Toyama wa tengoku no ie ni ikimasu

[Jessi wa Kawaii]

Toyama?s Fable [shortened title]
Toyama wa tengoku no ie ni ikimasu [full title- romanized]
Toyama is going into the House of Heaven [full title- translated]
富山は天の家に行きます [full title- original kana]
?J. Hardie 2005
Genre: Fable/Fantasy
Rating: PG
Words: 6,657
Summary: All travelers seeking solace within the House of Heaven muster undergo a test. A test that plays with the mind as it does with the temperament of the mountain, perhaps Toyama can prove himself and finally get rid of the demons of his past.
AN: I was reading it, and I realized exactly how interestingly awkward this story is. One of the Asian inspired one-shots I couldn?t get out of my head as I worked on my other stories. Although with the way this ended, I?ve been thinking about making a follow-up second part. [side-note] I placed the translations at the end of the piece, because in literature, the look-up notes are usually at the back of the book.

higashi nishi (from east, west,)
minami kita yori (south, north)
fubuki kana (...the blizzard)
-Koyabashi Issa 1821

Toyama wa Tengoku no Ie ni Ikimasu

The echoes of their warnings burned dimly in his ears. He shook off his conscience as he did the falling snow, driving both his feet and spike into the hard flesh of the mountainside. The harsh weather of fuyu was a formidable obstacle, and the climb was long and treacherous; yet he was not one to give up easily. For two weeks, he had been determined, even when he lost the dirt trail, and when his food had been stolen by a small family of badgers, he had not stopped. Over small fires he melted snow to drink and make tea so that he could thaw enough to continue. Rationing his food, he did not waste the rest of his supplies. Uncooked rice that he found in a fallen knapsack along the way was a delicacy. His mind created pictures of his destination when the wind blew and the cold tested his endurance. That image of golden pedestals and flowing drapes of the richest dyes, the emerald grass and the abundance of food in the proclaimed paradise was enough to keep him going. Tengoku no Ie was almost within his grasp. The higher he climbed, he swore that the clouds hiding the top of Fuji-sama glowed more ethereally. He could feel the weariness in his bones fade with his thoughts.

A blizzard was coming; he could smell the change in the air. Years of training in the dojo of his master had taught him to catch the change in the temperamental weather, even the minutest details. Yes, his old master had taught him much, but he had never grasped the lesson of nintai.

~As the juniper tree waits without complaint to reach the heavens, so too must we wait to attain greatness~

The lessons were well-meant, yet they did not help him to reach what he wanted. Tengoku no Ie would help him to find the inner peace he had spent his entire life trying to gain, peace of mind needed to erase the memories of his slain village.

There was no teacher who could ease the constant ache in his heart, who could erase the memory completely. Katas and chants had helped him to forget for a while, so that he could focus; but, always they would return within nightmares, the screams and his mother?s contorted faced haunted the world behind his eyelids, and every time he would awake feeling the same helplessness that gripped him as a boy. He was still forced to watch, unable to help or run away. He was stuck within the same restraints, unable to move beyond it.

A lump of snow fell upon his fur hat, and he stumbled to see through the cool, feathery substance. Driving his spike into the earth, the rock he trusted to support crumbled and gave way as he pushed his weight upon it, forcing him to move to the side to avoid slipping. Slowly, he caught the remaining edge of the cliff and pulled himself over, idly looking at the black abyss below. Tiny white flakes fell around him in sympathy, kissing his cheeks with mock warmth. The air around him suffocated, forcing shallow, difficult breaths; the blood pounded against his skull, throbbing in tune to the face pace of his heartbeat.

The mountain was silent to his outcry, as he looked down at his remaining tool. There were still many kilometers left to go, and it would be even more difficult with just one tool.

Sympathy bereft, the wind picked up fiercely and the snowfall increased quickly. Without shelter, he would easily lose his way and freeze to death.
Grumbling angrily, he stomped through the dunes white dunes, eyes open for a temporary shelter to wait out the storm. Half-an-hour passed before he located an empty cave three hundred feet from the cliffside.

