Life is Beautiful, When You Don't Look Down (ch4)

[Perfect Soldier]

Okay wow, a lot has happened since I last updated this fic and it's been a realy biotch to do so. I've recently moved and don't have internet and probably won't for some time. So i've been going to the library every day now working on this. But here it is, I hope you guys like it.



Chapter 4

Two is Always Better Than One

Gently
By
Slipknot

Gently, my mind escapes into the relaxing
World of pleasure, a pleasure that?ll take
My mind off the reality of my life,
My past life?life as I know it now.
And whatever my come, it slowly
Disappears to somewhere in the back
Of my mind. It will remain there,
Until I wish to retrieve it.
Yes, I will stay here for a while,
For I need a break. A break from the
Pressures of life, and everything
That lays in the palm of life?s hands.
This mode is incredible. It?s out of
This world. Too bad I must always leave it?
?but that?s life.



The blurry numbers of the alarm clock read 4:27. Sango?s eyes squinted to read it at first and immediately felt distressed when she did read them.
I still have an hour and a half, only an hour and a half for another miserable day to begin again.

She shifted uncomfortably on her bed, tossing and turning every-so-often. Her body was hot and sticky-probably from sweat, and her pillow felt wet and saturated. She had had another nightmare. Luckily for her she wasn?t able to recall it; she never was. Even so, it still troubled her that her subconscious could be so plagued that it was all too terrible to remember on a conscious level.

I hate this, an irate voice in her mind stated. Even in my dreams there isn?t any comfort or safety to turn to. Am I meant to feel this way? Some sort of punishment for mistakes made in the past?A lesson?

"Bullshit," she whispered hoarsely. "People make themselves suffer. Nothing else does it for them, not intentionally at least."

There was a collective silence in the room followed by a stifling moan.

"I must be going insane. After all, I?m carrying a conversation with myself."

Sango pressed a pillow over her heard in attempts to repress the confusion going on in her mind and to quiet the voices she could not understand. The voices she did not want to understand. Even if she wouldn?t admit it, those voices were nothing more than fabrications of her own mind, different parts of her and what she knew to be her truths.

In essence a mind given to her conscience, a knowing and powerful feeling of things known to herself but not wanted to be accepted.

People can?t deny the fact they talk inside their heads sometime. How could they? It?s just like reading to yourself or holding back your tongue and thinking terrible things about a person. Denial gets a person nowhere. We all do it, some people just more so than others. Does that constitute for insanity?

To care or understand was something Sango wasn?t going to do. She could simply ignore it and deny ever having such thoughts, but the truth isn?t something that is so easily ignored. It comes back right when you least expect it.

Why can?t things ever be easy?

Admittedly she said, "I?m the one who makes it hard."

Then why? Why do you make it so hard for yourself?

"Because I hate myself." As soon as the words slipped from her mouth there was a cloud of self-doubt forming in her head. Did she really mean it?

It?s easy to come down on myself when I?m depressed. It makes it that much easier to wallow in my self-pity.

"Maybe it isn?t so much that I feel sorry for myself as much as it is that I want to feel this way, so that I?m able to at least feel something."

Can?t I feel happiness, love, joy, or affection instead?

"Yes, but nothing good ever lasts. Feelings such as those fill you up temporarily but eventually sadness will overwhelm you. To give in early on is that much easier on myself. That way, it doesn?t hurt so much to fight and then lose."

So then, I can?t get over the simple fact that life isn?t mean to be easy... That the struggle is what makes it all worth it in the end?

"Haven?t I suffered and struggled enough already in life?" she whined.

There are other people worse off than me though.

"As a person I?m selfish and can?t always look at other people for comfort with the fact that I?m better off than they are."

I never tried though. As a person, I never made an attempt because I was always afraid of failure.

"Not afraid. Just realistic."

Then maybe I should just realistically take a chance. After all, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

"Damn," Sango cursed. "Why is it that I always have to struggle to know and do what is right?"

Because inside I?m two different people, the person I want to become and the person I am.

"The person I want to become? is someone who is dead. I hate myself."

No, I just hate feeling like I can?t do anything and punishing myself for not bothering to try.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Sango screamed. "I don?t care anymore. It doesn?t matter anyway. I can?t change what?s happened to me. It?s far too late for anything now. So just leave me alone."

