Missing by a Mile - Ch 30

[blackrose]

<p align="center"><u><b>Missing by a Mile</b></u></p><p align="center">By the Black Rose</p><p><b>AN:</b> I know I'm approximately, well, no, I'm almost exactly a month late with this update. I've had a few RL things that I let get in my way. One of them was the complete hard drive failure on my laptop PC. The other is the sale of my current house, and subsequent packing. The third is issues with the builder of the new house they've been building for us for approx. a year, now.</p><p>I was not going to post a new 'schedule' because I have no idea what things are going to be like for the next month/month and a half. But, I figure I should have SOME date in mind, otherwise, I'm prone to let things slip too much. So, let's go with chapter 30.5 (ch 32 on FFN) being posted on?.<b>August 27</b>.</p><p>For those that haven't seen it, I posted a one-shot story entitled "Off the Record" earlier this week ? a Heero/Relena AU fic with Heero as a pro baseball player.</p><p>Thanks so much for reading, and for everyone's continued support.</p><p>Much love,</p><p>Rose</p><b><hr size=1 width=100% noshade>Chapter 30
</b>
<p>Heero didn't have to figure out how to find his way back. And considering the bike's tires were shot and the frame more than likely bent, this was a good thing. The two security guards 'escorting' him to the luggage office Colonel Une had temporarily commandeered for her purposes, however, probably weren't such good things.</p><p><i>'What just happened?'</i></p><p>He glanced over his shoulder at the evaporating plume of exhaust from the shuttle. <i>'Why?'</i></p><p><i>"Don't call it off."</i></p><p><i>"I'm not ready to give up, either, Heero."</i></p><p>Heero scowled. That had been a little over twenty-four hours ago. What had happened in that amount of time to send her running? She had no engagements elsewhere. Her weekend, by Trowa's own admittance, was free. So where--</p><p>"She left for the L4 trip early." The thought spilled from his mouth at the same time it dawned in his brain.</p><p>The security agents dropped him off near the luggage carousel. Une was waiting inside the small room, standing on one side of an even smaller desk. Duo and Zechs stood on the other side ? as far away from her as anyone could in a room that size. Neither of them acknowledged him when Heero arrived.</p><p>The Preventer squared his shoulders and marched into the office. "I demand to know what's going on."</p><p>Une turned narrowed eyes on Heero. "I give the orders here. Don't forget that." Her voice sounded in sharp staccato. "And you know exactly what's going on."</p><p>"Where is she?" The Preventer planted both hands on the end of the desk and leaned his weight on his arms.</p><p>"She went to L4 ahead of schedule." Zechs's voice spoke from Heero's right.</p><p>The Preventer shoved himself up and turned to face the man who wasn't quite his brother-in-law, yet. "Why?"</p><p>"To get away from you," Une said from his left.</p><p>He slammed his hand down on the desk and scowled at his commanding officer. "You're lying."</p><p>"She's not, Heero." Duo's voice sounded flat. The Preventer glanced over at his friend just in time to meet Maxwell's gaze before the former Deathscythe pilot bowed his head.</p><p>That one look said everything. Heero felt something clutch his stomach and turn it over. "Let me talk to her."</p><p>Une crossed her arms. "You will not be speaking to her for a long time, if ever again. You are as of this moment relieved of your duties, and you are expressly forbidden to come within one mile of her location at any point in time under penalty of discharge."</p><p>"I'll risk it."</p><p>"If you are no longer a member of Preventer, then you have no authorization to get near her person. My agents will be told that you are a danger to her and given orders to shoot you on sight."</p><p>"How am I a danger to her?"</p><p>"Because of this." Une ripped open the desk drawer, removed something, and held it out at arm's length in Heero's direction. It didn't appear to be anything lethal, just a plain, white or possibly very light pink paper envelope and had his name scrawled in Relena's handwriting.</p><p>His heart lurched, and he glared at her. "What is it?"</p><p>"A letter. She wrote it to you this morning."</p><p><i>'An explanation?' </i>He stared at the rectangular slip of paper in the Colonel's hands.</p><p>"Personally, I don't see why she'd bother. Your ruse, Sergeant Yuy, was disgusting. I'm shocked and appalled at your behavior, and the same goes for your participation, Agent Maxwell, and Lieutenant Merquise."</p><p>Heero stared up at his superior. "What.'Ruse' are you talking about?"</p><p>"She knows, Heero." Duo's voice sounded small even in the tiny room.</p><p>"She knows about what?"</p><p>"That you?that we? " His friend glanced up and held out both hands like he was grasping for something. "She found out why you proposed to Relena. That you were trying to keep your job."</p><p>Heero choked. He turned back to face the Colonel. "I was trying to protect her. That's my job?"</p><p>Une tossed the envelope at Heero; it hit him squarely in the chest.</p><p>"Whether I wear a Preventer uniform to do it or not. I promised?"</p><p>"What she needed was protection from you." The Colonel stomped passed him and out of the room.