She Could Hear Him [One-Shot, G, CHARACTER DEATH]

[Omnicat]

Title: She Could Hear Him

Author: Omnicat

Rating: G

Genre: General.

Spoilers & Desirable Foreknowledge: The entire anime series plus Endless Waltz.

Warnings: Character Death.

Pairings: Relena Peacecraft x Heero Yuy.

Soundtrack: None.

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it?s not mine. If you don?t, it is.

Summary: Set after an alternate ending to Endless Waltz, where Heero did not survive. Relena, in a crisis of faith while preparing for a press conference about the Mariemeia Uprising, gets a ?visit?.

Author?s Note: What can I say... this is an odd one. I blame ChilledFlame?s response to my last post-Endless Waltz fic, The Last Waltz, over on FF.Net; from that fic?s summary, she initially feared the story featured Character Death. Nobody died there, but the bunnies caught on to the idea and ran off with it.

Then, a little word about the results of aforementioned bout of rabid plotbunny activity. This is set after Endless Waltz, with one tiny divergence from canon: instead of living on and either disappearing into the crowd or sticking around to keep an eye on Relena (depending on which version you prefer), Heero died after collapsing in Relena?s arms. I won?t specify when or where, just that I imagine it to be caused by internal bleeding from getting battered up so badly in Wing. As you read, you might start wondering about the things I don?t tell you. What?s going on with Relena? Is she visited by Heero?s ghost, are the memories of his final moments replaying in her head, does this entire scene only exist between her ears? (She has been shown to express internal debate as conversations once before, after all, when her father had just died and she talked to his picture for comfort and reassurance.) Or is the truth a mixture of all those things? As I know where all this came from, I can say that some elements do in fact have certain specific origins, but I will leave the interpretation entirely to you, the reader. Think of this what you will, make of it whatever you would enjoy most. Please, enjoy your reading!


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She Could Hear Him

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?You don?t look happy.? she could hear him say.

Heero. Tearing her gaze from the cufflinks she had been idly fiddling with, Relena looked up at her reflection.

The excess blood that had made her face look pink and swollen as she cried had resided now and the whites of her eyes were vein-free again, but her expression had resisted similar change. She wasn?t wearing the red velvet dress she should have been wearing (so much for spending a little more time with her mother in December 196 than she had in December 195), and the pantsuit her aggravated PR consultant had only barely managed to talk her into wearing was only marginally less despondent than a traditional Sank funeral gown.

It was no way to deliver a ?Peace won out last year, peace survived this year, and together we will make sure peace will prevail forevermore!? speech. They kept telling her. And she knew it.

I shouldn?t do this, she thought. I shouldn?t be giving any speeches when my heart isn?t in it.

?Should I look happy?? Relena asked the person looking at her from the full-length mirror, who seemed so much wiser and more confident than she felt. ?Should I feel happy??

?We prevented the outbreak of a new war. History will not repeat itself.? she could hear him say.

But it already had.

Father... Heero...

?The entire conflict could have been avoided. If I hadn?t drunk that tea... If I hadn?t been so helpless... It was St Gabriel?s and New Port City and Libra all over again. If I had known better, had made better decisions -?

Her jaw clenched involuntarily and her throat tightened, making it impossible to finish. She shut her eyes tightly and hid her face in her hands. Hide. That was what she wanted to do. Hide from the cameras and the governments and all the people of the Earth Sphere United Nations, hide from the harsh winter light thrust down on her through the tall, narrow windows, hide away her shame and guilt where it couldn?t hurt her so.

?Stop beating yourself up about it.? she could hear him say, his voice soft and smooth, deep and reassuring. ?You always did what you thought was the right thing to do at the time.?

Left, right, left, right, Relena shook her head, slowly, painfully.

?It wasn?t enough.? she whispered, her voice hoarse. She couldn?t go out on that stage, not like this.

?It was all you could do. People can never do more than their best. They make mistakes, yes, but they learn from those mistakes. You understand now, don?t you? Why people fight? You found the last piece of the puzzle.?

?What?s the use?!?

She tore her hands away from her face and looked up. Her own eyes stared back at her, wide and pleading, two lonely blue flecks in a sea of pale, cold emptiness. And then his eyes invaded her vision, blue as well, but darker. Not cold and hostile like they had seemed when they first met, not scared and wounded like hers were now, but warm, confident, calm...

Content. Almost sleepy...

Relena felt her throat close up.

What was the use of understanding why people fought, after so many losses? It was too late. There had already been so many casualties, so much pain and grief. She hadn?t been able to stop any of it. Her best efforts had never been good enough. She had failed so many people, failed so often, I failed you, Heero, I?m so sorry...

?You never failed me.? she could hear him say, his voice so gentle, just like it had been when he left the Peacemillion to fight her brother, when he had ?shot? Mariemeia -

Relena squeezed her eyes shut.

She could (almost, almost) feel his hand on her arm, on her cheek.

?You were there to catch me when I fell.? It was almost as if he was smiling at her. ?The past is our guide, but it should not define us. You showed me that. You?ve shown the world that it can be true. You?ll be a great leader.?

He didn?t understand. How could he not understand?

