Slavery of the Heart ch. 3/?

[Ally Lei]

Slavery of the Heart

By Ally Lei

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gundam Wing?s characters or names.

Chapter Three: Did I deserve happiness?

Thumping sounded outside my door.

Sunlight was shining on my face from the uncovered window.

I could hear someone yelling outside.

It seems I won?t be getting anymore sleep with all of the forces of nature combining to torture me.

Blearily I wondered what time it was and in answer my stomach rumbled, telling me it was time to get up and get my butt to the kitchen. Then there was also the painful stretching sensation in my lower abdomen. Seems it is time to go to the bathroom too.

I hate mornings.

I glanced over to the door where Jakkin was supposed to be sleeping. Only he wasn?t there. In fact he wasn?t anywhere in the room. I quickly sat up, ignoring my body?s complaints. His blanket wasn?t even unfolded yet and his bags were as I saw them last night.

And there was no food anywhere.

I didn?t panic yet but I was extremely close. I knew I shouldn?t have let him go down alone. You?re so stupid Relena!! You know what could have happened to him yet you still let him go. Gods! I shouted and gave myself no mercy. I did know what could happen to him, a young, strong, healthy boy, whom goesgos down to the kitchen and detours to the pub. Traders could have taken him. Traders were the most depraved of merchants, Traders who dealt in slavery. They captured tribes from the sands, other countries, and even our land sister, Coldsnow.

But the most despicable of all Traders, who themselves are not highly thought of, are the ones who lure young people somewhere secluded. They then knock them out and drag them someplacesomewhere, most of the time to a cart, to sell them on the flesh market in another city. They are greasy and greedy, not a pleasant combination. I have only dealt with them once before and I do not wish to repeat the experience.

I rose from the bed and looked around the room for signs that Jakkin had in fact been in the room last night after I went to sleep. No such luck. There was not a single trace or sign of any disturbance where he should have been rummaging. In sets the panic. That theory on the Traders was looking mighty convincing right about now. Oh Gods, Oh Gods what do I do? What do I do?

I made my brain halt.

Take a deep breath, Relena, don?t lose your calmness, you know how to handle this.

Repeating that to myself, I calmly walked to the door and jerked it open. Calmness didn?t work for me from there. I flew down the hallway and stairs not even noticing the people I was pushing out of the way. I am sure I was on the receiving end of many curses when I joggled their hung-over heads but I didn?t care. The first place I went was the tiny pub at the back of the building. That was where many Traders hung out and lured young bodies to them. In the dim, trash-strewn and musty smelling room, I encountered a worker wiping off beaten and cluttered tables. There were some other people in the room as well but most of them looked like they were trying to kill their headache with more alcohol. Idiots. I quickly described Jakkin and asked the worker if he had seen him.

?Please, just remember if you saw him and maybe who he was with.?

The old man (it had to be an old man) gave me a hard look and huffed but he did answer me and that was the important thing.

?Listen lady, there were a lo? o? people here last nigh?. I ?ave no clue who you?re talkin? about.? he mumbled angrily. He obviously hated mornings too. Was he drunk or hung over?

I still pestered him with details of Jakkin?s appearance until finally, when I mentioned he carried daggers up his sleeve and they both had blue gemmed hilts, did a glimmer of remembrance show in his eyes.

?Oh yeah, I ?member him. Told ?im he couldn?t ?ave weapons in the pub. Too many fights you know. Kind fella said he was sor?y and left. Didn?t see ?im the rest o? the nigh. Real respec?ful, didn?t put up any fuss when I ?old ?im. That?s what this country needs. Respec?for their elde?s.?

?Please kind sir?, note the respect in those words, ?do you remember who he was with. Hair style, facial mark, eyes, smell.? I threw the last one out there because this was beginning to look like a lost cause. Anything would have helped me narrow down the search, not by much mind you but it still would have helped.

He looked at me. I was sure I was acting like a mother who had lost her son but he still asked me a question out of his own curiosity.

?Why are you looking for him anyway? Is he your lover??

I stared at him in petrified horror. Just the thought of Jakkin as anything but a little brother made my stomach a little queasy. I was still wholly devoted to Heero even if he didn?t know it. Kind of pathetic isn?t it?

