Indigo

[Lara Winner]

Indigo

By: Lara Winner
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Tatu - 30 Minutes

Under shade silhouettes
Casting shame
Crying rain

Can we fly do I stay
We could lose, we could fail
Either way, options change
chances fade, Trains derail.

30 minutes, the blink of the eye
30 minutes to alter our lives
30 minutes to make up my mind
30 minutes to finally decide
30 minutes to whisper your name
30 minutes to shoulder the blame
30 minutes of bliss, 30 lies
30 minutes to finally decide


______________________________________________________________________

Kagome?s feelings were written on her face for the world to see. That was her way. It was a part of her personality.

There were times when she wondered why he couldn?t meet her gaze, why he had to look away too embarrassed the let her see the hurt that surfaced? even the longing.

Did he fear the love that reflected in her eyes?

Knowing Inuyasha as she did that was probably his reaction on the mark. But she couldn?t help it. The love wouldn?t go away and she could no more make herself stop feeling then she could make herself not express it. And so he looked away.

Kagome watched him in the early morning moonlight. In less than an hour the sun would rise beginning a new day, one that would require a choice before nightfall. The anticipation of tomorrow was too raw for sleep so she sat on her sleeping bag letting the silence keep her company.

The soft embers of the fire had dwindled down long ago yet the trees of the forest still loomed in the darkness adding to the thread of apprehension that wound about her heart. Inuyasha?s presence was a comfort but his distance was the cause of her fear. While only sitting a few feet apart there may as well have been a canyon between them.

The hanyou sat propped with his back to a tree as he stared off into the distance seeing what she could only imagine. He was tense and alert as if knowing what was on her mind and waiting for her to turn her musings into words. They had remained on this threshold for the better part of the night and he had yet to look her way.

Kagome expected no less and it made the burdens she bore all that much easier to speak of. If only she could find the words to do her heart justice?

Now was the time, of that she was certain. Once their companions awoke it would be time to continue their travels back to Kaede?s village. Once there they would be joined by Kikyo and it would be time to discuss the Shikon no Tama and what wish should be made to banish the jewel?s power forever.

It had been four days since Naraku?s demise. This was the final stretch of the journey. The coming day would see the end of her fudal fairy tale. It was the moment she had been dreading for months and now would be her only chance to say what needed to be said.

But the hours of silent thought were not wasted for Kagome. She had come to a very important decision of her own.

Twisting the lined fabric of her sleeping bag, she sighed. "Inuyasha?"

His ears perked in her direction but otherwise there was no sign he had heard her.

Still she trudged on, "Have you decided what to wish for?"

The hanyou was silent for so long that she feared he wasn?t going to answer when he finally shrugged carelessly. "Maybe."

"Oh." When he didn?t elaborate she pressed, "Will you tell me?"

"Keh, you?ll find out later nosy bitch."

"Speaking of later?" He left her the prefect opening. Kagome couldn?t have orchestrated it better herself and smiled mirthlessly. "I?m going to return home today,"

"How long are you staying this time?"

"I? I don?t think? I?m coming back." She forced the bitter tasting words past her lips.

"Oh."

Inuyasha didn?t even bat an eye.

Kagome blinked. Her heart accelerated into a furious pounding as her throat tightened painfully. He really doesn?t care, she realized. She had hoped he?d be upset, or at the very least concerned, but his careless answer was the manifestation of her worst fears.

"Don?t you have anything to say besides Oh?"

"Not really." he shrugged.

It was like a blow to the chest. For a moment all the air seemed to leave her lungs as her heart twisted into a knot of pure anguish. In all their short time together his disregard had never cut her quite as deeply as it did tonight when the future would be altered irrevocably by their choices.

Kagome?s hands twisted the material of her sleeping bag in her distress as she asked in a wavering voice, "So you want me to leave?"

"You?ve decided right? Then go. I won?t stop you." he snapped.

