolent acceptance and it just made him feel worse.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you right now,” he pursued, never one to surrender the field without a fight, or at least a good self destruct to teach his enemies the meaning of dedication. “I didn’t mean what I said that day.”

“Then why did you say it?” she asked, her voice was still light and her face still a mask of smiling serenity. It was impossible to read what was going on under the surface with her anymore and Heero had always been proud of his acumen and understanding of the deeper natures of people. Relena had perfected her control of tone and facial expression so than not even a flicker gave her away, (she would have had to in order to survive in her world) but Heero found it frustrating that she was hiding her inner feelings from him now, when he actually wanted to know what was going on under that perfect mask of zen-like calm.

“I… I don’t know, precisely,” he answered honestly after a long pause. This apology stuff was hard, he’d much prefer to just give her his handgun and offer to let her shoot him. However he knew that would be a meaningless gesture; even if she were angry enough she wouldn’t shoot him and he knew it because such an act would compromise her principals. Besides, he didn’t kill anyone close to her and insulting her like that wasn’t a serious enough offense to warrant death. She wouldn’t thank him for putting her in a position like that anyway.

“I see, well it’s nice to know that you didn’t mean to call me a frigid politician with an inflated opinion of her own consequence in the universe and a tool for those in power to stay in power by using me as a symbol for the masses.”

He stared at her. That was a complete recitation of one of the sentences he’d shouted at her but it had to have been at least seven or eight months ago and she’d just repeated it verbatim. Ouch.

“You…” he began. She smiled again and said readily

“I have a good memory.”

She flicked he hands and shrugged with one shoulder in a gesture of dismissal. “It’s okay. Forgiven, forgotten, water under the bridge, time marches on and I have a schedule to try to salvage for this hour of quality time we have here. How much longer do you think we’ll be stuck here?”

“Are you serious about forgiving me, or are you just anxious to be rid of me?” he asked, wondering if she was telling him the truth or just telling him what she knew he wanted to hear.

“Take your pick,” she told him cheerfully, smiling benevolently at him, it was one of those closed-eyed I’m-so-innocent-tee-hee smiles too.

Heero frowned; apparently she was going to make him work for it by making him ferret out an answer through careful questioning where she might or might not be telling the truth on any or all of her answers and it was damned impossible to tell if she was lying. But he had set himself out to gain her forgiveness and he was going to get it from her if it killed them both.

“It doesn’t matter what I think, it matters what you think. I want to know that you’re okay with, this, I mean…” oh damn, how was he supposed to put it? “I want to know that you’re really ready to let go of any hurt I have caused you by saying what I said.”

“And here I thought you had given me more credit than that,” she informed him, her tone still light and carefree, betraying nothing of her inner feelings. “You should know that I would have forgiven you for so small a thing as that. If I can forgive Lady Une for shooting my father then I can certainly forgive you.”

<Gotcha,> he thought keenly.

“You may have forgiven Lady Une for killing your father, but I notice that whenever the name Trieze is mentioned you go silent,” he said.

“If someone strikes you, which do you get mad at; the hand that struck you or the heart that ordered the hand?” she countered.

“The heart,” he responded.

“Precisely,” she said with all of the wisdom of a teacher who has imparted an important lesson to a troubled student. “My anger died with Trieze Kushrenada, the heart who ordered the death of my father. If I had held on to that hatred I felt for him I would have dishonored father’s memory… that is something I could never do.”

“But with this analogy, I am both the heart and the hand,” he pointed out. “And even though you say you forgive me, your heart may still carry anger and hurt because of what I said to you no matter how well you smile at me. Tell me what you’re really thinking.”

“Old rivers have wide flood plains,” she answered.

Heero blinked, and blinked again. Then felt obliged to ask for and explanation to what sounded to him like a Zen proverb.

“And that means what?”

“My old geology teacher said that you could tell the difference between an old river and a young river, that is, one that hasn’t been there for very long speaking in terms of geology versus one that’s been there constantly for several hundred years, by looking at the banks along the sides. A young river will cut sharply into the land making a narrow V shape and will follow only this course for many years until it erodes away enough of the land around it to smooth out its banks making it wider; an old river will have a large flat plain that it can meander around and the braids will differ from year to year depending on individual variance floods and the like.”

