Desires of the Heart Chapter 24/25

[zapenstap]

Desires of the Heart

Chapter 24

By Zapenstap


The building was roped off with white ribbon before the first limousine arrived; a large section just beyond the steps sanctioned off for the explicit privilege of the press and designed to contain it there. Beyond the red carpet, passed the giant glass doors flung open to welcome the throng, special-pass news reporters, lobbyists, and spin talkers thronged in whirlpools and eddies that circulated around the notable politicians and policy-makers that roamed the black-tiled lobby just in front of the auditorium. Inside, technicians, building maintenance and event staff personnel milled around making last-minute adjustments to the equipment on stage and the seating arrangements in the audience before the crowd outside could be let in and seated.

Relena was the only notable who had snuck into the auditorium early just to escape the mob in the lobby. Most of her colleagues were taking the opportunity to campaign to the public, but Relena simply didn?t have the energy. Even though she had agreed to introduce him, she didn?t have the same passion for Tom Avery as a candidate for ESUN president that brought so many others out in force tonight. Avery was a qualified, level-headed and dedicated politician, but not much more; he simply lacked the luster that would serve to inspire Relena on a day like this.

She had also taken the opportunity to duck in here because she had seen a few Preventors roaming the hallways, those who were specifically called in for standard security, and also a few in disguise. The disguises didn?t fool Relena; she knew half of the department by face and name because there were Preventors at every public (and sometimes private) event she attended, whether they were asked to be there or not, and she made a point to identify who was secretly watching out for her. More often than not, the Preventors were there for her specific protection. She just hated to be reminded of it, especially when she felt so down about herself and her work in the world, and she didn?t want to be forced into conversation with anyone she and Heero both knew.

At least she had the peace of mind of knowing that Heero himself would not be here, not tonight and never again, not if he obeyed her wish. At least there was that. She wouldn?t have to worry about running into him. It was bad enough walking around with a heart that seemed made of clear, hollow glass without having to worry about it shattering.

Standing at her side just below the stage, Relena?s lobbyist companion Olivia looked at her with concern. ?Are you all right? You look a little pale. Have you eaten today??

?I just need some peace and quiet,? Relena replied, shaking her head and blinking her eyes as if she had a headache. ?Maybe I am a little hungry. There?s a room in back which provides refreshments. I?ll be back in a moment.? She took a few strides toward the stage and bit back a sigh as Olivia moved to follow. ?You don?t have to come with me.?

?No, it?s all right,? Olivia replied, either oblivious to the subtle request to be alone or determined against it. ?I don?t mind. I could use some coffee if there?s any available.?

Climbing onto the stage, Relena ignored the curious looks of the event staff and led the way behind the curtains, slipping unceremoniously into the dark-paneled entrance just to the right of the stage. Olivia followed doggedly as Relena made her path backstage to a door in the back that opened into an empty conference-style room where a water dispenser, coffee, and doughnuts had been set beside a large rectangular table for those who would appear on stage during the two or three hour event. After holding the door open long enough for Olivia to pass by her, Relena let the heavy white door swing shut on her heeled shoes and headed to the water dispenser for something cool to splash down her throat.

?Is this a secure area?? Olivia asked, glancing around the tiny room suspiciously as if looking for cameras.

?Yes,? Relena replied. She downed her cup of water and refilled it before pulling out a chair to sit in. ?We?re allowed to talk in here. Why? Is there something on your mind??

Olivia pulled out a second chair and sat down facing her, looking anxiously into her face. ?Forgive me, Miss Relena, but you haven?t been yourself recently and it has been distressing the people around you. I thought maybe you might want to talk.?

Relena stared at Olivia?s freckled face and bouncing curls and wondered what on earth she was supposed to say.

?I know that what you had going with that young man?Heero??didn?t work out,? Olivia interjected, speaking quickly as if embarrassed and feeling the need to rush just to get the words out. ?Not that I listen to rumors, but I?ve had plenty of trouble with men myself and I know the signs. I thought maybe you might want to talk about that? It?s okay if you don?t, but?? She trailed off when Relena made no indication that she was going to respond, faced flushed so that her freckles seemed to pop out of her skin. ?I hope I haven?t offended you.?