</p><p>The jilted groom ripped one end off the envelope and pulled the letter from the container. He dropped the wrapper onto the desk, and heard a clink when it hit.</p><p><i>'Who told her? How did she find out? Why didn't she give me a cha?'</i> He peeled apart the folded edges of the page; his eyes quickly traced over his name then continued on to the message.</p><p><i>Dear Heero,</i></p><p><i>I hope that someday you can forgive me for writing you this letter. I just don't trust myself to be able to say in person all the things I feel I need to. </i></p><p><i>I want to apologize to you. I am an extremely selfish person, and I have been unfair to you in the past. You and I have both had to sacrifice much of ourselves to live in the world as it is today. We have both been called upon to make decisions in a way that benefits others more than ourselves. I have tried to be a selfless person, but I fear I fail when it comes to you.</i></p><p><i>I love you. That should really come as no surprise by now, I know. I have loved you since the first time we met, and this terrible emotion has done nothing but fester and deepen over time. Love is, can be, a very selfish feeling. And for that, I am sorry I have not been able to contain it, to hide it, or dispel it in a way that would leave you free of your obligation to me. I never wished to cause you pain.</i></p><p><i>But I cannot go through with marrying you. I know you do not love me, and I know all the reasons why you proposed. I knew them from the beginning; that first night when you tried to kiss me and told me that you cared. Lying requires an attempt at feeling behind the spoken words, an ability to manufacture mannerisms and expressions in order to mislead the other person. If there is one thing you were always honest about, it was your emotions.</i></p><p><i>Yet, somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that it didn't matter. Perhaps in time you could learn to love me, perhaps in time I could make you happy. But happiness is not something another person can give you. It is something you have to find on your own. And in a sudden bout of rational thought I realized that settling for an ?arranged' marriage with you, so to speak, though <b><u>I</u></b> was willing to make that sacrifice just to be near you, I could not allow you to surrender your future happiness for me. You should find someone you can love, Heero. You should experience at least once in your lifetime that dizzying emotion that hurts and makes you feel complete all at the same time. The one that ties your insides up in knots yet makes you feel like you can fly. I want that for you, I truly do.</i></p><p><i>I always knew, Heero ? in my head. It was the only logical, rational explanation. But in the end, you fooled my heart. Rather, I let my heart believe what it wanted so desperately to. And I can't blame you for that. It's my own fault, as this entire mess is my fault. </i></p><p><i>You no longer have to protect me. I have dozens of bodyguards to do the job. You no longer have to look out for me; I am an adult quite capable of handling myself and all the responsibilities I hold on my own. You no longer have any reason to feel obligated to me. I don't need your love, as I have made it this far without it. It does hurt to say so, but in time, it will pass ? for both of us.</i></p><p><i>I wish you a long life filled with all the love and happiness it can bring you. Forgive me for not being stronger.</i></p><p><i>Always,</i></p><p><i>Relena</i></p><p>Heero's fist clenched around the paper. He picked up the envelope and spilled the ring he had given her onto the desk. It glinted in the interior lighting, but it didn't look the same as it did on her hand. Duo and Zechs stood completely still, as if they weren't even breathing.</p><p>The former Deathscythe pilot spoke first. "What did she say?" His voice sounded strained.</p><p>Heero stared down at the letter in his hand. "She says she's sorry."</p><p>"For what?" Zechs's voice sounded like a low, displeased growl.</p><p>The Preventer closed his eyes. She had apologized for so many things. Did her brother expect Heero to name them all?</p><p>Pain dug into his abdomen, and the Preventer fought the urge to double over. <i>'Why is she apologizing? I was the one that screwed up, wasn't I?'</p><p>'I?did something that chased her away?'</i></p><p>Heero took a deep breath and waited for an emotion to surface in his chest, to tighten around his lungs, or perhaps a sort of elation at being freed from what she deemed his obligation. Nothing happened. He felt empty, numb, like someone had scooped his insides out and filled him back up with cotton stuffing.</p><p>Heero opened his eyes and extended the letter in Zechs's direction. "You read it."</p><p>The older man stepped forward. He glared at the Preventer, and snatched the letter from his hand.</p><p>Heero turned back to the desk; he scooped up the engagement ring. He tucked it into his pocket, spun on his heel, and marched towards the door. The Preventer paused at the exit.</p><p>"I want it back when you're done."</p><hr size=1 width=100% noshade>The whine of the engine pitched to a dull hum. Relena shifted in her seat and rubbed at her neck. The pull of a poor night's rest on her eyelids was stronger than the two cups of coffee she'd already had to drink.

