Starman chapter 12

[wsprs]

Relena looked out the window to gaze at the glorious colors of rust and azure streaming through the blanket of clouds. It was still a few hours nigh of sunset, and she couldn?t remember the last time she had truly been able to appreciate the wonders of the sky. She looked to the man next to her, who had been driving impeccably since the near accident with the colorful truck, and studied him wistfully.
He?s probably seen more of the sky than any of us imagine exists.
He shifted in his seat, and she knew that he was aware of her attention on him. She hadn?t asked him his intent since running into Trowa, and didn?t know why she did so now. Last time had been a near catastrophe.
?When must you arrive in Arizona??
His eyes flicked in her direction, and then he lowered his head to peer out of the windshield to the sky above. His search ended with a point.
?You see this lit-tle starr??
She followed the angle of his finger with her eyes, and understood that he spoke of the sun.
?You mean the sun??
?Yes. When this lit-tle star? when the Ssun??
He looked at her, and at her nod, he continued.
?Appears mid-dle sky threee more timez, musst be in Ari-zona.?
She lowered her brows in soft confusion.
?Why??
His back straightened, and his voice became even.
?They come for mee. If I not therre, they go. I die.?
He turned his head slowly to encompass her unbelieving gaze with his own gentle one, and held her eyes as if he could somehow soften the jolt his words had just caused her.
?Under-stand??
She bit her quivering lip instead of answering, for she did not trust her own voice. Instead, she nodded, and willed her aching lungs to take in air.
He will die?
She kept repeating those words as a mantra in her head, and only came out of her trance at his voice, now more jovial.
?I findd food stat-ion.?
________________________________________________________

It was a truck stop, one of the few remaining that survived the explosion of technology and better ways of travel. As they disembarked the vehicle, the alien shuffled to the automobile parked in the space adjacent. On the hood lie a dead doe, tied in place by rope. Feeling for his first time a searing wave of remorse, he looked at the fallen creature, confused. Morose, he looked to Relena, a question burning in the depths of his eyes, begging for her to make him understand. Her throat tightened at the obvious pain etched on his features, and she had to swallow before she could answer.
?It?s a deer. It has been killed so that it can be eaten.?
He lowered his head and looked at the doe, defeated. After a minute of stretched silence, he spoke.
?Do deer eat peo-ple??
She blinked. She wasn?t sure she had heard him correctly, for his voice was low, and the inflection still difficult to understand at times. But, looking at his stricken face, she believed that she had understood.
?No. Deer do not eat people.?
?Do peo-ple eat peo-ple??
At any other time, his questions might have been humorous, but now, she found no amusement in his dire need to understand the nature of her barbaric race.
?No.?
He looked up at her then, eyes swimming with compassion.
?Then why peo-ple eat deer??
Relena didn?t know how to answer, so she stood and waited for him to resolve his own torturous stream of emotions. Sensing that she didn?t know what to say, he looked again to the deer. Unaware of his actions, he moved his hand so that it would come to rest on the neck of the doe. Before his hand could make contact, someone gripped his arm roughly.
?What th? hell are ya doin? buddy??
The alien raised his head, and looked at the man who had his arm in a firm, unfriendly grasp.
Caught off guard with the intensity of the stare coming from this stranger, the hunter let slip his arrogance momentarily before regaining control, with twice the vigor. He sneered.
?Ya cry when Bambi died, too, buddy??
?Def-ine Bam-bi.?
Laughing, he released his grip and turned his head to spit a glob of brown chew from his lips. He looked to Relena and raised his eyebrow.
?You make it a habit ta go wi? slow wits??
Disgusted, Relena stepped forward and frowned.
?He?s not from around here. He doesn?t understand English very well.?
With that, she grabbed her companion by the elbow and led him to the restaurant, leaning into him so that only hear could hear her words.
?Stay away from that jerk.?