Fanning the fire that he had built cautiously, there was little that could phase him. The bread that he had found among discarded belongings was tough and held the taste of pine bark, yet he ate it without looking for satisfaction. Tradition and habit dictated that his body needed sustenance even as he felt like fasting. All the meditation in the world would not tear him away from his flourishing thought, his mind wrapped around the vivid images he himself had painted, swirling in a vortex of words and limited imagination.

~Atop great Fuji-sama, is Tengoku no Ie, an abode created by the gods as a haven for those both weary and long-suffering. Should you go there, with both strong mind and spirit, your greatest desire will be fulfilled. Many tests will make themselves known to you. You will face the cold, lack of food, and an excruciating test of endurance. Yet, there will be another, a test far greater an harder than you ever expect.~

He had faced the cold, the irony of traveling alone, and the creatures of the wilderness. Yet, he had prepared for these, carefully training and focusing so that his body would not give out easily under the strain. There was little that could stop him.

Looking at the shadows dancing around the walls of the cave, he sat listening to the crackling of waving flames.

A figure shifted out the corner of his eye, from the darkness of the evening outside. Shifting his hand so that he had a firm grip on his kaiken, he moved so that he faced the approaching silhouette.

?Sho?? a voice called out. It was faint, Toyama strained to hear it without taking steps forward.

There was a soft lilt to the voice, a sound that was familiar, but that he couldn?t place in his memory.

Instead, he focused on questions. The only path to the upper slopes of the mountain began at the hillside village in the valley below. For someone to be at this height, meant that he must have started at the same time or before Toyama without his knowledge. When he had begun the journey, he was the only traveler headed towards the mountain.

The wind whistled against the cave entrance, snow pushing its way inside the alcove with little success. The voice called out again more clearly.

?Sho? Sho desu ka??

Frowning, Toyama shook his head and returning to his fire, ?I am not Sho.?

The dark silhouette was more visible now at the mouth of the alcove. One clothed stepped inside and then the other.

?Sho desu ka??

?Whoever it is, he is not here.?

The statement fell upon wind-deafened ears, the stranger still moved forward. The light of the flames licked the wall of the cave, illuminating the approaching figure with intangible softness.

Toyama continued to watch in suspicion, taking in the thick hide and fur that covered the stranger securely. A matching hat covered the head and shielded the eyes from view.

Grasping, a clothed hand reached up to remove the hat, revealing elegant, feminine features. Dark hair pooled around an angular face, the tips of the long strands reaching down to her hip.

?Sho?? slanted eyes squinted through the dim light, ?Sho desu ka??

?There is no one by that name.?

She squeaked, a high pitched, surprised sound that escaped between chapped lips. Her hair fell into her face, and she pushed it back eagerly, looking at Toyama with interest.

Her flushed cheeks glowed with the firelight, and she bowed politely before him, shivering, ?Aa! Gomen nasai. It is so easy to mistake people in storms, especially when you cannot see well. Totemo muzukashi desu yo. Don?t you agree??

Shifting away so that he wouldn?t have to face her directly, Toyama muttered his response, ?Who looks for people in storms?? It disturbed him how comfortable she became with him after a few seconds without not even knowing his name or his background. Her familiarity with him? was unsettling.

?What was that??

Clenching his fists, he blurted out the question that had tickled his tongue since her arrival, ?Who are you, woman??

?Habinaru Ayame. Will you give me the pleasure of your name??

?Have you deserved it, Habinaru-dono??

Instead of looking affronted, she offered a warm smile, ?Please, do not be so formal; call me Ayame. No one is here to chastise our lack of etiquette, ne? No one to listen, no one who will know that we have even met? Perhaps, this is the only time we will even sit by a fire together.?

Toyama glanced at her another moment, ?Ikawa Toyama.?

?Sou desu ne? Toyama-san, is it? Douzo yoroshiku. Arigato for sharing this shelter with me. I?m sure you enjoy your solitude as much as any Japanese man.?

He grunted in response. She talked a lot for a woman.

?Ano, I apologize again for barging in on you like this. The storm just became too much for me, and without Sho?? Trailing off, Ayame picked at her clothes nervously, fine hands distressing invisible imperfections.
He ignored her for the calm observance of the storm, which was now lapsing into a less ferocious mode. It was quiet, the popping of the fire and the rustling of clothes resonating along rocky walls. It wasn?t until Ayame?s soft sigh that he realized he was not alone.

