Is this IC??

[bebe_jinx]

So I wrote this for Difference between Wanting and Needing and I'm not too sure about the characterization of the female. I mean who does she sound like? And then there's Inu....am I not writing him correctly b/c it feels like maybe he is OOC.

any crit/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. even a "THAT SUCKS" would be fine just tell me why.

Thanks.

Also does this contradict with whats been goin on with the stuff before about Inu? If you're new and you haven't read this its all over this thread and at www.fanfiction.net/~bebejinx



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Inuyasha lay beside someone he never thought he would. Least of all in her room, surrounded by pictures of a life he had never been a part of. He panted as he starred out the large window beside him. The city horizon seemed to burn with the dipping sun. A bright streak of orange and red was settling over lights of the city, still twinkling. The gauzy drapes lifted with every swirl of wind that entered through the open window.

It seemed so far away. The sound of the murmuring city, the tapping of heels and low roar of trains, the push and pull of an unrelenting chase for something more then he was really willing to go after. None of it could enter through the cracked window though. It relaxed Inuyasha nearly more then the sex. This separation from his life; that was what this time meant. He would have to tell her sometime. He didn?t want to admit how much he didn?t want to.

As she sat up, the fan of midnight surrounding him slinked away to lie limp against her back, like a black waterfall frozen. The paleness of her back seemed starker against that waterfall, the bones of her shoulder blades jutting out slightly in her lithe form.

The sniffle should have been his clue to what was coming. It had been nearly imperceptible, but it had been there. And he knew she never got sick, she had said it herself so many times. It had been summer, too hot, too humid to get a cold.

Maybe if he had?

?Are you okay? with us?like this?? her voice was timid and above a whisper. But the silence of the room seemed to cause it to be too loud; too abrupt.

Inuyasha sat up; confused by the first question she chose to ask him. ?Are you not?? he simply asked his voice trying to hide what he thought he felt inside. He had asked her to ask him a question; it was something they always did.

What?s your favorite color?

They were a way for her to get to know him better and vice versa; something to break the awkwardness of not being in each other?s lives for an extended period of time. Something to deal with the abruptness of their relationship.

How come you don?t treat your hair better?

The questions were never about them. It had become an unspoken rule over the weeks. It was as if asking something about them would mean that there was actually something to talk about.

Will you ever cut your hair?

Her answer to his question was slow in coming like she was thinking of the best way to put it, ?I?m not sure.? She finally said, turning to look at him. He could see that she was nervous; she always twiddled with whatever was in her hand when she was talking about something she didn?t want to. The thin cotton sheet in her hand looked like she was about to tear it, the whiteness of the sheet a near match to the pale of her knuckles.

The fallout to his stomach was something Inuyasha was not expecting. The heat of the room seem to intensify as he struggled to smoothly swallow the words on the tip of his tongue; words that would have made her turn away, would have made her walk away.

?What?s wrong?? he simply asked not really wanting to know. He ran his fingers through his hair, flashes of her fingers going through it still tingling his scalp. Letting out a sigh, he rested his arms on his raised knees. And he had thought things had been settled at least for the mean time.

What do you miss most when you were little?

She shook her head; he could see the indecision in the way she looked away from him. She wasn?t thinking about her words, she was thinking if she should tell him. She already knew what was wrong and to be honest he knew too.

?Is this right?us??

?What do you think?? It was the most honest answer he could give her without being the first to say it. She had to say it. If anything were going to change she would have to be the one to do it.

?Stop.? She said turning her face from him to her lap, allowing her hair to fall forward and cover her face; hide her eyes. ?Stop answering my questions with questions.? She finished, biting on her words.

Already seeing just exactly where this would lead and not really wanting to be led there, Inuyasha sat up and reached for his pants. The silence he offered her an answer that didn?t seem to make anything better.

What do you want to be?

?Why are you the one to always walk away?? the irritation was in her voice at the question as she watched him put his pants on.

?We always come to your place.? Now where had he put his t-shirt?

She shook her head, snorting at his answer. ?That?s beside the point. Your mind? your feelings, they leave before your body ever does.?

?I am here Kikyo. You?re just so insecure about-

?NO!? she yelled breaking what was left of the silent tension. She had dropped the cotton and balled her hands into tiny fists almost like trying to hold onto the feelings threatening to bubble up. He could see it in her eyes. ?It?s not like that and you know that. Don?t bring up everyone else. I know I don?t make you happy.?

Was I your first?

?Kikyo. Why would-

?I don?t. You are never happy? content. You only seem a fraction better when you?re fucking me.? The curse word stuck out pinned to the wall.

?You don?t get it Kikyo.? He finally offered before reaching for the sliding door.

?Then tell me what it is. Please.? Her final word lost on the socked footsteps of a boy who hated making girls cry.

Have you ever been in love?

[Noko Marie]

Hmm, I guess they're both ooc, when it comes down to it. Nice atmosphere; you've got a good grasp of the ambivalence of the characters, but they're not Inuyasha and Kikyou. Or even Inuyasha and Kagome.

Inuyasha has deep, sensitive, feelings that are hard to credit if you only look to his words or actions. A question game would only be played to win, not establish deeper understanding. The last thing our Hanyou wants to do in explain himself to others, let alone examine his own motives. He does but he does it reluctantly and always seems to choose a bad time to do it.

Kikyou is self contained and tends to be in charge. She resents any implication otherwise. (Kikyou and Inuyasha barely knew each other despite many conversations if you accept the anime version of events. In the manga version they flat out barely knew each other) She is much more likely to tell him how he feels and, having informed him of his feelings, say what they mean to her. She even analyses her own death saying, "This is a product of my inexperience." So, even as she lays dying she assumes she was in charge and is responsible for the chain of events.

Kagome is a bit like Inuyasha in that she keeps things painfully bottled up inside but different in that she would like to let it all out if only given the chance. She would not engage in a "getting to know you" question game. That would be prying. There would be no way to mistake a properly written Kagome for a properly written Kikyou if one or the other speaks. They are not alike in mind at all and even the way they move is different.

Only my opinion, of course. But penciling in the English translations on the endless chapters of the manga have come out over the years gives a good deal of time to get to know the characters and mull over what they say and think.

Have you ever noticed that most of Takahashi's characters are pretty much self delusional? That the development of character in all of her stories is pretty well accomplished by a few very occasional insights shown by the character?s own self-assessment?

Does this help?

Hope so. None of this means that your fic is bad. It isn't bad, it's just not in character if your writing for Takahashi's creations. As a story about a couple of people sharing some aspects of Takahashi's work it's fine.

Well, you DID ask...

[bebe_jinx]

hmmm....okay I get it.

I really didn't know where I was goin with this section and I think I just wanted to get it out. I've been dealing with this chapter for a while now. I'll prolly end up goin back and re-writting this part. I don't have a beta for this story (I know I need one though...) so its nice to get a different look on it.

Now that I'm thinkin about it this story has lept away from its original line but ::shrugs:: it happens.

thank you you have given me an idea of where I should go now.