<p>She glanced down at her watch and felt her stomach churn. 'I'd be Mrs. Yuy by now.' Her heart felt like lead in her chest. The urge to cry had come and gone. All she was left with was leaden insides and several days' worth of reading ? nothing pleasurable ? to catch up on.</p><p><i>He ran his fingers through the hair on the right side of her head. "I don't regret anything, Relena."</i></p><p>She shook her head. 'I won't think about that. Work?I need to work.' Relena leaned forward and pulled her briefcase out of the small compartment at her feet. She clicked the latches open, then shuffled through several manila folders until she found the one she needed marked: Issues with Recognition: L4.</p><p><i>"If I can convince her to marry me?" Heero's voice sounded cold, even through the phone.</i></p><p><i>Her hand tightened on the handset and she sunk down onto her bed. Her heart sped up, and she found herself silently pleading: 'No. No, don't finish the sentence. Don't say what I think you're going to say?.'</i></p><p><i>"Then I will be able protect her more efficiently."</i></p><p><i>She threw the phone down to the ground. The voices continued for a while, in the distance, but she could no longer hear what they were saying.</i></p><p><i>'All along. It was a mission all along. All along.' She pulled her knees to her chest.</i></p><p><i>'Oh God!' Relena rested her forehead against her kneecaps.</i></p><p><i>POUND! POUND! POUND! "Relena?"</i></p><p><i>It was Wufei's voice?</i></p><p><i>"Woman, open this door or I'll break it down."</i></p><p><i>"Relena?" Trowa called out from the other side of the door.</i></p><p>She felt a hand on her shoulder. "Relena. Duo's on the vidphone. Did you?."</p><p>Relena blinked and looked up from the void of space she had been staring into, and her gaze met hard green eyes. Trowa's face was pinched into solid lines deeply set into the skin of his forehead.</p><p>She gave her friend a smile, but the effort felt like she was trying to stretch a rubber mask. "Tell him that I will call him when we get to the colony."</p><p>Her friend's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure? Maybe you should wait a while."</p><p>She glanced down at the paperwork in her hands. "I'm fine, Trowa. I'll be fine."</p><p>His grip on her shoulder tightened. "You keep saying that. But I don't believe you." Trowa lifted his hand.</p><p>Relena looked up in time to see her friend turn and begin to make his way down the aisle to the rear of the shuttle.</p><p>"I'm afraid I don't believe me, either."</p><hr size=1 width=100% noshade>Relena stared at the stack of papers in front of her. Affidavits, testimonies, news stories? The directive letter from the ESUN Council.