She glared over her shoulder and saw that the man was checking the binds holding the doe to the hood of his car. He raised his head, and when he saw her looking back, he placed a protective hand on the deer and gave her a supercilious grin. She huffed and followed the Heero look-alike inside.

When they were seated, she forced herself to relax. After a time of strained and uncomfortable silence, her gaze fell to her companion. It seemed when he sat, something had fallen from the pocket of his jacket. He was studying something that looked like a sketch. She tried to peek at what the drawing was, but was unable to see it until he handed it to her. A small, strangled whine escaped her throat before she could swallow it. There before her was a drawing of a large tree sheltering a young girl with golden hair, and a youth with messy chocolate locks. They were engrossed in what seemed nothing but the company of each other, a wine bottle between them.
Oh, Heero. I had no idea..
?What iz this??
She looked up into Heero?s ? into the alien?s eyes.
?That?s my uh, I mean, our honeymoon. Heero?s and mine.?
He blinked.
?De-fine honey-moon.?
Her eyes glossed over, as though she were seeing something far away. A small smile ghosted her lips, and she began to speak unaware.
?Well, we were never actually married.?
At this, she came to, and appeared startled with what she had just said. But looking into the intently curious eyes of the man who so resembled the man depicted in the picture, something broke inside her, and she took up her narrative once more.
?Oh, I know he loved me in his own way. That?s precisely why he wouldn?t allow himself to get too close.?
She laughed, but it sounded forced.
?In the end, I think that was the only mission he failed. He was so black and white with everything he couldn?t handle any gray. I was most definitely gray. Sometimes I think he died on purpose just so he could get out of accepting the way he felt as opposed to the way he thought.?
Swallowing her bitterness, her voice softened, and she continued recalling.
?Anyway, he came to me one day at my office, which in itself was profound - though not uncommon, and demanded my attention immediately. Oh, he never said anything, he never really did anything, either, but stand there waiting until I acknowledged him.?
She smiled, wistfully.
?It was almost a game between us. He?d come and stand or sit quietly, waiting for me to say something. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn?t. I always just? knew? when he wanted to talk, or when he just wanted to sit in silence, watching me work. But this day in particular, I knew he wanted to talk. I think deep down, he knew I would sense that and believed that his mere presence disallowed any other action or thought to transpire until we had discussed whatever it was he came to discuss. The egotistical ninny was right. But, even if he didn?t do it on purpose, that?s just the way he was when he wanted something ? so encompassing. So powerful. So utterly irresistible??
She stopped and tried to get a hold of herself. Swallowing a lump that formed, she took time to see if her companion was truly interested in her story. She saw that he was hungrily devouring her words, and was patiently waiting for her to continue. Still, she balked. She had never voiced these thoughts before, and felt guilty that she use this man to take the great weight from her shoulders. He was not Heero, and she was being unfair. Still, the look in this man?s eyes? so like Heero?s, so caring, yet so unsure.
?He told me that I needed to get out, that I had been working too hard. Then, he took me by the wrist, and led me away. I didn?t try to resist, it would have been futile. Besides, I liked the mystery, and I trusted him.?
She smiled again, and continued.
?He directed me to a tree we frequented when we wanted to escape. It was close enough so that we could get back if we were needed, but just far enough away so that we could pretend we were somewhere all together different. For a while, we sat there in silence. I was beginning to think that I might have been wrong, that he didn?t actually bring me there to talk..?
She closed her eyes as if to relive her words. When she opened them, her eyes were misted over, and her voice was thick with emotion.