Sango waited for the all-knowing voice to chime back in her head, but it never came. For now, she could rest. The conversation she had though was still unsettling. Her mental state was slipping through her fingers. She was all messed up and wanted nothing more than to never wake up.

Sure enough, the sound of her alarm clock buzzed in her ears and morning came at last. Her wish unfulfilled, she got up and slipped on her school uniform. Usually it was a struggle to get out of bed but this morning she felt eerily awake.

As she combed through her mesh of hair that had gotten all tangled over the previous night, she could her the rough noise of pots and pans banging together downstairs. Breakfast would be ready soon, and she would quickly find herself off at school dying through another day.

"Sango dear!" Kaori called. "It?s time for breakfast."

She sighed and put down her hairbrush. "Let?s bring on another miserable
day," she said quietly to herself and wandered downstairs.

A low groan escaped Miroku?s mouth as he warily opened his eyes. The sun had already come up and his head was pounding. He rarely got hangovers, but whenever he did, they were always terrible. His mouth tasted of vomit and he had a cold sweat from sleeping in his clothes last night.

"Man, I can barely even remember what happened last night. I really have to start taking it easy from now on. Not sure if I can keep going on like this."

He turned his head towards the wall clock and nearly fell off the couch. It was 7:30 and school would be starting soon. Scanning the floor for his uniform he was unable to locate it, meaning it was in the laundry or lost.

He didn?t have the time to go and look for it.

"Damn it, can?t anything ever just work out for once?"

Getting up off the couch he threw off his shirt and grabbed what looked to be a clean cotton tee from off the floor. He wasn?t going to bother with pants and decided he might as well just wear his jeans. He wasn?t even sure if he wanted to show up for school that day. Taking his coat from off the chair in his kitchen and grabbing a package of Pop-Tarts he hurriedly went out the door.

The apartment was a mess, he was a mess, and worst of all he probably wasn?t going to even make it on time. He wasn?t even sure why he was trying so hard.

Yawning, Sango looked up at the clear blue sky. She?d been lying down on the roof of the school ever since she?d gotten there. Feeling like ignoring her studies she wanted to be somewhere of peace and solitude. The hope that Miroku may show up there had struck her once before but she was trying to repress it. They had gotten into quite an escapade the other day. She did, however, enjoy his company and even owed her life to the young man.

Turning over to her side she let herself relax more. The first morning bell would be ringing soon. She already had a rocky start from last night, and the bombardment of questions at breakfast hadn?t helped.

"You look terrible. What?s wrong?"

"Are you sick?"

"Have you been crying?"

"Do you need anything?"

"Why won?t you talk to me!?"

And so on and so forth. It?s not that she didn?t like the concern she was given but it seemed frivolous to try and explain anything. Not with the confusion she was already facing. She wanted nothing more to be left alone.

"Then why did I bother even coming here today?" she asked herself.

I just wanted to see him again.

"What a stupid thing to think," she said smugly, even though she did know this to be true. After yesterday she had felt so alive. Miroku had some power over her to jumpstart and energize her. To make her feel crazy about life.

The toll of the bell sounded and disappoint had struck Sango momentarily.

"It was stupid to think he?d come back up here. I?m not sure why I even bothered. Now I?ll be in even more trouble for being truant two days in a row. Lucky me."

She knew she should get up and if she was lucky her teacher could probably buy a half-assed excuse but her legs wouldn?t move, and she remained there.

Miroku heard the bell sounding and knew he had failed after being so close. He had just walked into the building as classes had already started. He noticed that the door to the roof was very close to him while his class was way down the other hall.

Should I risk it? I mean, will it even be worth it? Especially since I had skipped yesterday. There?s no telling what trouble I may get into or why I?d even bother.

"Guess it doesn?t matter. Who knows, maybe that Sango chick will be up there again." The thought of meeting her again seemed awkward and comforting to him at the same time. He was surprised that he even thought of her.

Driven by something he let consequences be damned he began climbing the stairs up to the roof still wondering why he was even bothering. As he turned the knob his breath was nearly taken away.

His eyes quickly caught Sango lying there with her eyes closed and hair blowing about in the wind. In a terrible analogy he thought, She looks like sleeping beauty.

