Love is... More Than This [One-Shot, G]

[Omnicat]

Title: More Than This

Author: Omnicat

Rating: K / G

Genre: Romance, Angst

Spoilers & Desirable Foreknowledge: The TV-series and Endless Waltz.

Warnings: None.

Pairings: Heero Yuy x Relena Peacecraft

Soundtrack: None that I know of.

Disclaimer: These pretties aren?t mine... I just borrowed them to play with for a bit. Will return unscathed!

Summary: One of the manifestations of love between Heero and Relena. That it?s the right thing to do doesn?t mean it?s easy.

Author?s Note: This is set a little while after the end of Endless Waltz (I can never remember which version), where we see Heero standing behind a curtain on a balcony, looking over Relena, who is giving a speech. Entirely in Relena?s point of view, for the first time. It?s a bit different from the way I usually do the parts in Heero?s point of view, but I think first-person present tense just doesn?t fit Relena. Maybe that?s why it feels so strange... even though the rest of the fic is set up the same way as the others. Hm. Well, I hope you?ll enjoy anyway.

The Love is... series which this fic is a part of currently consists of:

More Than This
Worry beyond Control
Taking Risks
A Sentinel
Stronger than Duty

In this order. So if you like this fic, do read those too.



<center>II--o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--O--o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--II

More Than This

II--o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--O--o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--II</center>


Relena was basking in the sun, with Heero at her side and an empty schedule ahead. Stretched out on the lawn in the back yard of the Darlian estate, with her eyes closed but all her other senses keened to the blissful sensations, she found herself in a temporary bubble of heaven, tranquil and warm like a loving embrace. And because she knew it was temporary, she cherished every moment.

The dull clacking of keys was almost completely drowned out by the singing of the birds. Spring was young, and yet they sang like there would be no tomorrow. Just like her. She stretched on the grass, the innumerable little blades shifting around her and tickling the bare parts of her arms and legs, her neck and her face. Moaning softly in delight as her back popped, she felt like a housecat. Lazy and spoiled and loved despite all her flaws, and shamelessly enjoying every second of it.

The moment passed all too soon. The flapping of wings made her open her eyes. Only a little bit, because the sun was bright just outside of her line of vision. A flock of birds flew by overhead, heading north to enjoy the warmer seasons in the colder climate.

Flying away...

As much as Heero?s mind and eyes resembled that of a hawk, in some ways he was as vulnerable and fragile as a tiny sparrow. And she was the cat...

?Heero?? she asked quietly, turning her head to look at him.

?Hm?? He was sitting with his back against a tree, his laptop in his lap, and didn?t look up from the screen. Relena almost smiled. She hadn?t expected him to.

?Have you ever thought of leaving??

Now he looked up, and their eyes met. Relena put a hand over her forehead to block out the sun.

?Why do you ask??

I had never expected you to stay with me, after everything we went through during the wars. It... makes me feel guilty to have you here. Like you?re prey, and I?m just playing with you. ?The birds.?

His forehead wrinkled in a way that could mean either amusement or confusion.

?Have you, Heero??

?Why would I want to leave??

?Why would you want to stay? Aren?t there more fulfilling things you could do with your life than baby-sitting me??

?It?s the job I chose to do. I don?t mind escorting you.?

Relena pulled herself up with a sigh, leaning back on her elbows and looking out into the garden. ?I didn?t think you did.? Heero would never stay against his will. He wasn?t one to let himself be caged, be it with bad intentions or good. She knew he could keep himself out of trouble, but did he know how to find the opposite? Would he even recognize happiness?

?Then why ask? Don?t you want me to stay??

Relena closed her eyes. ?I?d love for you to stay. But I don?t want to keep you here against your will.?

?You?re not.? He stared at her with a frown.

?Do you like it here, Heero?? she asked ever so tentatively. ?Like as in, think it more than tolerable?? Oh, how precarious the path was she treaded - a tightrope, one could call it. She wanted him to stay, but she wanted him to be happy even more.

His sharp, dark eyes raked her, weighing the seriousness of her question. Relena didn?t have to wonder what he thought of her before his eyes turned away, growing distant, deep in thought.

?Yes...? he answered eventually, slowly and softly. ?It?s the only place... where I?ve ever been free to do as I please. Where there is no punishment involved with disobeying orders.?

And there it was.

Relena put on a resigning smile, feeling something inside of her, which had been weighing down on her for a long time, dissolve into nothingness. She knew it should be a liberating feeling, but it had been such an intimate part of her that she only felt the pain of loss.

But it was better this way. It had to be done. ?That won?t do.?

?Huh?? he looked up at her in surprise.

?That means you?re choosing the one good thing out of a bunch of bad things. No loss equals gain. That?s not how it?s supposed to be.?

He stared at her, searching. From behind her carefully serene fa?ade, she did the same thing. While Heero was probably just trying to figure out her intentions, Relena knew what she was looking for, and couldn?t help but resent the weakness. She should have been over this by now.

It had to be done. It would be better that way. But knowing that didn?t make it any less painful. She knew blood didn?t have such a bittersweet taste, but it felt like she was dying a little inside.

?What are you saying?? he asked eventually.

?That you should go. See some more of the world. Go places, do things, meet people. Learn, explore. Find out what you like and what you don?t like. Where your passions lie. The life you have now is a potential cage if you don?t know those things.?