?Those clothes are troublesome, don?t you agree, Toyama-san??

He blinked and turned to face her, having realized that she had not left during the silence, and instead had successful donned a fanciful kimono. A frown pulled at his mouth as he looked behind her. Where had the kimono come from? It was beautiful, he couldn?t ignore it, but for a woman to bring such luxury with her on a mountain slope was impossible. Still, she wore an immaculate silver kimono, threads of purple woven into the silk to form iris blossoms. Elegant in its simplicity, the fabric must have been expensive enough for her to afford.

A pack lay beside her as she looked over at him curiously. He speculated over it for a moment. Should she have been so superficial to bring along a change of dress in exchange for necessities? Toyama snorted, if she had come expecting help from him, she was sorely mistaken.

?You are so quiet, Toyama-san. Does my speech bother you??

?I am quiet because silence is blessed. A lesson you?ve not heard of I think.?

?So you do think!? Ayame smiled as she took careful steps to where he sat, sliding down on her knees, back upright against the cave wall, her actions were fluid and graceful even though she seemed to use no effort. ?You do not think I have been in the company of silent men before, Toyama-san? My father was a silent man, but you could tell everything from the way he looked at you. A frown would mean displeasure, and a glare meant that you had angered him??

?Did you receive it often??

?I hardly angered my father, but as my father?s only child, he was always displeased with me because my mother had not born him a son. Father perpetually frowned in my presence. He wished to marry me to a man of his liking, so that my husband could become his heir-?

A violent wind interrupted her. Tendrils of cool air snaked inside the cave, teasing the fire enough for the flames to flicker before they blossomed again with heat. Warmth again flowed towards their bodies, temporarily taking though away from the cold weather. Air whistled against the mouth of their shelter, melodic and distressing. A few drifts of snow found their way to the floor, melting into pools of water at Toyama?s feet.

Despite the long passing of snowfall, the storm was only getting worse, and Toyama frowned at the thought of remaining in the cave until its passing.

He wasn?t very patient, not even with nature. Every second he was forced to wait only delayed his plans. Every moment that was wasted within the cold heat of the natural shelter was only inviting his nightmares to come back and torment him again.

He could smell the smoke of the burning village now, sharp and pungent with the scent of flesh and thatch roofs. His hands were bound, holding him back when instinct urged him to run. Run, run! He tugged against firm restraints, shouting, begging for mercy. Apologizing for his rash actions, he wished for anything; death, for it to come swiftly and unhindered, to take him to that blessed eternity where pain and anger would no longer haunt him. He shut his eyes to the world, awaiting the quick downfall of the sword; the soft swish of air was anticipated in his ear. The screaming only got louder, harsher, wails against the violation of the body, the defilement of the daughter of the Earth, who had done no wrong to upset her subjects. Inhuman, but still sweet, touched with the kiss of a high voice, the eternal reverence of feminine voice. It cried out to him, but he could do nothing to stop it.

?Toyama-san? Are you well? Your skin has paled.?

Hiding his anguish behind his hands, he coughed repeatedly, ?Daijoubu.?

?The wind? I have never heard it so full of rage. It is scary to think that the mountain does not wish us here.?

?Hn.?

?There are stories-? Ayame paused, gathering her thoughts and frowning slightly before continuing, ?There are stories about Fuji-sama. Have you heard them??

Toyama grunted, ?What haven?t I heard??

Sighing, Ayame leaned against the side of the cave, ?In my village, the wise men would say that even the bravest of men would seek out Tengoku no Ie (you have heard of it, ne?) and fail. When no word of them returned to their homes, villagers would search for days along the slopes, discovering belongings, never corpses. They say that the snow and ice buried the remains, but I believe differently. What do you believe, Toyama-san??

For a moment he did not answer, ?What do you believe??

Her hands twisted in the folds of her kimono as she answered, an awkward nervousness enveloping her, ?I believe? iie, I believe quite differently than most. All things are connected in life with equal consequence. If you take from the river selfishly, you leave the fish with little to live on. If the fish die, you have no food, nothing to provide your family, and when you die, your body joins with the ground, and allows the sakura trees to grow. Perhaps, those that have fallen and have joined Fuji-sama, or they have reached the top. Very few have made it to Tengoku no Ie. Do you think that we will, Toyama-san??