<p><i>"Miss Une." Relena spoke into the receiver.</i></p><p><i>"I'm terribly sorry you had to find out this way." The older woman's voice always sounded curt, rushed, impersonal. To hear that clipped voice utter a personal concern seemed forced. But then again, Relena figured she wasn't exactly in the most forgiving or rational frame of mind.</i></p><p>"I'm being sent on an official visit to recognize the Autonomous Government of L4 and encourage their participation in the Colonial Confederacy." She reminded herself in a low voice. "And I've been so?caught up with everything else, I'm completely unprepared." Relena sighed.</p><p><i>"Our agents uncovered the recorded conversation?"</i></p><p><i>"I understand," Relena said. But her heart reminded her that statement was only partially true. She didn't really understand?at all. </i></p><p><i>"But this puts me in?"</i></p><p><i>"A rather difficult, and messy situation," Miss Une finished the rest of Relena's sentence for her.</i></p><p><i>"Yes."</i></p><p><i>She heard the older woman take a deep breath on the other side of the phone. "I advise against speaking with any of the conspirators in this case. They will only try to dissuade you from believing they were out to cause you harm."</i></p><p><i>"I believe." Relena paused to consider her words. "I believe they tried to do what they thought was best for me. I do not believe this incident was instigated out of malice. Rather?"</i></p><p><i>"A complete and utter disregard for anyone's feelings outside their Cro-Magnon-esque instinct to protect?"</i></p><p>"She doesn't want to talk to you right now." Voices from the back room filtered through the door and interrupted her thoughts.</p><p>Relena turned as she heard Duo's speech crackle through the vidcomm device: "What have you been telling her, Trowa?"</p><p>"I wasn't the one who told her."</p><p>The ESUN minister dropped the papers she had been holding into the seat next to her. She stood up and headed down the aisle to the back of the shuttle.</p><p>"I don't believe you. You've been after her?" Duo's voice grew louder as she approached.</p><p>"I left, Duo. I never got in Heero's way."</p><p>"You did today." Duo's voice sounded angry. "What, are you planning on comforting her in your bed?</p><p>Relena placed her hand on the doorknob and started to turn it.</p><p>"Hope you like being second best."</p><p>She retracted her hand and stared at the door.</p><p>"I had nothing to do with her decision," Trowa said in a cold tone of voice.</p><p>"Maxwell, this conversation is not permitted." Wufei barked. "I'm disconnecting you in five seconds."</p><p>"Wufei, I just want to talk to her."</p><p>"The woman doesn't want to talk to you."</p><p>"You don't understand." Duo's voice pitched into something resembling a masculine whine. "Let me?"</p><p>"No, you don't understand." Wufei sounded far more patient and rational than Relena felt. "So, let me explain it to you. Why are you the one on the phone and not Yuy?"</p><p>The ESUN minister took a step away from the door.</p><p>"Because I? You don't expect?She wouldn't!" Duo's voice finally lowered to something less pleading. "He took off. I haven't seen him since Une gave him the letter."</p><p>Relena reached for the doorknob, and rested her forehead on the panel. "Heero?"</p><p>"What did the letter say?" Trowa asked.</p><p>"I don't know," Duo replied. "Heero just said she apologized, that's all he told me."</p><p>The ESUN minister twisted the knob and shoved the door open. "What is going on back here?"</p><p>"Princess!"</p><p>Relena turned to her friend's image on the screen. The muscles around his eyes had contracted; one eyebrow was raised higher than the other in what was a pleading look. She set her jaw and glanced away.</p><p>"Mr. Maxwell, I'm sure your superior informed you that contact of this nature was not permitted."</p><p>"Relena?don't?please, let me explain?"</p><p>"I'm well aware of the situation."</p><p>"No, you don't understand."</p><p>Her gaze flicked back to the vidcomm screen. Light reflected off the tears collecting in the red-colored rim around his eyes.</p><p>"I wasn't trying?"</p><p>"Duo," She glanced away, down at the floor. "This isn't a good time to talk about this. I cancelled my wedding today."</p><p>"Relena, he's not exactly happy about that you know. He tried to chase down your shuttle, and now he's gone off somewhere?"</p><p>She shut her eyes and tried to dispel the image of Heero running after her? The anguish on his face. "Whatever small amount of pain I'm causing him is for the best. Years from now, when he's truly happy, he won't even remember this." Her heart thudded against her ribcage, and she felt warm tears gather in her eyes. Again.</p><p>She turned to go back to her seat. "I have to go."</p><p>"We're terminating this connection, now, Maxwell," Wufei said.</p><p>"I don't know what to say, Princess." Duo's voice sounded flat. "Except, I'm sorry."</p><p>She didn't turn around. She couldn't. She merely nodded, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat and once again losing the battle with her tears.</p><p>As she started back to her seat, she raised her head, addressing the two bodyguards standing behind her. "I need you both to make sure he has no reason to come back."</p><p>"Ah man, this is ba?"</p>

