Trigger (ZxN)

[Jackie]

This one isn't as long as my other one, though it isn't exactly short, either. Sorry... I don't know the meaning of short. I'm that one freak student who's always asking what the MAXIMUM number of pages is rather than the minimum...

This is all ZxN. Yea!! - I'll probably have some 1xR in here later on, though. Can't resist, right? This is angst and romance: a story about when Zechs loses his memory. It's written in the POV of Noin as she searches for his trigger in order to put an end to this mess.

"Vanishing Point" - This is a story on FF.net that has a very similar plot to mine. Believe it or not, this was unintentional. I struggled with myself whether or not to actually write this because of it. In the end, I decided to do it. I can't stand plagerism, and I don't want anyone to think that I'm a hypocrite.

OH! And you might need this; I refer to it in the JN of chapter 1.

Stance on Citrus: Uh, the farthest I'll ever go is a slight lime like that of what happens in Trigger. I mean, it was their wedding night; it's kind of a duh what happens... I don't believe it's any of my business even though they're not real people, and frankly, I'm not into the whole written porn thing. I find it nasty and abhorrent. Occasionally, I'll read a lemon story, but not the lemon. Same with lime. I guess you could say that I'll go for the oranges.

[Jackie]

Trigger
By: Jackie


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. Sad, but true.

Jackie?s Note: This is a fic that was inspired by a song, though I twisted the lyrics a bit, so that?s why this isn?t a songfic. It came out sometime during the summer, ? either that or I just heard it for the first time over the summer ? and it?s been just kind of floating in my head. Plus, it?d be kind of difficult to do a chapter songfic with one song. I?ll probably post the song at the end of the last chapter.

Yes, it?s the classic, ?Zechs has amnesia? fic, though I prefer to think that it has a twist. Maybe in my own demented little mind... I was kind of itching for some ZxN angst, but most of the best angsty stories I didn?t like. Angst rules, but I hate deathfics. It starts out slow, and I think that it actually hastwo prologues, which is why I had to wait until I finished chapter 3 to post this? Since they?re both ?prologues,? I just decided to make them normal chapters and forget the title ?Prologue.? I go from one extreme to the other?

I?m experimenting with POV?s in this story. I intend to have Noin narrate throughout the whole thing, but that may become a bit challenging later on. The first three chapters are fine, (though I did have some trouble... Zechs wanted to think, too, but Noin can't actually hear him...), but I?ll probably have another note addressing it in chapter 4. Sorry about that? I always seem to have such long notes, when really I shouldn?t have to explain anything. I should be able to write it all in the stories. Guess that?s why I?m an amateur.

Warnings: Yes, I have a warning! Though not in this first chapter, it will be in chapters 2 and 3: slight lime. Don't worry; I don't mention an actual thing. It's just implied; that's why it's still rated T and not M.You can read my stance on citrus on my profile page, though Noin sums it up better at the end of chapter 2...


Trigger: Chapter 1


Earth, Cinq Memorial Hospital
Room # 128
March 20, AC 199

Hi. My name is Lucrezia Noin. - Peacecraft. Or Merquise, if you like. Sorry. I?m sure it seems strange to you that I forgot my last name? There?s a reason for that. My husband and I were only married a few days ago, though it doesn?t seem like it. The part that we?re married or the part that it was only days ago ? you pick.

I?m not sure why I?m writing this to you; I?m not even sure who you are. In order to help my husband, I?ve been ordered by his doctor to keep a journal because we?re searching for something, and he thinks I know what it is even though I don?t know it. Perhaps I?m merely writing to you, Journal. Whoever you are, I?m going to end up being extremely open with you. I don?t know the reason. Perhaps I just need someone to talk to ? even if you do turn out to be imaginary. I certainly can?t talk to my husband...

Oh, but it?s not his fault. It really isn?t, and I don?t hold him accountable. How could I? He?s the one who?s really suffering, anyway.

I suppose I should fill you in on what?s happened, huh? Zechs doesn?t remember anything. Not even his name. Yeah, he?s forgotten Cinq, his sister, LVA, the wars, Mars? Me? I know I?m being selfish, but the fact that he can?t even remember me hurts the most.

He?s sleeping now, and I?m glad as I sit here next to him and write this. I don?t want to see that lost look in his eyes, or worse, for him to read this in his state. He doesn?t know we?re married, and it?s best to keep it that way. It?s best for me to simply be his good friend and partner from work who can?t get anything done without him anyway. I took my ring off as well as his; they?re around my neck on a chain that he can?t see. He kind of freaked out when I let it slip and luckily, he lost that memory, too. The saying ?Ignorance is bliss,? applies here in full.

I?ve been here at his side in the hospital for days now? They don?t know what?s wrong. Well, they do, and they don?t. To the best of their knowledge, Zechs has a repressed memory, and his mind, for some reason, has been triggered to try to remember it. It sounds strange, doesn?t it? The doctors made an analogy to a computer to help me understand.

Like a computer, your mind only has so much RAM. When you run out of RAM on your computer, it runs slowly, and you have to delete files, folders, and programs as a temporary fix until you can actually solve the problem: to install more RAM. Well, Zechs? mind is trying to fix the problem temporarily by deleting ?files? which happen to be his memory, only they?re not being deleted per se. They?re just being blocked while his mind tries to actually solve the problem which is to remember the repressed memory.

You have a long-term and a short-term memory. At first, he just had, as the common saying goes, short-term memory loss. But then, that still wasn?t enough extra space, so ?it? went after his long-term memory, as well. The thing is, now he can?t remember a single thing. Nothing at all. And I?m curious just how it is that he?s supposed to remember something he can?t. Isn?t ?it? blocking itself?

I?m so confused.

I have to laugh at myself. Zechs is the really confused one, so I really have no room to complain?

Somehow, we (the doctors, myself, and anyone else willing to help) have to discover what his trigger was/is. That?s why I?m writing this journal. The doctor wants me to go back to the first time I remember him forgetting something ? his first short-term memory loss. That?s easy. It was only six months ago.

Earth, Just outside Brussels
September 17, AC198
8:53 pm

Zechs and I had only returned from Mars five months beforehand. We were working as full-time Preventers (which is still our job, though we?re on an indefinite leave) and partners. During our year and few months on Mars, we got together. Before then, things were already pretty serious between us; somehow, they became even more serious, if you get my drift. This was the night that Zechs planned to take us to the next step; the next level in our relationship.

We?d been driving on old bumpy back roads forever, or so it seemed, when Zechs finally turned into an unmarked trail. We followed it a little ways and ended up at a wide grassy plain that was being used as a parking lot. There were no lights save the flashlight of a man who stopped our little blue Jetta.

?9 credits, please,? he asked politely.

Zechs reached into his pocket, retrieved his wallet, and handed the man the money. We were allowed to pass.

?9 bucks to park here?? I asked incredulously beside him, ?It?s not even a real parking lot!?

He glanced sideward to me, a glint of amusement sparkling in his eyes. ?That?s why the best things in life are free, Lucrezia,? he made sure to catch my eye.

The corner of my mouth lifted into a small smile. He had recently taken to calling my by my first name when we were alone together at my behest. It had taken some getting used-to on his end, but he eventually became quite comfortable with it. In fact, he was so comfortable that every now and then, he would forget to call me ?Noin? in public which would cause me to turn slightly pink. The light blush on my cheeks at the moment, however, had nothing to do with him calling me by my first name.

He parked the car where the traffic attendants instructed. I couldn?t help but notice the lack of anything in the general area. I frowned and turned to Zechs as he turned off the car, ?Where are we??

The amusement was still clearly etched in his eyes as he looked at me. ?The middle of nowhere,? he answered blandly before stepping out of the Jetta.

?Ha ha,? I said following him outside the car through the passenger door. When we had first started actually dating, Zechs had tried to open the door for me. He never made it in time, though, and eventually, he gave up that crusade. I?ve never seen a reason to make him do something that I can do myself. If he can make it there before I open the door, I?ll allow him to open it for me. Otherwise, I don?t obligate him to be my servant.

Zechs locked the car with the simple press of the button in his hand and dropped the keys into his pocket. He was wearing creased khaki slacks and a light-blue, short-sleeved, button-up shirt. After the fact and looking back, Zechs was quite an anomaly to most men in his situation; he wasn?t nervous in the least, and believe me, I can tell when he?s nervous. The small object in his left pocket must have been constantly reminding him of the night?s purpose, but he wasn?t the least bit anxious. He would tell me later the reason for that: he already knew my answer, so he had nothing to be anxious about. In oh-so-many words, we had both pledged ourselves to each other. The ring in his pocket was just to make it official.

I stepped up to him from around the car. I was cald in a simple light-blue sundress. Yes, me in a dress, though considering the fact that I don't know you and vice versa, I don't know why you'd be surprised. We hadn't planned to dress alike; it just happened that way.

Looping my arm around his proffered one, I faced him as we began walking, ?Seriously, Zechs, where are we??

?You?ll see,? he answered simply. ?Better be sure to remember where we?re parked? Not a d marker in sight, either?? he said making mental notes of the area around us.

If I wasn?t so confused, I would have chuckled at his use of a curse word. He doesn?t swear often, and the words sound foreign on his lips. ?Is this an actual place?? I inquired.

?Yes, Lu.?

?We must have parked as far away as possible??

His mouth tilted upwards, ?That?s the point.?

Looking ahead, I frowned completely puzzled. Other people were gathering together obviously waiting for something, but there was nothing there.

He sighed, ?Look where those people are standing.? He pointed with his free left hand, ?A trolley will meet us there and take us to our real destination.?

I glanced to the side at him, ?What?s going on, Zechs? What are you planning? Why all the secrets??

He shrugged, ?I?m not planning anything. It?s all mapped out.?

I raised an eyebrow skeptically.

He tensed a bit obviously a little nervous at my skepticism. I know his every thought before they happen; him keeping a secret from me borders on the impossible. For times such as this one, I feel the need to apologize to him?

?It?s nothing big,? he lied ? not that I knew at the time. ?Just a little something for our first day off in three weeks.?

I bought it. It seemed a good-enough reason, and every now and then, Zechs liked to surprise me with little things. I leaned my head on his shoulder as we approached the group of waiting people. We stood toward the outer edges preferring to keep our distance and stand alone.

The majority of people seemed to be couples like us. There were a few small groups, but all in all, the group totaled around 150 people. I took this information in as I tried to piece together our whereabouts and Zechs? plans.

Like Zechs had predicted, three minutes later, a white trolley pulled up. It looked more like a train without rails. There were 8 cars strung together to the front taxi. The cars had 8 benches that could hold up to 8 people each. They were open cars save the roofs.

Since we were standing towards the outside, we sat in the back of the trolley. The driver droned on about safety in the vehicle as I said quietly to Zechs so no one could hear, ?You can really see the stars out here??