?I?m not offended,? Relena said. ?I just don?t know what to say about it. It?s over.?

Just because her relationship with Heero was over didn?t mean she was over it, but she had kept her feelings so bottled in that they were difficult to talk about. Her emotions were pressurized to the point that she felt like a whining tea kettle left too long on the boiler. She hadn?t been able to tell Wufei everything, not about how stupid and dirty she felt for sleeping with a man who did not love her, giving her heart and body to him only to be stepped on and cast aside without regret. She sensed that Olivia?s offer to listen was an honest approach and not the malicious addiction of a gossip, and that eased her distress, but only a little. She really did want to talk about it; she just didn?t know how to say what she felt without making herself feel even worse about everything, as if admitting that she felt spoilt would take it out of her control and make it real.

?Well maybe you could tell me what happened? I mean why you broke up?? Olivia ventured bravely.

?Oh, he just? We didn?t want the same things,? Relena said a little too quickly, and knew she sounded evasive. ?He didn?t feel the same way that I did about the relationship.? The pain trapped in her breast welled up with the words, but she forced it down, listening to the steady pounding of her heart and wondering why it didn?t burst right out of her chest. There was so much she was feeling.

Olivia was silent for a minute, possibly thinking about what she could say that would be comforting but not too personal, but the longer she was quiet, the more the emotions trapped in Relena?s heart fought for release, and she found herself lurching into speech again before the other woman could say a word.

?He never loved me,? she said, and the more she talked the easier it was to keep going. ?He never loved me, but I loved him. I thought he was the one.? For some reason, it was the last part that was hardest to bear; that she loved him and had wanted him in her life always. It was that that made everything so difficult for her, the unrequited feeling that couldn?t be satisfied and wouldn?t dissipate. She leaned her fevered forehead against the back wall, slumping slightly in her chair. ?He was also my first,? she said finally, and it was a great relief to say it, even as she was terrified by the secrets, the evidence of mistakes made, that were coming out of her mouth. ?I slept with him thinking he was in love with me, and I was so happy. It was what I had been dreaming about for years, and then?? She felt tears coming and immediately stopped speaking, deadening her mind and heart to avoid that kind of outburst, thinking of nothing but blank white space.

?It fell apart?? Olivia finished for her. ?Did he tell you he loved you to get you in bed??

?No,? Relena said, and sighed half in relief and half in bitterness. ?In his defense, I have to admit that he never lied to me openly about how he felt, but I almost wish he had. At least then I wouldn?t feel like such an idiot. I gave up everything of myself for him. And I don?t just mean my virginity. I believed in everything we had together. Even though we had never discussed where it was going or how we felt about each other, I still believed that he and I shared the same vision, and that we had finally come together in a way that would last forever. I thought I had been put on Earth to fight for him, to ease his pains and be there for him. I thought he had come to Earth to believe in me. I thought we were made for each other. It never even crossed my mind that he wouldn?t love me.?

Olivia?s expression reflected the sorrow Relena felt. ?First love experiences are often painful ones.?

?I just wish I hadn?t slept with him,? Relena murmured into the empty space just beyond her lips, almost too low to be heard. ?If I could take back anything, it would be that.?

?Really?? Olivia said, sounding surprised. ?Why??

Relena stared at the far wall, thinking of how she had dismantled her own resistance just to experience the pleasure of Heero?s body in an expression of love only to find out that he didn?t feel the same way. She had delighted so much in their intimacy; it was such a shock to learn how little regard he must have given to it, and likewise to her. ?It wasn?t what I imagined for myself. I wanted it to be worth more than that. I wanted to feel like I was worth more than that. I wanted it to be loving. I wanted it to be beautiful.?

Olivia blinked at her. ?I really don?t think that having had sex with the first love of your life is such a big thing to get upset about. Who knows? You might have regretted it more if you didn?t. I mean, it?s terrible that that he didn?t love you the way you wanted, but you can?t predict that and it doesn?t mean it was all bad.?