He nodded thoughtfully. ?You mean a competitive examination of sorts??

She laughed lightly. ?Yeah, something like that.?

He still looked her straight in the eye. ?Are you sure??

Am I sure I want to give up on you? To set you free, and maybe never see you again? You?ve been the most important person in my life for a long while now, Heero. My support through thick and thin and a trustworthy confidant. I don?t know if I?d be able to stay strong without you. But... Relena looked up at the sky briefly, blinking back her tears before they could show. I shouldn?t be dependant on you. And you shouldn?t be dependant on me. It wouldn?t be fair for me to limit you like that.

?Yes.? she said quietly.

He looked at her intently, and his lips quirked into a small but sincere smile. ?Thank you.?

He left that same afternoon. Had he seen? Had he seen, as he looked at her like that, his eyes so full of gratitude and affection, that if it hadn?t been for him, she would have begged, shouted, cried, commanded, would done anything to make him stay?

When she found the caged dove in her bedroom that night, she thought he had.

She almost wished he hadn?t. Almost.

[HiFreak]

T_T T_T
So Sad!! So Beautiful, but still so sad. Only hope I have is that he will return.

Great addition to the Love is series. I'm really keeping an eye out for those.

[Nihal]

yeah, I'm with Freak on this: sad, but beautiful whit a profound meaning. it was really an excellent piece.

[Lady Saffir]

Wonderful! That's all I have to say about this.

[PeaceWing]

That was truly beautiful. I can't help feeling sad, depite the fact Relena did the best for both of them.

I hope you write many more of these. Also, I was wondering, once you finish the series are you going to list the titles somewhere in order of sequence?

[Omnicat]

Also, I was wondering, once you finish the series are you going to list the titles somewhere in order of sequence?

That's the plan. At the moment, I'm actually editing the links in the individual parts every time I post another one. ^_^; But once I'm finished I'll put them all in order and post the entire list in every single one of them. And I'll compile them to one multichaptered story on ff.net, which I'll also link to.
I hope that helps.

Thanks for the positive comments, you guys. The lack of power I got from the first-person present tense in Heero's parts still makes my fingers itch to edit the heck out of this thing, though... Grr.

[darky]

Actually I didn?t think it was very sad, I thought it was just beautiful. Very well written and with a deep message. Beautiful.

Darky

[Penguin on the Shore]

I don't know why people think this is sad. She let him go and he came back because he WANTED to. It's like the saying that says that if you love something you should let it go, and if it returns to you, you will know it loves you also. He loves her, too. It's happy, not sad. Sad that Heero won't go out on his own, I suppose. But happy that they want each other. It also reminded me of that scene in the series where Trieze lets his lovebirds go but they fly back to his finger at the end of the episode.

Lovely.

[lilac310]

ooh I think I can understand why 'first-person present tense' just doesn't seem to fit Relena too well..in my mind, at least. The reason being that, for her it is more of a narration of what ALREADY happened..something akin to keeping a diary. Whereas Heero's point of view tends to be a lot more effective as an observation, whether it be from a distance or just looking at someone nearby. Although, it doesn't necessarily have to be in present tense.

Dissecting this idea even more, I imagine Relena as someone who uses a lot of passive voice (The apple was eaten by me) whereas Heero prefers the active voice (I ate the apple)....lol..not a very good example but you get my point.

Anyways, this is just awesome. I'm so glad I came across this fic as I've read quite a bit of your other stuff as well...hmmm, after just recently discovering "Our Life of Love & Lies" in ff.net. tee-hee...oohh the pain!

Anyways, cheers! Great job!

[Omnicat]

Ooh, so many new reviews and comments. I feel a little drunk. Forgive me if I squee.

Penguin (I seriously love that name): that's pretty much what I was aiming for, yeah.

Darky: thank you! ^.^

Lilac: If I were to go all Freud on the issue and come up with an underlying, "deeper" meaning, it'd probably end up being about the lives they've been groomed for and the professions they have.

For the sake of his sanity, I assume, Heero has always purposely kept a distance between himself and the rest of the human race, which invites to a more "I/me" centered way of describing his thought processes. Or in other words: he sees the world from the inside outwards. (Did anyone notice that when he refers to Relena in his mind, I always make him start with "her" and only switch to "you" when the emotions really start heating up? O.O I personally thought that was a nice touch.) He observes from behind a carefully maintained wall and carefully controls what goes in - and especially what goes out, driving the fangirls crazy with his stubborn refusal to let us know what he thinks when he does the things we love him for.

Relena, on the other hand, has always been driven to reach out and understand others. She'd see the things around her and try to draw them in, to connect with them. She makes me write her more as a participant than an observer; so yes, kind of like keeping a diary.

And then there's the fact that while Heero and Relena have the same driven, stubborn, almost unstoppable personalities, Relena has never really been able to act on impulse, like Heero. She needs to weigh all her words and consider all the possible consequences of her actions before making her move, so by the time she does do something, she has a measure of grasp on the outcome and it might as well have already been done. Past tense makes more sense than present, I think. Whereas Heero... well, his mind may or may not work the same way, but he gives off too many abrupt, explosive vibes for me to really tell.

But all that speculative rambling aside, I'm glad you liked it!