?I do not profess to know anything about the future.?

The woman pursed her lips at his difficult attitude, ?Why have you come to Fuji-sama, Toyama-san??

Toyama?s gaze flickered to her form for a second before he looked again to the mouth of the cave, ?Why would I share my business with you??

Ayame looked pensive for a moment before responding, ?My life has been governed by rules and lies, yet I felt freedom in rebellion. When Sho, a lowly fisherman, took interest in me, I should have ignored it. Have you ever felt passion, Toyama-san? Not lust, as a man would feel for a courtesan, but a passion that burns so deeply you cannot ignore it? When I first began to meet with this fisherman, it was to defy my father, the man who wished me to marry wealthy and without complaint. Sho, however, was all too happy to have me as a companion. He was generous, kind, and spoiled me greatly with daifuku and other delicacies my father refused me. Instead of conversing and henpecking with other woman of privilege and flirting aimlessly with possible suitors, I desired to spend more time with a man who could never be my husband. Sho smelled of salt and sea, and fish. His gifts were cheap and shoddy; the combs he gave me were ugly and broke easily, and the jewelry fell apart,? her face warmed at the memory, ?yet I soon found that I could not stand to not be with him.

?Love reached me on a warm summer night when Sho first kissed me and announced his wish to marry me. Such an admonition was very dear to me, as you may guess, because for me the prospect of marriage was one of duty rather than decision. Sho saw a wonderful woman in me, and I couldn?t help but love him for it. Our meetings were short, and filled with embraces and whispered promises, and they became more frequent. I could only sneak from my father?s house at night, during a certain hour when no one was the wiser, but it was only too soon before we were caught. If my father had captured Sho, he would have had him put to death on false charges, and married me off. I couldn?t let that happen, so I suggested to Sho that we run away, to Tengoku no Ie. (Then I hadn?t actually known or believed of its existence. I used it to refer to somewhere far away.) Sho did not hesitate to agree, and we staged our escape for the night before Tanabata, when the crowds would gather. We would leave quickly and quietly, bringing only what we would need: food, clothing, money.

?I had a golden parasol, my only reminder of home that I wished to bring with me. I wished this because it had belonged to my mother, and Sho insisted that we dress as peasants to escape notice. Tanabata came and went, and I was missing from my father?s house the eve after the festival. From what I heard in my travels, the entire village was in an uproar. Sho and I had to tread carefully, and our travel was slow. If I were to be found, the consequences would have been worse than if I stayed. The weeks passed anxiously, with my lover and I in constant suspicion. Then, suddenly, as though fortune smiled at us, the commotion died out. Whatever anger my father felt in the months after my disappearance were lost when he finally begat a son through his second wife. I was free to live the way I wished and marry my true love.

?I hadn?t actually expected to try and find Tengoku no Ie, but Sho?s growing excitement urged us forward. We traveled for many long months before we reached Fuji-sama. We had little provisions, and yet were so determined to reach the top. I was awaiting rest and peace, while Sho was counting the days to marry me in the most splendid of palaces. For three weeks we climbed the mountain, dressed in clothes gathered from the village at the mountain valley, weathering the mild storms with remarkable resolve. (I disliked wearing such masculine clothes, but Sho said that it was necessary, so I acquiesced).

?Then, as we moved further, higher, a storm not unlike this one overcame us. While trying to shield my body against the wind, I lost my parasol. Sho insisted that I forget it, that he could buy me as many as I wanted when we reached the top.? She sighed, ?I was selfish, and demanded that I get my parasol before we continue. The storm grew worse, and forced us to look for shelter, which we found in this exact cave. It was cold, and I was just as frigid towards Sho. No matter what he said, I would not forgive the loss of my heirloom. I was blinded to the reality, and promised to kill myself unless my parasol was found. It was a rage filled rant, of course, but Sho believe my intensity. When I awoke the following day, he had kissed me and donned his fur hat, announcing that once he found my parasol, we would continue our travel. He never returned. I set out to look for him, fearing the worse, braving the storm to catch any sign of him. That is why I called out when I saw the firelight of the cave. I hoped that perhaps, he had come back and that the figure inside was actually my beloved.?