Relena lifted her head in amazement. ?What?s that supposed to mean? Are you saying that it doesn?t matter whether or not he loves me if he?s going to sleep with me??

?No, if it matters to you, then it matters. I?m just saying don?t blow it out of proportion. In general I think a lot of girls expect more than they get when it comes to sex.?

Relena just stared. ?What do you think I should have expected??

The other woman flushed. ?Don?t be angry. It?s not necessarily you. I?m just saying that, realistically, sex isn?t the experience most people expect it to be, especially girls. Not that it?s our fault exactly. I mean, as a gender we?re told a lot of lies, or nothing at all, and encouraged to believe a lot of nonsense about Princes riding white horses down from the clouds to rescue us from mediocrity by carrying us off to be married in castles. But honey, in case you?re still holding out, I?m here to let you know that men like that don?t exist.?

?I know that,? she snapped. She had told herself that same thing a hundred times. ?But telling myself that Heero isn?t perfect and that I shouldn?t expect too much is what got me into this is the first place. I never said what I wanted so I got nothing. What are you saying? That I should just take what I can get??

?No, but it sounds to me that you?re talking as if what you expect out of a relationship and what you expect out of sex is the exact same thing, and that only one kind of relationship and only one kind of sexual relations is acceptable. If that?s what you believe to be true, then those are your expectations, but you can?t expect everyone to believe that.?

Relena leaned over her knees and rubbed her temples. ?You?re saying what everyone says: That I?m too idealistic.? She shook a little in her chair, little anxious tremors passing through her body. Olivia had hit a cord close to her heart and it struck her like a bell. ?I already know this about myself. I know it makes people uncomfortable, and that it even makes people hate me. I just don?t know how to make myself believe in anything less than I do.?

Olivia?s expression was sympathetic, not judgmental, and she spoke softly. ?You just need to communicate your expectations.?

?Why?? she asked rhetorically, even bitterly. She knew that what Olivia was saying was true, for she had tallied up all of her mistakes already, but it didn?t make her less angry, or more forgiving of either Heero or herself. ?Wouldn?t that just scare them all away? My ideals have never been popular.?

Olivia shook her head. ?Miss Relena, forgive me, but don?t say that. If you must know, you are like a hero to me. Just not for anything remotely related to your love life, and especially not your sex life. There are a lot of other people I could lobby and possibly with quicker results, but the thought of having your ear, of being able to talk to you about a cause that is so passionate to me? Miss Relena, you inspire people. So many impossible things that you have believed in despite all opposition happened. Don?t you see how incredible that is??

?But it?s an illusion,? she said. ?You just said so yourself. Not just with Heero, but everything I?ve done. The peace we have today? I didn?t create it. The Sank Kingdom that I created was destroyed, and no law or treaty or supposition I have ever submitted has materialized the way I envisioned it. All that we have now is the workings of larger bodies of people, not me.?

?But illusions have to die before they?re worth anything! Relena, if not for your grand visions, nobody would think beyond what they can see from their bedroom windows. You give people a rainbow to chase, a star to shoot for, a dream to believe in, and even if it turns out to be a mirage, people are inspired to work together to realize some aspect of the illusion. Don?t you think that is worth something? Having dreams like yours to believe in?even if they don?t look the way you thought they were going to look when they are realized?is better than having no dreams at all.?

?Is it?? she asked, not really able to look at Olivia or see herself in the other woman?s eyes. It was clear why she and Olivia had never really become friends, despite all the time they had spent together. The other woman idolized her, and it was not possible to build an honest friendship on a dream. That was the way it was with nearly everyone she knew. They all loved her at a distance, as a sort of icon to admire, but up close she was frustrating, difficult to please, and just too good to be real. She just expected too much out of everybody.

She thought of Heero and her illusion of a shared life with him?no, the illusion of him she had built in her head and had forced to belong to her. She had tried to make him real, her idea of him, at least, and to make that idea her own, to make the whole dream real. And it just wasn?t.