The hanyou?s tone sparked her own anger and she cast him a withering glare. "Now that the Shikon no Tama is complete I never expected you to."

He said nothing in his defense. Kagome felt the bitter well of tears burn the back of her eyes but feared to blink. She willed the hanyou to look at her, but he didn?t. His distant stare remained fixed on the darkness as if he could find all he needed there.

After a few long moments Kagome was able to compose herself enough to offer, "If you want I?ll take off the prayer beads when we reach the village. You won?t need them anymore."

Again he gave a listless shrug, "Doesn?t matter. I was going to have Kikyo remove ?em anyway."

Kagome?s hard won composure crumbled and she hissed, "Are you trying to hurt me? Its bad enough that I?m going to leave a very big part of my life behind but do you have to rub it in that you have Kikyo now!" Or that you?re stupid enough to die for her?

"At least she keeps her promises!" he countered folding his arms and tucking his clenched fists in the sleeves of his haori.

"Inuyasha?"

"You promised you would see this through till the end and I thought that-" abruptly he trailed off with a firm shake of his head, "never mind. Forget it. Its better if you leave. I might actually have some peace and quiet for once."

"Stop it!"

"What?" Inuyasha asked with cluelessness that only he could play off believably.

Kagome wasn?t buying it. "You?re being mean on purpose so just stop."

"The truth hurts." he growled, "That?s not my fault."

"The truth?" she huffed incredulously, "You?re one to talk about truth. You?ve never given me a straight answer, ever. I always have to fill in the blanks because you skirt the issue or run away."

"I?m not the one running away now, am I?"

Touch?.

But Kagome wouldn?t call her necessary actions as running. She knew when to lay her cards on the table and give up the bluff. The game was ending and the final round was hailing her as the looser. Was it wrong that she would want to walk away with a few shreds of dignity left?

Yet part of her wanted so desperately to hope?

"Then give me a reason to come back." she whispered softly. Make me stay.

Inuyasha was silent for a long moment. Then his chin dropped to his chest and his eyes slid shut as if exhausted with the conversation. "I can?t."

"Can?t or won?t?" Kagome had to clarify.

"Until Kikyo comes to a decision with me I can?t make one with you." he said tolerantly, as if she should already know. Still, it was hard to miss the accusatory note his deep voice as he asked, "But you?re not even going stay and see what happens next, are you?

Kagome couldn?t disagree so offered her reasons instead, "You know how I feel about you. Do you think I can stand by and watch Kikyo demand that you die for her? I would interfere. I?d even stoop as low as to beg you not to go with her."

You know I?d beg. I?d even take your place?

"And you should never have to beg anyone for anything Kagome." He lifted his head once again, this time with renewed determination his eyes? eyes that still could not look her way, "Like I said, I?m not going to stop you from leaving."

It was all crumbling so fast. Her dreams and her future with Inuyasha were fading faster than she could draw in choking breaths to keep the flood of hurtful tears at bay.

It as if a tennis ball was lodged in her throat as she said, "So this is it then? Either way I loose you."

"You never had me. You knew I wasn?t free to start? anything. I got the jewel back and you helped me. I owe you for that. But anything else is not fair to any of us until Kikyo and I work things out one way or the other."

You?re right. I never had you, she realized sadly. She had read so much more into whet they had shared. She had thought it was love, something that could bind them together no matter what, but she was wrong. So very wrong.

There was only one thing left to do.

Kagome braced herself for the heartbreak and took the fall. "Then the least you can do is look me eye and let me take back my promise by saying it ends now. Can?t you give me that much respect?"

She waited for the words that would sever all the fragile bindings she had created with Inuyasha, but they didn?t come. He opened his mouth, then closed it and tried again but still he couldn?t say it.

Slowly, almost hesitantly his head turned toward her. He took a deep breath and raised his amber eyes to meet hers. "I?m not saying that and you?re not taking back shit! Not when Kikyo might not need me anymore."