Another small curve of his lips, ?I?m glad you noticed.?

So that was why he brought me out there. Maybe, I thought. ?Full moon, tonight,? I continued.

?Yes,? he nodded.

It occurred to me that even though no one could hear our conversation, if anyone had, they would have thought it strange that we were talking about the weather. I mean, don?t you think it?s strange. Of course, there would be no way for them or you to know about my affinity for space.

?I was hoping for no cloud cover tonight,? he said.

?Well, you got your wish. Not a cloud in the sky.?

Zechs placed his arm around me pulling me closer. I realized that unlike normal, he didn?t care if people saw his display of affection.

?You seem very? relaxed,? I finally settled on as I leaned into him.

?Is that a good thing?? he questioned somewhat unsure of my observation.

I quietly chuckled, ?Yes, it?s a good thing.?

We rode in silence for the rest of the way. It was only ten minutes, but I lightly dozed on his shoulder. Preventers aren't allowed to make mistakes, you see. For that reason, Ann - she goes by her first name among friends now - has to run us nearly ragged, and we understand completely.

If Preventers should miss another uprising or fail to prevent an attack, we may very well lose our funding. Not to mention the repercussions of such an occurrence. The government doesn?t hold much faith in our abilities since we weren?t able to stop Dekim Barton?s plans from even beginning ? not that the powers that be would ever listen to the minor detail that they were already formed before Preventers was established. There are a few people who believe our worth in the ESUN such as Ms. Relena. Others feel that we should change our title to the Reactionaries to insult our mission. Some even feel that we should become the military arm of the ESUN. Considering how much that layout resembles the Alliance, you can imagine why the majority of people, including myself and Zechs ? well, Zechs used to, ? are against such a thought. Regardless, Preventers is a necessary organization. Forgive me if I seem arrogant, but the world needs us.

But I digress. My simple point is that after three weeks of solid work, I was a bit exhausted. At Zechs? near pleading tone, I went out with him that night, and I?m glad I did. However, being next to him like that only increased my feeling of sleep deprivation, and in the short ride, I fell asleep. This worried him, and he expressed his concern when we arrived at our mysterious destination.

?Lucrezia,? he said keeping his voice down so no one could eavesdrop as he unnecessarily helped me out of the trolley, ?Are you really that tired??

I gave him an apologetic smile, ?I?m sorry. I really am enjoying your company, Zechs.? My expression turned to a mischievous grin, ?But you?re so comfortable??

He was upset. It was apparent to me, but I wonder if anyone else could tell...? ?Maybe this was a bad idea?? he second guessed himself. He always second guesses himself. Even now, without his memories, he second guesses himself ? not that I blame him. He must feel completely lost.

?No, Zechs. I want to be with you right now wherever we are. Besides,? I said looping my arm though his, ?We don?t have to show up tomorrow at work until after lunch.? I stood on my toes and gave him a quick chaste kiss and was pleased to see his eyes self-consciously glance around to make sure no one was looking. Apparently, he wasn?t that relaxed.

?If you?re sure,? he began.

?I am,? I interrupted him.

He stared at me for a moment as if judging my response, and then he changed back to his semi-relaxed, semi-carefree self, ?All right, let?s go.?

He led us to the huge dark building behind us that I hadn?t even noticed. It was made out of glass; everything reflected off it. The strange thing was the lack of light emitting from it. The only sources of light were the moon and the trolley?s dim headlights. There was nothing written on the exterior, either. ? At least, nothing I could see.

I glanced at him unsurely for some sort of assurance that everything was all right. His profile was beautiful in the moonlight.

As we neared the five-story black reflective building, I noticed that most of the people we?d come with had already disappeared inside. Each group entered what I supposed were doors ? it was too dark to tell; trees surrounded us and blocked much of the moon?s beams ? separately.

?Zechs,? I said as we approached the doors in line, ?Where are we??

He sensed my nervousness and quietly spoke into my ear, ?Trust me, Noin.? It sent shivers down my spine.

He had a reason for not using my first name, then. He?d said that phrase many times to me through our time at LVA, in OZ, through the wars, and even on Mars. My response was likewise the same, ?With my life, Zechs.?

The couple in front of us disappeared through the doors, and we waited for the portal to re-open. When it did, we stepped inside. The doors closed behind us, and for a moment, we were immersed in completed darkness. Then another pair of doors split apart in front of us, and I immediately felt rather embarrassed for my nervousness.

It was breathtakingly beautiful. We were standing in what looked like a rain forest. A waterfall, exotic trees and plants, wondrous species of birds and parrots ? it was like we were in another dimension. All around us we were surrounded by the night sky which we could see plainly through the glass walls. So that was how they kept it all inside; the same glass used in interrogation rooms. No wonder no light escaped.

Zechs was plainly watching me to see my reaction; he no doubt was pleased.

We approached the check-in desk which was right in front of us. With all the decorations and trouble they?d gone through to try to make the object blend in with its surroundings, it still seemed out of place.

?Welcome to the Jardins de Nuit (Gardens of Night). Do you have a reservation?? the attendant greeted us.

?Yes,? Zechs spoke up, ?It?s under Zechs Merquise.?

The attendant seemed to realize to whom he was speaking since his eyes widened. I didn?t think anything of it; such a reaction is common among the people who recognize him. When Mars/the Terraformer Project had really started, thousands of people joined the mission. Zechs accepted then that he could no longer remain ?dead.? The world was kind and left him alone to get the same second chance they?d afforded to the rest of the soldiers of the wars. Still, these reactions happen all the time. It?s even worse if the recognize me as Preventer Fire, one of the co-founders of Preventers. I don?t enjoy the stares we receive when people realize we?re dating ? or rather used to receive. We don?t really date anymore. One, because we?re married, and two, because he doesn?t even know me.

I?m sorry; I went off on a tangent. All right, back to the story.

?Oh, Mr. Merquise!? the man stammered. He called on e of the nearby assistants and instructed the young man to take us to Zechs? reservation. ?Please, enjoy your visit,? he ushered us to follow the assistant.

We followed the young man through the ?jungle,? ?great plains,? and the ?forest.? This place was truly fascinating. I?d heard many things about it before, but nothing could have prepared me for its splendor. Zechs knew I would love it ? to be among the best of both worlds: space and the beauty of Earth.

?This is amazing,? I breathed.

Zechs merely nodded apparently not wanting to be overheard by the lad in front of us. I wish he didn?t care so much about the perceptions of others. I mean, he?s never afraid to do what?s right when no one else will?

?But why only open at night and why the elaborate measures to prevent any light from escaping??

The guide answered my question, ?Many of the animals here are nocturnal as well as some plants. They?re all on carefully crafted schedules to accommodate both their needs and the needs of our guests. We are open during the day, ma?am, but we simulate the night. As far as the elaborate measures you mentioned,? he sighed, ?It?s all about the ambiance. We cannot disturb the ambiance of the night.? It was a trained answer. Apparently, it was one of their frequently asked questions. ?Plus,? he continued, ?People like to stargaze around here. It would be unfair of us to ruin that for them.?

We arrived at two large black double doors covered in ivy. There was a sign in front that read, ?Reserved.?

?Your reservation, ma?am, sir,? he gave a curt bow, ?Please, enjoy your visit.? He left.

I turned to Zechs, ?So, what?s in there??

He stepped forward and grabbed one of the ring-shaped handles, ?Let?s find out.? He pulled the door open, and I was, again, awestruck.

When I stepped through the doorway, Zechs behind me, I was standing on an indoor porch. In the center of the room was a small chandelier; it was lit up with candles, not light bulbs. Save for the fountain (three tiers with water flowing down the top two into the bottom one) which was right under the chandelier, nothing in the room required electricity. The walls were made of criss-crossing wood; it created a pattern of never-ending x?s. They were covered in vines, mostly ivy. Through the spaces in the walls, I could see outside, but we were still enclosed in the glass exterior of the building. Directly across from us on the other side of the room was a door also covered in vines that presumably led outside. Throughout the room, along the ground, hanging from the ceiling, and growing in troths was a variety of plants and flowers.

Zechs shut the door, and gently pulled me to the other side of the room to the other doors. ?There?s more,? he said as he opened the double doors and exposed an outdoor walkway.

There were three stairs upon when you came to the last stair, you would step into a sea of jasmines. The beautiful white flowers were all in full bloom, and the scent was nearly intoxicating. The walkway was a straight path that bubbled at the end creating what you could call a cul-de-sac. The straight pathway was about three feet wide and six feet long. The bubble at the end had an approximate diameter of seven feet; all round it was a cement outer walkway. Placed upon it were benches. Beyond the benches was an approximately four-foot-high stone fence, and right outside the fence, some equally tall hedges had been planted. We were on the edge of a ravine, so the precautions, along with creating a stylized look, had an actual purpose. Again, there were different flowers and plants growing in multiple places in, on, and around the walk-around.

He took my hand in his and gently pulled me towards the jasmine walkway, but I held my ground and pulled him back to me. I didn?t have time to read the question in his eyes before stepping up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and standing on my toes to kiss him. I think I surprised him; I?d never been so bold. He leaned down thereby eliminating my need to stand on my toes and deepened the kiss, his arms finding their way around my waist.

When we broke, I rested my head on his chest quite content with just listening to him breathe.

?I thought you might like it,? he said after a few moments of silence.

?It?s not the place, Zechs; it?s you,? I told him and raised my head to meet his gaze. ?I never thought you?d be a romantic, Zechs.?

A light smile played at the corner of his mouth ? nothing that anyone else would notice, mind you. ?I?m glad I could surprise you, but I can be anything you want, Lucrezia,? he said seriously.

I kissed him for that, too. ?Zechs, I just want you.?

He gave me a small grin which made my heart skip a beat. I wonder if he ever knew the effect his facial expressions have on me??

This time, when he tugged me to explore the garden with him, I didn?t resist. The jasmines, once we stepped into them, reached about halfway up my calves. They weren?t harmed by our presence; like when stepping on grass, the flowers just popped right back up unscathed.

We came to the edge of the jasmines and stepped onto the stone balcony which overlooked the ravine at its edge. We took a seat on one of the benches, our backs to the low stone wall.

Still glancing around and taking in the scenery, I asked, ?For how long are we here??

?However long you want.?

?But Zechs ? ?

?I paid for two hours, but we can stay longer ? or shorter, if you like. It?s up to you.?

?2 hours?? I said to myself. I stood up, and well aware that Zechs was watching me, stepped back into the jasmines. Then I laid down flat on my back; the starry expanse before me was beautiful. Zechs soon joined me, and we watched the clear sky in silence.