It never is.

The words were nearly inaudible, and Toyama almost questioned her, but thought better of it. After all, he hadn?t asked for her to talk, had he? For a woman, who he had always thought should be seen and not heard, she talked a lot more than what was acceptable by etiquette. He surely didn?t want to invite her to continue if he could help it.

Her face was now directed toward the storm; head tilted slightly as nostalgia permeated her aura and flowed off in waves. Toyama shifted uncomfortably at the feeling. When she spoke again, her voice was softer, inviting.

?I have told you my story Toyama-san. Will you tell me yours??

?What suggests that I have a story to tell??

?We all have tales, Toyama-san. Sadly, many of us lack the patience to listen.?

Her words struck a cord in him, and his mouth opened without his volition, ?My mother was killed by my own inaction. Our village was razed and horded by bandits from the south, demons with the speed of horses and a blood thirst that agreed.? He stopped, wondering if he really dared to tell his story. Shrugging off his doubt, he continued; she had asked for it, and he would not mince words, ?The village was full of women, young and old, because of the field that we resided by was mainly farming land. Twice a year the men would go to Edo to sell the produce and gain money. Bandits usually struck when the village was unprotected, weak. These bandits, prided so much by their own success, could not stop at taking all our belongings. They killed the older men, but kept any women they thought desirable.

?At such a young age, I was exposed to the violence of life, and felt the immature, unpracticed anger to fight against it. My mother and a few other women had a chance to escape, but I wouldn?t follow. Choosing to fight, I shook off her grasp and took up whatever I could to defend against the men that destroyed my village. My mother did not go through with her narrow escape, but returned to try and get back her son. The bandits easily overcame us, and when I succeeded in injuring one of them, they tied me down, but did not kill me. Instead they held my eyes open, forcing me to watch as my mother was held down and they forced themselves upon her. If I tried to look away, her screams of pain intensified. I was forced to watch as man after man had their way with her. Then, when it was finished, while she lay half-alive on the ground of a burnt hut, they killed her and set me free.

?I was left to make and tend to the graves of those that had fallen, old men, children, women and my mother. I was too hasty, too brash that I didn?t think of anyone else, and because of it, my mother died in disgrace. I have spent and wasted years trying to find peace from my burdens, but nothing has eased the pain.?

?You cannot blame a child for actions that were instinct. Your mother made her choice to protect you when she returned.?

?I still caused her death.?

?Now, you can find peace when you reach Tengoku no Ie. Is that what you wished, Toyama-san??

He didn?t answer this time, but his hand rubbed over his heart. It hadn?t hurt like he expected it to. All the nightmares, the memories, had done nothing but cause him pain. Yet, when he spoke of his past, to a woman he barely knew, it felt like a release, a catharsis.

Even as he stopped to marvel at his own openness, Ayame took a fan from her sleeve and snapped it open, moving the article up and down in familiar motion. Her sleeves fell to reveal smooth skin, and she let out a breath that fanned the long hair that framed her face, ?Atsui desu ne??
He blinked as he noted the truth of her words. By now, even with the fire, the cold should have penetrated his wet layers. Warmth took its place, a burning sensation that made him feel as though he wore too much. Even his fingers burned and he removed his gloves. It felt as though they sat inside an onsen, the air itself was warm.

?It is hot,? he muttered.

?Ne, Toyama-san? How can the storm be so cold and yet the cave so warm? Perhaps Fuji-sama means to tell us something.?

She closed her eyes, tilting her chin up so that the fire illuminated the fine line of her alabaster neck. Something strange gripped him as he looked at her, a longing that he immediately decided sordid. His fingers reached out despite himself, and brushed against her skin in a fleeting caress. It was soft, desirable, and he couldn?t understand the sudden attraction. He toyed with the ends of her hair, the thick, smooth strands held no objections to his touch, and fell over her shoulders invitingly. Grazing from her hair to her face, he traced the features, trying to see what was drawing him to her, what had ensnared him so quickly that he could no longer think over his actions?