[perfectpeach]

oh poor pooor heero! poor poor baby!

She merely nodded, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat and once again losing the battle with her tears.

I was so into this i did the exact same thing.

[NafX]

*sniff* ... ohhhh wow ......
This is so great ...
I LOVE it ...

And I'll keep loving it ... as long as you resolve it nicely ...

*blink*

*blink*

You ARE going to aren't you?
Like ... happily ever after-ish?

*blink*

Please?

~Nat.

[sitboy007]

Aw. That was good. I liked it.

Um yeah, Trowa is dumb. We all know he had something to do with it.

Write some more soon!

[deathroseaiko]

soo veri sad!! please update!

[zapenstap]

I've only read bits and pieces of this fic, but I get the idea and it's a good one. Great dialogue! I really loved Relena's letter! It was perfectly rational and diplomatic, yet filled with underlying emotion--very IC for her. I suspect that she's wrong and that Heero really does love her in some warped, unclear way, but that he has some introspection to do before it will do either of them any good. (I don't envy you your having to write that by the way; Heero introspection is tricky to pull off!). Poor Relena, though! Even though I don't think she means to be manipulative, I think this kind of utter rejection (of Heero) is exactly what Heero needs in this case--kind of the opposite tactic that Noin took with Zechs, I suppose. It would be really horrible to be in Relena's shoes, but ah, that's what makes this pairing so timelessly thrilling.

Great work, Rose. I loved this chapter!

[Morrighan]

NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This can't be happening!!!

Trowa, you #$%^&**&^%$#@#$%^&*&^%$#$%^&*%$#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*plots 03's demise*

MORE!!!!!! *prod*

[LilTrix]

Okay...I'll admit it...I got a little teary eyed--OK I got REALLY teary eyed reading Relena's letter to Heero. Her words were very honest and well thought out, but at the same time they held some really powerful and raw emotions.

I hope they make up soon 'cause now I'm all sad!

[Wingnut]

Trowa, you #$%^&**&^%$#@#$%^&*&^%$#$%^&*%$#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*plots 03's demise*

My MS armory and piloting services are at your disposal for said operation.



Anyway we look at it Heero is in a real fix here. Relena needs to see that Heero has come to love her dispite the previous arrangement that was made.

[Caliborn]

Awww... I almost wanted to cry, reading that. I'm amused at the turn-around, though: Now it's Heero who's lost and confused, and Relena who seems to be in control-- mostly, anyway. I want to hit Trowa. I certainly hope he doesn't try anything now that she's on the rebound... granted, he -doesn't- seem just to be in this for the nookie, and does seem to genuinely care about her, but still...

And Heero runs away. But is this flight -towards- Relena or away from her? It seems just like him to convince himself that this was all for the best, and he should just leave her alone-- But I hope some part of him got too deeply involved with her for him to just walk away now, and he actively fights back-- hopefully arriving on L4 just in time to stop a nosey Trowa taking advantage of Relena's currently being on the rebound.

And hopefully Trowa will find someone else to pin over who will love him back... On L4, perhaps?

And then Heero and Relena marry like they are meant to and live happily ever after with no worries. *Pause.* What, it can't hurt to dream, can it?