?No, he is my son. We were on our way to our new home in Peacecraft where my husband is.? I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. The story was a ploy Jakkin and I used often when I had to do some dirty work for an employer. I didn?t steal or anything but I did sabotage some people?s work, and I only did it when I felt that the ?work? didn?t help the nation?s economy. He seemed a bit shocked though, I guess it was because he thought I was a teenager. He soon smiled as if offering a peace treaty, which when you look at a delegate?s face they are smiling but a completely fake smile.

?I?m sorry ma?am I didn?t know. You aged really well I might add.? his smile fell, ?I?m afraid that I don?t know anyanny more then what I have told you. I?m sorry.?

?Thank you. Would you happen to know anyone else that worked during the nigh-?I was interrupted by a voice behind me.

?Miss. I saw who he was with.? it was a light voice, filled. Filled with mirth and humor. I swung around searching for where it came from and spotted a man sitting in a dark corner. Wearing a dark cloak with dark clothing underneath, he practically blended in with the shadows which is probably why I skipped over him. He stood in one graceful movement, his outline becoming straight and powerful as his cloak fell closed around him. He strode over to me and I met him halfway in front of one of the tables, the old man forgotten.

He was of medium height, about as tall as me (and remember I am tall because of my blood) but the most intriguing thing about him was his long braided brown hair and his blue eyes that looked almost violet. I couldn?t tell what his build was but I am willing to bet that he had a lean muscular build. He probably was a sword dancer judging from his grace but he didn?t look familiar so he was most likely still new to the game.

?I couldn?t help overhearing that you are looking for your son. I don?t know how to tell you this Miss. But as you probably already guessed, the Traders took him. I saw him talking to this smart looking man and your son left with him. Didn?t see him come back all night.? he said mournfully but his expression soon changed.

?If it will bring up your hopes I would also like to agree with the old man. You have aged really well. Maybe I could help you find him.? he flashed me a grin and in my frazzled mood I frowned at him and turned away not even thanking him for his help. I was disgusted; in his mind I had a son and was married. What was he doing flirting with a married woman, and unless he knew I wasn?t married or Jakkin wasn?t my son he shouldn?t have. I glanced back to see him still smiling. I scoffed at my own stupidity. He was just offering me some help. Some help too. As he had said I had already guessed Jakkin was taken by Traders but I think I needed confirmation for my conscience. Indecision beset me and I struggled with myself while climbing the stairs to my shabby room.

Come on Relena this is what you wanted. You wanted Jakkin to leave, to go away.

Not like this though.

He was getting to close. He could have found out! Just leave him be and leave. Forget about him.

I didn?t want the Traders to take him. He has already been a slave once.

Who cares? He is out of your way. He is gone. Leave him like you did with him.

No! I will not let another person be taken by them. I will not! I will not betray another person?s trust.

Listen if you just walk?

I firmly stomped out that little, annoying voice in my head. Did you know, that I have noticed that most of my troubles are caused by the urging of that voice? It is really funny, though, because when I betrayed Heero?s trust, I did it completely aware of the consequences, and as opposed to my troubles caused by the voice, I think that I am in better situations with the voice than I am in when I am rational. Funny isn?t it? Just a little thing I have noticed about my persona.

A plan began to formulate in my head. It wasn?t very good but it was better than nothing. Okay, first I need to pack, obtain provisions, and see to my horse. Then I need to find out where in this gods forsaken desert the bastard went. I can see right now I am really going to love this trip. The only remotely good thing that comes out of this is that I don?t have to visit my brother. Maybe I should thank him before gutting him. That sound nice doesn?t?


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Irony.
Funny thing isn?t it?

It is ironic that I am sitting here on my horse heading towards Peacecraft, where my brother lives, the last place I want to be. And here I thought I wouldn?t have to see my brother. I swore under my breath again, cursing every god I could think of for putting me in this position. It was bound to crash and burn like all other things in my life do. If you don?t think so let me give some examples.

My innocence. I lost it the day I found out my blood father killed my mother. Of course that was mentally, physically I lost my innocence to Heero when I was fifteen on his seventeenth birthday.

