Scars of Love [Angst, Romance 1/? Rated R]

[Leia Avenrose]

Disclaimer: I don?t own much of anything where this story is concerned; mainly the storyline and some of the characters, which are my own. Totally revised, and rewritten.
Dedication: To whoever enjoys sick, twisted stories with angst ? God bless you.



Scars of Love
By: Leia Avenrose
Rating: R (NC-17?)


Chapter 1 ? Crimson Blades

The house was still, everything silent ? all for the crackling, popping of the fire roaring soundlessly in the fireplace. The season was cold, snowy. Ice cracked along the roof of the manor, the cold, bitter air making everything outside it touched brittle. The fish tank in the corner of the spacious living room hummed in secluded silence, the tropical fish moving about lazily through the water, absently picking at the rocks, spitting them out. A small fluff of orange scurried across the doorway leading to the front main hallway. Glowing eyes gleamed in the firelight, before disappearing into the darkness that covered the rest of the large house.

A slender figure stood outlined in the glow of the fire, stared at her own reflection in the long mirror that covered the length of the wall just above the fireplace mantel. Two gilded vases stood on both sides, built directly into the wall. A log popped loudly, echoing quietly in the room. The bright orange flames cast eerie shadows along the walls and pictures hanging besides the doorway. A pair of clear blue eyes turned dark. An image flashed swiftly in the mirror.

The woman never flinched, only continued to stare with fierce determination. She wouldn?t let him destroy her, she wouldn?t let him win. The image of a woman, her shirt tipped open, hanging off her back and arms appeared. Her pants were missing. Tears made jagged, shiny streaks down her flushed cheeks, and she threw her head back, crying out in pain. Fear engulfed the room, haunting along the edges of her mind, the images imprinting themselves to her memory.

Something wet and warm trickled down her cheeks. The woman in the mirror was grabbed roughly from the side, large hands lifting her clear off the ground. She was thrown hard against a brick wall, her body falling limp as it slid to the ground. A hand rushed forward at surprising speed, connecting with her cheek. The sound reverberated around her, hollow, angry. Her head jerked to the side, her long blonde hair flying in her face. Another hand grabbed her by the hair, yanking her face back around.

She continued to sob wildly. ?No! Don?t do this, please, don?t ? help! Someone! Help, please!? Her pleas echoed in the room, the image on the mirror growing out of focus briefly.

The pretty mouth, coated with blood continued to move, the cuts on her lips stretching painfully when she formed words. Her heard was smacked to the right, then to the left. Another hand grabbed her arm, spun her around and her bent her down, forward. The hand moved then from her arm to her shoulder, forcing her down further towards the ground. She shot her hands out, trying to push back, her rear in the air, as she clutched desperately to the wall, trying to claw her way back up.

She shook her head, crying out in panic, ?Please, you don?t understand! You?ll ruin me, my reputation, don?t do this ? you?re better then this! Understand, please!?

?I don?t need to, shut the hell up!? His words were slurred, firm. He threw a fisted hand at the back of her head, silencing her protests, and quickly mounted her from behind.

In one quick, rough thrust, he entered her. His knuckles turned white, and he grasped her shoulder tightly, his fingers biting down into her skin. More bruises, nothing new to add to the vast collection spreading on her body. He ripped through her, hard, fast, burying himself deep inside of her. She cried out, screaming for help, only to have her inutile cries muffled as her face was shoved into her hands on the wall. His free hand grasped her left hip, pulling her back onto him, making it all the more painful for her.

She threw her head back savagely, howled in pain, tears streaming freely from her eyes. The rancorous laughter filled her mind, and at that moment, she found herself staring at her own reflection in the mirror, the image vanishing, replaced by her own face. She trembled where she stood, tears clouding her vision, falling down her cheeks. Her hands clenched into tight fists and suddenly she sobbed out, her grief piercing the air, followed by an angry cry of frustration and glass shattering.

The flames flickered briefly, and as the glass rained down on the carpet, it gleamed dangerously in the orange light.