She truly was a fool.

But what of what Olivia had said? If she stopped pretending and enabled herself to see Heero as he was, and their relationship as it was, as it really was, could something good, or at least better, come out of it? Anything had to be better than the hate she felt for Heero now and the self-loathing she felt for herself at having been deceived and used by someone she had loved. But what good could possibly come from that? Would he come to love her after all, to believe in her dream as she did? No. It was useless to think of what might be. No matter what she did, she could not change Heero?s heart.

And the condition of his heart was painfully clear. Heero didn?t love her. He had never loved her. Maybe he couldn?t control that, but that wasn?t what made her feel so angry and so hurt. If he didn?t love her, why had he never mentioned it? Why hadn?t he told her she was delusional before she had given everything away? Instead he had taken her out, kissed her, held her, persuaded her to stay over, slept with her? and never felt the need to tell her that it wasn?t for love. What had it all been for then? What could he possibly say to her that would make any of that okay?

Her hand crushed the little paper cup from the dispenser into a mangled, misshapen shape and she tossed it into the trash.

She didn?t know what their relationship had looked like to Heero, or why he had chosen to remain silent about his feelings, and she wasn?t sure she wanted to hear his side of the story. After all, if his explanation, whatever that might be, somehow took away her anger, then she would have no one left to blame and everything that she had felt up until now would be her fault. She was afraid that if she let him talk, she would give him a way to make excuses. After all, if he didn?t love her, why bother caring how she felt now that things were through between them? She was terrified that her heart would give in to him whatever he said and that she would take the failure of the relationship as a personal flaw, internalizing it as something that she was solely responsible for, and she was tired of doing that all the time. Why did love have to be so painful?

?Miss Relena?? Olivia said worriedly.

?I?ll be okay,? she said tiredly.

The truth was she was depressed, and angry, and disappointed, and she didn?t know how to expel those feelings from her system when their object was too callous to be hurt. She didn?t want to hate Heero and she didn?t want to be disappointed in herself, but she didn?t know how to feel any other way with the past nipping at her heels with unanswered questions and her emotions sparking into a furious fire at every irritation.

At this point, all she wanted was to be left alone.


**************


Heero patrolled the hallways just behind the auditorium with a loaded gun tucked onto the holder at his waist, checking every empty room for anything suspicious and ducking out of sight suspiciously himself whenever he heard someone coming. As he wore a Preventor?s coat and headset that Trowa had wordlessly handed to him when he stepped off the bus, it was not event staff or security that he was hiding from.

He had carefully deliberated coming here at all, had mapped out precisely what he would do should any unexpected event take place, including all disasters involving a terrorist attack or rabble-rousing riot, but what he was not sure about was what he would do if he somehow ran into Relena.

So he kept out of sight as much as possible.

He knew he ought to forget worrying about her and just do his job, but even as he executed every aspect of security by the book, he couldn?t stop thinking about what she would do if she saw him, and what he would say in return. The more he thought about it the more things he thought of to say. Maybe he was feeling guilty over Mandred and was thinking what the older man would advise he should do, which would certainly involve talking to Relena, but though there was plenty that had been left unsaid, Heero wasn?t sure that saying it would change anything for the better. All he knew was that he was uncomfortable with the way things had ended.

She hated him. And though he would never admit it, that piece of information stung worse than any physical blow she could have given him. It wasn?t that he loved her, nor that he ever had, but his feelings for her were more complicated than he suspected she believed. He certainly hadn?t wanted to hurt her. He definitely didn?t want her to hate him, or expel him from her presence.

He figured it was best to avoid her. Showing up when she had specifically ordered him to stay away would only hurt her further and it would be painfully awkward besides. He didn?t think he could hide the fact that he had been thinking about her, and even missing her when the sun went down and he was alone in his house, but he didn?t want to send her the wrong messages. Her presence livened things up somewhat, and having a woman to take care of made it easier to forget the past and the lacerations it had left on his mind, but taking comfort in Relena and missing that comfort didn?t mean he loved her. He saw now that he had looked at things too simply. He enjoyed their intimacy, her gentle touch, her softness, the smooth quality of her skin. For whatever reason it just hadn?t occurred to him that she would read so much more into it so quickly. He had gone into the whole thing expecting little but the satisfaction of his curiosity, knowing it would be difficult enough just having the same someone around all the time. He hadn?t thought that he would be expected to learn how to interact with a woman and fall in love all at once.