So it was better to use her as his fall back crutch. His precious consolation prize. When he couldn?t have the one he wanted why not settle of her lacking imitation?

No. I?m worth more than that?

"You don?t care if I leave and you won?t let me go. So what now? Do I really need to hang around and see the way you look at her?" the first hot tear slid down her cheek as she pushed the knife deeper, "The way you could never bring yourself to look at me."

Kagome knew she would never forget the raw look that crept into his golden eyes at that moment. There was so much emotion she was almost forced to look away but the coarseness of his voice held her transfixed.

"I told you I won?t stop you. If you want to leave then go. But I?m not going to say its okay, or that I?m happy about it or that I fucking want this! Because I don?t!"

I don?t want this either?

Could she bend just a little more? Would it finally break her if she gave him one last chance to mend the hole he left in her heart.

Kagome knew she would. It was why she stayed by his side this long. Because she loved him and even if he didn?t feel the same he couldn?t take that away from her. Her love was hers to give and she knew without an answer either way she would never be able to move on and love again.

She would see this through till the end, but with a stipulation?

"I?m gonna go home." She said softly, "If Kikyo lets you go then I?ll be waiting. If you choose to die or live with her then I?ll know when you don?t come for me. That?s the best I can do Inuyasha."

He looked away as more tears began to slip free down her pale face. "If I make the wish then what if I can?t get through the well?"

Her voice trembling, Kagome repeated what Kaede had explained. "A part of my soul is still here in Kikyo. I doubt the well will close and I?m not cruel enough to take it back from her. If you keep the prayer beads then you can come to me even if the jewel is purified."

"Oh."

She wanted to scream but couldn?t. She needed to cry and that she could do something about, so Kagome turned her back to Inuyasha and laid down, letting the conversation end so her tears could fall silently into her pillow.

"Good night Inuyasha."

I hope its not goodbye?

______________________________________________________________________

A.N. - Yes, this is where the story ends. Blame Takahashi for dragging the manga out. This was just a piece I wrote while wondering about what Kagome and Inuyasha could say to each other without knowing how it all will end. I?m not going to promise a follow up fic but maybe oneday I?ll write one. We?ll see. As for right now this is where it stands and I?ll leave it at that.

As for my other stories? "In the Blood" is still in progress. I know it?s been a while since my last update but inspiration is coming more slowly now days. Not to mention I?ve been focusing on a series of original stories that I?ve been wanting to work on a few years. Original character development and plot lines are very time consuming and I haven?t even begun writing it yet. I?m still working out the kinks and planning the stories very carefully.

I?m not abandoning fanfiction but I will say that stories may not come as quickly anymore. I have other priorities that are taking up a lot of my time now. It sucks having to be an adult with a ton of responsibilities but it happens to us all.

I want to thank each an every one of my readers for all the support I?ve been given. The last five years were great and I wouldn?t trade them for the world. In case I?ve never expressed my gratitude enough I have to say that I love you guys. You really are the best!

[Leia Avenrose]

Goodness.... I've just had my own problem that sounds so similar to this, but only the guy that is in my life right now doesn't sound as heartless as you made Inuyasha to be. Just picture ME as Kagome, and the guy as Inuyasha, and then the other girl, who BELIEVE IT OR NOT!, is his ex-girlfriend...

Or used to be. :/

Good story, btw. Very heartfelt; gave me a different look into Inuyasha.

[ice princess]

Random side note: You've got to be kidding, Leia. Wow, that sounds heartless, okay, what I mean is, I can't believe you're having to endure a similar situation. Did that once in college, please, God, no more. I'm glad that the guy you're dealing with isn't as afraid as Inuyasha is in this amazing fic.