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The silver door slid open, revealing a tall, well-built man dressed in a nicely tailored suit of black. A pair of thin silver glasses sat perched on his sharp nose. As he strode into the room, his eyes were cold, emotionless. They stared straight a head, at nothing in particular. They were dark blue in color, almost black when he lowered his head for a moment to gather his thoughts. They showed nothing for whoever was working in the room; he felt nothing for them. The secretaries all glanced up at whom had entered, their eyes taking him in with a delicious look. Some even wet their lips in hunger, their eyes carelessly roaming along the length of his body.

He was their chocolate, and they were suddenly craving.

A natural redhead with soft jade eyes hurried forward, folders and papers in hand. She nodded briefly, not letting her eyes meet his, and held out three sheets of paper stapled together. ?For you, Mr. Yuy,? the head secretary murmured softly, her head down. ?She had them named especially for you. They arrived this morning.?

Heero Yuy glanced at the girl from the corner of his eye, and then looked to the papers in her outstretched hand. He snatched them up roughly, growling, ?Where is she??

Tia MacMillan swallowed back a squeak, backing up a step. Sure the guy was handsome and drop-dead sexy, but he had one hell of a temper. ?In her office. She?s been here all morning after ? the other night.?

She rushed back to her desk, burying herself in her work.

Heero looked about the room, and snarled at the women slowly undressing him in their mind. They all went back to their work, knowing just how cruel he really was. He made his way for the main office, a gilded plaque glued to the front of her door, her name inscribed in fancy writing. He didn?t bother with knocking, and just burst in, ignoring the secretaries as they all held their breath, watching him. With the papers folded in his hand, he stopped dead in his tracks. A man, one whom he didn?t recognize, was bent forward over the desk, his lips pressed against creamy, flushed skin.

For a moment, his vision turned red. Heero cleared his throat, it was almost a growl. ?Am I interrupting anything here?? He kept his deadly glare on the man as he rose from the desk, fixing his jacket and tie.

Relena Peacecraft kept her glower in check, making sure she kept her hand from sight. She picked up a pen, twirled it around and smiled sweetly at the man in the doorway. He was the last person she had wanted to see today. Heero closed the door, stepping further into the room.

?Heero, I wasn?t expecting you till later on this afternoon.? Her turtleneck crept lower, the deep purple bruise showing itself. She paid it no heed. ?What brings you to my office??

He opened his mouth to reply, but the other man cleared his throat, butting in. ?I believe I should be getting back to the company, Miss Darlian. They may be needing me now.?

He glanced at Heero; anger gleaming in his violet eyes, and then threw an apologetic smile to Relena. He waved his fingers and made his way for the door, brushing shoulders purposefully with the impassive man. They exchanged bitter looks from the corners of their eyes.

?Don?t let the door hit you on the way out,? Heero bit out under his breath, shoving past him. The violet eyed man left the room, pausing to shoot the middle finger at Heero?s back. Heero felt the corner of his lips lift slightly as he continued to stare at Relena, and reached behind, lifting the back of his jacket to reveal his gun.

The man left without another word.

Relena twirled the pen a few more times between her fingers before putting it down, somewhat aggravated. ?What do you want?? She leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs under the desk.

Heero regarded her with silent, cold eyes. He held out the papers, his eyes never leaving her face. ?What is this all about?? He shot a fleeting look at the bruise. ?And that??

Relena slowly brought a hand up, covered the mark with the thick fabric of her sweater. ?I don?t know what you?re talking about, Heero. Anyway, why exactly are you here?? She regained her composure, staring into his eyes with a defiant look.

?Tia mentioned something about last night. Do you happen to know what that was all about??

Relena shrugged off his words, acting cold towards him. She didn?t have time to deal with him and his games. Her voice was like ice. ?What I do in and with my life is no concern of yours.?

?That?s fine by me, but you will explain your bruises??he paused, glanced to her hidden hand??and that.?

She swallowed, cursing him. He always had a way of finding everything out. Somehow. She shook her head, holding her chin in the air. ?It?s nothing to worry about.?

Heero?s eyes bore into her, digging deep into her mind. She never fidgeted, just held his stare. She had learned how to do that over the years, not let him bother her. ?Bullshit.?

She blinked, taken aback. ?Excuse me?? She stood slowly, a look of astonishment in her eyes.

?I said, bullshit,? he repeated, his tone of voice never changing.

