Desires of the Heart Ch 25--Part 2

[zapenstap]

Desires of the Heart

Chapter 25 (Part 2)

by Zapenstap


As soon as the applause began to sound, Heero took leave of the stage, acquitting Relena to the glow of the golden lights, lights that set her hair afire and made her white-arrayed figure blaze like a star. Heero?s eyes swung away from Relena to the back of the audience where a man stood staring, not at Relena, but at him. It was someone he had not expected to see, but he was pretty sure that the other fellow meant for him to take notice. As soon as Heero acknowledged the man?s attention by returning the gaze from the shadows of the right wing of the stage, the other man turned abruptly and left the room, slipping out the double doors in the back that led directly out into the lobby.

A moment later, a figure in a Preventor?s jacket followed.

And with that, the last pieces of the puzzle came neatly together.

The first thing that Heero noticed as Relena prepared to give her speech was that there hadn?t been any damage to the auditorium. A few lights had apparently blown their fuses, but there was no shattered glass, scorching or marks on the floor, stage, or walls. Even the audience hadn?t seemed overly rattled. While he listened to Relena speak, Heero had swept the crowd, assessing the mood of the audience for the sort of fear and panic that ought to have accompanied an explosion, chemical fire, or a shooting in a public place, but most everyone had been focused on Relena, concerned for her welfare, but not worried about their own. They had panicked enough when the lights exploded overhead and Relena hit the stage, when smoke obscured the stage and a smell like sulfur hung in the air, but he supposed that once the Preventors took control, Relena?s safety was confirmed, and the air was cleared, everyone calmed down. Only Relena had suffered from whatever had caused the explosion, and it was likely she that everyone had been talking about.

In truth he supposed he had not saved her life, but what had been saved as a result was equally valuable.

After the doors to the lobby swung shut on the heels of the Preventor, Heero lingered for a moment in the wings, satisfying himself with a final glimpse of the woman whose heart he had broken and who for some reason had thanked him for it. He had expected her rage, and also her tears, but it was only in those last few minutes when he had held her that he realized how frail she was, how frail they both were, and how strong she must be to respond to the crisis of their situation in a way that had soothed, if not healed, even the deepest of their mutual wounds. It felt now that it was unfortunate but unavoidable that things should have settled this way. It was unfortunate that it was still true that what she wanted and deserved, he couldn?t give her, and unavoidable that the romance and commitment she wanted from him was probably something he would never be able to give anybody; indeed, Relena might be the only woman he was likely to meet in a lifetime who understood him well enough to really accept him. Though she did not say it, he felt when she forgave him, understanding his inability to make her happy in spite of her bitterness, and he knew it when he suddenly admitted to understanding how she felt, and regretted his carelessness in hurting her. After that it was like a storm had passed, leaving nothing but the lonely landscapes of their souls swept clean of debris, and a feeling that could only be expressed in silence and comfort of each other?s arms.

He was thankful too. Subconsciously he had entered into a relationship with Relena to discover if he possessed the necessary faculties to carry on a normal human relationship, if he had the ability to love and be loved as other people experienced romance, if he was in fact just a boy like any other, and to that he had his answer. Now that it was over, he knew what he had to accept about himself and what he had to do.

The tumult of voices receded as Heero turned away from the woman he had tried to love and made his way through the silent hallways toward the lobby. He walked down white tiled passages in silence, mulling over in his head the words he wished to speak, much as Relena had done for the people who adored her and sacrificed so much to aid her in building a world only she had the strength of conviction to believe in, the people she had neglected while pursuing and puzzling over the desires Heero hadn?t satisfied.

It was a surprise when Duo emerged suddenly from a corridor that crossed through Heero?s own, and interrupted him in his thoughts. Heero slowed when Duo stopped to wait for him, looking nervous and shifty while pretending not to be.

?Uh?. Hey, Heero? I didn?t realize you were?.um, patrolling. So, uh, how is everything??

Heero ignored the question. He didn?t think Duo was involved in the deception of tonight?s incident, not what had happened on stage anyway, but he probably knew about Trowa?s decision to lock him in a room with Relena, and doubtless had already done all the patrolling and completed all the lockdown procedures.

?I need you to do something for me,? he said instead.

?Uh, sure. What do you need??

?I need you to take care of my dog.?

Duo blinked, scratching his head. ?Why? Are you going on vacation or something??