My relationship with Heero. You know I had this one coming. A relationship built on lies and secrets is doomed to fail. This one ended when Heero?.went away.

My relationship with my blood father. After I found out his secret I never acted like the same sweet girl towards him. It really got out of hand when he revealed what he wanted me to do (not telling) and when he discovered my relationship with Heero.

My relationship with my brother fell apart too. The week after I discovered father?s little secret I avoided him as he did with me, but I finally cornered him in his room on a rainy day and asked him the millions of questions that had been running through my head during the week. He was uncomfortable but he did tell me. He told me that Father never loved Mother and during their marriage he had numerous affairs with visiting females, maids, slaves and the town?s citizens. The only reason he married Mother was because she was pregnant with his heir Zechs (my brother) and he did not want to give up the chance of having a son. He also told me after many threats that I was really his half sister. Father had had an affair with a half- blood Southern and Northern woman and she became pregnant. Turns out that father had some kind of disease where he couldn?t reproduce that well and no matter how many times he spread his seed he probably couldn?t conceive. Well Zechs and I were his lucky strikes and he didn?t want to give us up.

That was a shocker!

I broke down crying after that. Zechs seemed to have decided that talking faster and telling me everything would make me stop crying sooner. He told me that even though I was a girl he had great plans for me and kept me against Mother?s wishes. I found it interesting that Mother acted the whole time she was alive. She knew I was another woman?s daughter yet she still acted king towards me, unlike the many myths and stories where when a child?s parents wrong the gods the children take the punishment and the evil parents get off free. Well Mother wasn?t like the Gods apparently.

Mother caused my father so much trouble. She ruined his plans by telling people who could benefit and people who could lose as well. She sold many of Fathers prize possessions and even rallied some of the servants and slaves who felt ill will to my father. She caused so much trouble that my father had to kill her to keep her quiet, and kill her he did. He gradually fed her a drug that would slowly weaken her and make her ill, but she wasn?t dying fast enough for him so when she was out in the gardens one day he had an assassin disguised as a servant throw a small dart at her neck. The assassin was a long-time professional and he had aimed so perfectly that when the dart?s tip pierced my mother?s skin it punctured some vital nerve and my mother died instantly. The assassin would then run up to my keeled over mother and raise a raucous. Her (yes it was a woman) story was that she was taking the lady?s lunch out to her lady when she heard a gasp and a crash. She dropped the food and ran to her lady to find the lady had fallen over into one of the rose bushes, and you know the rest.

And they told me she died of a heart attack.

Liars.

Unintentional liars but still liars.

After my brother told me the truth he comforted me awkwardly and tried to cheer me up by telling me that he asked for a girl?s hand in marriage. Her name was Noin and she was the daughter of a Royal Sword Dancer, newly made lord for his services. Naturally Father didn?t agree because he was a ?New? Lord and not an ?Old? Lord. Gods he was such a petty twit. Zechs did eventually go against him and did marry Noin and from the last I heard she was pregnant with my niece or nephew.

Of course by telling me that little bit of information I broke down even more and wished I could see Heero. I was meeting him the next day but I needed him then. Zechs still tried to comfort me and I finally gathered my strength to obtain control again. After that day Zechs became busier with work and I was meeting Heero almost every day so we never saw much of each other and our bond gradually unwound.

I left the Manor at fifteen and have only been back once but I guess I am going back again now. I wonder how this visit will turn out.

I traveled on threw the day and stopped at an oasis at sundown. In the Sands, it was easy to be bored out of your mind so not many thoughts happened during the day.

Going through all of the required procedures and slept with many disturbing dreams, about what I can not remember. I rose with the sun, packed, and rode on again. You might be wondering at my leisurely pace but I wasn?t in a big hurry. The Traders most likely had many other slave prospects with them and they are no doubt traveling at a creeping pace. The only reason they were ahead of me was because they probably left town when they caught Jakkin while I slept the night away.

Arriving in Peacecraft was disturbing. So many places that hold so many memories were too depressing to see but I made myself bear it. There was the park where I first met him and there is the inn where we celebrated his seventeenth birthday. And there was the market we went shopping in for our two year anniversary gifts. If I saw the blacksmith?s workshop that would just be icing on a cake. Good thing I would have to go out of my way to see it and I didn?t really want to.