Yes, I cried when I read this, and in truth, mostly for Inuyasha, because he's being a bastard based on fear and despair. He's sacrificing anything he may feel for Kagome because of the fear he's learned to rely on throughout his life and the despair over owing and being saddled by his past. I cried for her, too, for her open, bleeding, but oh-so-aware heart. I cried because as an observer I can see how silly their silence is, how proud they're being while hiding behind masks of honor and duty, and how lonely and trivial their time together *may* have become. Guess I'm not getting an optimistic opinion of the possible 'ending' huh? I don't know...really, there's no fairy-tale ending available for these two; in reality, what would they do to make it work? Would Kagome stay in the past? Would Inuyasha even be able to survive in the present? Is she even old enough to make such a final decision?

This is very realistic, even more realistic than the actual series may be...but what were you saying about this is where the story really ends? Do you mean this is Takahashi's true ending (I know the manga isn't over, but maybe you've got inside info or whatnot) or this is the final ending to this particular fanfiction?

And this is random, too, but if anyone knows and they want to share, how does the anime end? I hear it just kind of drops off into never-never land. What a let-down.

Back to this story. Simply, it was heart-breaking and I loved it. My heart dropped when the weight of their *reality* sank in, and frankly, I look like Leia's breathtaking Amidala icon, sniffling and wailing, although not while wearing such a pretty, frilly dress. Nor am I sobbing over Hayden Christensen, big fat double-damn in that respect (lord, he's beautiful). But again, this piece was poignant and simple and perfect, and it made me *ache*. Magnificent job.

~ice princess

[Noko Marie]

Geeze. And I thought I was affected. But I guess not.

::Sigh:: even though I'm right up there for experience city, there are many things that just haven't happened. Would I be the same person now if they had?

The first thing one would want to say is "No." But that's not really true; even without betrayal one is betrayed by the inevitable and fickle action of life itself. Things go on and your heart is cast under a cloud anyway by the very situation that you fought so hard to get into.

I remember my parents saying; (only half-jokingly) it only gets worse from here. Man, are they ever masters of understatement! And yet, it could've been worse. I could have been twisting love out of someone I really liked and trying to face reality at the same time. That would've been horrible.

For the fic: Inuyasha would be more conciliatory and less tired; Kagome less bitter and more willing to wait "One more day." That's pretty much the way of things and how operational relationships work.

Takahashi is not here to solve your love problems. Inuyasha is a monster story. I suspect she's taking the extra time to gather up her mess of a story and finish it properly: No rushed endings to make people mad, no over played out "sure things" once the business is finished

The funny thing being is that people are monsters and act that way. Accept it and your sight might clear a little.

Or, we could all be reading way too much into this post and you are just feeling pretty dry of stories. In that case I'll miss you. It was one of yours that was the first fanfiction I ever read. One of my daughters handed it to me as something cool they found on the computer and I liked it even though you misspelled nearly everything.

That's O. K., punctuation is mine to play with...

[Lara Winner]

I liked it even though you misspelled nearly everything.

LOL! Spelling was never my strong point. And to think I used to be even worse...

how does the anime end? I hear it just kind of drops off into never-never land. What a let-down.

If you can even call it an ending. The series draws to a close with Kagome coming back through the well like she always does and nothing is resolved with Naraku. They just drop it off quite suddenly leaving you to read the manga to see what happens next.

As for why I said blame Takahashi for the story was that the manga has not yet come to an end so there really was no way to conclude this story and I was trying to stay with the anime/manga plot while giving the fic my own little twist at the same time.

And there is a reason I made Inuyasha such a 'heartless bastard" in this fic. Unlike he and Kagome's usual discussions about Kikyo and their relationship and what they feel (or as close as they come to saying anything in that regard) this time was supposed to be more final. He knows that there is no longer tomorrow to say this stuff. Kagome has no real reason to stay and he can't ask her to because he doesn't know what Kikyo wants from him yet. Since we do see Kikyo's character change a bit since way back when she first wanted him to die, it a fifty/fifty chance over what she'll ask of him.