?I?m going to Space, and I don?t know for how long. I can?t take him with me. I don?t know if I?ll be able to take care of him. Didn?t you say that Hilde could use a dog??

?Yeah, but I meant like a puppy or something. No offense, Heero, I?ll take him if you want me to. It?s just that you caught me a little off guard.?

?He?s a good dog. He?ll keep a good watch. His name is Ted.?

Duo laughed.

?What?? Heero demanded.

?I just always found that to be a strange name for a dog.?

?That was the name he came with. It?s just a name.?

Duo coughed and swallowed his mirth. ?Yeah, yeah, I know.? He glanced at Heero sideways, seriously, as if considering something. ?Are you going to be leaving soon?? When Heero nodded, Duo sighed. ?Then I guess I?ll pick him up tonight? He?ll probably miss you, you know.?

Heero didn?t say anything. Some things just had to be.

?Okay, well unless you have anything else? No? Well, I guess I?ll be on my way then.? He strolled passed Heero, hands stuffed in his pockets and humming as he went, but the tune was less lively than it could have been, and as soon as Duo turned the corner, it stopped altogether. For a moment, Heero stood alone in the crossroads between the two hallways, looking the way Duo had gone and wondering if he was still walking or if he was waiting to see whether Heero would move on first. Duo always hid his cares, masking his troubled thoughts and internal struggles behind a nonchalance that was so consistently practiced that Duo could suspend seriousness behind the guise of good cheer and actually be happy. In this way he was able to relate to others, but Heero did not think it was something he could do himself. It seemed counterintuitive to him that relating to other people would involve pretending to be someone else or pretending to feel differently than he did, and what he found counterintuitive he had difficulty putting into practice. But then, many things about human relations seemed strange to Heero. It was merely evidence that he had missed something along the way, and to make his own way in the world, he would have to find his own path.

Nodding to Duo in silent tribute and farewell, he turned and continued walking down the hallway in the direction where he had begun. He walked until the hallway opened out into the lobby from a side passageway that was a more indirect route than the double doors in the back that led straight into the auditorium when they were opened. The lobby now was emptied of the throng of people that had occupied it before the events of the day began, and the cold marble tiles could be seen marching in endless rows from the auditorium to the glass doors and windows that looked out into the street. A glance through the glass revealed an expected lack of relief vehicles in the street to respond to any distress call, nor any local or international press save a few bored individuals who had been sitting outside on the steps even before the doors had opened the first time to let the crowd in. It was confirmation enough that?as expected?no distress call had ever been made.

Three figures stood on the far side of the room not far from the glass doors, hidden partially from the outside by a large stone column and seemingly not overly concerned about being seen. Heero observed them silently from the entrance to the hallway that lead backstage from the long way around, assuming that they knew he was there, and wondering what he was going to say.

Before he had stepped out onto that stage Heero had expected to confront Trowa, Duo, Wufei and possibly Quatre to account for the disturbance that?before he had it reasoned out?had forced him to break his promise to Relena. What he hadn?t been able to figure out was why any of those four people would rig anything. None of the former Gundam Pilots were acquainted well enough with his and Relena?s situation to have known how to act, and as far as he knew, neither did they possess the incentive. They might have felt sorry for Relena, and perhaps even for him, but stepping into his private affairs in such a dangerous, impersonal way would have taken a brash, almost insensitive approach.

Therefore he was somewhat relieved to discover that none of the gundam pilots were at fault.

Or not completely at fault. Wufei had seemingly known something about it; enough to follow the figure Heero had exchanged glances with out into the lobby with expectation rather than surprise, enough to know not to make a distress call for a situation that did not require it. He was one of the three figures in the room, standing with his arms crossed in his Preventor?s coat and an expression on his face that was half thoughtful and half a scowl as he exchanged words with the two older men who faced him.

One of the older men, the one who had caught Heero?s eye in the auditorium and held it transfixed for several heartbeats, said something to Wufei that startled the other pilot and seemed to make him angry, or perhaps indignant. He was not anyone Heero knew well, other than by vague association, but Heero hadn?t forgotten him either, and wouldn?t have been able to forget if he wanted to. Ranlath had come to his house in the middle of the night, breaking and entering without leaving a trace and without any sort of remorse; he was one of very few who could gain Heero?s attention with a glance and hold that attention on a point, and did it seemingly with unconscious expectation. His stature was impressive, tall and bold without losing either grace or subtlety, and his eyes smoldered with an internal fire, as if his mind were an active volcano that could erupt at any moment, not in anger, but as a sheer force of nature.