Gods this is depressing!!!

People saw me ride by but didn?t give me a second glance because I had my hood up. I didn?t want anyone recognizing me. Most of them don?t know what I did but I think many of them suspected because the last time I came back home, I received many hostile and cold glares. Heero was a big part of these people?s lives. He helped them with their groceries, talked to them, laughed with them, cried with them, and fought to protect them from sea invaders. And I took him away, which was unforgettable.

See, Peacecraft was on the shore of the Great Sea, one of the few hospital places in the whole country. Others were by the Great River and large oasis. Naturally we would have pirating invaders and defenders. Heero served for five years on the Defending squads. He was really good too. He had commanded a squad that had so many successes that he had been approached by the Chief-in-Command of my father?s knights with an opening in the training pages. Heero declined though. Said all he wanted to do was make weapons and use them to protect the ones he cared about without all of the hassle of Knighthood. Isn?t that sweet? That was just how he was and I wasn?t the only one to love and care for him.

I rode through the streets feeling more depressed then ever. I?m really going to break this habit. Seems lately I have just been felling sorry for myself which could cause distractions which then could cause me to be seriously injured or even lose my life in a sword dance. I didn?t really have a death wish at the moment, maybe next week but not today.

The iron gates rose before me, the entrance to the manor grounds. I let out a small sigh and thought how much I really hated being back. Actually I wanted to pack up and hike off every moment I was here.

Gods, why did you do this to me?

I actually knew the answer to that question.

This was my punishment, the one I chose to follow and I was going to stick to it.

I was let in the gates because my brother and I had come up with a password which he would tell every guard and they would let me in without any questions asked. It was a bit risky but all of the guards were loyal to my brother and his family. Also the new guards didn?t know it until they were two years into their service which would give them time to become loyal to my brother. They still have been a few troubles though. There were at least five instances where someone broke in and tried to kill my brother and his wife. I think this time I will tell my brother to take away the password. I really did not want to endanger my family. Even if they were my half relations.

In the courtyard, my horse was taken away to the stables and my saddle bags carried off to a guest room. I was allowed to keep my sword but I would be under tight watching. I guess they were expecting me.

A servant came out to lead me to Zechs? study where he would meet me. Apparently they were expecting me and yet didn?t know who I was.

Good.

I was lead through the halls of my childhood, into a maze of hallways and corridors. My guide and I stopped in front of a door that was obviously my brother?s because the sign on the door said ?Go away? in bold letters but then underneath in finer letters were the words: ?unless it is something tremendously important?. Looks like he hasn?t changed a bit. He always was anal about his privacy.

It seems he doesn?t use Father?s study up in the attic. I don?t think I would either if I had the chance.

I watched the servant knock on the door and heard my brother call for us to come in. Open came the doors and in we went. The servant bowed to my brother in obvious respect and asked ?His Lordship? if he would like tea to be served. My brother made a noncommittal sound as if he didn?t care and he probably didn?t seeing as he was so engrossed in those papers he was reading. After all it was just his only half sister here to see him.

The servant left, closing the door behind him. I immediately removed my hood. It was really hot in the desert, especially in a house much less a mansion. My brother dropped whatever papers he was reading and looked at me indifferently.

?Oh so you are alive.? he stated ?We thought you had died.?

I rolled my eyes. See, this was one of the reasons I didn?t want to come back. I would have to suffer through his sarcastic remarks.

?Cut the crap Zechs. I am here on business.? I retorted.

?I was merely trying to make a point dear sister. You have only been home once in the past seven years! You missed the birth of your twin nieces. You missed many of mine and your birthdays. And you have probably been overworking yourself.? He pointed out and if I didn?t stop him he would rattle off all of my shortcomings into the next week.

Stomping over to his desk, I slammed my hands down onto his desk and ignored the stinging of my palms.

?I have not been overworking myself!? I glared at him but slowly my hostile expression slipped away. I turned on my heel and slouched in the wooden chair in front of his desk. I rested my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. Looking out through my bangs I asked a question.