As Miroku stood gawking at her Sango opened her eyes and felt a presence near her. When she turned around she nearly screamed. Seeing Miroku there, staring at her so intently, made her blush heavily.

I didn?t think he?d actually come?and what?s with all the staring? That pervert!

"I?" Miroku didn?t quite now what to say. He?d been caught in the act and after the blush on Sango?s face, he wasn?t sure how to react. He even felt a little flushed.

"What are you doing here?" she said quickly. Not wanting to give him time to ask about why she was blushing. She wasn?t even sure.

Great, now she?s angry. Kami, give me a break! He scratched the back of his head nonchalantly and tried to show off one of his cutest grins. "I didn?t feel like going to class today and thought maybe you?d be up here."

The last sentence hit Sango hard, and she could hardly believe her ears. All the blood was rushing to her head, and she knew she must be glowing a bright, florescent red by now. "Y-You wanted to see me?"

"Sure," he said with confidence and ease. "Why wouldn?t I?"

Sango didn?t know what to say in response. Her stomach felt like it would explode at any second. "Will you go back?"

"To class? No."

Unsure of why, a satisfied grin spread across Sango?s features. It felt like a relief to have company, and Miroku seemed to have a way of making her feel relaxed. It was a mutual understanding between the two, though they hardly knew anything about each other. "I?m not either. There?s no point."

Now that?s pretty interesting. We could go somewhere with this. Miroku had always had a devious mind, and he already had something working in his head. "If that?s how you feel, then you would care to just go?"

"Go?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Let?s just leave. You said yourself you won?t go back. Let?s not waste our day up here."

The risks involved made Sango feel weary of her father finding out but it also jumped at her and invigorated her senses. "Where would we go?"

"Anywhere."

It may have been the way Miroku had said it, or with the passion he had for his plan but Sango had somehow felt stirred in feeling and wanted nothing more to run away with him and never look back. "Okay."

That single word was the best thing he had heard all morning. Forget the trouble, forget the hangover, and forget the problems. All he wanted to do now was to have a good time and be with someone he felt could possibly understand. "Good," he said with great confidence and ease.

She looked up at him and smiled back. It was funny, she could always smile easily and pretend she was happy, but this time it had feeling and meaning to her.

The smile she had produced almost stopped him in his tracks. He hardly noticed the fact she was already at the door.

Giggling she had called out to him, "See something you like, idiot?"

The words, Oh yeah! Had briefly registered in his mind. "Err?I?um? I got lost in space there for a moment."

She looked skeptically back at him, eyes full of accusation. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but he beat her to the punch.

"Let?s just leave. Staying at this school any longer is going to make me sick."

You are already, an eerie voice whispered in her mind. He looked fine to the normal glance, but the way he carried himself and was so lost in emotions suggested otherwise. That?s not important, she struggled to remain in control of her thoughts. I can grope him for information?

Her eyes suddenly twitched as she felt his hand suddenly clasp unto her ass. Later, she thought, and smacked him hard and squarely in the face, hoarsely muttering the word "pervert".

They were outside the building now and she took the initiative to walk a step fast than him.

Never one to let old habits die Miroku relished in the fact he managed to cop such a good feel and get away with a meager punishment in his mind. She probably won?t trust me for a while now but it was worth it. She?s got such a luscious body?

Sango, now very paranoid, kept looking back and forth between him and the sidewalk. With this routine they hadn?t made it very far, and Sango was in-between fits of giggles and anger.

The cocky grin he had on her face made her smile at what an airhead he could be but infuriated her that she wasn?t being taken seriously. What?s his game? Is he looking for just a piece of ass or is there more to it? She dismissed the thoughts when she felt his shoulder brush up against hers. When did he get so close!!? her mind was screeching.

Knowing he had made a bad move early on he expected the daggers that were shooting out of he eyes left and right. "Sorry about that. It?s a bad habit I have."

"Humph." She was definitely not impressed by the explanation. "Well?" she hesitated a moment-"whatever." Why can?t I ever say what I mean?Came a struggling thought.

Bad move, Sango. Check and mate, I win. "Any way-" (ignoring Sango?s displeasure) "where is it you?d like to go?"

