[FMA - PG] Blurry Eyes

[Leia Avenrose]

Disclaimer: I don?t own Full Metal Alchemist; or Edward Elric. I own my computer, oh yes ? that I do, and this? bottom of Advil that is already empty almost. So, yes.. Blurry Eyes is from Gackt; beautiful singer; HOT DAMN, who has the most gorgeous voice ever?. Lyrics (at the end) are from Sooner or Later by Breaking Benjamin; yes, yes, I?m obsessed with them, but they?re my muses, so you can?t blame me.
Dedication: Mellie, Ice Princess, Iron Dog, Lady Casper

AN: Episode 7 is the setting; it goes as how it had gone in the episode, however, it's my own telling of what he would've done and how he truly felt at that moment...





Blurry Eyes
By: Leia Avenrose
Rating: PG


The rain did nothing to erase the sickening stench of blood from the air, and he did nothing to suppress his broken sobs, his tears falling down his cheeks as freely as the rain around them. Thick blonde strands clung to the sides of his face, his brow. They, along with the downpour, hid the droplets of burning silver that fell from his tightly clenched eyes, but it did nothing to quiet his weeping. He wanted to fall to his knees, to slam his fists into the pavement until he was broken and bleeding, until it was himself plastered to the wall in that gory mess, not her. Why had it been her? Why had her father gone and done what he had?

It had been for fun; he had done it because he wanted to. A mad scientist; sick and twisted, his mind corrupt. First his wife, and then his daughter; the latter combined with the family dog.

Edward Elric could still hear her voice; so soft, so innocent. Her eyes had sparkled with life, their aqua depths profound and captivating. He could stare into her face for as long as he lived; she had been untouched, so full of life and she exalted it all without any knowledge of doing so. As he stood there, numb and drenched, he questioned himself repeatedly: Why her? Why? Why? Why?

She had been just a baby. She had barely seen anything of what the world had to really offer; had it been for the best? No; no one deserved to the die the way she had.

Over and over, he could hear her in the back of his head like a broken record. ?Let?s play,? she had managed to say, her voice distorted. He remembered seeing her take Alphonse by the edge of the cloth at the front of his gleaming hips with her teeth, tugging it in a playful manner. ?Let?s play.?

?Small Brother? was the name she had given him simply because of his height, while she had given Alphonse the name ?Big Brother? because of how big the auto-mail suit was. She had been right; he was small; so small in fact that he was useless and had been powerless to save her.

The young blonde longed to erase the images of her from his mind, yearned to free his mentality from the memory of her unblinking milk-white eyes. They had been so vacant, yet held a flicker of fear in them; she had never seen that part of her father?s laboratory in the basement. He didn?t dare to think of how frightened she had been; he didn?t want to picture her pained screams as the transformation had taken place, but his mind gave him a vague picture of a terrified child screaming, struggling against the ropes that bound her to a chair.

Edward shook his head furiously, not wanting to think about it, however ? that was impossible, not with what was in front of him.

He knew he wasn?t alone, he knew his brother was at his side, looking on at what was before them on the wall. Edward knew how close Alphonse had become to Nina, the little girl, how attached they both had become to her, how fond they had grown together over the months. She had shown them many things through the eyes of a child, and those things; they would never forget, ever, no matter what was to become of them. Edward clenched his fists at his sides. He felt Alphonse shift beside him, the metal creaking quietly. He couldn?t stand this; he had to do something, anything.

Moving to the wall, he slapped his palms against the bloodied stone, choking out a sob. He wasn?t going to lose her; he wouldn?t believe that she was long gone and already dead, having been blown apart from the inside. He would bring her back no matter what the consequences; someone as innocent as her didn?t deserve what her father had done to her, nor had she deserved the death that had been handed to her on a silver platter.

No one did.

His tears fell harder. He repressed the urge to lean his forehead against the stone under his fingers and whisper apologies. What had happened happened, and it had happened for no reason at all. If there had even been a motive, he longed desperately to make that wrong motive right. Lowering his head, his shoulders shook. In a place they had just begun to feel at home; life turned chaotic, and a child, only nearing her fourth birthday, had been turned into a docile beast, then killed. Edward felt it build. He clenched his hand into a tight fist, and brought his arm back, his sobs still loud and full of the grief he felt tearing at his heart.