The complication inherent in a relationship was more than he had prepared for. He wasn?t used to dealing with his own emotions, much less someone else?s. And his ignorance had hurt them both.

He had lied about not being affected by the war. Or if he hadn?t lied outright, he had avoided talking about something that was clearly a dark cloud in his mind. Certainly it had a powerful bearing on where he was at now; after all, until a few years ago it was all he was. It might be that he was not ready to love anybody and his timing with Relena was simply off, or maybe someone else would be better suited to his needs. He didn?t know, but he after seeing how much his silence had hurt her, he realized that it was unfair not to have told her so. He thought that maybe he was afraid of ruining the image of him that she has crafted so exactly in her mind.

When he heard voices approaching from the other end of the corridor, he slipped inside the room he had just checked, listening with his back pressed up against the wall to the sounds of boots pacing the wood floors.

?I thought he went down this way,? a familiar voice said in a mystified tone. ?Heero??

Replacing the gun in its holder, Heero stepped out from behind the door into Trowa and Duo?s eye line, on hand gripping the edge of the doorframe. Trowa met his stare blankly, stopping to cross his arms over his chest, but Duo blinked in surprise. Heero was also surprised. When Trowa had called him in to help with the security, he hadn?t realized any of the others would also be present.

?There you are,? Duo said, scratching his head. ?I was just about to call Quatre and see if he knew where you were.?

?Quatre?s here too?? Heero asked darkly. ?Why so many? What?s going on??

?What do you mean?? Trowa asked him. ?I told you we?re unsure what kind of threat this is. I called in anyone who might be able to help. Quatre is in the lobby. He?s here for business reasons. He?s not decked out as a Preventor, but he agreed to keep an eye out for anything suspicious.?

?What exactly are we looking for?? Heero asked. ?I?ve been through all these corridors and I haven?t seen signs of anything suspicious yet.?

?Wufei and I were both sent an anonymous tip that something might happen during the speeches,? Trowa answered. ?We don?t have any leads and we couldn?t track down the informant. I told you that you didn?t have to come, but I thought you might want to be present, especially since the situation is not contained.?

Heero didn?t say anything. There was an awkward moment of silence.

?Um, Relena will be introducing Avery as he makes his acceptance speech as a candidate for ESUN president in a few minutes,? Duo ventured. ?Shouldn?t at least one of us be in the auditorium to make sure nothing happens??

Both he and Trowa turned to look at Heero, Duo curiously and Trowa with a flicker in his eyes that might have been disapproval. For the way he had treated Relena? Heero returned both their looks with a leveling stare that could knock them both flat. ?She doesn?t want me to protect her,? he said tonelessly. ?She doesn?t want to see me ever again. I don?t want to risk her even knowing I was here.?

Duo whistled and shook his head. ?Man, I?m sorry. Girls screw around with your head.? Heero grunted, but didn?t say anything. Duo was clueless sometimes, but he appreciated the loyalty.

?You?d never forgive yourself if something happened to that girl,? Trowa said. His expression had not changed a whisker. ?What happened between you that she doesn?t even want you around to protect her life??

Heero let nothing show on his face, controlling his voice so that every sound had the same tone and intensity as the ones before and after its utterance. ?It?s none of your business.? The truth was it was too painful to talk about. Relena had told him she hated him, that he killed her just by being around her. He wanted her to understand what he felt for her, that it wasn?t love, but it certainly wasn?t indifference, and that the way things were now was starting to kill him too. But he didn?t know how to say it. No one else had to know anything about it.

He turned to walk away. ?I?ll keep an eye on the stage,? he said over his shoulder, ?but get someone else to guard the doors. That?s too obvious a location.?