At LVA, we used to do this all the time. There was a tree by the lake; it was ?our? tree. We would sneak out past curfew and stare at the stars together in silence. It was easier in the summer, of course. During the two months leave, there was no curfew for those of us with no family to return to. That was when our little rendezvous was started. It hadn?t been intentional; we just happened to meet there on the same night. Somehow through those silent nights, we got to know each other better and became closer. ? No, as close as we are now, or rather were. Never that close. I mean, I was in love with him for our last two years there, but we never? It wasn?t until Mars that anything really happened. I love him so much more than I did then. I know him better, too. Quite literally, I know him better than he knows himself.

I don?t know for how long we laid there in silence just enjoying each other?s proximity and the view before us, but when we finally got up, the jasmines were slow to follow. I made sure Zechs had no dirt on his back, and he did the same for me. We walked back to the wall and overlooked the ravine; it was pretty steep.

?It?s been a long time since we did that,? Zechs said breaking the silence. It?s funny how we can have such long lapses of silence between us yet feel completely at ease and comforted by each other?s presence.

?Yes, it most certainly has.?

More silence. It wasn?t uncomfortable; it was just silence.

He turned abruptly to me. ?When was the last time I danced with you,? he asked thoughtfully.

I thought about it; surely it wasn?t graduation, was it? The night Wufei attacked LVA, we were going to, but some of my students entered the bar, so we decided against it. ?I don?t know,? I answered truthfully. ?But it was a long time ago.?

He looked back to the ravine. In retrospect, I think he was debating his next move.

He stepped away from the wall, and I turned to face him. ?Well then,? he said as he bowed dramatically with his eyes glued on mine, ?May I have this dance??

I was going to say something about the lack of music, but I realized that somewhere, soft strains were playing and had been playing the entire time. ?But of course,? I answered playing along with him as I gave him my hand which he kissed, eyes still not leaving mine. I don?t know if I blushed at his gesture, but I certainly tried not to.

We were again in the small sea of jasmines as we started a slow waltz. With his hand on my waist and my hand on his shoulder, we weren?t close together for a dance; we knew that as it went along, we would inevitably be drawn to one another.

I barely heard the music as I fell into his eyes. I was trying to read him. He wasn?t nervous, but he wasn?t confident. Somehow, he was in between, and for the life of me, I couldn?t figure out why. Had it been so long that he couldn?t remember a simple waltz? Surely he would know that I didn?t care about such things. Then, he started to speak, and for reasons I still don?t understand, I didn?t respond to anything he said as if somehow I partially knew what was coming. I assure you I didn?t.

?Lucrezia, I?ve been in love with you for six years, but you?ve been my anchor for much longer than that. Through every horrible thing I?ve done, you?ve been there with me. For every time I needed you, you lent me your strength whether you were there or not. You freely offer forgiveness for my ever stupid decisions. I even tried to kill you, and here you are in my arms.? At this point, he was drawing me closer. Out of nervousness or habit, I don?t know. ?You?ve never abandoned me, and I don?t know why I deserve such loyalty, devotion, and love. I can only love you more and hope that in some ways, I?ve been as important in your life as you?ve been in mine. And I can only tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you because I cannot imagine living without you. I love you, Lucrezia, and I not only want you, but I need you.? We weren?t dancing anymore; we were nearly standing atop each other, we were so close. ?Lucrezia Noin, will you marry me?? he murmured on my lips.

To tell you the truth, I don?t know how I knew the right answer as I didn?t fully understand what he had just said. My eyes at half mast, I nodded slightly so as not to disturb our proximity. ?Yes, Zechs,? I said softly, and the rest of my response was cut off by him closing the distance between us.

Somehow through the haze of our passion, he slipped the ring on my finger at which point I abruptly broke our kiss to look. It wasn?t anything big; just a small gold band with a small diamond inset ? conservative like me. I hadn?t expected a ring, and, I finally understood that this had all been planned. Knowing him, he probably saw the tears in my eyes that I refused to let fall before he felt them on his own face as I?d kissed him again and could no longer hold them back.

When our kiss finally ended, I buried my face in his neck and clung to him tightly. I wasn?t crying anymore, and all I wanted was to be closer to him as I caught my breath.

?I thought you said this wasn?t anything big?? I asked, my voice slightly muffled by his shirt as he continued to hold me close.

?It isn?t. This is just making it official.?

I smiled against him, ?So that?s why you weren?t nervous.?

?So you did notice.?

?Of course,? I quietly chuckled. ?You?ve been unusually giddy tonight.

He planted a kiss on my head. ?I can?t help it. I?m the happiest man in the world right now.?

I didn?t say anything to that; I couldn?t. He carries so much guilt, and I was overjoyed to hear him describe himself in such a blissful state. Usually, the case is 180 degrees the other way around.

We stayed a while longer, but I shan?t tell you what happened. Mostly to save time, but also because I want some things to stay between Zechs and I should he ever remember. I?ve told you plenty as it is. I?m still not quite certain as to why I?m being so open with you, anyway.

Upon exiting the magnificent gardens, we took the trolley back to the parking lot. It was late ? somewhere around midnight. When we stepped off the trolley, Zechs frowned.

?Hey, Lu? Where did we park again??

?Are you serious? You made a big deal out of being sure to remember where we parked,? I said as I began to lead the way.

?I did??

Now I was frowning, ?Yes. You really don?t remember??

?I don?t even remember this place,? he said looking around obviously trying to jog his memory.

I cocked my head slightly to the side, ?You don?t remember pulling in here and paying 9 credits ??

?9! I paid to park here! It?s not even a real parking lot!? he scanned the area for any sign of a well-kept parking space.

I stopped thereby making him stop with me. I made no attempt to disguise the worry in my features as I reached up to his forehead and checked him for a fever. ?Zechs, you?re scaring me. Are you feeling all right?? His temperature felt normal.

?What?? he asked confusedly.

I continued to stare at him, ?It?s just that? I made the same comment about paying to park here and you? well, you flirted back at me.?

He raised an eyebrow, ?Did I really??

?Zechs! Are you saying you don?t remember that at all??

He thought about it, and then shook his head slowly, ?I?m sorry, Lu. I don?t.?

I was completely baffled and alarmed. ?H-how??? I began, but quickly silenced myself. He was trying his hardest to remember as I puzzled over how he?d forgotten something that had only occurred a few hours beforehand.

?What do you remember?? I asked almost timidly.

?I remember,? he said with a soft smile on his face, ?That you just agreed to marry me.?

?And?? I pressed, ?Before that??

?Dinner with you,? he answered automatically.

?Do you remember driving here??

He thought for a moment, ?I? yes? vaguely. Wait.? He turned to me with a somewhat pleased look on his face, ?The best things in life are free.?

I blinked, ?Huh??

?That?s what I told you. I remember now. We?re parked over there,? he said pointing and began to walk towards the car.

?Zechs, Zechs, wait,? I said grabbing his arm and forcing him to halt once again. He turned to face me, and I asked, ?Are you sure you?re all right? What was that??

?I don?t know, but I feel fine. Maybe I?m more exhausted than I thought. I tend to forget things when I?m tired; that?s probably it,? he rationalized.

?Probably,? I said skeptically. ?Listen, Zechs, maybe I should drive.?

He shook his head and kissed my forehead. ?I appreciate your concern, but I?m fine, really. It was just a one-time thing.? He took my hand in his and led us towards the Jetta.

?You?re sure?? I inquired still not convinced. ?Really, Zechs, I don?t mind driving or even taking you to the doctor.?

?I?m okay, Noin. I promise.? He pulled the keys out of his pocket and unlocked the car. He opened the passenger door for me, and I stood ready to climb in yet waiting for more assurance before doing so. ?I?ll go to sleep as soon as I get home. Will that make you happy??

I watched his eyes; he was confident that everything was all right. I decided to trust him as I have all my life and nodded in consent before sitting in the car and having the door shut behind me.

I was still uneasy when he started the car, and placing my hand on his arm, I pleaded, ?You?re sure this is just a one-time thing??

His eyes met mine, and this time, he comprehended my worry. He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss, his hand on my face. ?I?m positive,? he said before backing out and pulling onto the road.

I only wish his response had been true. It wasn?t a lie; he really thought nothing of it. Over the next six months, I would learn that in fact, it wasn?t just a one-time thing as we?d both hoped. He would completely forget some things only to remember them a few moments later. The only doctor he would see was Sally who doesn?t really know anything concerning the brain or nervous system. But over all, it was just a slight nuisance, one that we figured we could get by with and that maybe would eventually disappear. Little did we know that it was just the beginning. The real trouble began on our wedding day ? the day when he began to completely forget everything.

-------------------------

Jackie?s Note: Sorry for the overwhelming sap; I promise the angst is coming soon. One of the reasons I decided to have Noin narrate was to add a touch of angst in these first chapters. Sorry to say, but chapter two won?t be too angsty, either; it will really pick up in chapter three. Actually, with a little tweaking, this chapter could stand alone as its own story.

Now here?s some irony for you: I mentioned at the beginning that this was inspired by a song. Well, it just so happens that another person is writing a ?Zechs has amnesia? fic, and I really like it. It?s called "Vanishing Point" by Faraway Dawn -- Excellent story and a real inspiration. I hope there's a new chapter soon. If you haven?t done so, check it out! Hopefully mine will be somewhat comparable in over all ?goodness.?

Next chapter ? Zechs and Noin get married!

[Jackie]

Trigger
By: Jackie


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. Sad, but true.

Jackie's Note: Dear fuzzy! This has got to be the HARDEST chapter I've ever written! Nothing but fluff... To all those who are pure fluff writers, I admire you. T-T

Okay, so it's their wedding day! Yea! - Or boo. It's oozing sap all over again... And before anyone jumps on me about Heero's role here, check out my profile page; I explain it there. I promise that after this chapter, the angst is coming! I've just got to have all this prelim stuff... I actually thought about taking this chapter out. For all the trouble it gave me, I didn't see its purpose justified too well in the grand scheme of things. Nonetheless, it is needed! So here it is!

Warning: My warning from the last chapter still stands. It's a slight lime at the end of this chapter. I mean, it is their wedding night... Don't worry, though. Noin isn't THAT open with you. As she said before, some things have to stay between her and Zechs.


Trigger: Chapter 2


I guess I?ll skip to our wedding; nothing really important happened between our engagement and the big day. I mean, he continued to forget random things and then abruptly remember them, but that was it. He never completely forgot anything.

We were married at an old church in Cinq. Zechs picked it; it was the place where the funeral for his family?s ?tragic? and ?unavoidable? death took place. He said it was rather stupid of him, but he attended his own funeral; it?s like something out of Tom Sawyer. Not only that, but such an occurrence has happened twice. Oh, he didn?t attend his second funeral; contrary to many rumors out there, I never saw Zechs after he ?died? before that day I picked him up in space. But he has been classified dead twice, and if you count now as a form of death, you could say three times. But my husband is resilient. He?ll be back. I know it.