?So I have a niece??

?Well Lena-?he was cut off by my glare. I did not want anybody calling me that for the rest of my life. ?Relena then, overworking yourself is genetic. Father did it all the time, not giving himself any slack. Noin complains to me all the time about it too. So I guessed you were susceptible to it as well.?

My glare had returned and was resting on him. Why had he ignored my question? Was he purposely trying to make me mad because it was working extremely well.

?And as for your question, yes, you have a niece. Two, actually. Both of them healthy, happy, and six years old.? He said in adoring fatherhood.

I bit down a sarcastic ?Thank You for telling me? and just stared at him, waiting for him to remember me. While he was off in his own little world I observed his study. Many books, whether it was geography, history, novels, or children?s. The walls were a soft cream color and there was a plant hanging in front of the window giving off a pleasant fresh smell. His desk was piled with papers all neatly a lined and stacked, no doubt because of his pickiness.

Finally, he blinked at me as if wondering what I was doing there. I waited it out. He would eventually come to. He has yet to never fully come back from the inside of his head but it does take him awhile. He finally smiled at me and stood up. Walking around his desk he came to me and pulled me up to him for a hug. We haven?t hugged each other since he was fifteen. It was a little weird but nice. I have to remember I had a brother sometimes to keep me from a depressing mood sometime in the future.

?Let me introduce you to them. I think you could benefit from the experience.? He said playfully.

I stuck my tongue out at him in response. No matter how far apart we have grown we still had our memories and could act like the siblings we once were.

He laughed at my expression and reached up to muss my hair. He was still about eight inches taller than me but height was very strong on Mother?s side so it was understandable.

Zechs pulled me to the door by my arm and just as I was about to walk out of the room he looked back and grinned.

?Happy Birthday dear sister. What are you thirty-five? Getting a bit old aren?t we.?

He dodged my fist and jogged down the hall with me on his tail running and yelling obscenities at him. Thirty-five! He knows better! I was touched he had remembered my birthday though. Deep down it really meant a lot to me and I think he knew that. It looks like this won?t be such a bad visit after all. We ran down the hall completely forgetting who we are and what we were. We forgot the inhabitations of the class system because I was technically a commoner now and him, a lord. We forgot so much that I even forgot what I came here for.

Zechs was right when he said I could benefit from meeting his daughters. They were an absolute delight! They didn?t have any reserve shyness after they were told who I was but instead they immediately rushed me off to their toy stuffed and princessy rooms to play dolls. We had so much fun. It was one of those times were I could completely let myself go but there was a downside.

I became a little depressed halfway through my time with the girls. I don?t think I will ever have children. Parenthood just doesn?t appeal to me but I would miss all of the amusement and surprises of children. I think I?ll become the adoring aunt. I wonder what Zechs would say. I think the girls sensed my sadness or maybe it was because I let my doll fall off the roof of the playhouse. I don?t know but they put down there dolls and gave me a hug. One of them asked me why I was sad. I looked at their small brown haired head and told them they didn?t want to know.

One of them pulled back ?How do you know we won?t like it?? she demanded.

?Trust me on this. If I told you it would only make you sad as well.? I whispered.

?Aunt Relena, you are sad and whenever me and Mara are sad we tell Mommy or Daddy. So why can?t you tell us?? Blue eyes blazed through her bangs, her small mouth set in firm determination. She had been granted her father?s gift of stubbornness. I?m not really sure if that is a good thing actually.

I exhaled quietly while staring at her. I shouldn?t tell her. I really shouldn?t. I had just opened my mouth when her sister Mara pulled away and glared as much as she could at her sister.

?Marie, Daddy said to be kind to her not scare her away. If she doesn?t want to tell you shouldn?t bully her. Bullying is mean.? She said with childhood wisdom.

?But she?s sad.? Responded her sister.

?It doesn?t matter. Mommy has always said that if someone doesn?t tell you something they eventually will.? She turned to me and looked at me with innocent blue eyes. ?Could you tell us a story? Oh! I know! You could tell us what?s making you sad by turning it into a story and adding a happy ending. There has to be a happy ending okay?? she asked.