Her vision was blurry when she opened her eyes, but she could see him, smiling back at her from the mirror. With his hands tucked casually into the pockets of his faded jeans, a loose white shirt on, his trusty old, scuffed, mustard-coloured sneakers on his feet and his hair in its usual disarray, he looked so relaxed, so free.

She had never gotten to see him like this.

Would it have been easier if she had? If he had stayed, come back, visited, even if just a little while, so she could have seen that her efforts were not in vain, that by promoting peace she was not just building castles in the sky from which no-one but she herself would benefit.

She had managed in the past year knowing that he was out there somewhere, trying to build a new life and become happy, and that she had the power to change the world in such a way that he could succeed. But now...

?I don?t want to lead. Not without you.? Such fragility and weakness in her own voice was a surprise - had she really fallen this hard? - but the words had to come out. Relena forced herself to speak. ?I don?t want to do this. If I give this speech, you?ll disappear. You?ll leave and never come back, and it would be my fault.?

Part of her wondered, as it had done many times in the past, why he mattered so much. Looking back on the time they had spent together, it seemed she hardly knew him. Yet she had never doubted her feelings for him. Not really. Even those times he had threatened to kill her, she had felt more disbelief than fear. The moment she lay eyes on him there had been such an overwhelming sense of recognition, of reunion, it had been as if she had found a long-lost piece of herself she had always been looking for. Her heart had embraced him, accepted his inexplicably familiar presence without regard for outside appearances, and she had followed him, away from her sheltered life and into danger, because somewhere deep down she knew he would lead her to the place where she belonged.

She had found that place. It was right outside the off-stage dressing room she was currently hiding in; on a podium, or amidst a senate, in front of the cameras and the governments and all the people of the Earth Sphere United Nations.

But what point was there in staying when her purpose was gone?

Though she always knew it would have been the smart thing to do, Relena had never been able to decide which was more important to her; the fate of the entire world, or Heero?s fate. She had never had the self-confidence to separate them, to either abandon her duty as Vice Foreign Minister because she wasn?t fit for it after all, or to face the overwhelming reality of bearing the responsibility over all of humanity on her shoulders.

It seemed that gathering up the courage to finally do so was no longer necessary. The answer was painfully obvious. If all her power and influence couldn?t even give one abandoned soldier a new chance at life, how could she ever dream of doing so for the entire world?

She had meant to create a new world where he, too, could find his place, but she had failed. It was too late. He was lost and would never find his place, and it was all her fault.

Yet the smile he gave her was so gentle, so kind. He had looked so peaceful...

?I?ll be there for you whenever you need me, Relena.? he said. ?I don?t know where I belong, but this is where I feel I need to be - want to be. By your side.?

She gasped, feeling her heart simultaneously shrink painfully and swell until it filled her entire chest and forced the air from her lungs, leaving her breathless.

Her rational mind could not yet wrap around the possibility, but her heart, that part deep inside her where logic nor emotions could dim the burning hues of truth, that was where she knew. She knew like she had always known, as long as she kept faith in herself, kept faith in...

?I believe in you, Relena.?

He looked deep into her eyes, and while she knew he could read her mind, the words came out as if they had a will of their own, clear and strong.

As long as I keep faith in you.

?I believe in you... Heero...?

The haze of grief and guilt began to clear, like dark clouds lightening and thinning under the rays of the sun. The prospect of having to go out onto the stage, in front of the cameras and the governments and all the people of the Earth Sphere United Nations, suddenly seemed far less daunting. Though she was mourning the loss of a friend, a unique, special, irreplaceable individual, Relena knew she could go out there. She could give her speech for the good of the entire Earth and all the colonies, for every single person out there, soldiers and civilians alike, because her words of hope and rebirth would not be a betrayal of her memories of Heero, but an honour to his legacy. And the grief at his passing would not be a burden, but an incentive, and the thought of what could have been for him and what might still become true for the world he died to protect would be a fire to warm her and keep her going when her own strength failed.

She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and smiled.

Putting one hand to the glass, she whispered to the figure in the mirror: ?Thank you, Heero. For everything. I will never forget you.?

He smiled and closed his eyes, and she was alone.

Almost as if on cue, there came a knock on the door.

?Ms Darlian, you?re due in a few minutes.?

She wiped the stray tears from her face. ?I?ll be right there.?

With one last look in the mirror, Relena turned and strode from the room, lashes still damp but head held high.

She would never forget the cost of this peace, nor would the Earth and colonies. And far from being their downfall, the memories would be their guide to a better future.

[Lady Saffir]

Wonderful! I have tears in my eyes.

Now you owe us some happy smut.

[Fate Lowe]

Lovely...sooo sad... ...but lovely. I agree with Lady Saffir...I want happy smut!

[Midge-14]

So touching...left a tingly feeling all over. Lovely story!

[Nihal]

damn..I need a cleenex
wonderful piece, now about that happy stuff...

[Omnicat]

H - happy smut? You mean to say that still exists?! *keels over anime style* Thank goodness!

Yes, please, give the world happy smut! I've been reading and writing way too many depressing fics lately. Oh, wait... You're asking me for it. I'm afraid happy smut is not one of my strong points.

Thanks, though, all of you.