I also tried to bring up another point with this, though it wasn't actually stated. Inu knows that Kikyo will have no one now that Kaede is older and about to kick the proverbial bucket. If she lets him live and wants to live with him (as much as she can being dead and all) then he's going to fulfill the obligation to stay with her because Kagome has family, friends and life back in her time. And I think deep down he doubts his ability to fit into Kagome's life. He really doesn't realize how much she loves him. He only understands that he loves her and to him that isn't going to be good enough.

As for Kagome. we all know how her moods swing from loving him to hating him and back to loving him. Her deciding to leave was half-hearted at first but then he angers her and she then feels that maybe leaving is best, but once Inu says that he really doesn't want her to go and she sees how much he's trying to hide it from her, as always, she relents and agrees to wait for him, but not without her own doubts about her place in his life.

And I'm going to throw this out there because it did cross my mind... if you really want a sequel to this then you can use "Virtue's End". This was the situation I had envisioned when it says that Kagome waited for Inu to come to her and he did, only a little too late...

*dodges sharp flying objects* I'm gonna go hide now!

[Mellie]

I just read this and thought it was amazing! Your portrayal of emotion really pulled me through until the very end. I wish there was a more concrete ending, but I agree with trying to keep it within the story's parameters. Excellent job.

And if I don't see you around, good luck with everything!

[Leia Avenrose]

Random side note: You've got to be kidding, Leia. Wow, that sounds heartless, okay, what I mean is, I can't believe you're having to endure a similar situation. Did that once in college, please, God, no more. I'm glad that the guy you're dealing with isn't as afraid as Inuyasha is in this amazing fic.

And this is random, too, but if anyone knows and they want to share, how does the anime end? I hear it just kind of drops off into never-never land. What a let-down.

Back to this story. Simply, it was heart-breaking and I loved it. My heart dropped when the weight of their *reality* sank in, and frankly, I look like Leia's breathtaking Amidala icon, sniffling and wailing, although not while wearing such a pretty, frilly dress. Nor am I sobbing over Hayden Christensen, big fat double-damn in that respect (lord, he's beautiful). But again, this piece was poignant and simple and perfect, and it made me *ache*. Magnificent job.

~ice princess

I THINK they might do some OVAs or SOMETHING; I'm not entirely sure, honestly. *scowls deeply, shaking fist* UNLIKE FMA! UGH! :evil: :evil: How could they do that to poor Ed?!?!?!??!?!?! *wails brokenly* I'd sob over Hayden Christensen anyday, hun, he is just ... damn, he IS beautiful, and makes a gorgeously hot Anakin Skywalker... *daydreams*

I didn't like the outcome of my Amidala icon, honestly... >_<

[AidbiA]

And I'm going to throw this out there because it did cross my mind... if you really want a sequel to this then you can use "Virtue's End". This was the situation I had envisioned when it says that Kagome waited for Inu to come to her and he did, only a little too late...

OMG, believe it or not but that was one of the first things that popped into my mind after reading this story. It's kind of odd how I was always curious about the circumstances that lead to the events in Virtue'e End and then you go and write Indigo. I don't think you could have planned it anymore masterfully with these two stories. Magnificant writing as always, aside from the spelling typos but that's what a beta is for. Anyways, can't wait to read what you're working on next.

[ice princess]

omg, thinking about virtue's end being the sequel just makes me bawl harder. Those two can never get a break. Angst, love it, hate it. AUG!!!

~ice princess

[Hitomi Lei]

I?m not abandoning fanfiction but I will say that stories may not come as quickly anymore. I have other priorities that are taking up a lot of my time now. It sucks having to be an adult with a ton of responsibilities but it happens to us all.

I know exactly what you mean...RL sux sometimes...But it's part of getting older...

I *heart* this story...and you know...I think I'd want it to end with Inuyasha picking Kikyou and Kagome moving on....

Seems more realistic somehow....

Sad though....

Sigh...hope to see ya soon!!

Love ya chica!!

HL