Your dialogue was great, your timing was great. I can't seem to find anything wrong with it...except I'm remembering a reference you made to an older song in the Diner. "Chestnuts roasting on an Open Fire" by Nat Cole King? I think that it was Nat King Cole, but that's all cool.
If I had had the free time to get online here and read your story, I assure you that I would have been an avid fan like HIFreak, I've helped to carry a story before...just ask Zeros Lost Soul. But, please continue writing. I like your style. And don't worry about having cliff-hangers. Readers say that they hate them, but in truth they really love them.
Anywho, I hope to see another story from you soon!
Peace out!