Her black eyes opened to gaze at him, the question at her parted lips. She didn?t protest his sudden, unwarranted attention, but she seemed to wonder at it. It was as if she did not think that she was desirable enough, that he would find her desirable. It was an innocent look, full of promise. She was not hasty, and for once, he almost felt patient enough to wait for, and enjoy her expression.

Grasping her unclothed wrist, he pulled her to him in a fluid motion, marveling slightly at the fit between their bodies. Fur against silk, hide against fine thread, necessity met luxury, and patience lingered, yet could not find a place within his own jumbled emotions, within his own aroused consciousness of her, he could not wait.

Her gasp both delighted and scared him at the same time, there was
desperation in her lack of movement, an anxious aura. It was halfway between surprise and rejection, ?Toyama-san-?

He swallowed her words without letting her speak. He had no patience for words; she had spoken more than enough. She remained motionless, but he did not relent. Her clean scent invaded his nostrils painfully, and as he looked down, the prospect of seeing what was hidden by her robe excited him further. Releasing her mouth, his lips followed the smooth contour of her neck, tongue flicking over her pulse.

Rough hands found the ties of her obi: soft, pure silk; and he tugged at it just forceful enough for it come loose.

Turning her face from his kisses, Ayame managed to exhale her question, ?Will you stay with me, Toyama-san??

Suddenly, she was wearing too many clothes; too much hindered him from feeling her. An anxious thrill went through him at the thought of her touching him.

His fingers pulled her robe apart, and he trailed fingertips across her skin. When she shivered, he moved his hands to feel her body, rough calluses against soft, pampered skin. He traced the edge of her hips, her narrow waist and the underside of her breast. His actions were deliberate.
It was something that he hadn?t done before. Sharing a bed with women companions was not unfamiliar to him, but he had never taken care to do more than satiate his need. He felt, no he desired to treat the woman with him differently.

The way she reacted to his touch was dizzying in its pleasure. Like an unpicked plum that ripened at the time of harvest, her eyes and her body expressed an enjoyment to the explicit newness of male attention. When he pushed himself up, he rested his hands on either side of her, taking in the sight below him. Her body laid invitingly, obsidian hair strewn on the floor of the cave like a wave of ebony, glistening in the light. Her eyes blinked up at him wantonly, her hands resting on the hide and fur that still covered his chest. The small action stopped him, long enough that he paused to acknowledge her.

?It has been so long since I have felt the warmth of a man?s arms. Will you listen to me, Toyama-san? Will you stay with me??

She would only let him continue after he answered her. He would have said anything to have her, but when she raised her body to press her lips to his, encouraging his verbal response, the world crashed upon him with a cold wind.

Her impatience awakened his reasoning, and the breath came into his lungs with a hard rush. He rose quickly from her grasp, painfully ending the passionate interlude. His breaths came heavily, he clenched his fists as the reality returned to him and he regained control over his body.

Ayame sat up, retying her kimono haphazardly as she addressed him, ?Have you denied me, Toyama-san??

She, a betrothed woman, had been so willing to giver herself to another man. Was she so disloyal? Toyama could only sneer down at her, ?What would you do should your beloved Sho come and see you act like a common prostitute??

Something flashed in her eyes, liquid flowed down her cheeks, ?Will you not listen, Toyama-san? Must you make me relive the pain again??
His question never reached her as her body fell to the side, her cries intermingled with exclamations of ?no.? Her voice was loud, beseeching, even though he was the only one listening, he knew that she was not talking to him. Something, someone else was occupying her attention, and she seemed to be pleading for lenience. She rocked back and forth, lost within a spiral of consciousness, her hair strewn about her face. Then, she sat up, eyes bright and unfocused; she hung her head, begging softly.

?No more, onegai, no more!?

Without another word, she sprung to her feet and ran out into the storm. Frowning, he followed her fading form amidst the snow flakes, ?What are you doing??

The snow fell with the wind, against his form harshly, biting at his eyes as he tried to see through the white surroundings, ?Ayame!?