Earth, 1st Church of Cinq
March 12, AC 199
6:38pm

It was only six months before proposal and marriage; we?d have done it sooner, but our friends from Mars needed some time to arrange arriving here. Since Zechs decided the place, I decided the time, though Zechs suggested it. I?ve always thought it romantic to dance under the stars, and while I always imagined my wedding would be a daytime event, it turned out to be an evening affair. It was absolutely perfect.

At this particular time, I was sitting in my dressing room alone. Relena, Sally, and Anne had left to finish getting themselves ready and to allow me some quiet time for contemplation. I hadn?t seen Zechs since the night before at the rehearsal dinner as the tradition goes, but at this point in time, I really didn?t care about tradition. I wanted to see him and was eagerly counting down the minutes to 7:00. I wasn?t nervous, just ready. I was ready to see him, ready to be married to him, ready to dance with him, ready to celebrate with him, ready for that night with him? Ahh, yes. Even though I was alone, I blushed at that last thought.

As if on cue, my cell phone rang. I don?t even know why I had it, let alone the fact that it was turned on. I glanced at the name, though I knew it was him before I looked, and I had to smile.

?Hey,? was his simple greeting. I was so happy to hear his voice.

?Hey,? I replied.

?What are you doing??

?I don?t know, Zechs. Getting prepared to walk down the isle? What are you doing? You?re kind of breaking the rules, aren?t you??

He sighed in annoyance on the other end, ?Screw the d--- rules, Lu. I need to hear your voice.?

I blinked at his forwardness. When ever he speaks about his feelings, he?s always forward, but he rarely ever curses, and I never thought? ?Are you nervous, Zechs??

He sighed again, but this time in resignation, ?No, not in the least. I mean, I?m not exactly looking forward to pouring my heart out to you and kissing you in front of all those people, but I?m not nervous.?

I had to laugh at that. Zechs is a very closed, private person, Believe me, for that very reason, I offered to just take a trip to the nearest courthouse. It didn?t really matter to me so long as we were married.

?But seriously, Lucrezia, this is a big step.?

?I know, Zechs.?

?The last time I was here, it was the closing of one chapter of my life and the opening of a new chapter. I?m now ending that chapter and beginning a new one with you. The biggest, most important chapter, Lu.?

I didn?t understand where he was going with this, ? a very strange feeling, indeed ? so I asked him, ?What?s wrong, Zechs??

?Nothing, it?s just?? There was silence on his end as he gathered himself. ?I-I know you probably get tired of me asking, but? Are you sure, Lu? Are you really sure??

I was silent a moment as I thought about this. I do grow tired of his constant insecurity; I often wondered why I kissed him or told him I loved him if he wasn?t going to believe me. I, of course, knew it was more complicated than that, and his question wasn?t something I wanted to dismiss. It was a very good and serious question ? one that deserved an honest answer for both him and me.

?Yes, Zechs, I?m sure,? I answered finally. ?There?s no one else, Zechs. There never has been and there never will be. I told you I would stay by your side forever, and I intend to keep that promise, Zechs. I want to keep that promise.?

?But Lu-?

?Zechs, do you still not understand how deeply in love with you I really am? How can you doubt that??

?I don?t doubt your feelings for me, Lu. I never have. I?m a dangerous person, Lucrezia. I can?t promise you that I won?t end up hurting you some day. ? Never purposely,? he added unnecessarily. ?But how can you ???

?Because I love you, Zechs. That?s all I need. Love is a risk, Zechs. It doesn?t matter whom I love; it will always be a risk. But I?m willing to take that risk with you and only you because I know you, I love you, and above all, I trust you. I whole-heartedly trust you, Zechs, with my life and my heart, and that trust has never been misplaced. Even in the war, Zechs, I trusted you and had faith in you that you would do the right thing, and you did. You always do the right thing, Zechs. Sometimes it?s delayed or misunderstood, but it?s always the right thing. Please, Zechs, let go of the past and take root in our future. I want to be with you. I want to grow old with you. I want my very existence to be tied to yours. It already is that way, but please, Zechs! Please stop doubting yourself!?

He was silent for a few moments as he processed what I?d just said.

?Zechs?? was he still on the line?

?I?m glad I called you,? I could hear the smile in his voice.

My mouth curved upwards, ?I am too. Even though you have officially broken tradition and no doubt doomed our marriage to certain bad luck,? I joked trying to somewhat lighten the mood.

He chuckled on the other end, ?Lu, I have to go.?

?Okay. I?ll see you in,? I checked the time, ?17 minutes.?

?I love you.?

?I love you, too.?

?And Lucrezia??

?Yes??

?I owe you a kiss,? and he hung up.

Just as I put my cell away, there came a knock at the door. I said to enter, and in walked Relena fully dressed with a bouquet in her hands.

?This is yours,? she said handing me the flowers. ?My brother said he tweaked it. I don?t know what that means.?

I did. The bouquet was an arrangement of a variety of white flowers. He?d had a specific flower added ? jasmine. I smiled at the thought of that evening, ?Regardless of his tough exterior, your brother can be exceptionally sweet at times? ?I stood up, ?I suppose we should head downstairs??

She nodded, ?You look wonderful, Miss Noin.?

?Thank you, Miss Relena. You look very nice yourself.?

?We?re both going to have to change our names for each other,? she grinned.

?Yes, I suppose we will,? I said with a small smile of my own as we both headed out the door.

?Have you thought about which name you?ll go by??

?I can still go by Noin. It will still be my middle name, so it doesn?t really matter. I imagine later on that I?ll be open to going by my first name.?

?That sounds like a plane,? she said cheerily. Then she added, ?I?m glad we?re going to be sisters-in-law.?

I glanced at the younger girl beside me. I?d first met her and guarded her because of Zechs? request. However, I came to care about her and wanted to protect her; I even partially subscribed to her ideals. I already thought of her as a sister. ?Me too,? I answered.

We arrived downstairs in the lobby just outside the auditorium. The bridesmaids were Relena and Anne, and Sally was the Maid of Honor. The groom's men were Duo and Trowa (which, I thought Duo a strange choice, but apparently Zechs finds him quite entertaining...)and Heero as the best man. I also thought Heero a somewhat strange choice, but I understand his decision. Even though they were enemies, out of everyone Zechs knows, he's closest to Heero. Perhaps it's Relena who brings them together or their similar personalities.One thing is for certain: they have always respected each other even when on opposite sides of the battlefield.

The music started and thus began the wedding. I received a few last well wishes before being left by myself. Having no living father figure in my life, there was no one to give me away, so I walked down the aisle alone. Zechs stood at the end in a white tux.

?Lucrezia,? Zechs whispered to me when I reached him, ?Did I miss the rehearsal dinner?

I sighed. Another thing forgotten. He really needed to see a doctor. ?No, Zechs. I think you probably just forgot it.?

He nodded. The ceremony went without a hitch. We said our vows and exchanged rings. When the priest told Zechs that he could kiss me, I saw the hesitation in his eyes, but he ignored his inhibitions and gave me a quick, chaste kiss. When I looked into his eyes, I could tell he wanted more.

?I now present to you Milliardo and Lucrezia Peacecraft,? the priest announced.

I grinned at Zechs as we turned around and our friends began to cheer.

He leaned towards me and whispered in my ear, ?Follow me,? then led us up the aisle and out of the auditorium. We took a left turn, followed that hall, and took another left turn.

I frowned, ?Zechs, where are we going??

He reached out and opened one of the doors to our right. ?In here,? he said as he pulled me into the small classroom and turned the lights on closing the door after me.

His hand still clutching mine, he pulled me to him, ?Remember our conversation on the phone??

It clicked, and I laughed, ?Are you going to pay your debt, Mr. Merquise??

He nodded and our lips met in the kiss he?d wanted to give me at the altar.

Soon enough, we followed everyone over to our reception and ignored the ?Where did you two disappear to?? glances we received.

?I can?t believe we talked each other into this,? I said quietly to my husband as we looked over the crowd of people gathered at our reception.

He softly chuckled and squeezed my hand. Relena caught his eye across the room, and he said, ?I think they want us to open the dance floor.?

?That I don?t mind doing,? I said as we made our way to the center of the room. Above us was a giant sunroof through which we could see the night sky.

As we started to sway in time to the music, Zechs said, ?So, Mrs. Merquise ? or is it Peacecraft? Which do you prefer??

I gave a small laugh, ?You know I don?t care, Zechs.?

?Merquise it is, then,? he announced quietly.

?It was Peacecraft at the wedding,? I pointed out.

He shrugged, ?We can change the paperwork later. ? Or Peacecraft could be our official last name,? he suggested.

?Great,? I laughed, ?Now I?ve got two names!?

?You don?t mind, do you? I?d rather not permanently retire the name my parents gave me,?

?No, Zechs, I don?t mind. ? What was it you were saying??

?I was going to ask,? he started before he spun me out. He pulled me back to him; we were much closer than before, ?If you were enjoying yourself.?

?Immensely,? I replied with a grin. Then I decided to see if I could elicit even a slight blush from him. ?Although,? I continued, ?I imagine that I?ll enjoy myself a great deal more later on tonight??

No blush ? not even slight discomfort. ?I imagine so,? he said with a grin of his own.

When it came to abstinence, it wasn?t something that we?d purposely decided upon. I think it was more a byproduct of a disciplined life in the military and our own noble backgrounds, as short as they were. It wasn?t something we?d ever really talked about; it just was. For some reason, we both always stopped before it went too far. I don?t think I would have really minded if it did happen before we were married. He?s my first and only; marriage doesn?t change that. The best part about it was the extra? celebration we got to have on our wedding night as compared to other couples.

?I?m glad our cruise doesn?t leave until tomorrow at three,? he said into my ear.

?Yes, Zechs, but the plane to get to the cruise leaves at 12:30,? I reminded him. We?d still get to ?sleep? in, just not that much.

?Does our room have sound-proof walls?? he contemplated semi-seriously.

Funny how this conversation backfired on me. I blushed at his comment, and furiously at that. ?Zechs!? I chided him as I tried to hide my reddened cheeks.

He laughed. It was a magical sound, and everyone heard. I?ve only heard him laugh a few times. Usually, he just chuckles. Zechs isn?t a very happy person, but I?m not complaining. I love my proud and doleful prince, but oh how I wish I could hear him laugh again. He?s so lost and sad ? more so than usual, I mean. And I can?t help him. Normally, I can ease some of his pain when he gets lost in those contemplative moods of his, but he doesn?t even know me. You have no idea how much it pains me to see fear in his eyes. His eyes. Zechs Merquise, the Lightning Count, the man who fears nothing.

