AN: What can I say? It's been a while...so I guess I'll just go with, ENJOY! And most of all, I hope what happens in this chapter was worth the wait.
Around This Life
Chapter Twelve
?Outside, by the daffodils. Don?t forget.?
The day of the engagement party passed in a blur. Though I had every intention of cornering my sister in-law before the event, and coaxing some much needed answers out of her, she politely refused to come over to my mother?s house, and Mother very blatantly refused to allow me to leave. She wanted me to be rested and ?thoroughly cleaned? for the night of her victory party, as I had dubbed it that morning. There didn?t seem to be a thing in the world that could distract Mother from the sheer joy she felt at having a party planned by her own friends to showcase her triumph over my rebellion.
Part of me wished that I could share in that joy, but all that I was able to feel became a ball of nerves as the day wore on. I found myself dreading the sunset, knowing that it would bring the sound of my mother?s voice calling me down from my room so that we could drive off to my doom. There were moments where I wanted nothing more than to laugh at myself, thinking of how silly I was, panicking over a party, when there were people in the world who couldn?t even afford to celebrate their birthdays properly. It made me despise the whole thing even more, and as much as I loved my dress, I wondered at the price of it, at how much that money could have helped someone else, someone with much more serious problems than mere nerves.
At that moment, however, I couldn?t think of anything worse than the beating of my heart, hard and fast, the sound deafening in my silent room. I stared at myself in the mirror and smiled, thankful that I had been able to get the glittering yellow dress I wanted. Timidly, I touched my fingers to my hair, which had been mounted atop my head in a pile of curls, and decorated with little golden beads. Mother had demanded that I wear that way, and I was too sick from all the anxiety to argue about it. To me, it looked very old-world, but with a few strands of curls dangling down around my cheeks, I once again allowed myself to think that I might be pretty. The excitement I felt did little to ease the dread weighing down on me that this night would be full of nothing but lies. My lies, Mother?s lies. And now, lies from the people I trusted most.
Not even Duo could calm me. I hadn?t been able to speak with him at all that day, and I began to fear that he wouldn?t make it to the party. We had agreed to meet there at some point, but I was too nervous to think on it clearly enough to remember exactly what time we had agreed to meet. What if I missed him? What if I didn?t see him at all?
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I fiddled with my pearl necklace and watched the last rays of sunlight drift from the room. Almost time. I can do this.
The knock came right on time. ?Miss Relena,? I heard Peagen say through the door, ?Mrs. Darlian is waiting downstairs. It is time to leave.?
With one last, deep breath, I turned from the mirror and walked to the door. Upon opening it, I saw Peagen still standing there, and his eyes glistened with moisture as he looked at me.
?Oh, Miss Relena, you look so lovely,? he breathed, and took my hands in his before kissing both of my cheeks. My heart leapt at the compliment, and at the tender show of emotion from my dear friend.
?Peagen, thank you,? I said, noticing how heavy my voice sounded. With effort, I managed to lighten my tone, ?Will you walk me down the stairs? I?m afraid I?m still clumsy in these new shoes.?
Peagen smiled and stepped away, offering me his arm. Smiling, I took it, and he gave me a look that said he knew very well that I could walk just fine in these shoes, but didn?t want to face the next few moments alone.
We walked carefully to the edge of the hall and turned, approaching the stairs. The light from the main hall hit my eyes as we stepped out, and I looked down at my feet to ease the sting while my eyes adjusted. At the top of the stairs, I heard Mother call a short command up to Peagen, and he gave my arm a light pat before he turned and walked back down the hall, leaving me alone. After taking a moment to steady myself once more, I looked up from my feet and down at the people waiting for me at the bottom of the steps. Mother stood proudly in her dark blue gown, looking like a queen, her eyes raking over my dress before they came to rest on my face with an arrogant smirk. Next to her stood Mrs. Swan, dressed in the fluffiest white dress I?d ever seen, lightly waving a white fan on her face and whispering conspiratorially to my mother from behind it.
From around the corner next to them, Trowa suddenly appeared.
His eyes shot up to me, and I felt my entire body stiffen. Something similar seemed to happen to him, for he didn?t move at all for several heartbeats. Those eyes of his were unreadable, as always, yet they suddenly seemed so intense. Powerful. He moved to the base of the stairs and waited, one hand behind his back, the other resting at his side.