?Wufei can do it,? Trowa called back. ?You should stay on the East wing. No one will see you in the shadows on that side, but if there?s trouble, we?ll be counting on you to get anyone unprotected on stage somewhere safe. You?ll be closest if anything happens.?

?Try to see that it doesn?t,? he said, and headed for the auditorium.


**************


?He?s going to be mad if he finds out,? Duo said, putting his hands behind his head and looking up at the ceiling where the lights hummed from behind their glass casings.

?He won?t find out if you don?t blab about it,? Trowa told the other pilot brusquely. ?Just do your job the way you?re supposed to. There are more people here besides Relena and we don?t want anybody hurt tonight.?

Duo sighed and followed as Trowa started checking rooms where Heero left off. ?How do you even know something is going to happen? What exactly did this guy say??

The message had just appeared on Trowa?s computer. A window had opened while he was comparing numbers for a routine investigation and a simple question wrote itself before his very eyes in pale green letters across a black background. There had been no name, no address, and no way that knew of to trace the message. ?He informed me about the speech that Tom Avery is giving tonight, and that Relena was going to be here to introduce him. Then he told me that there is going to be an incident, and that I had better have people I trust in place to secure the area.?

?He didn?t say Relena specifically was in danger??

?No,? Trowa said, ?but it was implied that whatever is going to happen has something to do with her. That?s why I called Heero, or one reason anyway.?

?Why did our mystery man contact you, I wonder? You?re not even a full-time Preventor.?

?I don?t know.? The message had vanished as soon as he responded and he hadn?t been able to trace it in any way. Whoever it was, they had some pretty fancy equipment.

?Why would anyone attack Relena just for introducing someone else?? Duo said in a puzzled voice. ?It doesn?t make any sense.?

Trowa had no response to that. Relena hadn?t been as politically active in the last year as she had been in the past. No one had even thought to supply more that the standard security detail tonight for her sake. If anything, it was Avery who needed to be guarded carefully, but he had his own people in place for that. It really was a strange time for the Vice Foreign Minister to be under threat.

?Just remember what you?re supposed to do,? Trowa told Duo.

He waved a negligent hand in the air. ?Yeah, yeah. I get it.?

******

From backstage, just behind the curtain that separated her from the eyes of the crowd, Relena took a brief moment to stand alone in the dark and collect her thoughts. Behind her, backstage, Tom Avery was speaking softly to his aids. In front of her, the audience was packed, silent after the general introductions, waiting for her to appear with almost breathless anticipation, waiting to hear what she had to say in endorsement of the man who would govern them. Thinking of their expectations gave Relena the strength to smother her lamentations and push Heero from her thoughts.

When she stepped out onto the stage, it was with a mind cleared of all its shattered fragments.

The roar of voices hit her like a wall. Bright lights dazzled her eyes and cooked her skin under her clothes. She walked with a confidence mastered with practice, arms swinging freely at her sides and her heels clicking solidly on the wood panels under her feet. When she looked out over the audience, the mass blur of faces made her stomach flip in a familiar way. She smiled and waved as she approached the podium and the roar intensified, sending prickles of delight down her back and across her arms. No matter what her state of mind, there was a thrill in being representative of so many people. It challenged her heart and soul.

?Good evening,? she called out when the tumult died low enough to give her the chance to speak. ?We?re here tonight to welcome a great man?s dedication to the people gathered here in this room.? Her voice resounded powerfully around the room, reaching every crack in every wall. She had their attention from the first word and held it throughout her speech. She began by reminding them who she was via the work she did to unite the interests of the people of Earth and the Colonies, and then segued into the expectations individuals had to create and maintain the society they wished to live in. Finally the told them about the credentials of a man who hoped to facilitate the people?s expectations on their behalf. She had to be creative in boosting Avery?s integrity, falling back on rhetoric and some political jargon to communicate a sense of security that she felt a united people should have in their leader.