I want to hear him laugh? To know that he?s happy and confident. ? At least happy for him.

Sigh. I?m sorry. I went off again. Where was I? Oh, yes?

After the dance, we mingled, separately and together, with our many friends. Zechs was happily surprised to find out just how many people we?d become close to in such a short time. There was easily 150 people there. Many of them were from Mars and Preventers. A few were some old wartime buddies.

I watched him. To be honest, I had a hard time taking my eyes off him. He was extremely lighthearted and even went around with a slight smile on his face. Occasionally, he would look up, our eyes would meet, and he would tell me something. No, not by mouthing words at me; it was just something in his eyes or demeanor. Maybe his stance. I know him so well? I can?t explain it to you; I can?t even explain to you what it is he tells me ? or how. Sometimes, it?s a feeling, other times, a simple greeting. Many times, it?s just something, and somehow, we both understand it. What I find amazing is that even in his state such as it is, we still understand each other. Somehow, our connection has not been broken, and I wonder if he knows I love him.

We were having such a ?conversation? when Sally interrupted my train of thought.

?Hey,? she waved a hand in my face. ?You?re drooling again,? she grinned.

I smiled at my friend and turned my gaze back to Zechs who had also been pulled back into his conversation. ?I can?t help it. He?s so happy.?

?Yes, well, I can?t blame him. But you two are going off on your romantic little honeymoon for two weeks, and then you have the rest of your lives together. So how about paying a bit more attention to us for a little while? We love you too, ya? know.?

?I?m sorry, Sally. I am happy that you?re here ? all of you,? I said noticing the small group of bridesmaids around me.

?So when do I get to become an aunt?? Relena asked with a mischievous grin.

That girl? I blushed again as my friends laughed. ?Relena!? I said having no trouble adjusting to the lack of a ?Miss? in front of her name. ?You and your brother?? I mumbled to myself, apparently too loud as that sent another wave of laughter through the girls. ?You know,? I said pointing my finger accusingly at her, ?I could ask you the same question!?

Revenge is so sweet. Perhaps such a little taste is what addicted Zechs for so many years??

Her mouth was set in a gaping ?o? as she thoroughly turned pink. I?m sure all of our giggling attracted some stares.

?We?re not even engaged yet!? she said in a fierce whisper.

?Yet?? Anne said in mock alarm. There was another round of laughter as Relena hid her face in her hand.

?My brother would not appreciate this conversation?? Relena lamented.

?No, he wouldn?t,? I laughed. I chanced a glance to see what he was doing. I was surprised to find him on his way towards me. He motioned towards the table and the cake; it was time for the best man makehis toast and for Zechs and me to cut the cake.

I bid everyone a ?Be right back,? and headed towards the table, Zechs, and Heero. The floating waiters and waitresses made sure everyone had a glass of champaign before Heero took the lead and spoke. For such a stoic young man, he did quite well.

?May I have your attention please,? Heero called. Silence fell immediately. ?I?m not very good with words as most of you know or have noticed. I still find it a bit awkward to be here as the best man for the man who was once my arch enemy and rival, but I am honored nonetheless. Zechs and I always have respected each other as enemies, equals, and now, I suppose, friends.

?I don?t know Zechs or Noin very well, but then again, I do. Like so many relationships many of us forged through the wars and separate battles, you often find yourself stranded between an estranged friendship and a near familial bond. I fit in somewhere along those lines with these two. Mostly, I?ve gotten to know them through casual observance, and I?ve learned a lot from their hard work and dedication to that work as well as each other. I think we can all learn a lot from both of them; their loyalty and devotion to each other is nothing short of astounding. Even during the war, they managed to remain true to themselves as well as each other. Come what may, happy times and sad times, these two will find a way to make it work.

?To Zechs and Noin,? he said raising his glass, ?May their love and devotion to one another carry them through a mostly happy life together.?

Glasses clinked together and Zechs turned to Heero.

?Mostly happy?? he asked with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

?You?re still my rival,? Heero responded monotonously as he took a sip of the lightly colored liquid in his glass. It was Heero?s way of telling a joke.

Zechs chuckled. He knew Heero was simply being a realist with his ?mostly happy? phrase. Our life will not be a fairy tale, if what we?re going through right now doesn?t prove it.

?Isn?t Sally going to make a toast?? Zechs asked me.

?She did hers last night at the rehearsal dinner.?

?Oh??

?Still don?t remember??

?No, I don?t.?

?Zechs-?

?I?m fine.?

?You need to see a doctor, Zechs.?

He shook his head and gave me a gentle look that said drop it.

After the commotion from the toast was finished, Zechs and I cut the cake. Now Zechs was nice when he fed me, but I? I couldn?t help it. It was such a golden opportunity. I couldn?t pass it up.

I smeared the cake all over his mouth as the whole room erupted into laughter. He stared at me, shock evident all over his features as I continued to giggle helplessly at my little prank. Then I saw it ? the gleam in his eyes.

?No, Zechs! No!? I said between my giggles, but it was too late.

He grabbed me at the waist to ensure my inability to escape, and then he rubbed his cake-covered mouth all over my face. The laughter was renewed as Zechs pulled back with a grin to see his handy work. I laughed with him as the pictures were taken to preserve the moment forever.

The rest of the reception went well, though neither Zechs nor Heero were particularly thrilled when Relena caught the bouquet. A blushing Quatre caught the garter on accident; it literally landed in his hands.

When the party had come to a close, everyone lined up with little sacks of rice outside in pathway that led to the black sedan that would take us to our hotel. We were waiting just inside the doors to see if everything was packed up before leaving.

?You know,? Zechs said taking me into his arms (there was no one around), ?I still owe you that kiss.?

I frowned, ?What kiss??

?The one I promised you on the phone.?

?I thought that was why you pulled me into that classroom??

He knit his brows together, ?Classroom?? When did that happen??

I sighed, ?Not again, Zechs.?

He smiled apologetically, ?Sorry. I?ll remember in a minute. ? But I?m still going to kiss you.? He leaned forward.

I placed my hand on his chest pushing him back wanting to know something else first, ?Did you ever remember the rehearsal dinner??

?No, but I haven?t thought about it. I?m sure I?ll remember if I think about it.?

?Zechs? I think we?re going to the doctor when we get back??

A slight frown crossed his features. ?All right,? he finally relented. He placed a finger under my chin, ?Anything for you?? He leaned down to kiss me.

?Mr. Peacecraft,? called the orchestrator of our event.

I sighed as I bowed my head, and Zechs turned out of our embrace to face the man. They were talking about tying up the loose ends when I heard something through the door. It was the boys.

?Man, what?s taking so long?? Duo complained.

?They have to make sure everything?s ready. We?ve only been out here for five minutes, anyway. ? And that includes getting our rice bags.?

?Oy Wufei! You?re supposed to open it,? Duo instructed.

I imagine that Wufei must have frowned, ?It?s a rice ball. It stays together.? Apparently, Wufei had yet to open his sack of rice.

?But if you throw it at them like that, it?ll probably?? Duo trailed off. ?Hey! That?s awesome! Tie your bags back up, guys!?

?Why?? Quatre asked.

I could hear the mischievous grin on that boy?s face, ?One last shot at Zechs. For old time?s sake.?

?I?m in,? I heard Heero say.

?Me too.?

?Trowa! Guys, the war ended four years ago! Can?t we let these rivalries go?? Quatre pleaded.

?Come on, Q-man! Even Trowa?s doing it. And remember, don?t hit Noin.?

?Oh no?? I thought as Zechs came beside me and took my hand in his.

?Everything?s in order,? he told me.

?Our friends are waiting out there. You ready?? I thought about warning him of the plot that had just been hatched against him, but decided against it. There was nothing harmful about a playful rivalry, and I wasn?t going to spoil the boys? fun nor deprive Zechs of a revenge to come. Paperwork does indeed get boring at Preventers, and their pranks to each other give everyone a well-deserved break as well as serve for excellent entertainment. ? Especially if Anne has to come down and sort it all out.

He nodded, ?Let?s go.?

We burst through the doors and ran for the sedan. There was a cheer as a cloud of rice greeted us. When we reached the car, and Zechs hadn?t complained of any rice balls hitting him, I thought that maybe they?d called it off. I turned to wave everyone goodbye, Zechs? back still turned to the small crowd, when I saw them. All five of them ? yes, even Quatre ? were lined up. They pulled their arms back and let the sacks fly. I ducked into the car just as the balls pelted Zechs and exploded into little fragments, the sacks the rice had been held in giving way to physics.

Zechs whirled around to find the boys smirking and grinning at him. He made a move to advance toward them, but I wouldn?t have it. I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the car with me. He landed with his head in my lap and legs still hanging out the car.

?Zechs, your revenge is going to have to wait. You?re mine right now,? I said looking down at him.

He chuckled, ?Not just now ? forever. ? He cupped my face with his hand and started to pull me down to him.

?Zechs, the door is still open,? I motioned to his legs and the crowd of our friends who were watching out actions.

He pulled his legs inside, and the door was shut behind them. This time, I leaned down to kiss him.

When we arrived at the hotel, we found that much of our belongings had already been taken to our room. The man at the check-in desk gave Zechs the key; I went inside a different way in an attempt to avoid stares and perfectly logical assumptions about Zechs? and my stay. I was standing outside the door when Zechs arrived.

?Well, it looks like I was right. It does have sound-proof walls,? he said with a wicked grin.

I blinked and blushed. I must have blushed more that day than I have in all the other days of my life put together. ?You asked??

He nodded, ?He asked why I wanted to know; I just said curiosity.?

?He didn?t notice your tux??

?I said I just came from a wedding. I didn?t tell him I was the groom.?

I laughed lightly.

?And now, Mrs. Merquise,? he said as he placed the key in the lock, ?It?s time to explore our accommodations for the night.?

I raised an eyebrow, ?Aren?t you going to carry me??

He turned to me surprised, ?Are you going to allow me?

I wrapped my arms around his neck, ?I suppose I will just this once.?

He lifted me into his arms and nudged the door open with his foot. He frowned and looked at me, ?I owe you a kiss, don?t I??

I held back a sigh; I wasn?t going to bring it up. We could discuss it in the morning.

I leaned my forehead against his with a grin, ?You most certainly do, Zechs Merquise.?

He grinned back and carried me through the door, allowing it to shut behind him.

And outside the door is where you shall stay. Not to be rude, but what happened between Zechs and I that night is none of your business. I have no desire to share such intimate details with you, and you really shouldn?t be interested. As I stated before, certain things will stay between Zechs and I. This, unequivocally, is one of those things.

[Jackie]

Trigger
By: Jackie


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. Sad, but true.