"Breakfast," she responded eagerly. "I want some breakfast."

Seeing the hunger in the girls eyes and the husky tone for which she spoke he had to laugh a bit. "Well, I certainly don?t want you starve." His own stomach seemed to lurch, yelling at him, 'Don?t forget me, idiot!' He grinned sheepishly, "Suppose I could fill my belly too."

She nodded briskly not giving it much thought. The topic of starvation was one she didn?t like much.

That?s all she seemed to ever hear, "Eat more" "You?re so skinny!" "Aren?t you hungry?" ?And so on. She didn?t think she had a problem or that she was fat or anything. She just didn?t feel like eating and that certainly wasn?t a crime.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked, catching a quick glimpse of her face, looking very serious.

"The restaurant down the street is fine." She didn?t offer much more of a response. Her mind had forgotten about Miroku and drifted back to home. I wonder what?ll happen once I get home?

Miroku wasn?t dumb. He could tell that she was ill at ease, but knew that if there was any good thing that he could do for someone, he could put a smile on their face. He wasn?t going to let his rep be tarnished. "Come on," he said nonchalantly, "let?s sit down and relax." His hand slipped around her waist casually, pulling her into the restaurant.

Reluctant would be the best way to describe Sango at the moment. Their "restaurant" was more like a-hole-in-the-ground rather than a place to eat. A "restaurant" with crude looking characters. "Yeah," was the only way she could respond, and she let herself be pulled in.

They sat down at a booth but that didn?t help Sango to feel all that more at ease. She never usually put herself in a position when she was just one-on-one with a guy. In a group at times, maybe, back in Junior High. This was different though? Miroku was different.

Unsure for what the situation called for she slowly sank down into the booth. Almost wanting to disappear from view. Miroku?s eyes fell heavy on her. It was as if she were drowning in them.

?Sango?? His eyes fell upon the top of her head, as she looked downcast at the edge of the table.

In a childish manner looked up at him guiltily, like she had stolen a cookie right before dinner. ?Yes?? she asked carefully.

Miroku drew in a quick breath and took the plunge. ?Would you like to come over to my place??

What!!!? Sango was too shocked and too upset to even utter a response back to him, well, more like an absolute refusal.

The response he got from Sango wasn?t surprising but as always Miroku wasn?t letting on everything that he meant. ?You seem rather uncomfortable in a social setting like this, so I figured if I brought you to my place I could fix you up something and you could me comfortable.?

It wasn?t really that setting that had upset Sango more than it was her being one-on-one with Miroku. Now the thought of not being a public place with him drew up a white flag.

?I??

She didn?t get any further as Miroku leaned his head over the table and into her face. She tried to draw in a sharp breath as he spoke but her eyes were lost in his features.

?I wouldn?t do anything to hurt you, Sango. I just want to get to know you.
Will you trust me enough to do that??

Sango could feel the heat rising in her body and knew she must have an absolutely red face at that moment. Running on nothing but adrenaline she whispered out a, ?Yes.?

That boyish grin she knew so well flashed across his features as he jumped from the booth and grabbed her hand. ?Great, let?s go!?

There were about a million things running in her mind right now but all of the voices going for her better judgment had shut up and was doing that she wanted to do. It had been far too long since she was ever able to just go out and do something and not think of consequences. It was an invigorating feeling full of freedom and self-gratification. It had felt that good.

She was on her way to Miroku?s apartment now and the feeling of worry and self-consciousness had left her. Being with him somehow made all her rational thoughts and concerns dissipate.

End of chapter

Well thats it, thanks to everyone who actually reads this story and continues to read it despite the long update periods. ^_^;;

[Lara Winner]

I think Miroku is the perfect chance for Sango to take. The risks are high but I think with a little time and patience she'll find the outcome that much more gratifying.

Excellent chapter. I love the inner monologue scene. That reminds me of how I get when something stressful is on my mind.

[Eienvine]

Another great chapter. I liked Sango's conversation with herself a lot. It was humorous, but at the same time very poignant. Great job.

[luved_by_bishie_duelistch]

wow! awesome-ish! ^_^ i love it. Sango is acting a bit like i would in that type of situation, i guess. i love it. please continue soon!