Mother and Mrs. Swan chuckled suddenly and moved away, mentioning in airy voices that they would be waiting for us in the limousine. Trowa nodded without looking at them, and my heart beat even faster. Staring. Always staring. I took a breath and placed my hand on the banister, then started down the steps.
By the time I reached him, I feared my heart would burst out of my chest, it was pounding so hard.
I stood for a moment on the bottom step, thrilled to be at eye level with him for once. I felt him take my left hand into his, but couldn?t look away from his eyes. Something sparkled there, followed by a sudden haze, before his eyes became as impassive as ever.
He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles.
?Miss Relena,? he said, his voice sounding as heavy as mine had earlier, ?I have never seen anything so beautiful as you.?
I felt a blush creeping up my neck, and was suddenly self-conscience of the low-cut neckline of my dress, more revealing than anything I had worn before. I knew my face must be turning pink, and felt relieved when he released my hand and stepped back, allowing me to step down completely off the stairs.
?May I give you something?? he asked quietly. I looked up into his handsome face and saw no hint of mischief, no hidden agenda, and nodded my consent, revealing to both him and myself how very shy I felt in that moment. From behind his back he brought forth a small velvet box, too small to be a necklace, or even a bracelet. Small enough to be a broach, or earrings, or-
My eyes widened as he tilted back the lid. Inside the box lay a small gold ring, with a golden flower upon it, and a beautiful diamond sparkling in the very center. I had never seen a ring like it before. It was decorative, but not over the top, like all of Mother?s jewelry. But it also wasn?t plane, and it definitely didn?t look cheap. It shimmered in the light and shined as though it had never been worn before. A ring. A brand new, glistening gold ring.
I looked up and let my surprise show clearly on my face. Trowa shrugged. ?I saw how uncomfortable you were at Quatre?s house, when everyone was asking you about a ring,? he reached down and plucked the ring from the box, then waited. Blinking, full of shock, I numbly raised my left hand and watched as his slid the ring onto my finger. ?With this, no one at the party will be able to ask you such questions, and make you feel uneasy.?
He released my hand and I raised it up before me, marveling at the image of an engagement ring sitting prominently on my ring finger.
I must have stared for quite a while, because Trowa cut into my thoughts, ?If you don?t like it, you do not have to wear it.?
?Oh no!? I said, clutching my left hand to my chest, ?It?s not that, it?s just?I??
He stood before me, waiting patiently for me to finish speaking. Not a single inch of him showed any sign of impatience of force. His manner was easy, his clothing elegant, but worn with a relaxed, indifferent posture. His whole attitude mirrored everything I wished that I could feel on that night.
?Thank you, Trowa,? I said at last, and then I couldn?t look at him anymore, because his eyes changed, intense again, but only for the briefest of moments, and I was tired of tormenting myself with trying to discover the meaning of it.
From the stairs, Peagen suddenly reappeared, handing me a gold shawl to place over my shoulders. I thanked him and kissed his cheek, then turned and allowed Trowa to guide me out the door, to the waiting limo, with an ache in my chest that I couldn?t name.
* * *
Per Mother?s instructions, Trowa and I waited in the limo while all the other guests entered the massive hall of Mrs. Tansin?s estate. She wanted to have everyone?s attention when she announced our arrival, and that meant that we had to arrive last. She was also determined that we would enter the party together. My stomach clenched at the knowledge that if Duo were there, he would see Trowa and I together.
Why did that matter?
?Is something wrong?? Trowa asked from beside me, and I glanced at him long enough to see that he was looking at me before I averted my gaze back out the window.
?No,? I lied, feeling a desperate need to escape not only the limo, but also the party, maybe even the whole city. ?I?m just wondering who all will be here tonight, that?s all.?
As if on cue, someone came and tapped on the window, motioning that it was time for us to go in. Trowa stepped out on his side, then came around to open the door for me. He offered me his hand, and I accepted it, rising carefully from my seat to greet the cool evening air. Trowa reached down into the limo and retrieved my shawl, gently placing it over my shoulders, then offered me his arm. My nerves seemed to all return at once, and I had to force myself to take his arm without trembling. We walked slowly toward the large, ominous looking doors, and waited for Mother?s voice to announce us.