Jackie's Note: Okay, so this beginning scene is one of the reasons I wrote this fic in the first place. I just had an idea of, "Wouldn't it be funny if..." This story gave me a reason to write it, though. Anyway, we're finally to the angsty part! There's still some sap and even some humor, but we're finally here! Yea! We also finally catch up to the present!

Warning: Slight implied lime after the fact at the very beginning. More over, I suppose I should be warning you about undescribed nudity... O.o Don't worry. I don't describe a single thing! Promise!


Trigger: Chapter 3


Earth, Our hotel room
March 13, AC199
9ish am

I'd probably been asleep for about two hours when Zechs shifted again waking me. Light filtered across the top of the window onto my face, and I lightly groaned as I snuggled closer to him in an attempt to get more comfortable and hide myself from the offensive rays. "Not again, Zechs," I mumbled softly, "Just go back to sleep."

I don't need to explain that to you.

He pulled me closer relaxing for a moment, and then his whole body tensed. He jumped out of his skin.

Confused, I looked up to his face and bulging eyes, "Zechs, wha-"

"The h---!" his mouth gaped as he started scrambling backwards away from me towards the edge of the bed. I saw it before it happened. He fell off the bed with a cry of surprise and landed on the floor beyond my vision with a thud.

"Zechs, what are you -?"

His hand popped up and started to tug at the sheet; I let him have it, helping him untangle it from the comforter which was still covering me. His hand vanished with the sheet.

Now wide awake, I sat up just as Zechs stood up. Wadded into a ball covering the essentials was the sheet. Our eyes met, and again, his widened right before he squeezed them shut and brought one hand to cover them. "Noin!"

It occurred to me that I was just as naked as he was. I quickly brought the blanket sitting atop me to my chest. I knew it was dark the night before, but this was ridiculous... "What is wrong with you?" I demanded.

He ignored me as he met my gaze, "Noin, what did we do last night?"

I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips. "Each other," I stated rather crudely.

He gaped as his face flushed. "But-ah... We're... not even married!" he stammered.

It was my turn to gape at him. Forget little things here and there, sure, but our wedding which only took place a few hours beforehand? That was it. "What the h--- are you talking about?" I yelled at him. He was taken aback at my tone, but I didn't care. "We were married last night!"

He stared at me. I swear, I could see the wheels turning in his head. He gave me a "You've got to be joking," look.

"Look!" I said as I held up my left hand showing him the ring on my finger. "Look at your own hand!"

He lifted his left hand to his face and stared at the simple gold band in muted calm horror. Then his gaze traveled to our clothes strewn haphazardly across the floor. His eyes flickered back to mine. "Was I drunk?" he asked seriously.

I couldn't believe he asked that, and my expression showed it.

"That's not what I meant," he said quickly at my reaction.

"Oh? What did you mean?"

"I don't remember, Noin. I don't remember any of it."

I sighed and shook my head, eyes trained down, "This is... great. Just. Great."

"Lu-"

"We finally get married, and you don't remember any of it. Talk about fear of commitment..."

"Noin, it's fine. I..." he glanced back at our mess of clothes scattered across the floor, "Ahem. I'm going to take a shower, and by the time I'm finished, I'll remember it all just like every other time." He looked around searching for something. Just as he opened his mouth to ask, I answered him.

"Suitcase is in the closet. Zechs, we're going to the doctor."

He was backing towards the closet (he refused to turn around due to the lack of covering on his backside) when he shook his head violently. "I'm fine, Lucrezia. Besides, if we got married last night, shouldn't we be on our honeymoon?"

My hand was already on the phone. "It's cancelled. I'll see if we can get a rain check."

"That's not necessary. I'm fine."

"Just get in the shower, Zechs."

"I'm not going to the doctor."

"G--d---it, Zechs! For the last six months, you go around forgetting things entirely only to remember them a few moments later! Last night, you never remembered the rehearsal dinner or our rendezvous in that classroom!"

"Rehearsal dinner...?"

"See! I don't care if I have to sedate you and drag you all the way down to the d--- hospital, but we're going to see a doctor to find out what the h--- is wrong with you!"

"Lucrezia, I-"

"Just get dressed, Zechs!"

"I was going to say I'm sorry."

I sighed, "Don't apologize, Zechs. It's not your fault. Just hurry up and get dressed so we can get this over with. Maybe we won't have to cancel the cruise," I offered with a weak smile. I, of course, knew that such a statement was hopelessly optimistic; he did, too.

Fifteen minutes later, Zechs exited the bathroom dressed and ready to go to the doctor. We switched places, and in another ten minutes, I was ready to leave, as well. I found him sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the ring on his left hand.

"You know," he said to me without looking up, "I don't even remember getting engaged now that I think about it..."

I should have been surprised. I really should have been; never had he forgotten something so far in the past. I don't know if I was expecting it or if I was simply back in one of those "soldier modes" where nothing could affect me. All I did was, arms crossed over my chest, nod in response to his revelation when he glanced to me to see my reaction.

"Let's go," I said grabbing the keys and heading for the door. While he was getting dressed, I hadset up an appointment for him with a neurologist at the local hospital.

Suddenly, his hand was on my arm, and he turned me to face him. "Noin, I still don't remember getting married to you. What if I never do?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

He brought his other hand up to grasp my other arm as he stared at me hard, "You're going to stay with me, Noin?"

A small smile, "Of course, Zechs. I'll never leave you; you know that."

He stared at me a few moments more.

"Thank you," he said finally as he released me.

"No need to thank me, Zechs," I said as I reached for the door.

He surprised me by grabbing me again kissing me.

When we arrived at the hospital, Dr. Tulben led us directly into his office.

"So, Mr. and Mrs. Peacecraft, what exactly is the problem?" he asked from behind his desk with a notepad in front of him ready to take notes.

"I'm forgetting things," Zechs answered simply.

Dr. Tulben simply raised his eyes to Zechs, "What kinds of things?"

"Everything. I don't even remember getting married last night."

This time, he raised his eyebrows in surprise. He turned to me, "How long has this been going on?"

"Six months," I answered immediately.

He frowned in alarm, "And you're just now coming in?"

I sighed, "He refused to see a doctor until now. And before yesterday, he would remember whatever it was he forgot in only a few minutes."

"I see," he said writing on his pad. "Did you hit your head, Mr. Peacecraft?"

Zechs turned to me, the question in his eyes.

"No," I answered for him.

"Have you ever had a traumatic experience?" he continued as he wrote on his pad.

Zechs and I simply stared at the man. Everyone knows who Milliardo Peacecraft is and a decent portion of his past.

"Ahh..." he said with a slight grin on his face as he looked up at our silence, "I suppose that was a stupid question. Sorry. Just following the general template. These are the same questions I ask of all my patients. Is there a history of mental illness in your family? Like dementia or Alzheimer?s?"

"No," we answered together.

He nodded and wrote that on the pad. He turned to Zechs, "Tell me, when you realize that you've forgotten something, what does it feel like?"

Zechs frowned, "Confusing?"

Dr. Tulben laughed, "That's not what I meant. I probably should have phrased that better. What does it physically feel like? Can you remember certain parts, is it all fuzzy or blank...?"

Zechs nodded, "It's fuzzy like I can't get past a big, white cloud, and then it all goes blank."

Dr. Tulben continued writing on his pad, "And when you remember the things you've forgotten, what's that like?"

"The cloud in the way dissipates."

"Is there any pain involved?"

"No, but I have had a few bad headaches lately.- I think," he glanced at me.

I nodded, "Yes."

Dr. Tulben finished writing on his pad and then glanced at the notes he'd taken. He placed a hand thoughtfully on his chin as he contemplated some things in his head. He stood up.

"We'll run a few tests, I think. We'll see how the activity in your brain maps out and go from there. I have a hunch about what this is, but I'll wait to confirm those suspicions."

"How long will this take?" Zechs asked.

"An hour or two. Depends on what we do and don't find."

Zechs nodded wearily and turned to me inquiring as to if it was all right.

I gave him a weak smile, "I don't mind waiting as long as we find out what's wrong."

The next time I saw Zechs was about an hour and forty-five minutes later. He was happy to see me as well as the breakfast burrito in my hand that I'd bought for him.

We were shown into Dr. Tulben?s room again, and as we waited for the doctor to arrive with the results of Zechs' tests, Zechs ate his burrito.

"Did he say anything?" I asked.

Zechs shook his head. "He didn't look pleased, though," he said between bites finishing what was left of his late breakfast.

I sighed and placed my head in my hands, "That can't be good..."

I felt his strong comforting hand on my shoulder, and I looked up into those ice blue eyes of his. "I'm sure it'll be fine," he said gently.

I half-heartedly nodded and said, "I don't suppose you by chance happened to remember our wedding?"

He blinked in surprise, "We're married?"

For the first time since he disappeared, I had to suppress the urge to cry. "Oh, Zechs!" I said launching myself into his arms and burying my face in his neck.

He wrapped his arms around me and mumbled, "So that explains why you're here..."

I tightened my grip on him, "Don't you dare forget me, Zechs."

"I'm so sorry, Lucrezia," he kissed my cheek.

We sprang apart as the door handle jiggled. I composed myself to hide all traces of almost crying just as Dr. Tulben walked into the room, a clipboard in front of his face as he read over the results of Zechs? tests presumably again.

?I don?t have good news for you,? he said as he sat down at his desk. He glanced up from the results to Zechs, ?The only good ting I can tell you is that as far as we can tell, you?re not losing your memory; it?s just being blocked.?

?Why?? we asked at the same time.

?More test results are pending, but I?ve already called in a psychologist. Mr. Peacecraft, it seems that you have a repressed memory. ? At least, that?s what the tests currently are pointing to. I ran a specific test to map out your brain activity around the area where you memory is stored. Those results will tell us for sure.

?How long will it take before they?re ready?? I asked.

?48 hours. The computer needs to process and then analyze them.?

?What does this mean?? Zechs inquired after a moment of silence.

?A lot of things, but the worst part is that I cannot do a single thing for you.?

?There?s no cure?? Zechs asked calmly.

?No. We just have to let it run its course.?

Zechs nodded, ?And where does its course lead? A handicapped memory for the rest of my life?? He said this like it didn?t disturb him in the least. I, of course, knew better than that.

?That?s where there?s hope. That?s why I called in the psychologist. You see, if you remember this repressed memory, theoretically, you should get your memories back.?

Zechs gave a cynical laugh, ?Theoretically? And how, Dr., am I supposed to remember something I can?t? I can?t even remember what happened thirty seconds ago. Isn?t this thing blocking itself??

?I understand your frustration. This area isn?t my area of expertise. I can handle the physical aspects of the mind. I can?t be of service with the mental aspects of the mind.?

?Can you tell us what?s physically happening to him, then?? I asked.

?In his mind? Well, you have different levels of memory. The two that are being affected are the short term and long term levels. Basically, those hold your memories of your life.