“And this means what?” he reiterated.

“I was not speaking of actual rivers when I said that old rivers have wide flood plains. I was speaking of the patterns of the soul. To you, anger and solitude come more easily than accepting the help of others. Unlike Quatre or Duo, you’re still very much a solitary fighter and your mind tends to try to automatically figure out the way to accomplish something alone. These paths are well worn into your soul and you would naturally resent any intrusion into what has become your natural state,” she remarked. “I apologize if I pushed too hard, I should have realized that you like all of your barriers in place.”

Relena gave a formal sitting genuflection that told Heero she had indeed spent her formative years in Japan (or south JAP point).

“You have no cause to apologize,” he said. “I’m still trying to ascertain whether you accept mine or not. If you’re going to apologize for something however I’d appreciate it if you’d apologize for this mask you’re wearing. Are you being sincere when you say ‘it’s okay’ or merely telling me what I want to hear?”

Relena looked down and away, pausing for a moment to think and said clearly

“A little of both. The truth is, I’ve learned to get over it. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t pretend to, I try to make people come together to find a solution that has a little something for everyone. Politics is about compromise, everyone wants something but no one can have everything and so I try to aid others in finding the best solution. I try to get others to talk to one another. Let’s face it, my job is to help others, to nurture understanding and to heal over old wounds. I can’t help it, it’s what I live for… helping others. I saw a need in you and I responded to that, for that is the pattern of my soul.”

“An old mentor of mine, the man who all but raised me in fact, was a soldier all his life until the day he died. I was there with him and he gave me a piece of advice before he went,” Heero said. “He told me that ‘you should follow your heart so you wouldn’t regret it later and that is correct path for those who live their lives in the present.’ I’ve found it to be good advice. When you live day to day the present is all you have. I always thought he was talking about fighting; when to act and when to remain still.”

I’m afraid I wouldn’t follow his advice very well at all,” Relena said.

“How’s that?” Heero asked curiously. He thought that out of all people she would be the one best able to follow her heart.

“I’m always thinking of the future,” she answered. “I look forward to waking up every morning looking forward to a day full of bright possibilities. I’m always running to see what’s just around the corner. I don’t enjoy the present because I’m too busy moving on, I try not to let the past bother me too much since it can’t be changed, but that doesn’t mean I forget it either. I guess it’s just a matter of finding your center. Once you’ve found that special thing that completes your life and reminds you of how special you are then you rarely falter, and even if you do stumble you can pick yourself up again.”

“You’ve wrapped your entire life around your work,” he said suddenly, changing the subject abruptly. “What if you were asked to give it up? What if the Council told you tomorrow that your services were no longer necessary and you were free to go and live your life free of the pressures of your position?”

Relena blinked, then cocked her head to one side thinking about it.

“I don’t think I would be very grateful for that, I happen to like the pressures of my position. Believe it or not I like the way I live my life right now. I have some heavy responsibilities it’s true, but they they’re more like my pillar of strength rather than a weight that holds me down. I find my work rewarding, fulfilling even if it is pretty exhausting sometimes, I like being active and if they’d ever fired me I wouldn’t know what to do with myself with all of that free time. But I suppose I’d just get over it eventually. I’m an adaptable woman, I can roll with the changes. I’d probably find some other way to follow my heart… travel a lot I’d imagine. I do love to travel.”

“So you think acting on your emotions and following your heart is the same thing?” Heero queried.

“Don’t you?” she countered.

“I asked you first.”

“I asked you second.”

He glared and she relented, saying

“Okay. I said earlier that it’s just a matter of finding your center. Well I’ve found mine in my work, and yes it would be a difficult thing to lose, in fact I’d probably be completely depressed with no activity in my life and nothing to give me this sense of purpose I’m accustomed to having. But, I think that if I were given time I’d get over it. I’ve managed to survive worse I think.”

“You’re talking about what I said,” he surmised.

“My we do have a high opinion of ourselves, don’t we?” she responded.

Heero wasn’t quite certain what to make of that mild reproof and he was still debating what to say next when Relena surprised him by asking him a question.