From inside, I heard Mother cooing about her own happiness over the brilliant match she?d made, describing the undying love between us, two lovers who seemed to have found each other at long last, after a cruel separation by fate.
Inwardly, I cringed. What must Duo be thinking, hearing all that?
Trowa nudged my arm, indicating that it was time to go in, but my body felt hot now. I shrugged off my shawl, baring my shoulders once more, and tried to convince myself that going inside was no big deal. Without a word, Trowa let go of me, and opened the doors, stepping a few feet inside. The crowd of guests inside applauded, then quieted, and Trowa turned back to me and held out his hand, waiting. My breath caught. He was trying to make this easier for me. Protecting me however he could.
I moved forward and took his hand, smiling up at him with all the gratitude I had ever felt for him showing through my eyes.
More applause erupted, along with a few loud cheers. Mother called out happily above the crowd, ?The future Mr. and Mrs. Barton!?
A couple of guests moved forward to congratulate us, kissing my cheeks and shaking Trowa?s hand, then it seemed that everyone was determined to do the same thing. An endless stream of faces passed in front of me, some familiar, some total strangers, all of them expressing their best wishes for our health and happiness. When Milliardo and Lucretzia finally appeared before us, I nearly cried my relief, and hugged them both. Noin laughed and told me I looked breathtaking, and Milliardo kissed my forehead and whispered an analogy involving our mother and a rhino. I laughed and watched as my sister in-law kissed Trowa on the cheek, whispering something in his ear, to which he nodded. The whole of my being was itching to know what she?d just said, but I refrained from asking. Next, Milliardo and Trowa shook hands and said nothing, only nodded at each other, and for all the world I could have sworn the silence was forced, as if they were trying very hard to look as though they had never met in their lives before.
Impossible, I told myself. Milliardo was just on his guard because of the things I had told him the other night. That was all.
After they had moved on, a group of elderly couples came up and offered to share their secrets for a long and happy marriage, to which I only smiled and said thank you, but I was sure we?d be just fine. The confidence in my voice astonished me; was I really the person who?d just said that?
And then Duo appeared before me.
My breath was stuck in my throat at the sight of him, more handsome then I?d ever known he could be, wearing his ?official business? tuxedo, as he called it. At his side stood Mrs. Lesta, his guardian, and she moved forward to kiss my cheek while Duo simply stared at me. Mrs. Lesta said something about how pretty I looked and I nodded absently, wondering what she was talking about, when she turned and motioned for Duo to step forward.
?And this is my son, Duo Maxwell. Well, not really my son, sort of an adoption, but, well, you get the idea.? Confused, I looked up and saw a knowing gleam in her eyes, and caught on quickly enough to introduce myself to Duo as Miss Relena Darlian, and it was a pleasure to meet him. His eyes had only a hint of laughter as he bowed before me, but when he straightened and gazed back at me, his eyes were different than I had ever seen them. They were smoky, almost dark. He wasn?t amused by this anymore than I was, but if we had to pretend that we didn?t know each other, so that we could eventually escape together, then it was worth the effort nuisance of acting like strangers. At least, that?s what I hoped he was thinking.
Mrs. Lesta then introduced Duo to Trowa, and my heart clenched in my chest.
For a moment they stared at each other, then Trowa gradually raised his hand. Duo took it, and they shook hands slowly, both of their eyes seeming to have a forced calm about them. My mind went into a panic. Does Trowa know? How could he possibly know?
?The infamous Mr. Barton,? Duo said cheerfully, though his face was still stony in expression. ?Everyone in town is talking about you. Especially the single women. They seem very interested.?
Trowa?s expression was unchanged. ?Mr. Maxwell,? he said quietly, ?I?ve heard so much about your hair.?
Duo blinked his surprise, but let go of Trowa?s hand and cocked his head to the side. ?Yeah, I?m afraid my hair isn?t well liked, ?specially by Mrs. Darlian. I guess she only likes things she can control.? Trowa?s eyes darkened a little, but Duo didn?t seem to notice. He went on, ?She sure likes you, though. Maybe that?s because she?s a widow.?