?Get out, Heero.? She extended an arm, her finger outstretched towards the door. ?I don?t have time to argue with you.?

?I?m not going anywhere, Relena.? He walked up to her desk, threw down the papers and stared at her. Her knees trembled, her legs threatening to buckle out beneath her. ?It says here that I?m to be with you at all times. Ever since last night, I?ve been assigned by Colonel Une and your brother to guard you wherever you go.?

She stared down at the papers in disbelief. Impossible. Lady Une?s signature was scribbled along the front of the first page, following by a concise report of the assignment. She reached down, dragged the papers towards her, and flipped the booklet open. Her eyes skimmed along the regulations of protocol once ? twice. She shook her head. Why was this happening to her? She could feel his eyes probing her mind. What was he planning this time.

?It?s bad enough he?s already hurt me,? she whispered under her breath and looked up slowly, smiling for a second, then closed the little booklet. ?So, when and how did she hear about this??

She sat down, letting out a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose tightly. Heero glanced about the room, looking in every corner, then over to the mirror on the side of the room.

?What did you mean by that??

?Hm?? She watched him closely, and shook her head. ?Oh, don?t worry about it. I didn?t mean anything by it, besides, it isn?t important.?

She felt the familiar pain throb in her bandaged hand, and stood, walking around the desk. She headed for the door, remembering then to keep her hand out of sight. ?It was great, Heero, it really was, but now??

He grabbed her by the arm without thinking, spun her around to face him and scowled. ?You don?t expect me to believe what you?re saying, do you?? He saw the fear in her eyes, saw her face contort into a mask of terror.

She flinched away, bringing up an arm to shield her face. ?Don?t,? came her weak protest.

Automatically, he released her. Her arm held its position, but she stumbled back. All her pain was returning, all the memories flooding into her mind. She thought she was through with all that? Her turtleneck folded down again, revealing the angry purple bruise; it reached down past her collarbone. Anger flowed through his veins. Who in the hell would do this to her? Why was she suddenly so afraid of him? She never had this problem in the past?

?What really happened, Relena?? He tore his eyes from the blemish on her body. ?Who did this??

She swallowed past the lump of tears. How she wanted to tell him, how she wanted to be safe in his arms, sheltered against his body. She cleared her throat, letting her hands fall to her sides. Holding her dressed hand to him, she lifted her watery eyes to his.

?I cut my hand when I was washing the dishes,? she murmured. ?One of the glasses broke in the water when I ? I put the bowls in. It ? it?s relaxing, washing dishes.? She swallowed again, letting her story drift into silence. She didn?t trust the tremble in her voice to continue.

Heero must?ve shown that he had noticed the tremble; his brow twitched slightly. Did she think he was going to hit her? ?And the bruises??

She absently brought a hand to the back of her neck, flinched and shrugged as if it were nothing. ?I fell down onto the couch when I was playing with the kitten.? What made her flinch all the more, was that it had been him who had given it to her. ?I had missed and hit the edge of that table in the sitting room.?

He lifted a brow at her words. After watching her face for so long, he grabbed her by the forearm and brought her injured hand up for closer examination. ?You?re lying.?

He let her hand fall to her side. She winced, biting down hard on her lip. Relena peered up at him with scared eyes. ?Why would I lie?? Her voice was small, childlike, vulnerable.

Heero brushed past her, heading for the door, a grim look in his eyes. Once at the door, holding it open, he turned to look at the woman who had tried to save him countless of times and suddenly realized that there was nothing he could do to save her this time.

?Why don?t you ask the man you?re seeing?? The door slammed behind him.

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She stood in the bathroom, staring at her naked reflections in the three full-length mirrors. It was late in the evening, and as soon as she had come home from work, she had locked herself away in her private chambers, and later moved herself into the adjoining bathroom, locking both doors. No one could get her now. She was safe here. Twisting to the side somewhat, she spotted the fading orange, brown bruises adorning the side of her hip and along her buttocks. From three different angles, she saw the bruises that tainted her bare flesh.

What did it all mean? Was this the life she was destined to live; a nightmare?

Lifting her chin, she saw the fresh dark purple bruises. It went from the middle of her neck, as if someone had tried to choke her, and trailed down to the end, just below her collarbone. She remembered how his violet eyes had flashed with dangerous anger. She remembered how strong he had been, how he had overpowered her, how his punches had hurt. Why didn?t she run from it?