He had lost someone he had treasured; they both had.

Hadn?t they suffered enough? Hadn?t losing their mother been enough to appease the Gods? Was it not his fault? If he had been quicker, he?d have been able to stop this madness; he?d have been able to save her. But he hadn?t known; neither of them had.

Crying out in anger and frustration, his anguish fiery for far too long and now spilling over the edge; too much to handle, he let his fist fly for the wall. He had been deaf in his own grief, blinded by tears and the ache that had numbed his body from the first moment he had laid eyes on the wall; Alphonse had come up behind him, easily grabbing him by the wrist, holding him back. Edward looked at him, golden eyes pale, unfocused, almost lost; breathing heavily, he felt everything crumble as his younger brother silently shook his head and gently released him. As his arm fell to his side, his legs gave out from underneath, and he fell to his knees hard on the soaked, garbage strewn pavement, his mind dissolving with the searing tears that burned his eyes and left scorching trails down his already damp cheeks.

Hunched forward in front of the wall, the rain growing heavier by the minute, he failed to hold in the rest of his sanity and composure. The downpour plastered his hair to his head, the braid cumbersome down the middle of his back, as he gave in and rested the top of his cranium against the lower part of the wall. As Edward wept, he sobbed apologies for his sins, for all he had failed in, for all he had done wrong, for all the people he had caused misery; he begged forgiveness.

He begged release.

Not only had he failed in bringing his mother back, but he had also failed his brother, and the young girl, whose mind had been safe from the corruption of their world and lives.

Failure was among the many whispered words that left his trembling, pale lips. His shoulders shook all the harder, his murmured words growing louder as his grief and heartache built further.

Alphonse could only lower his head, and make a fist at his side.

?Just call my name, you?ll be okay,? Edward whispered brokenly, his tears reflecting in his words. He brought a hand to the wall, and kept his other in a tight fist on his lap. ?Your scream is burning through my veins??

[Mellie]

Oy! Leia, that was so emotional. Seeing Ed like that and reflecting on it. Wonderful, amazing, and uber sad. The last lyrics really fit in with the story. And the emotions in this! So strong and sad and lost. You have done this series much justice!

[AnShino]

Aw Leia that was was just beautiful. Nice icon to go with it. I absolutely adored it.

You have done this series much justice!

*nods in agreement*

[Leia Avenrose]

*glomps both!* <33 It was a hard story to write, mainly because I was bawling everytime I watch that episode, and then feel incredibly sad and in his place when I was writing.

[ice princess]

I am now a sobby, weeping mess. I agree, that episode...oh man, here it comes again *sniff, wipe eyes, sniffle*...that beautiful, tragic episode...you've captured it perfectly. You've stretched the emotions seen in that episode's last few seconds to a fever pitch, drenching us with Edward's hinted anguish. Geez...*cry, blubber, sob*...I really loved this character piece. Simple, yet overwhelming. You *sob, cough, blow nose, wimper* rock, Leia.

~ice *weep* princess

[Lady Casper]

That was some serious emotion going on there. Powerful and moving all in one shot. I never seen edward quite like that before nor have i ever seen him...that guilt bearing. Definately what'd i call a point of view of his thoughts, mind numbing guilt, and a powerful reality.


Nicely written, Leia.

*cheers* i finally got to read it.

[Leia Avenrose]

*GLOMP OF TEH DE7H!!~* I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[nightkat01]

*sniff* Awww...I honestly don't know what to say....the angst.... *sniff*

Seriously, I don't know what to say. I'm tired, and my mind isn't working correctly. But it was a beautiful story, and so sad. It really captured the spirit of the show.

And Glay is awesome. I used to listen to them a couple years back, but now, not so much.

[Leia Avenrose]

Not Glay, sillies. GACKT! But I used to listen to Glay, too. hehehe. Now Gackt has snagged my fascination... mm....

[nightkat01]

Ah! Sorry! Like I said, I was tired and not paying attention!!

Please don't hurt me....