A fire seemed to erupt in Trowa?s gaze, and a tension stretched out between the two men, tension born from hidden knowledge that I had yet to be made a part of.
Several seconds ticked by, and the panic in my chest must have become visible on my face because Mrs. Lesta suddenly laughed and said, ?Oh, Duo, you?re such a kidder. Let?s go and get some of that free food, hm??
Duo didn?t look at me again, but kept a steady glare on Trowa before he turned and walked with Mrs. Lesta back into the crowd. It was an effort to let out my breath, which I hadn?t known I?d been holding, and dared a glance up at Trowa. He was staring straight out in front of him, a dark cloud seeming to have come over him, and in his eyes I saw a brief flash of what appeared to be shame.
I gasped. ?Trowa?? Gingerly I touched his arm, and he turned suddenly and pulled away from me.
?I?m sorry,? he said, the dark cloud gone and replaced by the usual indifference, ?That must have been uncomfortable for you.?
?What was that?? I asked, trying to keep my questions neutral, not wanting to give anything away.
He paused. ?It would seem that Mr. Maxwell is fond of ancient history and baseless gossip,? he turned his head at the sound of music starting to play, and said, ?Dance with me.?
Though I couldn?t refuse, I wanted to chase after Duo and demand to know what he had meant, what my mother being a widow had to do with Trowa, and most of all, to hold him and cry that none of this was fair. Instead, I placed my hand in Trowa?s and stepped out onto the dance floor.
We stood facing each other and I put my other hand on his shoulder as his hand came to rest on my waist. As we began to move, I realized that keeping this much distance between us was going to make dancing both difficult and awkward, so I took a step closer and caught a breath full of his heady scent. It dizzied me for a moment, and his grip tightened, as though he had sensed my need for balance.
Our wide circles across the dance floor caught the notice of other dancing couples, and they moved back to join a growing circle of observers. After a while, the whole party seemed to have gathered around to watch as Trowa and I glided around the room, and I felt a prickling fear as all their gazes focused on me. Trowa whispered something and I looked up at him. He smiled slightly, not enough for others to notice, but I could see it for what it was, and I was flattered at the thought that he was smiling just for me. My body moved closer to his all on its own, and I felt his hand on my back now, holding me close, the front of my dress brushing against his chest in a manner that felt more intimate than it was.
Around me I saw heads gathering together, knew they were whispering, and ignored them, focusing instead on Trowa?s face, trying to block out the anxiety and the fear of everything around me. Throughout our dance, we didn?t say anything, but I couldn?t tear my eyes from him and he stared unwavering at me. His calm face was soothing in my chaotic mind, and I felt suddenly like embracing him, throwing my arms around him and crying my thanks for all that he had done for me.
The moment I felt it, I was instantly ashamed. What a horrible thing to feel, to even think about! Duo was there, waiting for me, or worse, watching me with Trowa, and I was indulging myself with fantasies of dancing on and on with him forever. But I couldn?t help it. Being in his arms like that, it just felt so?so?
The music ended. Applause met my ears and I looked around, aware of the crowd once more, and my shame doubled. I needed air. I needed to leave. Now.
?Are you all right?? Trowa asked, releasing me from his tender hold. I had never felt as cold as I did in that moment.
?I am, I just,? Not knowing what to say, I simply picked up my skirts and turned away. ?I need some fresh air. Excuse me.?
He nodded and I hurried away, escaping from the crowd, from him, from the feelings bubbling up inside me whenever he was near. I slipped past a group of people standing in front of the exit to the garden and stepped outside, tossing my head back and breathing deeply. Once I had taken several breaths, I glanced around me and saw, next to a large collection of daffodils, Duo, with his hands in his pockets, staring up at the sky with his back to me.
Relief flooded through me. Finally. Finally I can be with Duo.
I was careful not to make any noise as I approached him, but my dress rustled regardless of my efforts, and Duo turned toward me. A worried look was on his face, rather than the grin I had been hoping to see. He put a finger over his lips, indicating for me to be quiet, and pointed back the way I had come. People were still standing inside the door, and through they weren?t paying attention to us, anyone could come by and see us or hear what we were saying.