“So how have things been going in your life? Are you doing alright?”

Heero glanced over at her in mild surprise. Apparently she really wasn’t one to hold a grudge. That was good; making someone else the sole center of your universe probably wasn’t healthy anyway. Still… Heero couldn’t help but feel just a little bruised that he wasn’t a vital part of her existence, it might be nice if she’d treat him like he was something a little more than a collegue, or even a friend. He wasn’t saying that he wanted her to follow him around like ducklings behind their mother, but it would be nice if she’d let her mask slip.

“My condition is satisfactory,” he reported.

“Is it?”

Heero looked over at her. She was examining him with disconcerting scrutiny and Heero began to understand why she was such an astute politician. Those eyes of hers felt like they were peering straight through his flesh and right into his soul. He looked away before her would have to meet her eyes for he got the uncomfortable feeling that if she got to meet his gaze he would be able to hide nothing from her.

“Well from what I’ve noted your condition hardly seems satisfactory. You still move like a soldier Heero, but your gaze is dull. I notice that the gun hidden in your shoulder holster is still shiny as if you’d polished it just recently, and that your Preventors uniform is well worn but not shabby. In short, I would say that you still live your life as if you expect to wake up and fight a war.”

“Battle habits die hardest,” he grumbled, a little awkwardly.

“I imagine they do…” Relena said. There followed a pause.

“Why are you always so concerned about me? I can take care of myself. I’ve always taken care of myself. I’ve been a soldier for as far back as I can recall and I don’t need you or anyone else pushing at me,” he said bristling.

<Damnit! I’m doing it again!> he thought, resisting the urge to shake his head.

“I’m sorry again,” he said. “I didn’t mean to say that either.”

“Yes you did,” Relena countered. “But I understand now why you said it. I sense that you’re still drifting Heero. I know that being a soldier in peacetime can’t be easy for you and perhaps you’ve had troubles adjusting to the direction the world is heading in now. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to; if you like, you don’t have to say another word. But just promise me you’ll talk to someone. It’s not good to keep things bottled up inside, they only end up hurting you. If you block others out you only end up locking yourself in and all of the pain and misery will only keep feeding on itself and grow stronger. A wound if left untreated will fester and poison the body, just as a wound on the heart if left untended will poison the soul.”

She looked up at him, her eyes honest and true. “I don’t pretend to have all the answers, I am human and prone to make as many mistakes as anyone else does… but I know that in getting people to talk to one another, open up dialogue, create understanding and work together toward a common goal will make all of us stronger. In the words of Tennyson; “to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield”.”

“That must be your motto,” he noted dryly, with a look at her through his dark hair that bordered on amusement.

“The point I’m trying to get at is, that even though there is the power within a single soul to change the world... ano, it doesn’t mean that you always have to do everything by yourself. It’s okay to let others help you out every once in a while. Sure, you can look to yourself and be your own strength, but being part of a community is important too. Humans build communities, it’s through our words and actions, our ideas and expressions that we give soul and form, movement and beauty to our world. If we never share what’s inside of us, then nothing will ever change.”

Abruptly, she paused and looked down at herself and flushed. Unconsciously her body and facial expression had changed to that passionate earnestness, that wisdom and strength that had made her speeches so famous.

“I’m doing it again, aren’t I?” she said, her tone colored with chagrin. “It sometimes seems like everything I say carries so much weight to it that I rarely speak anymore unless I’m addressing a large audience. And when I do say what I believe in my heart it seems to automatically come out of my mouth like I’m giving a speech.”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Your job is to foster understanding, among other things, and your speeches touch people and that’s how you accomplish your objective. But it seems to me like you should be taking a bit of your own advice.

“Eh?”

“You don’t actually have many friends do you?”

“There are plenty of people who like me Heero, who respect and admire me. I’m not saying that to be vain, it’s a fact.”

“Hn. We’re really a lot alike, you and I. I can count on the fingers of one hand the people I have a close enough sort of bond to come remotely close to calling friend.”

“I’m certain that each and every last one of them are proud of the accolade then. You value quality over quantity, and that’s good. You should try talking to one of your friends, it will make you feel better.”