But it wasn?t Ranlath that concerned Heero at the moment, absorbed as he was in what appeared to be a one-sided conversation with Wufei, who listened with his arms crossed and said nothing. Neither of them even looked in Heero?s direction, though doubtless they were both acutely aware of his presence.

Only Mandred turned his head to acknowledge him, the expression on his face withdrawn and melancholy, seemingly beyond sorrow to the point where sadness could not be separated from serenity. Heero?s emotions constricted as if stopped in a bottleneck, his breath catching in his throat and his heart snagging at air, ceasing to beat for a few counts and then starting up again in rapid, painful recovery. As he approached he expected Mandred to speak, but though the man?s eyes acknowledged Heero, and though he nodded at him to join them, he said nothing.

?So can I tell the others that all is clear?? Wufei asked. He glanced sideways at Heero as he approached, but waited for an answer in the affirmative from Ranlath before turning to leave. ?I guess I?ll go then. It?s been a pleasure working with you.? As he passed Heero, he put a hand on his shoulder and paused long enough to speak quietly for Heero?s ears alone. ?She looked better,? he said. ?You did the right thing.? And then he continued in a straight line toward the auditorium.

?So,? Ranlath interjected suddenly, ?what of it? How is the girl??

Heero stifled his surprise at the complete lack of preamble, harsh brevity of the question and the tone that demanded an answer. ?She?s better,? he said. ?We talked.? Slowly, he turned his back to Mandred. ?Did you set this up?? he asked. ?To force me to talk to her??

?Does it seem like something I would do?? Mandred replied. ?I was tricked into coming here the same as you. Ranlath cares little for the manner in which things are done as long as the results are satisfying.? He turned to look at Ranlath. ?Are you satisfied??

?When you agree to come back with me to adjust the fenestration of my windows, I?ll be satisfied.?

?The ones upstairs or downstairs?? Mandred asked.

?Downstairs. Why the hell would I solicit you to meddle with the ones upstairs?? He turned a pointed glare on Heero. ?Your incompetent carelessness has caused me significant delays.?

?This is about business?? Heero asked darkly.

?Everything that isn?t about boredom is about business,? Ranlath said. ?And I certainly didn?t come here to entertain myself.?

Heero knew it wasn?t about Relena, despite the obvious association. Most certainly this was about Mandred, and specifically the callousness with which Heero had treated him, though he had not known the impact of his words at the time. It was carelessness, and if sensitivity was a skill, he probably deserved the incompetent label as well. He supposed he was still a child in some ways, particularly the manner in which he failed to realize the impact his words and actions and assumptions had on other people, especially those he viewed as untainted and untouchable, such as Mandred, or even Relena. Mandred had been a teacher to Heero, the seemingly-wise, indefatigable, solidly-situated sort of teacher that he thought he could push or even punch and not hurt. In a temper over matters that had little to do with Mandred and everything to do with himself, Heero had done just that, and unwittingly and unthinkingly hurt the man deeply.

?I didn?t know,? he said hopelessly. ?I didn?t know you ever had kids. I didn?t know they died. I didn?t mean what I said. I?m sorry.?

Mandred regarded him for a moment with interest before speaking. ?You meant some of it,? he said, ?but I?m not angry with you. You?re not responsible for not knowing. If anything, I am the one who was in error. When I first met you I was struck by your situation and I took liberties with you I should not have taken. What you have had to deal with was hauntingly familiar to me in some ways, though I never told you those stories, and in wanting to help I think I overstepped my bounds. You?re right to say that I?m not your father, and that I have no business or authority to meddle in your affairs half so much as I have. In retrospect, I probably shouldn?t have become as entangled with you as I did. For awhile you became like a surrogate son to me, and it was painful to be reminded that you are not and to remember a loss I?ve never fully accepted. It?s taken me some time alone to work that out, but that is not your fault, though I will accept an apology for any rudeness you might feel sorry for.? He paused, looking Heero over carefully. ?You?re planning to leave, aren?t you??

Heero didn?t know what to say, but his silence was affirmation enough, and Mandred only nodded.

