did you hate me - possibly pg-13

[11krage]

What did you think when you saw me that day? Lying, bleeding on the doorstep.

Did you think me weak for coming back, for wanting to live?

What did you think after the doctor told you what had happened to me?

Did you think me weak for not being able to stop him?

What did you think when you brought me home, when I woke up screaming?

Did you think me weak for being afraid?

What did you think when I flinched away from your touch?

Did you think me pathetic for not being able to be strong anymore?

What did you think when I refused to talk about what had happened?

Did you think me stupid for trying to hide from the truth?

What did you think when I stopped being able to match your gaze?

Did you you think me childish for knowing you couldn't help?

What did you think when I stopped eating?

Did you think me a fool for not knowing what to do anymore?

What did you think when I hid under the bed, trying to escape from the fear?

Did you think me a baby, to hide from a memory?

What did you think when I couldn't stand the dark anymore and asked to be able to sleep with the light on?

Did you think me an idiot to be afraid that he might step out of the shadows?

What did you think when you found the place where it happened? . And you saw the blood.

Did you think that I should have been able to fight back and make him stop?

Did you hate me?

What did you think when you hugged me that night? The night where I was too scared to even flinch.

When you told me that it was all going to be ok. That you didn't care whether or not I told you what had happened as long as I was safe.

When you told me that I was your friend, and you'd look out for me forever.

What did you think when you helped me learn how to walk again?

When you walked beside my limping form, catching me every time I fell. With you by my side I never once fell down.

Did you catch my eyes on you, wondering what you wanted from me?

What did you think when I yelled at you? Shouted and screamed and said that I hated you.

Did you know I didn't mean it?

What did you think the day I broke down? The day I shouted at you until all you could do was stare at me with that disbelieving look. Like I?d wounded you.

Did you hate me then?

The day I glared at you, and my bottom lip started to shake, then my shoulders, like my body had become an orchestra for fear and sadness.

I hated that look in your eyes after you saw. I hated that you could still be concerned about me after all I?d said.

What did you think when I clung to your shirt then? Like the child I really was. For the first time in my life giving into that basic instinct for comfort. Shoulders trembling, crying without tears, because I had forgotten how to shed them long ago.

Did you think that I was weak, pathetic, stupid, childish, a fool, a baby, a idiot.

Did you hate me?