I stared at her. If she was intentionally asking me to tell my story with the purpose of finding out the truth she must have cleverness in her. The ploy wasn?t too subtle if she was but I had to give her genius points. Mara was tremendously different from her sister at such a young age. I could already tell how there lives would turn out. Mara would be smart, clever, and if spoiled, conniving while Marie will be determined, not as intelligent, and strong. One would be delicate, the other proud. They would probably end up clashing heads for their parents? attention. I made a note to tell Zechs and Noin to be careful not to play favorites. That could be disastrous.

All of these thoughts ran through my head while still staring at Mara who was patiently waiting for an answer. I was about to open my mouth when I caught a waft of delicious aromas coming through the door. My stomach growled and my mouth watered a bit, ready for any food that smelled that good. I smiled at the girls and stood up.

?Smells like dinner is on the table and I?m starved so let?s go.? The girl reluctantly nodded and set down their dolls on the floor to follow me out the door and down the hall. We arrived in the Dinning room just as Zechs and Noin were being seated.

?We were just about to send for you. I hope Relena that this meal will be as good as when you were here. Old Man Moon, our cook died about a year ago. The new chef has yet to perfect some of our favorites but we have found that she has other specialties that are very appealing.? smiled Noin.

I stiffly smiled back. Zechs and she had only been married for about four months before I left and I had hardly come to know her before the wedding as well. She was pretty I will give her that. Dark black hair with a bluish sheen to it, a firm yet full mouth, and high cheekbones would have made a splendid portrait. When I asked Zechs what drew him in he said it was her majestic, dark blue eyes. Maybe it was but I think it was because she didn?t put up with his cocky attitude and snubbed him when she first met him.

I had laughed myself hysterical when I first heard of it. My brother had been snubbed by a woman half his size! My brother! It still brings a smile to my face when I think of it.

Zechs was confused at first and frequently sought her out to find out why. He was very persistent and soon she began to insult him much less and finally through a rocky courtship he married her. It was one of the two happiest days of his life. The other he claims was when I was born and he saw me for the first time. I think now that my birth has been bumped to third place by his daughter?s birth.

Dinner was delicious. Like Noin had said, their new cook had some very delectable specialties. We had just finished with dessert, an extremely dark and bitter-sweet moolah cake when a Manor grounds messenger boy burst through the double-doors of the Dinning room. All of us stared at him as if he had just grown a street sign from his head that said ?Idiot Road?. He flushed and flustered about a bit before finally calling to Zechs and asking him to come with him to meet someone. He was very vague but Zechs paled quite a bit. He glanced at me while he stood up. What was that about? Was he trying to give me a hint? No maybe not because when he reached the door he called over his shoulder for ?all of us to remain in the Dinning room.? and that he ?will be back in a second?. He disappeared from our gaze so all of the occupants of the room turned and stared at each other as if asking what had happened.

Noin cleared her throat, ?He shouldn?t be long. There was probably a serious fight in town and Milliardo might need to play judge tomorrow for penalties.?

This could have happened but judging from my instinct and Noin?s facial expression it probably didn?t. A silence fell over the room, looming in the darkness, making all of us wonder in our own heads. Even the girls were quiet. Finally I had to break the silence.

?I love what you have done to the Manor, Noin. It had an too much of a masculine feeling when I was growing up here. I wanted so much change it but I could never do anything without my father?s and brother?s permission, which they never gave. The feminine touch has really lightened up the whole place.?

Noin smiled at the compliment and said ?Thank you. I thought the exact same thing when I first came here. I didn?t do anything about it at first because I didn?t want to be one of those demanding housewives, but after awhile I gathered my courage and asked Milliardo if I could spruce the place up a bit.?

She leaned on the table, her head in her hands, face taking on a dreamy expression. She told me about all she had done. While cleaning the Estate grounds, painting the walls, having new bedding and fabric made, and trimming the gardens you would have thought she didn?t have time for my brother. But no, she had plenty of time with him. She gradually went off the subject of redecorating and moved into what a wonderful, fantastic husband she had. She told me some of his romantic quotes, romantic memories, and the hilarious things he had done. Mara and Marie chipped in on the funny parts and pretty soon all of us were laughing at my brother?s expense. Except mine was a very well covered, forced laugh.