?It?s natural enough,? Mandred said. ?I think maybe I forced you into doing what you weren?t ready for, and now you have to go back to where you started to forge your own path. Don?t think my recent absence and melancholy moods are your fault. It?s memory of my own struggles that plague me. You were never a burden.?

?You sound like you?re leaving too,? Heero said.

?I am. I?m moving back home.?

?Are you getting married??

?Yes.?

?Fat lot of good it will do you,? Ranlath interjected. ?I like Immilie. I find her to be intelligent and reasonable, but as a whole, women are more trouble then they are worth, and they think even worse of us than we do of them.?

Heero grunted, though he didn?t mean to agree. ?Are you married too??

?I?ve never been married. I never intend to be married. I don?t have the patience to take care of anyone indefinitely. I have work to do, and research. I don?t have time for romance or any of the harrying social obligations that that kind of thing entails.?

?There was one woman who wanted to marry him,? Mandred laughed, and it was pleasant to hear. ?God only know why. He would have none of it, though. Their affair lasted for years once she gave up trying to keep him. It didn?t turn out so terrible.?

?Only because I didn?t marry her,? Ranlath maintained. He turned his attention on Heero with eyes that flashed. ?As for this girl of yours that has caused us all so much trouble, I recommend leaving her alone for at least ten years, longer if she is the emotional sort. And if you ever feel inclined to see her again for any reason, just be sure to tell her that you don?t want to marry her. Unless she is stupid or manipulative, that will head off most of your problems.?

?Maybe one year,? Mandred amended.

?I?m not planning on coming back,? Heero said.

?Not now,? Mandred replied, ?but you never know what will happen in the future. For now you are heading home, but someday you may wish to trace your steps back to this place. If that event ever arises, be kind, be clear, and trust your instincts.?

There was a moment of silence that Heero realized signaled the end of things. He had said his apologies and received his last piece of advice, and now it was time to go and figure things out for himself.

Mandred smiled at him. ?I wish you the best of luck. I know you?ll be looking for work. If I need you for anything, I will let you know, pay you for your troubles.?

?Thanks,? Heero said. ?For everything.?

It was sunset when Mandred and Ranlath took their leave, walking together out the glass doors and disappearing from view around the corner of the building. The sky burned with red and orange flames that faded to a rosy pink and smoldering gold as the sun set behind the buildings blocking the skyline. Through the glass doors, golden filaments of light streamed in to cast tiny rainbows on the walls and play tricks on the dappled tiles. Heero stood alone with the sun in his face and his hands in the pockets of his coat, staring out at nothing, listening to the sounds of voices in the auditorium as people began talking and gathering their things like a crowd after a sports game or a movie.

When the double doors opened, people streamed out and around him, all talking at once, about everything from the explosion of the lights in the auditorium to Relena?s campaign for ESUN president. Whether she had a chance of winning or not this late in the game didn?t seem to be as interesting as the fact that she was running, but even that topic was lost amidst the flow of human bodies and the stream of human voices that swarmed and parted around Heero.

He stood in the lobby until it emptied of everyone, and then waited longer, standing like a stone in a room that was as hollow and stark as a museum until it seemed he would wait forever. At length he moved, striding forward and pushing his way through the glass doors and out onto the white concrete steps of the building. From the west, the last rays of the sun hit his eyes, and he covered them with his hand to see his way, his shadow lengthening up the stairs as he descended halfway down the steps and out of the glare. To the east, he could see over his shoulder the first of the evening?s stars glittering down from above.

He heard footsteps first, a quick patter of heeled shoes on tiled floors and then on concrete. He turned to see Relena descending to join him, and could only hold out his arms to catch her when she threw herself against his chest.

?Thank you for staying,? she whispered. ?Wufei told me your were out here.?

?I didn?t want to take off without saying goodbye,? he said, and gently removed her arms from his neck. ?Are you okay??

She smiled at him, a sad smile that was honest even if it was pained. ?I?m going to miss you,? she said, ?but I?ll be okay.?

He nodded, his thoughts a jumble of lamentations and regrets, emotions that floated without strings in a void of loneliness that swallowed everything else. It wasn?t going to be easy for him either, but he was relieved because these emotions were honest, and that was what he wanted most.