?Short term memories are the little things that you tend to forget that may have just happened. ? Not just you, Mr. Peacecraft. ? Like what you had for dinner exactly two weeks ago. Most of us can?t remember such things, unless it was a special occasion or you?re on a schedule. Like cramming for a test ? it?s there for the test, and as soon as you finish, it?s gone. Maybe memorizing a phone number or a license plate; if you don?t come back to it frequently, you?ll forget it. It?s limited in the information it can contain. It?s not meant to hold a lot of information. That?s why it?s best to study for a test over time rather than cramming; you have a better chance of retaining the information. That?s why you have to repeat things such as phone numbers or license plates so many times in order to remember them.

?Long term memories span your entire lives. As far as science can tell, there is no limit to your long-term memory. I have a few memories from when I was 2 or 3. I?m sure both of you do, as well. ??

?Well, I wouldn?t know?? Zechs interjected sarcastically.

Dr. Tulben eyed Zechs warily, but didn?t pause in his explanation, ?The information contained in your long term memory can be things from everyday occurrences, to special events, to your childhood, to certain pieces of information you learned in school. Don?t get that confused with your 'how to do' memory. ? You?re not going to forget how to read, Mr. Peacecraft. ? At least, as long as you continue on your present path. There?s nothing to suggest that you?ll stray from that path.

?What?s happened is that for some reason, one of your memories was repressed, and for some other reason, your mind is trying to recall that memory. I can?t tell you why this is happening; I honestly don?t know.

?Here?s where my theorizing comes in; I can?t confirm this until the test results come back. Your mind needs more processing room, if you will, in order to recall this memory. It?s attempting to take the places of your memories and use that space to help you remember, but it?s failing in that aspect. Otherwise, you would have remembered by now. As a result, you forget that specific memory.?

He turned to me, ?Now you said that before yesterday, he?d remember what he?d forgotten in a few minutes??

?Yes.?

Dr. Tulben nodded, ?And has he started forgetting things that happened a long time ago??

?Yes.?

?When??

?Today,? I turned to Zechs, ?You still don?t remember getting engaged six months ago, do you??

Zechs looked away from me, ?No.?

?Do you remember anything within those six months, or is it all blank between now and then?? Dr. Tulben asked.

?I can remember a few things.?

?Like what?? he pressed.

?It doesn?t matter,? Zechs snapped. His eyes flashed to mine before he trained his gaze back on the ground.

?Mr. Peacecraft, I would appreciate it if you would try to keep your temper in check. I can?t help you unless you're open with me. Now do you remember ordinary things or special occasions??

?I can remember a few days at work.?

?Anything else??

?Yes, but I'm not the slightest bit inclined to tell you about them.?

Dr. Tulben blinked, and I lightly blushed looking down. We had a few... memorable evenings... Nothing like that, but...

?Ah...? Dr. Tulben said understanding Zechs' earlier slight outburst. ?You could have just said that. I wasn't asking for specific details.?

?What's your point, Dr?? Zechs said ignoring his previous comment.

?My point is that all this time, your repressed memory has beentaking up space inyour short-term memory. Now it's moving on to your long-term memory. Tell me, do you remember this morning at all??

I held back a blush as Zechs drew a blank, ?No, I don't.?

Dr. Tulben nodded, ?Yes, I suspected that. Mr. Peacecraft, at this current point in time, your short-term memory is worthless. You shouldn't be able to hold onto any piece of information for longer than an hour. Your memories of life will also soon fade to the point of not even knowing your own name.? He said this slowly carefully examining both of our reactions to this information.

So he was going to forget everything...

?How soon?? I asked controlling myself very well at this point.

Dr. Tulben lightly shrugged, ?A few days. A week at best.?

Zechs glanced to me, then back to the doctor, ?Is there in point in getting a second opinion??

He leaned back in his chair, ?Second opinions are always good; I'm not going to tell you no. However, I seriously doubt that your prognoses will change.?

Zechs nodded then asked, ?Am I allowed to go home??

Dr. Tulben said nothing for a moment. ?I'm afraid that unless you decide to refuse treatment, which I strongly advise against, the answer is no. People react differently to forgetting themselves. Sometimes they become depressed. Other times, they become violent. For the safety of yourself and your wife,? he watched to see if Zechs remembered this bit of information about us - he didn't seem surprised due to our earlier conversation, - ?As well as the treatments and tests you will be undergoing, I must insist that you stay here.?

Over the half an hour, Zechs was made a patient in the hospital. Thankfully, he refused to change into one of those hideous hospital gowns. He was sitting on the edge of the bed watching me fill out the mountain of paperwork in the seat next to him.It was my intention upon finishing the paperworkto callRelena and inform her of the situation. It was then that he spoke up.

?You should go get an annulment, Noin.?

I snapped my head up and met his eyes, ?What??"

?You should get an annulment. I don't remember taking the vows. I don't understand why you haven't left already.?"

I stared at him. ?Zechs, have you really forgotten what I've always told you??"

?You mean that you'll never leave my side? No, but I'm not going to be me anymore, Noin. Who knows if I'll ever remember anything again??

?Do you really think I give a d---??

?I already know you?re going to say you don?t care.?

?D--- right. I don?t care, Zechs. I don?t care one f---ing bit.?

?You should.?

?Why? Are you going to change over night, Zechs? Are you going to no longer be the man you are now??

?I don?t know and neither do you.?

?Whether you remember or not, you are who you are. That?s not going to change.?

?How do you know, Noin? How do you know I won?t change entirely??

?Why do you think it matters?? The stack of papers was now on the ground in a neat pile next to the chair I was sitting in.

?Doesn?t it??

?I?m not in love with a personality, Zechs! I?m in love with you!?

?We?re not just talking about a personality here, Noin. My entire persona might change.?

I stood in front of him, ?So what? So f---ing what! What do you think you could possibly do that would make me ???

He grabbed my arms almost desperately, ?I?m not going to be me anymore, Noin! I won?t remember you at all!? He'd raised his voice only to be louder than mine. I?m glad the door was shut, now that I think about it? ?Don?t you understand?? he said in a softer tone, ?I won?t know who you are. I won?t even know who I am. I?m going to forget who I am entirely, Noin, and I?m going to forget you.?

?Zechs, why don?t you understand? I don?t care! I really don?t! I?m in love with you, and that?s the extent of it! It doesn?t matter if you don?t know who you are, or I am! Say your whole persona changes! Using your own description of yourself, you can?t get much worse than a suicidal homicidal megalomaniac cold-blooded killer without a heart or soul! And I still love you, Zechs. What makes you think that any change you go through will take that away? Zechs,? I said reproachfully, ?How am I supposed to stop loving you??

He took my hands in his and brought my fingertips to his lips, ?I don?t deserve you, Lucrezia.? He placed my hand on the side of his face, then turned and kissed my palm.

I rested my forehead on his, ?I don?t know where you got such a crazy idea.?

?This isn?t going to be easy,? he said raising his eyes to mine.

I draped my arms around his neck becoming more comfortable in his embrace as he placed his hands on my waist. ?No one ever said it was going to be. And personally, I think that if anything was ever easy in either of our lives, we?d go insane.?

He laughed lightly, ?You?re probably right. Either that or we?d purposely make it more difficult.?

I chuckled softly, ?Yeah?? I closed my eyes, but was unable to prevent the tear from running down my face. I felt him gently wipe it away. I opened my eyes to meet his gaze, ?Zechs, don?t ever tell me to leave you again.?

?I promise,? he said, ?For the next hour, at least.?

He did it on purpose. He knew from the escaped tear that I was on the verge of letting it all out, which was exactly what he wanted.

For the first time, I cried openly in front of him. ? Or rather on him. It wasn?t so bad. It was actually kind of nice to have him there to comfort me, to be in his arms as he murmured soothing things in my ear.

After a few minutes, I calmed down. We simply stayed in our embrace.

?Lucrezia,? he said softly after a few minutes of our mutual silence, ?In case I don?t remember for a while, I want you to know that I love you. Even if I don?t remember you, I still love you. And I promise to return to you one day. I know you won?t let me down. You won?t stop fighting, and neither will I. I promise, Lucrezia. I?ve made a vow, and I don?t need to remember it to keep it.?

I merely nodded against him, ?I?ll be holding you to that, Zechs.?

The next few days were rather confusing. I was allowed to stay in the room with Zechs over night due to his special case. The psychologist arrived two days after Zechs was admitted, and he and Dr. Tulben studied the results of Zechs? brain scan. Dr. Tulben?s theory was confirmed, and it was then that Dr. Holsting (the psychologist) informed me about the trigger.

?We have to find the trigger, whatever it is,? he said, ?And use it to jog his memory. In a little while, he won?t be able to forget anything else, so the only possible thing it will be able to do is help him remember.?

In the meantime, on this same day, he forgot that we were/are romantically involved. What happened was that I walked into the room after being briefed by the doctors to find Zechs staring at the ceiling. I walked over and gently brushed his bangs out of his eyes. He was completely thrown off by my arrival and asked how I?d found him; he thought he was still recovering from the explosion on Libra. Then he asked why I?d touched him like that. What an awkward conversation that was? That happened five days ago.

The next day, he was rather disturbed to find me asleep in the same room with him.

?Noin? What are you doing here??

I had been resting on the couch under the window with my back turned to him. I yawned and looked at the time, then stood and turned to face him, stretching as I did so.

There was a look of disguised confusion and horror on his face, ?You?re? older?How? ? What is going on?? He looked around hurriedly, ?Where am I??

?Calm down,? I said approaching him slowly.

He sat very still and watched me with extreme caution, ?Are you really Noin??

?Yes, Zechs, it?s me. What?s the last thing you remember??

?Why are you so old??

I blinked, ?I?m not so old. I?m only 22!?

He narrowed his eyes, ?You were 17 yesterday.? He continued to look over me still trying to convince himself that this was real. Apparently, he saw the ring on my left hand, ?You?re married??

?Yes?? I said slowly, not sure how he would take the news.

?To whom??

?You.?

?What??

?Zechs ??

?Am I drunk? Did someone spike the tea in the mess hall again??

I held back a laugh; I?d forgotten about that? ?No, Zechs. Let me explain.?

?How can I be married? We?re not allowed to fraternize. And?? he reached up to feel for his mask which wasn?t there. ?Where is it?? he asked angrily.

?Your mask broke three years ago. You haven?t disguised yourself since.?

?That?s the stupidest thing I?ve ever heard. I can?t expose who I really am. Even you don?t ??

?Yes, I do, Milliardo Peacecraft.?

I?ve never seen that look in his eyes; he was angry and genuinely fearful.

?Who else knows??