Her eyes scanned the audience as she spoke, straight-backed and confident behind the podium, her hands flat on the wooden surface. She couldn?t make out many of the individual faces, but by the doors she saw Wufei, leaning against the frame with his Preventor?s jacket hung open and loose on his shoulders. She thought he might have smiled at her, and at the same moment she returned the smile, her eyes meeting Wufei?s across the room in a flicker of acknowledgment, she caught a glimpse of Prussian blue eyes emerging from the shadows and following her stare from the sidelines.

Her heart almost stopped.

At that exact same moment, an explosion knocked her flat on the stage.

Screams erupted around her, people surging to their feet in the audience as the lights above the auditorium exploded and a rain of sparks showered down over the crowd. Darkness dropped over the room like a curtain and smoke filled the air, smelling of an electrical fire and a strange chemical smell like sulfur. She heard her name ripped from more than one throat as boots pounded onto the stage, the smoke obscuring the faces of the people rushing toward her. Winded and stunned from her fall, Relena lifted her head to peer through the smoke emitting from the lights above and from wherever the explosion took place. In the wings, she saw Tom Avery being surrounded by body guards, retreating into the darkness, his face pale and his hands shaking.

From the audience she heard crying and the sound of a child screaming.

Anger coursed through Relena?s slender body. She rolled slowly to her knees and then to her feet, kicking off her heeled shoes as she fumbled for the microphone. ?Stay calm, everybody. Please. There are Preventors in the room. Stay calm.?

A hand shot out of the darkness and grabbed the microphone from her hand. ?Do you want them to know where you are? Come with me.? He seized her wrist, his other arm wrapping around her waist so that he half carried her away from the chaos.

?Heero??

She followed, stunned by the surrealism of events, one of her fantasies blossoming to life around her as if she were in a dream. She felt her knees weakening in the strength of Heero?s arms, the comfort of his body close to hers, the smell of leather and cologne on his skin making her dizzy with desire. A sound that could only be gunfire rang through the air and Heero moved to shelter her with her body, pulling her into the deeper darkness backstage.

It was only after she found herself alone with him in the room with the doughnuts and the coffee that she managed to gather her wits. She heard him shut and lock the door, wedging a chair against it, and while he was busy with that she went for the light switch, knowing there wasn?t even a window to give them away.

He turned to face her when the lights came on, beautiful blue eyes glowing out of a face that stared at her with layers of determination and concern, a face she slapped with a full-arm swing, her palm striking him cleanly across the cheek so that his face turned automatically away from the burning fury in her eyes.

?Heero, what are you doing here??



TBC in the final chapter.

[Mandaba]

x 931,480,384,109,458

[Morrighan]

Eeep!!! Bad.... Real bad.... I want to see them resolve this!!

Can't wait to see more!!

[krzkid]

wow...breathlessly beautiful...how long will you have us suffer without the final chapter?

[Melina]

1)YAY Heero point of view!!! *does lil happy dance*

2)I really really really really really really really really really really really really liked this chapie!!

3)PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!

[sweet_me_beajai]

oh my god!!! i don't like where this is going, and to think there is only one more chapter left!

i know you warned us not expect a happy ending but deep inside i really want them to end up together. but heero is digging himself a deeper hole which can't be settled in just one chappie!!!!

please update soon!!

this fic makes me reluctant to get involve in a relationship, thinking that like relena, i might also be reading too much into it....lol!!

[dragonlady9]

Wow!!! Oh my gosh, what's going to happen next?! Please update soon! Great chapter!

[chinadoll]

Yay, a new chapter!!1 w00t!!! Thanks a lot Zapenstap for updating and not dying on us! Your fics are always great to read!! I luv your writing style! Keep up with the good work!

On a side note: I just realized this is the second to last chapter so the next one is going to be the end?!

[Kaili Charmer]

Oh geez...she's PISSED!

makes me laugh, hahahaha...!

Love you!

[Oyuki]

I really want to see how she's going to react to this. I mean, she kinds hates his guts and she told him to never go anywhere near her and he does the exact opposite. Oooooh! I can't wait for the next chapter.