?Heero,? Relena said. ?I know you have no obligation to contact me and I?m not even sure it would be a good idea, but if every once and awhile you could let me know you are alive and well somehow, I would be grateful.?

?Okay,? he agreed. ?Take care, Relena.?

?Take care,? she said, and then turned and walked away.

On the steps they parted, Heero walking the rest of the way down alone and heading northwest toward the spaceport on the sea while Relena returned to the building where a sea of adoring fans and dedicated members of her staff awaited her return, people who loved and admired her remaining behind to rally for her campaign.

Later, Relena would tell people how she had once loved a man who was dangerous, though not dangerous to her, a man she had loved deeply and timelessly and would never forget. She would tell people that theirs was a romance beautiful, but brief, and that she had learned more from this relationship than any other in her life. It had taught her about love and weakness, about desires and dreams, and the difference between ideas and reality. Heero wouldn?t tell anyone a story, but he would remember a relationship with a girl he admired and cared for, a girl who had shown him both the strengths and frailty of love, and taught him to accept life in its failures and imperfections. From each other they learned the potency of desire, and the value of knowing their own hearts.

With the sun setting and twilight approaching, shadows lengthened and darkened the surface of the earth, but they were visible and somewhat beautiful when thrown into relief by the glimmer of golden-pink light in the west that signaled the end of a day.


Fin





Notes from the Author:

Hello everyone and thank you for reading my story! I?ve been writing it for? geez, almost three years now. During that time I have been through not one, but two relationships, both of which were influential, but neither of which this story is actually based on. I?ve laughed at myself frequently while writing this story because when I started it, Relena was definitely the main protagonist as I identified the most with her in real life? By the end of the story, I switched sides and became the person who had to end a relationship, which really helped me sympathize with Heero more. It?s easy to make mistakes on both sides of a breakup and neither is particularly easy (though overall I?d say it?s better to be Heero).

I would also like to say that had the ending of this story planned out since the beginning, though I didn?t know exactly how it would unfold, and that it was REALLY hard to disappoint all of my 1xR Forever fans that have been holding onto what they know to be the truth: that Heero really does love Relena. I?m also a 1xR fan, but I wanted to do something different this time because what happens in this story more aptly reflects my real experiences and I know I?m not alone in this! I wanted to use Heero and Relena for this story for the very reason that we fans are convinced of the longevity of their relationship, because we know that these two people are perfect for each other, and will ultimately end up happily ever after. This is also how Relena feels in this story, so if readers didn?t believe this, then what Relena goes through in this story wouldn?t have been affecting. The worst part about a first breakup is coming to the realization that forever isn?t really so long after all.

Even though the ending is bittersweet, I hope you enjoyed it! When I began it, I honestly didn?t think it would be very popular and was surprised by the reviews it?s received. Thank you very much to everyone who has reviewed even one chapter of this story and many more thanks to those people who have reviewed consistently for multiple chapters. You are the inspiration when my creativity dries up (which it sometimes does when I?m too busy with work and school to write) and I really appreciate your words of encouragement and most especially your feedback. Thank you very much!

Please let me know what you think of this chapter and the story as a whole. It took me a week of writing (everyday after work until midnight) to get this chapter out. It is very long, and very emotionally draining, and there were times when the writing was so painful that I just couldn?t get the words to fit together right. There were also times when it flowed and was fun and I?m really curious which parts of the story you liked best, so please let me know.

I would like to give a special thanks to Mizaya for Beta-reading some of these chapters (not all of them?sometimes I was too lazy to edit or was in a hurry) and to thank readers for their patience in putting up with the long waits between updates. Life gets busier the older you get and I struggle for writing time these days.

I would also like to give a shout out to the word ?fenestration? which appears in this chapter because there was a point during the writing when I became so drained of creativity that I started reading the dictionary for inspiration. It totally worked.

And finally, some promotion for the other projects I have going:

FMS is going to be updated, I swear. Mizaya is supposed to write the draft, but she?s been busy with some Ron and Hermoine Harry Potter fanfiction recently, and it?s been well worth her energy. Please be patient with us as we can only do one thing at a time! I am also writing a fic for Princess Tutu called Advent of Glory, in addition to an analysis website for which I would love visits, feedback and contributions! It?s an excellent--if overlooked?anime, particularly if you like fairytales, and especially if you have any interest whatsoever in the art of dance. I think I will also be continuing my Evermore fic for Fruits Basket, though nowadays the summer isn?t really less packed than the school year, so we?ll see how it goes.