“That’s what I’m doing right now.”

“Oh. I hadn’t wanted to presume…”

Relena was a bundle of contradictions. She was an adept politician who met and interacted with a lot of different people on a daily basis to get them to open up dialogue and understanding with one another, but she was actually a solitary wanderer roaming from place to place and never staying long enough to form an attachment to anyone. Her fans and her admirers could probably be counted in the hundreds but she apparently had no friends. She was one of the most stubborn, willful, and not-giving-up-type persons he had ever met and yet she was so modest and shy and self effacing.

“It’s strange, the two of us meeting like this,” Heero remarked, changing the subject a little.

“Perhaps not,” Relena said. “We were always getting thrown together during the war. I travel so much now that maybe it isn’t all that strange that you and I would cross paths again. What is strange is not that the two of us have crossed paths, but that the two of us are actually sitting down to a conversation together. If it had been under more normal circumstances I would not have had the time to do more than smile politely and pat you on the shoulder before hurrying off to catch my shuttle. The only people I get to spend any time in conversation with now are the people I’m trying to work with. Oh, and sometimes Quatre, but he’s pretty busy himself.”

“I see, so the two of you are friends?” Heero inquired, leaning back against the wall next to her and stretching his legs out.

“Yes, we have a lot in common,” she replied. “And he’s easy to talk to. It’s not often that either of us get a chance to talk, more often than not it’s over some form of food. I almost never have enough time to eat it seems.”

As if to prove this statement her stomach chose that exact moment to growl loudly. Relena giggled, ducking her head in embarrassment, and said

“See? I just need more hours in a day. There’s never enough time to do everything, no matter how fast I hurry I’m still always two steps behind. Then I get little delays like this… Not that I’m not enjoying the chance to rest my feet; whoever the sadist was that designed these shoes should be dragged out to the street and shot, but this really isn’t helping things any. I’ve gone through my schedule multiple times while I’m in here and there’s just no way I can make up for some of the appointments I’m bound to miss. I’m booked solid for the next five weeks so there’s no squeezing in the meeting from the delegation of sector 14x82x9 which I am currently missing as we speak. They were having a problem with the trade routes to Mars, plus there was a small difficulty involving them and one of the colonies in the L-1 cluster… a bit about natural materials I believe. I checked the shuttle schedules posted and there’s not another shuttle leaving for the destination of my next meeting which is an important treaty signing for the Allied Peoples Regime in Yeni and the North Eastern Free Republic next to them who as you know have been bitter enemies for generations, for three more hours. I could take a shuttle an hour from now that will take me to the place where the meeting after that is set up but then I would miss the treaty signing and I’m scheduled to make a speech there.”

Relena glared irritatedly at the schedule she couldn’t fix. Heero looked over her shoulder and saw list after list on her screen. There were transport schedules, meeting objectives, speech outlines, daily planners, hotel reservations, ground transport reservations, plus individual dossiers about the meetings she had lined up, who the people were, what she needed to accomplish, a bit of background to refresh her memory for the revisits to people she’d met with before. It looked to Heero remarkable like some of his missions, same basic structure; find a way to make it to where he needed to be, once there complete the task he’d had assigned to him. Only in this case, Relena was creating something, not destroying it; and she had to deal with people, instead of simply removing them as obstacles to her objective she had to bring them around to working with her toward her objective.

“Why not just delegate some of your responsibilities to an undersecretary or something of that nature?” he inquired after a few minutes of gazing at the problem with the transports and the meetings scheduled. Relena had left little room for human error and no room for herself to make a mistake. This hour was costing her.

“Because I am the undersecretary,” she replied, still trying to figure out a way to make it work.

“What about the Prime Minister of Foreign Affairs?” he pointed out. “What’s his job then?”

“He’s in charge of keeping his eye on the big picture. I just go where he sends me and do what he tells me to do,” she said. “I’m sort of like the field agent, which means that I do all the grunt work. But I think I could get him to show up to that treaty signing with enough advance warning, thanks for the suggestion.”

