[FIC] Ask Anko (part 3)

[dd]

The strange progression wended its way between busy pedestrians.

Anko led the way, walking with a sprightly step, mischief on her mind. Behind her, Hinata struggled to keep up without running, wondering where the jounin was taking her.

Not about to be left behind, the servants followed at a distance, trying unsuccessfully to stay out of sight. They had learned to think the way that Anko did, much to their dismay. Wagers had been placed. What shop would they visit first?

As it turned out, the first stop belonged to a hair stylist in one of the village?s tougher neighborhoods. The clientele was eclectic, to say the least. ?What do you want?? The speaker was the head hair cutter, an emaciated tattooed woman done up Goth style.

?Sexy,? Anko answered, eliciting a small squeak from Hinata. ?Think wild? rebellious? ? The jounin licked her lips. ?Predatory.?

With each snip of her hair, Hinata began wondering if she had made a mistake. Predatory? Wild? Her? But, she had to see this through. She came close to fainting when the cutter asked if she would be looking for guys or gals. ?He?s a g-? g-? guy??

Next, Anko brought the flummoxed girl to a place to get her nails worked on. Dagger like false nails were glued on, and shaped just right. A thick, dark red polish was applied. While that dried, Hinata was hustled next door to a cosmetician?s shop. That make-over took a good while, and was more startling than everything that came before it.

?Is th-? th-? that me?? Hinata looked like a rodent caught in the gaze of a cobra, staring at the hand held mirror. The face that looked back at her would have been at home on the cover of a glamour magazine, or a high-priced courtesan.

?Big risks,? Anko said smoothly. ?Big rewards.? She grinned. This was so much fun. Who else could pull off something like this? ?You?re doing great.? She frowned, needing to push back a gaggle of spectators. ?Lady Anko? had groupies. Revolting!

Finished with the cosmetician, the two shopped for just the right perfume, sniffing more than one hundred imported scents. There was a huge stack of soaked cotton balls and sprayed paper cards spread over the shops of the counter. Not content with that, Anko dragged the other girl off to have her teeth polished and her legs shaved.

?That was the easy part,? Anko said, stopping at a food vendor to get some octopus balls. She wouldn?t let Hinata eat anything, wanting her teeth and nails to stay perfect. Relenting, she let the exhausted girl sip some fruit juice through a long straw.

?Wh-? Wh-? What?s next?? Hinata said that with a feeling of reticence. As it was, she felt as if she had been put through a physical and emotion wringer, even though nothing had been all that demanding. If that had been the easy part, what would the hard part be?

?The most important part,? Anko replied, popping the last piece of takoyaki in her mouth and licking her fingers. ?Clothes make the woman.? Her eyes sparked with wicked glee.

Hinata felt a growing sense of dread. She looked over at the older ninja, taking close note of her clothing. It was practical, if a bit radical. She could deal with something of that sort, if necessary. She was certain of that.

The nightmare was just beginning. The poor girl would only have the slightest memory of the whirlwind tour of clothing shops and dressing rooms. She blushed, simply glancing at the manikins in the windows. Every time she walked by a reflective surface, she was too afraid to look.

?Done,? Anko finally said. ?Perfect.? She gave Hinata a ?V? sign. ?We couldn?t possibly have done any better.? She almost broke out laughing, seeing the other girl?s expression when she saw her image in a large shop-front window. Hinata almost passed out, when the male patron?s inside the restaurant took out money and began waving it in her direction. ?All we need to do now is work on your walk. We can probably nail that down before reaching the hospital.? They did just that, leaving a wake of dropped jaws and stammering mouths behind them.

?H-? H-? Hospital?? Hinata swallowed hard. She might need a trip there herself, if her heart didn?t slow down. Against all of her better judgment, she was wearing stiletto heels. That wasn?t all. She was also decked out in black fishnet stockings; large garters; tight-fitting black leather shorts; and a frilly black lace top that showed much more than it should. Along with her make-up, and the jewelry Anko had picked out, that made her a sight to see.

?Yes,? Anko said, licking her lips. ?Naruto was admitted last night. He could probably use some cheering up. You can be his Angel of Mercy.? She couldn?t help but smile. She was the master of disaster. ?He got into a fight with Lee.? She paused. ?Over Sakura??

?Oh.? Hinata brought a hand to her mouth. She hadn?t heard the news yet.