Why couldn?t she do it ? tell anyone? What was stopping her?

Their laughter and false sympathy, that?s what stopped her.

Relena felt the depression and dread sink in again. She knew she had no other way to go about her life and who was in it. Looking to the bruises dotted along her stomach and breasts, she folded her arms, once across her abdomen, while the other went across her breasts. She tried to hide her punishment from any wandering eyes, but a glance towards the windows assured her that they were closed and that the curtains were in place.

Her chin trembled, tears blotting her vision. Everything went blurry, shiny. She doubled over, a cry of pain escaping her lips. She brought a hand to her mouth to muffle her anguish from behind heard. Who?d want to her about it anyway?

No one would listen.

Her pain then turned into anger, and in result, she moved away from the mirrors, too disgusted with what she saw, and kicked the tiled wall. A searing stab of pain shot stars to her eyes, and it made her cry all the harder. Relena sank to the floor slowly, hugging herself. She began to rock her body back and forth, considering she found no comfort within the gentle movements. Sobbing louder behind her hand, she shook her head, not for once paying any attention to her subconscious.

There was a light knock at the door. Relena quieted her tears, clearing her throat, and wiped at her mascara-smeared eyes. ?Yes??

She stood slowly, swallowing past the lump in her throat, and despite the pain that throbbed horribly throughout her body, began to limp somewhat to the door. He had said, made it specifically clear by hurting her more and more, that she was to go to no one about her injuries, not even a doctor.

?Miss Relena, there?s a man here to see you.? It was Pagan. ?Will you be long??

?No. Send him away, Pagan, please. I don?t want to see anyone tonight.?

?Yes, Miss.? The old butler turned to leave, paused, and returned to the door. ?Miss Relena, will you be down for dinner tonight??

?Yes, don?t worry. Just let me ? freshen up.?

?Yes, Miss.? He moved away.

She waited until she was sure he was gone and turned, walking over to the sparkling alabaster white porcelain sink. She stared at her face in the mirror on the wall, reached out and opened it. She stared blankly at the bottles, all full of pills ranging from anti-depressants to painkillers, to pills that helped her sleep. She closed it, found herself staring at the pained expression and tilted her head, seeing how the tons of cover-up was messed up, most of it gone from her tears.

Relena stared at herself a moment longer, and then turned on the taps to warm. She scooped water into her hands, bent forward, ignoring the pain that sang, and splashed her face. Dragging her hand down her face, she felt around for a towel to her side. Her fingers slide over soft fabric, grasped, and dragged the towel hanging on the little hook on the wall. She dabbed at her face, making sure to scrub it good.

When she took the towel away, she found a complete stranger staring back at her. Not even the eyes looked like they belonged.

Slowly, she brought a hand to her face, gingerly touching her fingers along the broken surface of her lips, then up along her nose, riding her fingertips across her cheeks. She turned her head, looking at the faded yellow and pink bruise that covered her left cheek and jaw. How she wanted to make him pay, to see him die, to unleash what he had onto her onto him. Relena licked her lips, tasting the salt of dried tears and metallic tang of blood. She stepped back from the mirror, absently playing a hand along the flat surface of her stomach.

?What am I going to do?? Relena bit her lip, tears stinging her eyes. ?How am I ever going to run? How did Heero manage it all the time??

Another knock on the door. She jumped, startled. ?Yes??

?Relena, are you all right?? It was Miliardo Peacecraft, her big brother. She could tell him, couldn?t she? What would his reaction be?

?Oh, Miliardo.? She nodded slightly, turning her back to the door. ?Yes, I?m just freshening up for bed.? She glanced around the bathroom, spotted the silver tip peeking out from a towel lying on the toilet seat.

?I think I?m coming down with something, I?m going to rest early tonight.? She limped to the toilet.

?Do you have the flu? Noin is also coming down with something, so is Winter.? He paused, looked at the door, then down to the knob. He reached for it, turned it. Locked. ?Do you mind if I come in??

Panic seized her. She shook her head frantically, her hand pulling the towel away. She took the knife, threw the towel to the ground. ?No! I?m in the bath ? relaxing.?