“You’re too busy to eat and you have almost no time for friends, where as I have all the time in the world but nothing to do with it all. I honestly can’t say which of us is worse off. It looks like maintaining this piece is a pretty tall order, even with a boss to keep his eye on the big picture.”

“Some days it feels like trying to nail smoke to the wall,” she said. “The job is hard enough as it is; but there are people out there who feel they need to make things harder than they have to be.”

“Building peace between Earth and Space, where one party is suspicious of the other and the other doesn’t want to give up its natural feeling of authority in order to form a nation of equals… that’s a pretty tall order. I heard of your work with the Declaration of Principals and the Planned Independence Bill; that was very well thought of and excellently played. I’m certain that you’ll be able to bring us all peace Relena.”

“Oh don’t start saying things like that just yet Mister Yuy,” she said, tweaking his nose almost playfully. “Peace is nothing tangible, it’s nothing you can hold in your hands and say ‘here it is I have peace.’ And I don’t think that there is any one answer to the problem; instead it will be a series of resolutions. One thing I learned in my first command was that you don’t always try to jump in and tackle the enormous things first, the world is just too big for one person and that’s a fact. Instead, you take on the smaller and necessary things before moving on to the next problem. I just take things one day at a time, I help where I can, and I do what I can do. It’s not my job to walk in and start running things for everybody; in fact, in the charter for the ESUN Council, we’re set up to act as an advisory board where people of all different nations can work out their differences peacefully. We’re not supposed to interfere with government policies unless they have an effect on other nations or unless they violate the rights granted in the ESUN’s Declaration of Principals. I think that’s where the Alliance went wrong, they got directly involved in every single last petty problem in all of the Earth Sphere’s nations and started putting their own people in positions of power and authority; from there it was not all that tremendous a leap to fascist regime. I’m hoping that the way we’ve set up this council and the restrictions placed on it and the powers granted it will prevent it from making the same mistakes of the past. Besides all of that… I personally am not Atlas, and I have no intention of carrying the world on my shoulders. I don’t expect the world’s nations to be micromanaged but the simple fact is that I can’t just grant people instant world peace; I can’t and I refuse to. I can open up communications, and help build understanding and foster good relations… but it takes more than one person to build peace; it takes everybody. I do what I can, but I am only one person and I can’t do it without the cooperation of other people.”

Relena smiled and for a moment, he saw the mask she wore slip away. She was young… but she was so old. Make-up hid the dark circles from not enough sleep, and the lines of weariness from all of the constant travel. Everything about her was perfect, right down to the last hair on her chignon; but it was all another sort of illusion.

“You’re right, and it isn’t only your responsibility to bring us all peace, nonetheless, you work very hard at maintaining what we have,” Heero said.

Yes,” she said with a soft smile. “And between you and me, I’m tired enough right now to be able to sleep through my next five lifetimes.”

“We sleep too much; it’s the dreaming we don’t do enough of,” he murmured. “I heard you say that once in a speech about that Mars Project.”

“It sometimes seems that I get all of the dreams and none of the sleep. But I suppose that’s one of the prices for peace.”

Heero looked over at Relena and felt an unusual mixture of guilt and envy. He felt guilty for leaving her to do all of the work while he pretty much lazed about on missions he could do in his sleep. He felt additionally guilty for adding to her burdens as he had. The envy he felt was that Relena was now the one with a sense of purpose; she was the one who accomplished wonders and he felt… obsolete. He was bored. He felt out of place in the world as it was even though he himself had sacrificed everything to make it that way.

Relena yawned a little, covering it up delicately with her hand, and as her stomach rumbled again she rummaged in her compact purse and fished out a packet of saltines. She offered one to him and he wordlessly refused. Relena checked her watch and bit at her bottom lip; then rechecked the various lists she had on her screen.

“You should have someone to help you,” he said suddenly. “Like a secretary or something.”

“An aide you mean?” she queried. “I ordinarily would be entitled to one, but I am rather a diplomat-at-large and I keep odd hours with a rigorous agenda of meetings and mediations and other miscellania. I wouldn’t want to exhaust someone else with trying to keep up with me. I can take care of myself quite neatly, and besides it’s easier to travel with just one person I’m sure. There was a time at the beginning when I had two or three different people assigned to me but none of them could keep up with me, so I just take care of myself.”