His voice echoed, the syllables bouncing around before being carried by the wind. Taking a few halted steps forward into the dense snowbank, his clothes moistened and allowed the cold wetness to filter through to warm skin. Lifting his leg with some difficulty, he moved to take another step. Lifting and dropping his tired muscles, he realized how much had accumulated in the short time that he had sat in the shelter of the save. His foot caught on a hidden rock, and despite attempts to catch his balance, he pitched forward over a white cliff into softer snow below,
The snow was not as dense, and he could move more easily, readily able to focus on finding the estranged woman.

Purple irises fluttered in the wind, and he followed them. He caught himself before he tripped over her huddled form.

She was ranting, near hysterical, digging into the snow with a fervor
unhindered by the storm.

?Iie!? Her fingers clawed at the ground, ?Iie!?

Toyama tried to grab her hands, but she evaded him, ?Stop this foolishness. You?ll catch cold!?

Ayame shook as her hand grasped at something beneath the snow, and she frantically pulled at it. Snow and dirt were tossed carelessly, revealing a cold, lifeless form.

The face was contorted in pain, the eyes closed in sleep. Ashen features had been buried long by the snow, and Toyama could tell that he had been dead long before he had ever climbed the mountain. Her fists beat upon the chest, her frame bent over in grief. There was recognition in her gaze, a painful realization of d?j? vu. It was as though she had been through it before, an endless nightmare.

?Watashi wa shinu ja nai!? she repeated the phrase like a prayer mantra, a last thread to sanity. It was loud, even against the blaring wind around them. Her voice trembled like the air following the motions of the temple bell.

Crackling ice halted her words and her trembling arms followed the line of Sho?s body until she reached the object he had held fervently to his chest in his last moments. A kasa, a parasol lined with gold leaf in the shape of flying phoenixes and fluttering sakura blossoms. His hand was wrapped around the handle tightly.

Her own features seemed to crack, and she wailed, a piercing sound that he knew he had heard before. He covered his ears, eyes shut against the noise.

On the cold winter nights when the snow was relentless, the very same howl would loose itself into the quiet. The villagers had announced it to be a beast, and would usher the children inside lest the monster come down from the mountain to feast.

Then suddenly, dying in intensity, the anguished, hungry cry would quiet again. The howl died down, and the storm continued with peaceful intention. The children would return outside to play amongst the snow drifts and the wind.

Ayame looked up at him, her grief nearly palpable. He reached for her, but she hastened to move from his grasp; she seemed? more complacent, serene, a figure of a woman who accepted the will of the forces against her. ?The Children, Toyama-san, do you remember the Children??

The children? the children would sing a song, and the old men would tell the stories, but he never listened; never bothered to find anything other than his own desires, his own selfish goals. Even now, Ayame?s porcelain face did not look upon him in hate. Her tears froze upon her cheeks, and the silvery kimono fluttered innocently in the wind. All at once and not at all, lost in a snow-blind and yet clearly visible, she was one with the mountain, taking on ever nuance, from the angry storm to the soft flakes that brushed his cheeks almost tenderly. He could feel the sorrow of her existence through the mountain, through the heartbeat that was audible through rock and ice, the sound of a living being. Suddenly, he understood her desperation, the words that were audible and yet, he chose to ignore.

?It has been so long since I have felt the warmth of a man?s arms. Will you listen to me, Toyama-san? Will you stay with me??

Perhaps, he could still save them both. ?I will do it. I will stay with you.?

The bittersweet smile on her face told him without words what her answer would be, ?Iie. It is too late.?

?Doushite?? he rasped the question.

Tinkling laughter quieted the raging storm, snow drifted around their forms in silence, ?Doushite? Toyama-san, if you do not know that answer, then what have you learned from this trial??

It had been planted without his knowledge, the seed of destruction. His hands clutched at his chest in pain, eyes widening in bewilderment. He fell to his knees, the cold spreading through him like a sickness, numbing his body. He could now recognize her voice, the soothing lilt that carried the winds of winter across the land, blanketing the villages in whiteness. The same winds had howled against the doors of his residence. Teasingly taking away the heat of fires and smoke, that same wind had made him impatient for spring. The lesson of nintai echoed in his ears along with the memories, the scent of incense and jasmine wafting around him.
Bells clapped and clinked together, incense offerings wafted on the morning air with the hums and chants of the monk?s prayers, and at once he was back in his village, hearing the melodic voices of the children?s tale, their voices ringing through his ears amidst the howls of wind and biting frost. Their images danced around his form mockingly, they had warned him. Gap-toothed smiles jeered down at him, their laughter loud and boisterous. He closed his eyes to fight out the sounds, to keep his dignity even as it was being taken away. They chorused around him, and she stood a little ways off, a goddess watching her servant fall at her feet.