Sadly, now that I?ve written the ending, I don?t think I?ll write an epilogue for DotH unless some unforeseen inspiration comes to me. It feels pretty finished. However, because I know some of you must be disappointed with the ending of this story and because I was inspired while I was finishing this last chapter of Desires of the Heart, I will shortly be uploading a 1xR lemon, edited for FF, but posted in full on Blissful Ignorance. It came to me as an AU-ish idea for this story (it won?t be an appendage; just a similar premise), and might spawn into an arc of lemons. Lol.

Thank you very much for everything! I really enjoyed writing this fic and I hope you will leave your thoughts about. I?m sure I?ll be hanging around my computer all night just to read them.

Best wishes,

Zapenstap

[Melina]

WOW......the only thing I can really think to say is that this story is amazing Zap! It's just plain good! You made it easy to relate to the characters and this story was just WOW! Thanx for sharing it with the rest of us

[The Engrish Spy]

I bow to you Zap. This was a beautiful and moving story and though tragic to the bitter end it proved that love can come in all forms and shapes and that it is not always every lasting. I like to thank you for giving me a story over the past three years that I could relate to myself as I had also been through two very hard relationships in which a false trust in what love is and how it's percived.... I can't wait for you update FMS kick Mizaya in the ass for me to get her moving...

Toddles~
Engrish

[sweet_me_beajai]

Comment: For me, this song seems fitting for Zapenstap?s recently finished fic called ?Desires of the Heart?. While listening to this song, the events of the fic seems to materialise in my head. I can?t seem to think of anything articulate to comment with regards to the fic. Perhaps I?m just trying to be a unique reviewer. But this was one of the most well written fanfiction that I have come across, albeit the bittersweet ending. Well done!



Song: Volcano
Artist: Damien Rice
Album: O
Pairing: Heero and Relena (with Heero?s issues)
Lyrics Source: http://lyrics.astraweb.com/

Don't hold yourself like that
You'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around volcanoes melt you down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around volcanoes melt me down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for what I give to you
Is just what i'm going through
This is nothing new
No no just another phase of finding what I really need
Is what makes me bleed
And like a new disease she's still too young to treat
Volcanoes melt me down
She's still too young
I kissed your mouth
You do not need me

[Wingnut]

Good ending. Better than I expected. At least they resolved and came to terms with themselves and each other.

[Mandaba]

as sad as i was to read how they had not gotten back together, reading that they came to terms with each other was good enough. it was a beautifully written and told story.

[perfectpeach]

three words...TT_TT made. me. cry!

[Kaili Charmer]

<~ I promise, that expression is not a bad thing.

Wow, Zap...I have been reading this story since you first posted it on FF.net, and I must say that I was not disappointed at all. Ironically, I have been through 2 different relationships since the beginning of this story as well- I know I posted about how freaky it was that the beginning of this story was dead up like my first relationship.
You're writing was magic. It was so descriptive, so real... Plus, you kept everybody in character, and for that you ought to earn big points. ...if there was some sort of point system with writing fanfiction...

I am so elated that I have read this story from start to finish. Not only does it bring back memories of a lot of truths untold, but it reminds me that perfection is sorely overrated in the mind of naivete, especially with first loves.

Why should you scorn what once made you smile?
It's been a pleasure.

~kai

[krzkid]

you know, there's a difference with loving someone and being in love with them...sometimes we forget that. the ending of the this story is really moving...the way you put the words together was brilliant...for a short moment, i felt the pain but i understood...its not everyday that an author can write a combine a good plot with great prose...great job=)

[medi]

Well, I've finished it. I have to say it was terrible, horrible, emotionally intense and realistic. At the same time it was beautiful, captivating and hearth wrenching. I just couldn't stop reading it. God is my witness I wanted to, but I couldn't. If the DW characters would be real this is how it would happened between them because Heero was screwed up too much.

I had a relationship like this. The guy was beautiful, with rich black hair you only see in Japanese anime, ivory skin and eyes as green as a cats. And he was well on the road of self destruction. I was young and naive so I thought I can change that with love. After two years of misery and heartbreak I ran as if the dogs of hell were after me.

I think you should change the names and publish this. In some Arab countries they do train young children to kill. And they do it without remorse.