I hesitated; the answer was likely to set him off. ?It doesn?t matter. Everything turned out well, and Relena?s safe. The Alliance no longer exists.?

?How do you know about Relena??

?It?s a very long story, Zechs??

?Am I supposed to believe that overnight, the Alliance dissolved, you learned about my past, you aged five years, and I somehow married you in my sleep??

?No-?

?We were studying for our Leo licenses last night! The Alliance was alive and well, and you, as to my knowledge, had no idea that Zechs Merquise is not my real name!?

?Zechs, that wasn?t last night. That was five years ago.?

He watched me for a moment, obviously not trusting me. ?That?s it,? he said moving suddenly, ?I?m out of here.?

?Zechs, don?t even think about it,? I said approaching his bedside.

?Back off, Noin ? if that?s who you really are. I've never believed in aliens, but this experience is likely to change that belief?? he started to get out of the bed.

I pushed him back down, ?You?re staying right where you are.?

?I don?t want to hurt you,? he said rising again.

I placed my hands firmly on his shoulders and pushed him down again, ?And neither do I, but I will call the doctors and have them sedate you if that?s what it takes.?

?I said back off!? he pushed me off him ? hard. I fell and landed in a sitting position with my hands behind me to brace myself. He glared at me as he got out of the bed. ?I told you,? he said simply.

?Zechs, don?t make me do this,? I said as I stood up and blocked the doorway.

?Move out of the way, Noin.?

?Get back in the bed, Zechs.? Okay, so that was an awkward statement to tell my husband?

?We?re not allowed to use our training unless we feel that we?re in danger. Right now, I think I?m in danger, and if you?re really Noin, then I really don?t want to hurt you, ? but I will if I must.?

?I?m not going to fight you, Zechs.?

?Then move out of the way.?

?No.?

He stared at me; I could tell he was trying to find a way to get around me without hurting me in the process.

I decided that I needed a strategy of my own. I could easily ? well, maybe not easily, but I could nonetheless ? take Zechs in hand-to-hand combat. He was always a better mobile suit pilot, and I was always a better person-to-person combat specialist. The problem was that I didn?t want to hurt him, so I was going to hold back; I didn?t know if he would or not, but my holding back is one of the reasons he got first at the academy. I needed a way to contact the doctors so they could sedate him. Unfortunately, the emergency button was across the room behind his bed; if I moved to press it, he would escape. My only other option, then, was to attract attention another way. My plan of action was set.

Zechs moved forward and reached around me for the door handle; he apparently was banking on me not trying to stop him. I decided to play along.

?Please, Zechs,? I said placing my hand on his wrist. It was one last warning ? one that he decided not to heed.

He said nothing, only opened the door, which I allowed, and walked through it. When he was completely in the hallway, I moved in. He sensed my attack and moved to counter it, but, as usual, I was too fast. I placed him in a loose but strong hold that wouldn?t hurt him but also wouldn?t allow him to move. It was rather difficult; the last time we?d ever done anything like this, he wasn?t quite so tall?

?I need some help over here!? I yelled down the hall. A nurse set off to fetch a doctor.

Meanwhile, Zechs had found the weak point in my hold on him and used it to his advantage. From then on, it was my move and his counterattack. We fell to the ground and continued our little match. It was more like a wrestling match than anything. I?d put him in a hold, he?d use one of the countermoves we?d learned in school, and I?d put him in another hold. Neither of us was willing to hurt the other, but we were both fighting to win.

Dr. Tulben arrived with two security guards and a shot to administer to Zechs. ?Hold him down,? he told me and the guards.

The two guards moved in to assist me, but I told them to stay back. ?I?m sorry, Zechs,? I said before I flipped him over, placed him in a tight chokehold, and held him down with all my strength. ?Hurry, Doctor. I don?t want to hold him like this forever.?

Dr. Tulben quickly stepped up, moved Zechs? clothes out of the way, and gave him the shot. He relaxed almost immediately, and I let go of him just as quickly.

I stood as Zechs helplessly slurred from the ground, ?You really are Noin??

The two security guards helped him up and all but dragged him back into the room.

?Mrs. Peacecraft, this is precisely the reason why we have those emergency buttons in the rooms,? Dr. Tulben scolded me.

?I would have loved to press it rather than fight him like that, but I really didn?t have that chance.?

?Well, at the very least, he?s changing into one of the hospital gowns. No ifs, ands, or buts.?

In a discussion between Dr. Tulben, Dr. Holsting, and myself, it was decided that Zechs needed to stay sedated until he was through the regression sequence. We also decided it was best not to inform him of any of the past he?d forgotten. It was my decision to make concerning being married to him. After his regression was finished, he wouldn?t remember anything; it wouldn?t be so strange for him to learn that he was married, but like everything else, couldn?t remember that. I decided against telling him; among other things, it would make our relationship strained and somewhat awkward. The doctors concurred with my decision. It was then that I took his ring and mine and placed them on the chain around my neck.

He was given an IV and over the next two days, was rarely ever awake. In the times that he was awake, we had some interesting conversations. I learned a lot about his past and the boy he used to be before I met him at Victoria. I feel like in some strange way that I?ve taken advantage of him. These were things he?d never told me, and I have to conclude that he had a reason for that. Of course, I didn?t ask for the information; he gave it to me openly.

Whenever this is all over, we have a lot to talk about?

Two days ago, we took him off the sedatives knowing that his regression was finished. He woke up a little past three when I wasn?t there, and the nurses had attended to him. I?d returned to the hotel to take a shower and update the others on Zechs? condition. The others had first learned of Zechs? condition from Sally; I couldn?t bring myself to call anyone else ? especially Relena. Relena had two more days of unavoidable work, and then she would be on her way on an extended leave. She arrived here about an hour ago. I knew I couldn?t stop her from coming and had no intention of doing so. Out of everyone in the world, Relena is the only other person who can help him.

When I arrived at the hospital, I found Zechs awake in his room watching a football game.

?Hey, Zechs; so you?re awake??

He looked at me curiously, ?Are you talking to me??

I nodded, ?Zechs Merquise, that?s you.?

He shook his head, ?The doctor told me that I?m Milliardo Peacecraft. You must have the wrong room.?

I blinked surprisedly, ?Ah, well, Zechs is kind of like your nickname??

?Really? Why would I have two names??

?Uh? That?s a long story,? I said trying to avoid the issue. ?Listen, would you prefer it if I call you Milliardo??

He stared at me for a moment. ?I?m supposed to know you, right??

I smiled sadly and shook my head, ?You?re not supposed to know or do anything, Zechs. I?m Lucrezia Noin, but I go by Noin.? I extended my hand so he could shake it.

He took my hand in the greeting, ?That sounds familiar. Who are you??

I was confused, ?I just ??

?No, who are you, Noin??

?Oh.? I smiled, ?I?m your friend. Actually, I?m your partner at our job.? I?d decided on this answer earlier. Being his partner put me in a better position to stay with him and help him rather than simply being a friend who had her own life and job to worry about.

?I see? What exactly is it that I ? we do??

?We?re kind of like police,? I said. ?We?re Preventers.? This was also a safe topic; there wasn?t anything surprising about being involved in law enforcement and military operations.

?Preventers??

?Ze- Milliardo, do you ??

?You can call me Zechs, if you like. ? If that?s what you?re used to.?

?Oh? Well, do you remember anything? I suspect that Dr. Tulben has already explained to you what?s happening.?

He nodded, ?I don?t remember anything.? He seemed to be studying my eyes, ?I know you??

I didn?t know how to respond to that, so I didn?t say anything.

?I know you, Noin?? he said again. ?But I don?t remember you.?

I gave him a half-hearted smile, ?That?s all right. You will one day.?

We had two more conversations similar to that later that day; while his long-term memory was now completely blocked, his short-term memory was still being blocked. All together, we?ve had the same conversation about seven times, now.

Like I said earlier, Relena arrived, with Heero, of course, about four hours ago; she was sure to get my permission before introducing herself as his sister. He ?knew? her, as well. We took a small victory in that.

Heero introduced himself as Relena?s friend. Zechs perceptively asked why he was there if he was simply his sister?s friend. I found it amusing that even without his memories, he would act as protective older brother. However, I stepped in and explained that in Relena?s line of work, Heero was kind of like her partner, though not like he and I were partners. He seemed to buy it with a grain of salt.

He?s still sleeping. I wonder how long it will be before we can figure this whole thing out. A few hours before Relena arrived, Dr. Holsting asked me to write this journal. I?ve written what I?m supposed to; the answer to the question of Zechs? trigger, according to him, is in here somewhere. There?s no need for me to continue writing in this?

But I think I will.

I don?t know why, but I?ve found writing this to be soothing. Who knows? Maybe I?ll find the answer by writing more.

Dr. Holsting said that eventually, Zechs will start to be able to recall things. Not his past; just the things that happen now. Those memories are blocked until he can remember his repressed memory. Whenever he wakes up, I?m hoping that he?ll remember who I am. Among other things, I am a little tired of having the same conversation with him.

Relena and Heero left about forty-five minutes ago to pick up what Relena called, ?real food.? I suppose she?s right; I?ve been living off hospital food and microwave dinners for the last week or so. They just walked in the door with something. I hope it?s edible.

?Still writing, Miss Noin?? Relena asked me quietly.

I nodded as I wrote this sentence.

?Has it helped?? Heero inquired.

?I don?t know,? I said looking up. ?It?s helped me, but I don?t think it?s helped Zechs any. ? At least not yet, it hasn?t.?

I stood up, putting the journal aside for the moment to inspect what food they?d brought. Heero chose to get some Japanese food from a near-by restaurant. It was good ? much better than anything I?d had recently.

About an hour later, visiting hours were over. Zechs still had not awoken since earlier, and Heero and Relena were leaving for their hotel. I was slightly surprised, though not completely so, to find out that they were sharing a room even though Heero had his own. Of course, the issue was Relena?s safety.

Relena leaned over Zechs and placed a sisterly kiss on his forehead telling him goodbye and that she?d see him in the morning.

His eyes fluttered open, ?Where are you going, Relena??

---------------------------

JN: YES! I finished this chapter! ? FINALLY I can post this story! Geez! That second chapter took me forever and three thousand years to finish. And then I hurt my hand and wasn?t able to write for THREE WHOLE DAYS!

So I hope you like this story. It?s a bit more difficult than I anticipated (though that might have more to do with all the bad luck I?ve been having as of late?), but I?m enjoying its awkward little challenges. Send me your criticisms ? constructive or non; I don?t really care.

[Jackie]

That's it on this one for now. Chapter three seems to be my catch-up point... - And yes, that last JN just stated that I'm okay with flames.

[epyon]

post more soon its good!!!

[Arieslady]

I love your writing!

I can't wait for some more of your talent to come oozing out!

Zechs and Noin Rule!