She walked to the tub, taking her black bathrobe off the floor, slipped into it.

?Relena, I have to talk to you.? He sounded serious, worried. ?I talked to Lady Une. She informed me that she had a little talk with Heero. Can we discuss what happened earlier??

The former Queen of the world, now just a well-known pacifist and a lone, lost princess in her kingdom stepped into the tub, sat down. Her long legs stretched out in front her, and she looked to her big toe. The nail was bleeding, cracked. She didn?t care; she had other, more important things to take care of.

?We can talk through the door, brother. Keep talking, tell me what our Heero had to say.? She pulled the arm of her robe back, and dragged the tip of the knife along the length of her forearm. She applied more and more pressure, and a thin line of blood suddenly appeared.

Droplets of crimson glided down the sides of her arm as she tilted it sideways. They fell onto her thighs, her robe and the side of the tub. She grimaced in pain, nearly letting out a sob as she dug the knife deeper, right into the tendons and muscles. Blood flowed freely, staining everything it touched.

?Relena, are you all right? Relena?? Miliardo jiggled the handle, pushed up against the door. Nothing. He had heard her muffle a cry, but what was wrong? Was he hearing things? ?If you don?t open this door, Relena, I?ll??

?He?ll never touch me again!? Relena suddenly wept loudly, scratching the knife along the edge of the tub. The porcelain came off in little thin shriveled stripes. ?He?ll never do it anymore. No more. It?ll all go away ? all away,? she sang softly.

She undid the robe, pushing it open and put the knife to her stomach. ?Goodbye. I love you, brother, never forget.?

The blade plunged through her flesh and organs easily. She tried to catch her breath, feeling it leave her lungs, and with a stifled sob, pulled the knife out with all her strength, only to stab it back in over and over. Tears fell down her cheeks, her sobs breathless, uncontrollable. She leaned back against the tub, pulled the knife from her stomach. Blood frothed from her mouth, and with trembling hands, she pulled the knife clean from her stomach, welcoming the pain that shot through her arm relentlessly.

It was all she had ever known, what she had come to love and yet hate. Pain.

Feeling her heartbeat slow, she gripped the knife tight, and brought it up, her eyes half-lidded and heavy as she stared at the blood dripping down the length of the blade. She paid no attention to the banging and screaming that came from the other side of the bathroom door, and at that very moment, with her last ounce of strength, she stabbed the knife into her chest, gasping out, feeling the breath leave her lips.

She fell back against the tub, slumping down somewhat, a strangled whimper slipping past her lips, and she pulled the knife from her chest. Her eyes rolled up, staring at the ceiling, and her head then rolled to the side. More blood trickled from the corner of her mouth, pooling around her. The blood-red knife clattered noisily, as it hit the floor, droplets of red raining along the outer walls of the tub, while the inside of the tub grew bloody.

To Be Continued?

[Kari]

Well that was different. But I would like to read more.

[lilac310]

This is a well done angst story..However, I still have some questions in mind...Who is the violet-eyed man torturing Relena?....Is it Heero having a multiple personality disorder? Or is it Duo?....'cuz I remember her saying something like, "What made her flinch all the more, was that it had been him who had given it to her."....and at that moment, it seemed like she was referring to Heero..And how is she going to survive after inflicting severe lacerations and punctures upon herself? Are you planning to just let her die?.

..heh..lots of questions there but I hope they'd be answered in no time..So, what are you waiting for?!...Post the next chapter PRONTO!!!....heh..just kidding..no pressures, ok?

Great job here Leia!!!

[Leia Avenrose]

Torturing seems a little ... soft for what he was doing to her, eh? About all your other questions, you'll just have to wait till I go over chapter 2. I have about 6 chapters already written; this story's been around on my harddrive for the past year now. But I WILL answer your one question about what you quoted; if you read that part, she was talking about the kitten; what made her flinch was the fact that he, Heero Yuy, had given it to her.

[lilac310]

Oh...thanks Leia..I hadn't noticed that she was talking about the kitten and not Heero himself ::smacks herself on the head::....ugh, I'm so dumb...heh...anyways, I'll just stick around for chapter 2, ok?....Keep posting!!!