“None of them could keep up with you?” he said. “Your schedule does indeed look complex, but it’s not that bad.”

“Tell that to the fellow who always kept falling asleep on the shuttle trips, right when I needed him,” was her reply. “I haven’t met a person yet who can keep up with my schedule.”

“I could do it,” he said easily. Relena looked at him dubiously. Stung, he insisted

“I could. I’ve had a lot of endurance training.”

Relena cocked her head to one side consideringly; then shook it dismissively.

“I’d need someone who could manage my travel itinerary as well as keep up with all the various minutae I’d be assigning him. Memorizing names, faces, entire conversations word for word, as well as details about meetings, situations, personal interactions and ten thousand other things. You’re very intelligent and very capable Heero-“

“You don’t think I can do it?” he said, his voice laced with surprise.

“It’s not whether I think you can, it’s whether you think you should. I mean, think about it… you’d be back on the road again, always constantly moving barely being allowed to rest. I’d be filling your every waking moment and probably a good number of your sleeping ones with things I need you to do, matters I need you to take care of, information I need you to look up, details I need you to remember for later. Heero, you wouldn’t have a moments peace! In addition to that not only would you be traveling all the time, but you’d be struck traveling with me. You couldn’t go haring off to do as you please because I would need you there.”

<So what’s the downside of the argument here?> he thought to himself. <I get to travel, even if it is with another person. I get to be part of maintaining peace. I get a defined set of objectives and tasks to accomplish, no more drifting!>

Yes, this was sounding better and better. Best of all… he’d be part of something. He wouldn’t feel so useless if he had something to do with all of his time. Wandering around fulfilling missions was distracting, but ultimately unsatisfying. Pretty soon the mission ended and he was left right back where he’d started: with no one but himself and no home but the road, and no real sense of achievement. Every mission he completed gave him no sense of satisfaction because the sense of purpose that drove him through to its completion died there with it and he went back to the same sense of pointless existence that he’d known before. But with this to do, Relena had said she would need him there.

<Hn. She’d need me.> There was something actually very satisfying about that prospect. All of his compatriots had made lives they could enjoy, why not him?

“Alright,” he said.

“Well, it was nice being able to spen this much time with you I-“

“No, I meant I’ll do it. I’ll travel with you and help you take care of your schedules and itinerary and whatever else you ask of me,” he clarified.

“But-“

“But what?”

“Well… You look nothing like a secretary. What if you intimidate some of the men I’m meeting with and it makes them reluctant to be open with me? Or what if they see you dressed in blue jeans and don’t take us seriously?”

She’d said “us.” He had her.

“I won’t wear blue jeans, and I’ll try to look harmless,” he said in a that’s-that manner. To his mind it was settled. “And why are you arguing with me?”

“It’s just that… you’ve already done so much. You have the chance to sit back and enjoy peace, why not take it Heero? You of all people have certainly earned a rest,” Relena said.

“I’ve been resting; I don’t like it,” he said flatly. “Don’t you want me to work with you?”

It’s not that. I just don’t want…” she trailed off. Heero waited. Relena didn’t continue.

“Don’t want?” he prompted as the silence dragged on.

“Nothing. It’s not important,” she said donning her mask again. “I think I have another packet of saltines in here somewhere, are you sure you don’t want any?”

<How frustrating,> he thought. <As soon as I think I get her figured out, I run up against another wall. You’d think that with us being so similar that I’d be able to understand her easily but it’s not that way at all.>No one had ever told Heero that the widest chasm in existence was the gap between woman and man. Well, at least he’d have ample time to figure the mystery out, he would be traveling with her after all. All things came to those who would wait, and Heero could be patient if that was what it took.

But as for the moment… he had a new mission, no, not a new mission; a new purpose.

End.

A.N. It took me forever to get all of this out and my mind still insists on teasing me with notions for a possible continuation, unfortunately I’ve got a lot of other projects teasing at me as well, so I think this will just have to remain as it is. I hope you liked it, and if it won’t be too much of an inconveinience I would like to hear precisely what you thought was good about it.