I didn?t care. ?I?ve missed you,? I said, wanting desperately to touch him, but he shook his head.
With a weak smile he said, very quietly, ?There?s something you need to know. I?ve been needing to talk to you about it, but I only found out yesterday, and that witch wouldn?t let me get to you.?
Curious, I asked, ?Does it have something to do with what you said to Trowa??
He nodded. ?Yeah. Listen, ?Lena, that guy?he?s up to something. I?m not just saying that, I mean he is really up to something.?
Fear knotted in my stomach. ?What do you mean??
I watched him lift a hand and rub it on the back of his head, so boyishly cute that I wanted to kiss him, but I held back. Anyone could see us out here. ?Relena,? he said, his face very serious, ?I talked to someone who knew Trowa back where he came from, a guy named Treize. He said that he and Barton had worked together, and that Barton wasn?t someone you ever wanted to get involved with. Ever.?
My mouth was dry. I swallowed. ?Why??
?Something about a scandal,? he waved his hand dismissively, but explained anyway, ?Guess Barton hooked up with some guy?s widow, then ditched her as soon as people found out about it. Treize said it happened three or four times, then his sister died,? My heart lurched. His sister? ?After that he started going after younger girls, you know, girls who reminded him of his sister. Somewhere along the line he met your mother and she told him about how you refused to get married and he volunteered for the job because of how innocent you are. The guy is sick, I don?t want him near you.?
My mind was racing at this news. It couldn?t be! That?s not the kind of man Trowa was. He was compassionate, reserved, quiet, definitely not a womanizer. He?d told me all about his sister, about how he?d felt guilty that she?d died trying to get to his party, to make him happy, and that he was trying to make up for that any way he could.
That didn?t mean he was having affairs with young girls. It wasn?t true. It was a horrible lie.
?It?s a lie,? I heard myself say, and Duo?s jaw dropped.
Suddenly he looked stricken. ?You believe him more than me??
I blinked. ?What??
?I asked you if you believe him more than me,? he repeated, his voice getting louder.
?Duo, that?s not what I meant,?
?Then what did you mean??
I felt out of breath. Duo had never spoken to me like this before. Not once. ?Duo, why are you acting like this??
Several minutes passed in angry silence, then he whispered, ?I saw you.?
Once again, I was confused, and it showed.
?I saw you two, dancing,? At this I gasped, and his expression turned grim, ?I saw you put your hands on him, then I watched you breath him in. But it wasn?t enough, you had to get closer to him, closer than you ever get to me.?
Shame spread through me, and I tried to explain, ?Duo-?
?Is there a reason you don?t let me touch you like that??
At first I didn?t understand what he meant, then I caught the hint of accusation in his tone, and tears came to my eyes. ?Why are you so angry with me??
?Because I love you!? He hissed out, and thankfully, no one inside was paying enough attention to hear. ?I love you and I want you, but rather than get close to me, you go prancing around with him.?
His words stung, and all at once I felt like trash. ?You sound like Mother,? I whispered, not meeting his eyes. I couldn?t believe that this was Duo, my Duo. I felt so alone.
?What do you mean?? he asked quietly, a deceptive calm.
?She said, she said that a whore would make a better daughter than me,? I peered back up at him and saw the shock in his eyes, then the hurt that followed my next words, ?Do you agree with her, Duo? Do you think a whore would be better than me??
All the anger faded from him, and he blinked a sudden gathering of moisture out of his eyes. He lifted a hand toward me and opened his mouth to say something, but I turned away.
?I?m sorry Duo,? I said, my throat thick and my vision blurry, ?I didn?t mean to be such a burden to you. I didn?t know I was keeping you from what you wanted.? I meant it sincerely, but it came out sounding spiteful, and I knew it.
His hand touched my shoulder. ??Lena, it?s not that,? his tone was gentle now, laced with sorrow, ?I just?I want to be close to you, and I thought?I thought maybe Barton had gotten to you, too.?
?You want Barton.?
?You like him and you won?t admit it.?
?Is that compassion, Relena, or just plain passion??
I put a hand over my mouth. No. No, it couldn?t be true. It couldn?t be. But as I looked up into Duo?s worried face, I knew that he wouldn?t lie, not to me, not about this. What reason would he have to lie? And he had given me a name, a name that I could check if I wanted. That meant he was telling me the truth, right?