Yuki no Joou waits upon the mountain
A siren of the heavens
Cursed for the love she left to die on the slopes,
She calls for a companion, once, twice, forever;
But who will love such a woman?
You ignore her cries, you ignore her pain;
You do not feel the icy sting of her dagger before it is too late.

He watched as her body blended into the snow, creases of mourning etched deeper into her skin. The folds of her body becoming the cliffs on the mountain side, her fluttering kimono becoming the pattern of the wind. Every imprint of snow, every bend of ice was her.
A single iris, white and purple fell upon his vision, yet as he reached for it, it crumbled under his touch and was swept away. Her voice echoed in his mind, drowning out the songs of the children, sweet and calming.

I am not death. I am not Ayame. What am I? Am I truly so terrible that no man will free me from my prison? The children sing, can you hear them, Toyama-san? I have heard them for many, many long years; they warn others to stay away, to save themselves. Toyama-san, did you save yourself? Iie, men have fallen to the mountain, becoming victims, but only I have been able to survive, suffering within Fuji-sama because my crime was innocent. A slip of the tongue, and my love died for me. All I needed was someone to listen, someone to be patient, so I could finally be free, and finally reach Tengoku no Ie. I believed in you Toyama-san. Ever since you were born, I knew the hardships you faced, I believe that you would be able to free me, and at the same time free yourself. Patience is the essence of life. I have been patient for many years, waiting for you to come. Irony holds the sweetest pain, when with all you had gone through, you could not wait for an answer. Perhaps Fuji-sama will show the same favor to you as he has to me. I?d cry for you, but the blizzard would grow stronger. I?d mourn, but the avalanche would crush you. Ano? I believe that you and I may one day reach our goal. Do you, Toyama-san? Are you willing to wait?

Black clouded his vision, and he was in the middle of a room, dark figures surrounding him. Dimmed fires were lit at the corners, but he could still see nothing. Murmured words wafted around, but never reached him. He was upright once again, and the cold had disappeared with a new feeling, anxiousness. The world was unfamiliar, and he knew at once that he was not within the presence of normal beings.

He could feel her presence around him, but her form was nowhere to be seen. He couldn?t hear her voice anymore, and he wondered if he was dead. Was he? He could feel, he could sense, but he did not know where he was.

A figure hovered over him, dark and tall. Despite the shadows that lingered around him, this one was darker. Eyes peered down onto him, but he refused to look up, he refused to acknowledge.

Fuji-sama, Fuji-sama has decided. Gomen nasai.

Hanging his head, he cried for the first time.

What a fool he was.

~owari
__________
Translations: (In order of appearance)
Fuyu: Winter
Tengoku no Ie: Heaven?s House (lit. House of Heaven)
Fuji-sama: The formal name of Mount Fuji
Dojo: Training Hall
Nintai: Patience
Katas: detailed patterns of defense-and-attack movements practiced either solo or in pairs
Kaiken: dagger
Sho desu ka? : Is that Sho?
Gomen nasai: I?m sorry
Totemo muzukashi desu yo: It?s really hard
Ayame: Iris
Sou desu ne: Well?
Douzo yoroshiku: It?s nice to meet you
Arigato: Thank you
Ano: um?
Kimono: traditional Japanese robe
Daijoubu: It?s okay
Iie: no
Sakura: Cherry
Daifuku: A glutinous rice cake with sweet red-bean filling [delicious!]
Tanabata: Summertime Festival usually around July 7-9
Atsui desu ne: Isn?t it hot?
Onsen: Hot spring
Obi: Kimono belt
Onegai: Please
Watashi wa shinu ja nai: ?I am not death?
Kasa: Umbrella
Doushite: Why?
Yuki ni Joou: Snow Queen (lit. Queen of Snow)