?They both have huge black eyes,? Anko continued. ?Neither one can see too well. There was also serious internal injury.? She sighed in exaggerated fashion. ?All for the love of a woman.? She pointed her finger at Hinata. ?You certainly have your work cut out for you. Good luck!? She gave the girl a forceful shove in the back, after pointing her towards the hospital.

Somehow, the truth had slipped her mind again. Lee had indeed confronted Naruto, after finding Sakura at his dormitory room, down on her knees scrubbing the floor. She also had the cooking in progress, and had left stacks of folded laundry on the counters and tables. Heated words flew, but Naruto?s good natured attitude soon diffused matters. Things would have been fine, if he hadn?t made the mistake of telling one joke too many, calling Sakura his ?maid,? and saying ?I have to get her one of those servant?s hats?. Lee had made the mistake of smiling at that comment, picturing Sakura dressed in a maid?s outfit. It had been a flurry of punches from Sakura that caused all the subsequent damage.

Hinata walked down the street, feeling as if the whole world was staring at her. Anko waited for a few moments, and then moved to follow stealthily. There was no way that she was going to miss what happened. The servants from the divination shop brought up the rear again, joined by a growing number of passersby, not to mention patrons and personnel from the shops the kunoichi had visited.

To say Hinata caused a bit of a stir would be the understatement of the millennium. Everyone she passed had a rather dramatic reaction. Sakura had been leaving the hospital, after apologizing to Naruto and Lee. She took a nasty tumble down the stairs, immediately loosing track of where her feet were. Tsunade dropped a large stack of loose reports. The wind took them, and blew them in sweeping circles around the street. Shizune began fighting for breath, after swallowing her chewing gum the wrong way. A village elder, just given a clean bill of health, clutched at his chest, prompting the nearest medical professionals to hurry him back inside the building.

?No? not them?? Hinata tried to run on her high heels, seeing her teammates.

?Oh snap!? That was Shino. An exclamation like that, coming from him, was just as noteworthy as a solar eclipse of the annular type. The latter took place every two centuries or so.

?Spank me!? Kiba rubbed his eyes in disbelief. That couldn?t be Hinata.

?AROOOOO-OOOO-OOO-OO-O?? Akamaru?s howl had everyone looking in that direction.

?Oh? my? dear? god?? Kurenai had caught up with her team members. She almost wished that she had been late. ?I?ll kill Anko?? She should never have allowed Hinata a day off. No, she should have locked her up and thrown away the key!

Hinata?s trail of destruction continued. A window washer fell two stories, saved by the grace of his belt and a flag pole. Choji, coming from visiting Lee, bit hard into his hand, completely missing the sandwich that his friend had been too sore to eat. The men pushing gurneys through the hospital halls became distracted. One of their patients went rolling down a long series of steps. Another wheeled contrivance destroyed the Candy Striper?s cart. A third smashed through a plate glass window and came to a stop in the Serenity Garden. Jiraiya was in such a rush to pull out his telescope, that he accidentally clubbed an octogenarian with it, causing the woman and her walker to tip over.

?Th-? Th-? That?? Ten Ten froze, after she stepped out of an elevator.

?C-? C-? Can?t ?? Gai ran into Ten Ten, catching sight of Hinata.

?Be?? Neji went as pale as a sheet. A genius, he couldn?t quite comprehend just what he was seeing. He immediately used his Blood Limit skills, trying to determine whether or not she was an impostor.

Anko drank it all in, crouching behind a supply wagon. Like the cook-off and fan dance, this event would be talked about for years on end. It almost ranked up there with the Demon Fox?s rampage, and the assault on the village by the Sand and Sound. She smiled. If Gaara had been here, he probably would have popped his gourd by now.

With every step she took, Hinata felt as if she were shrinking. Her heart seemed to be creeping up further and further into her throat, and she felt her temperature rise so quickly, that she expected to burst into flames. Every ten yards or so, she stopped, debating with herself. But, looking down at her bandaged hand, she knew that she had made a pledge. Anko, no doubt, was quite capable of killing her, if she broke that kind of oath.

?I have to put a stop to this!? Kurenai tried to bull her way through the ever increasing throng. Tsunade put a hand on her shoulder, holding her back.

?Let?s see how this plays out,? the Hokage said, eyeing Anko as the troublesome jounin snuck around a corner. ?Most of the damage is already done.? Calling out orders, she had the security guards begin leading people back to where they belonged.