All the while she told me of my brother and how much they loved each other envy had grown inside of me. I didn?t want to be my brother?s lover if that?s what you?re thinking but I wanted what they had. I wanted to love someone and be loved in return. It didn?t help my envy when the girls chirped in the conversation. It showed me how much this family loved and cared for one another and they had spent the last six years as a family without me. When Zechs came back and found us laughing and having a merry old time he asked what was wrong with us women.

Giggling, the girls told him and soon he chuckled himself and recalled more stories, all of which were humorous in their telling whether Noin and his daughters were in the stories or not. It was clear that the whole family had heard these stories before but still found great amusement in them. All of us were still sitting at the table with are dishes cleared off by invisible servants except Zechs had both girls in his lap, wrinkling their dresses and his tunic and loose trousers. Noin was sitting next to him holding his hand and looking at him in admiration as if he was her life line. Maybe he was too. I?m sure if either one of them died the other would fall into too great a depression to be saved. What they had must be what the poets and musicians keep on going on about, ?true love.

At the scene before me my envy grew. It grew so much that it turned into a jealous rage. I became quiet waiting for them to notice me but they never did. This was a family pastime and I was in the past, not in their family. Why had my destiny forced me to give up my love? I gave him up to save his life but why did I have to give up my soul with him? I wanted love. I wanted the feeling of family acceptance. Jealousy is a very dangerous emotion I reminded myself so I squashed it down.

What right did I have to be jealous?

What right did I have to happiness?

None at all. None at all!

Abruptly I stood up, my chair squeaking its protest on the hardwood floor. The sudden movement caused my brother?s and his family?s attention to shift to me. All of them gave me blank stares, asking what was wrong. I carefully kept my face neutral in return. I had to get out of here because I couldn?t stand another second with this torture. Knowing what I have done in the past was enough punishment; I didn?t need this to make me feel worse.

?I?m tired so I think I?ll turn in now. Traveling all day can really wear you out.? I stated which wasn?t a complete lie. I was tired because of traveling and of traveling.

As I reached the door I turned back and told Zechs I needed to speak to him in the morning about a matter of importance, and then continued on my way to my room, leaving them to stare after me. I bet they will have forgotten me by the time I reached my room.

In my room, I bathed and dressed in a loose, easy-to-move-in night gown. Climbing into bed and laying down I rested and let my mind wonder. I thought of all kinds of things: the past, future, present, debts, conversations, and when my mind grew bored with that I started making up stories in my head. I hadn?t done this since I was a little girl with dreams of one day meeting my knight-in-shining-armor but none of the stories in my head had a happy ending. I made the stories as real life like as possible, putting heartbreak and sadness in them.

You can tell I?m in a good mood.

Slowly my eyes drifted shut and gradually the stories shifted into my heart?s desire. All of them had happy endings now because that?s what I want in my life deep down. But sadly I knew it wouldn?t happen.

There was one thought though that never left my mind and always wormed its way into my head. It was annoying but I had to wonder at it. Was it really true?

Did I deserve happiness?


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End chapter.

(Sneak preview of the next, down at the bottom of the page)

Okay so how was that?

It is moving along at a creeping pace I know but I believe you can?t rush into things especially stories. If you do then you use up all of your interesting stuff and your left with nothing to move on the story.

So how did you like the little bit about Relens?s heritage. I think I did a good job making her father look like a jerk which was my intention.

For those who are new to the story I update every other week (or try to) and to those that are following readers I edited chapter 2. I couldn?t stand all of the grammar problems so I reedited it. Nothing much was added I just fixed spelling and stuff like that.

[Andrea]

I've read all three chapters one after the other, and let me say that I'm hooked to this story.

I like the plot, the setting, her attitude, their history... Everything. I'm very curious to know what happened to her father and what happened to her relationship with Heero. Why did she leave? Where did he go to? Why did she have to give him up?

One reccommendation though, is to put in itallics all those flashbacks, because it's kind of confusing when you read the chapter and shift back and forth between past and present.

Besides that, great story. Very captivating. I'll be waiting for your update.