Duo?s hand tightened on my shoulder. ?God, ?Lena, I?m so sorry. I shouldn?t have gotten mad, I didn?t mean-?
?What ever is that matter, dear??
My head shot up at the sound of Dorothy Catalonia?s voice coming from the doorway.
I shot Duo a worried look and he smiled at me before addressing Dorothy, ?She just needed some air. Says big crowds aren?t her thing.?
Dorothy made a ?Hmm? sound and stepped out, then exclaimed, ?Oh my! Miss Relena, that is such a beautiful ring!?
My heart stopped. Dorothy came up beside me and lifted my left hand, inspected the gold ring with an appreciative sigh. ?And here I had begun to think that dear Mr. Barton would never get one for you! Isn?t it beautiful? Mr??
?Maxwell,? Duo snapped, and I knew what he was looking at that had angered him. Not Dorothy?s interruption of our conversation, but the glimmering gold band on my finger that Duo hadn?t given me. Trowa had.
Dorothy glanced up at him curiously, but he stepped away.
?Well, I guess I was wrong. Seems you don?t need my help after all.? My stomach fell, and Duo gave a short, curt bow, not looking at me once as he turned and strode quickly back inside.
?Simply gorgeous,? Dorothy crooned, still clutching my hand, oblivious to the turmoil she had just caused.
?Excuse me,? I said, pulling my hand free and turning to go back inside myself. I had to find Duo. I had to explain.
Once I got inside, Quatre approached me, clearly concerned.
?Miss Relena,? He said, looking around to make sure no one was listening, ?You do not look well, and I have just seen Mr. Maxwell-?
?Where is he?? I asked, anxious to find him, to make things right between us.
?I?m not sure, I?ve only just arrived. I did not intend to be late, but,? he paused, his concern growing, ?I suppose it does not matter, now. Mr. Maxwell was making his way through the crowd, on his way to the front doors, I believe.?
?Thank you, Quatre,? I said, quickly pressing a kiss to his cheek before I began to make my way through the crowd.
A hand on my arm halted my progress. ?Miss Relena,? A voice said from behind me, ?Won?t you entertain us with another dance??
Muttering to myself, I whipped around and came face to face with Mrs. Tansin. ?I?m so sorry, but I have something that I must do. Please excuse me,?
?Oh, but my dear,? her hand squeezed my arm. Painfully. ?I?m afraid I must insist. Your mother has been so looking forward to this party. I?m afraid I cannot allow anything to ruin it for her.?
Mother. It was always Mother standing between me, and what I wanted most.
?Well then, you go and dance for her,? I said, ripping my arm away from her and all but running through the crowd.
I spotted Duo?s braid near the door, knowing he would soon be gone. I picked up my pace and almost called out to him, but knew that I could not. He was just about to step out of the room, when suddenly, to my horror, Trowa appeared next to him. I froze.
Duo stopped with his hand on the door, and Trowa stood next to him, looking casual. He said something without looking at anyone, his hands resting in his pockets. Duo said something back, the tilt of his chin indicating that his words were intended to have a certain bite, and Trowa?s face darkened. As Duo pushed open the door, Trowa finally looked at him, said something, and Duo looked back at Trowa as well. The air between them was hostile, there was no mistaking that.
Taking care not to be noticed by either man, I made my way close enough to hear their parting words to each other.
?Just keep your hands to yourself,? Duo said coldly.
And just as coldly, Trowa replied, ?Likewise.?
Duo shoved his way out the door, and Trowa stared after him a few more moments before he finally noticed that I was standing there.
*TBC*
AN: BUM BUM BUM! Oh my, writing that chapter was difficult, but such a delight! I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. The rest of this story is all but complete, it's simply being edited, a long process with all of my efforts to completely disregard proper grammar and punctuation. Anyway, thank you for reading, I know it has been WAY too long, but this story is officially on the top of my to-do list, because not only is it dear to my heart, but it is high time I finished it, yes?
The next chapter should be ready for posting by the end of February, so don't worry about having to wait a long time for 'Lena's boys to explain themselves. Buahaha!
Thank you again for reading, I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.
~Litia