When Hinata hesitated at the threshold of Naruto?s room, Anko fought the growing urge to take a mop out of a nearby bucket, and to use it to push the other girl into the room. When the Hyuuga girl finally worked up the courage to enter, Anko followed, after performing a high level Genjutsu, making herself look like part of the door frame.

?N-? N-? N-aruto?? Hinata felt her head spinning. Naruto was sitting up in bed, a food tray in front of him. He was in the process of sucking down a large mass of noodles, his eyes glued to the TV set. He had a bandage on his forehead, and the skin around both of his eyes was dark purple and blue. A couple of I.V. lines were draped over the guard-rails.

Naruto looked over at Hinata. His mouth fell open. The remaining noodles slid down inside his hospital gown. Someone like him was almost never at a loss for words. Almost.

?Ummm?? Hinata clenched her fists. There couldn?t be any more ?Ummm.? She pushed onward. ?Hi?? She reached out to steady herself. ?I? well? I came by to cheer you up?? That wasn?t the full truth. But, it was a start.

??? Naruto still couldn?t find his voice. But, ?up? was indeed an appropriate word. He quickly slid his tray down further, wanting to hide an area of tenting that appeared underneath his bed sheets. He wondered if Old lady Tsunade had written an order for some kind of pain killer. Maybe he was hallucinating, or dreaming. ?Pinch me!? He finally got his tongue to work.

?Naruto-kun?? Hinata blushed, seeing the look on his face.

?Pinch me,? Naruto repeated. He stared unabashed, looking Hinata up and down, still not convinced that she was really there. How could she be, looking like that? ?Hinata never looked this hot!? He could say whatever he wanted to, I a dream. ?I wouldn?t kick someone like this out of bed for eating crackers!? He was a big talker in his dreams, or when he was talking with the other guys.

?H-? H-? Hot?? Hinata began wobbling precariously. Another statement like the last one, and she would collapse there and then. Despite that, a small seed of satisfaction took root deep inside her.

Eyes zeroing in on the plunging neckline of Hinata?s blouse, Naruto jerked like one of Kankourou?s puppets. He certainly had a very detailed imagination! ?Owww-ww-w? shit!? His jerking motion had tugged on his lines. That, in turned, had two long I.V. poles tipping over. One clubbed him on the head, leaving him seeing stars. ?Wait? this actually hurts?? He rubbed his head. Then, his eyes bulged. This? was? not? a? fantasy.

?Naruto-kun!? Hinata rushed to help Naruto, picking up the pole. When she bent over him, her lips came very close to his. That caused another one of her involuntary bouts of syncope. Blacking out, she fell across him.

?I think I just forgot my name,? Naruto said, feeling her weight on him, and getting a sudden whiff of her perfume. Looking down at her shapely rump, he closed his eyes tight. Maybe this was a detailed fantasy after all. Hyuuga Hinata didn?t have an ass like that, did she? When she moaned, in the process of coming to, he trembled. Now was definitely not the time for one of his wet dreams.

Hinata woke up, and immediately moved away from the bed. Anko couldn?t wait to see what happened next. She jumped when a hand came down on her shoulder. Some one had caught her off guard, and had seen through her illusion.

?Why don?t we give them some privacy,? Tsunade said. Kurenai stood by her side, tapping her foot. The look she gave the other jounin was triumphant. ?Come with me to my office. We have something to discuss.?

Kurenai stayed behind, acting as a chaperon of sorts, even though she had a pretty good idea what kind of person Naruto was. It didn?t pay to take chances, however, seeing that he had trained with one of the most notorious perverts in that part of the world.

?I should have sold tickets to that,? Anko said snidely as they walked. ?There would have been even more money for crop relief and the mentally handicapped.?

?Well, I for one am very happy that you make yourself out to be such a great humanitarian.? Tsunade motioned for Anko to take a seat, once they were inside her suite of rooms. She smiled, knowing something that the other woman didn?t. ?Your current mission is now at an end.?

?Let me guess,? Anko said, falling into her chair unceremoniously. ?You?re very angry, after everything that happened. You disapprove of the way I?ve behaved. There?s a good chance that the Hyuugas will make some kind of official complaint. You have stacks of angry protest letters to read through.?

?Things aren?t nearly as bleak as you might think,? the Hokage replied. ?At least, not for Konoha and our fellow villagers.? She took a sip from a glass of water . ?I know you did your best to try and shake things up. You may have gone a bit overboard.? That was putting things mildly. She still had to handle the ruckus over a man told to marry his prized sheep? a woman who was informed that she was the reincarnation of the First Hokage, and felt she should be the one wearing the Tri-corner hat? and a bunch of children who were convinced that if they ate enough ginger root, they would turn into birds. Those were nothing compared to Hinata?s rather dramatic visit. ?But, most of the results actually turned out positively.?

?I know,? Anko said, making a face. ?Don?t remind me.?

?I?m afraid I have to.? Tsunade grinned, knowing that she couldn?t officially reprimand the special jounin, since she had ordered the girl to assume Madame Pythia?s mantle. But, there were obvious boundaries, and Anko had overstepped every one within view. ?Sometimes, results speak much louder than intent.? She unrolled a map scroll. ?You caught someone?s eye.?

?What do you mean?? Anko had a wary look in her eyes, like an animal sniffing the air for danger. ?Whose eye??

?As you know, we?ve had a number of foreign dignitaries visiting over the past few weeks.? The Hokage suddenly scowled. While some of the visitors had found humor in Gai?s version of Lady Godiva, others were rather upset. That had hardly been good advertising, when clan leaders and Kages were trying to decide which village to hire ninjas from.

?And?? Anko had a bad feeling about this.

?Here.? Tsunade pointed to a mark on the map. ?Tsuchi no Kuni, the Country of Earth." She took a magnifying glass out of her drawer. ?If you squint, you might be able to see the small symbol for the village of Fa-chikyuu. Near the far northern border of that nation.?

?Why should I want to?? Anko tried to read Tsunade?s face without success.

?We really don?t know much about the Country of Earth, except that they have more than their far share of mountains, caves, and barren land. It wouldn?t hurt to find out whatever we can.? The Hokage stretched, fighting a yawn. ?The mayor of that small village accompanied the Tsuchikage on his visit, and was very interested about ?Lady Anko.? He happens to be that Kage?s brother-in-law.?

?So?? Anko had a sense of foreboding. She hoped that she was going to need a heavy winter coat. This wasn?t about that geisha business, was it? Tsunade had threatened her with that mission, but only if she refused to take Pythia?s place.

?The weather in that part of the world has been very poor. Crops have grown more poorly than ever before. Many of the young herd animals have been born small and sickly.? Tsunade put her magnifying glass away. ?The suicide rate has climbed rapidly. The people no longer send their taxes to Iwagakure no Sato. The youths recruited to become ninjas have shown a terrible lack of spirit and national pride.?

?It?s a bad place to put a village,? Anko said, a little too quickly. ?The country probably had bigger and more productive towns.?

?True,? Tsunade said. ?But, the Tsuchikage was born there. He holds it very dear in his heart, if only because most of his family still lives there.? She handed Anko a letter of invitation, closed with a diplomatic seal.

?But?? Anko broke the seal and read the note. The mayor was asking to have Lady Anko spend some time in his village, training a number of women to do what she did. He had been very impressed by the joy and cheerful spirits brought about by the fortune teller?s acts and proclamations. No doubt, anyone she trained could bring about an amazing transformation in Fa-chikyuu. ?I?m not really??

?That?s alright,? the Hokage said, hiding a grin by yawning again. ?They don?t expect you to be a miracle worker. You only have to show the women how to do the things you do.? She had already sent word to have porters load up everything in the shop and ready it for a long journey over land.

?Madame Pythia?? Anko?s throat was growing thick. The weight of reality was pressing hard on her now.

?Is retired,? Tsunade said. ?Unfortunately. The cold fresh air of the snow-capped mountains might have helped her aches and pains.? She speared a piece of cheese off of a plate on her desk. Nibbling on it, she added: ?This will serve everyone well. We get a new ally. The stricken village gets a new lease on life. And, the men and women of the Leaf will have plenty of time to accept the fact that while Mitarashi Anko might return home, Lady Anko will have hung up her turban and robes for good.?

?When do I leave?? Anko sounded very sullen. She had known the bill would come due some day. This was much sooner than she had expected.

?Let?s see.? Tsunade opened her top drawer and reached inside. She held her hands out. ?Should it be dice or runes??

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