?But then he brought something out from under a root. He looked at me then, and I could tell that until that moment, he hadn?t himself known whether or not he was going to bring that object from its hiding place. But then he smiled. Oh, not a real smile. But from him, it was grand, and I cherished it. Then he unwrapped what he had brought out, and I saw that it was wine. I was surprised, I didn?t understand why he would bring me to that place so we could imbibe a wine that was so ancient and invaluable it should have been illegal. It was from before the Colonies! From somewhere in what used to be South Africa. I don?t know where or how he got it, but I think he did it just to see my face. ME. Relena Peacecraft, hiding in her garden, drinking the mother of all wines, with her bodyguard. I was immediately fond of the idea, as he knew I would be. So, like giddy teenagers, we popped the cork and drank. Ooooh! But the taste was exquisite!! I think because of its age and vintage it was more powerful than even Heero had thought it could be. So, as fate would have it, we became the two giddy teenagers to the core we had only been in spirit a short time before. It was the first and last time we spent together totally uninhibited. I suppose that?s why I call it a honeymoon, even though I knew it for what it truly was. It was a step out of ourselves, and when we returned home, it would be as if it had never existed. Knowing hurt, but despite that truth, we were still able to forget our lives for a while. It was as if that wine opened a flood gate and made it ok for us to love each other because we were so far from reality. Nothing and no one to tell us what we felt was wrong or dangerous.?
A tear pushed passed the brim of her eyelid and paved a path down hear cheek to plunk softly on the table. He had watched this phenomena, strangely moved, but confused. Before he could inquire, she once again began to speak.
?We made love--?
A sob forced its way passed her lips, and she seemed surprised when she realized it was from her own throat that the sound had come. She took control of her shaking, and forced herself to continue, as if compelled by some force to do so.
?When we returned home later that evening, it was as I expected it to be. I had known, but still, I was crushed. I knew it had happened. But I was expected to pretend it never had. That left me with a choice. I could do what was expected and pretend it never occurred ? but that was inconceivable. It left me with a pain I couldn?t deal with. I knew we had loved, and denying it was impossible for me. Which brought me to my second choice. Trying to love Heero in spite of him trying to ignore me. Oh, I know he was only trying to make the pain easier for me to bear by being cold and reserved. I think maybe he believed if I were angry, the hurt wouldn?t be so bad. But I knew him. I knew it was a farce. He could act as though he had spent all the love he had in those few precious hours, but I knew. I could see it in his eyes that he wanted what we had under that tree ? he was haunted by it just as I was. He tried to pretend. But his eyes drank me in when he thought I wasn?t looking. Of course he knew that I knew. What I didn?t understand, though, was if we wanted the same thing, why did he deny us??
She lowered her head, and her voice came softly.
?I never got that answer. But in time, we were able to make amends. Even form a relationship of sorts. It came at a terrible cost, but it was a price I learned to accept. Only now? only now, he?s dead and I am left with nothing.?
When she looked up, his eyes were burning with such emotion she couldn?t bare to look at him for fear of breaking. Minutes crawled by and when she thought she could bare it no more, he spoke.
?De-fine love.?
Her eyes flew open in cold shock, but her voice dripped from her as raindrops fall from flower petals in a spring storm.
?Love is??
And now she looked into his eyes, trying to capture some of his passion, as hers was spent. The heat she found there brought forth the words that had been buried within her heart since the day she had buried her love.
?Love is beautiful. Love is when you care more for someone else than you do for yourself. Love is when someone is a part of you. And when they die?Heero.. Heero died? protecting me. He took a bullet meant for me! He? shit.?
She buried her head in her hands, quaking violently.
?SHIT!?
He jumped at the power of the explanative, and was immediately fascinated by it. He leaned forward, immensely curious.
?De-fine shit.?
She looked up, alarmed, and quickly scanned the room to make sure their conversation was unnoticed.
?Don?t say that. It?s not a nice word.
?Can I get you two anything??
Relena?s head snapped to her right, and her eyes flew open in wide shock.
Quatre!?
?SHIT!?
Both she and the waiter?s attention flew to the man seated in front of her. Mortified, she turned to explain her companion?s behavior, without thinking of whom she was speaking.
?He?s not from around here! He?s just learning English!?
At this, the waiter nodded, shocked more from the appearance of the man than what he had said. He shook himself, and threw himself into his role.
?Hell of a start he?s got there! Now. Can I bring you something to eat??
Relena was tossed back down to earth and realized that it was truly Quatre in front of her. Suddenly as nervous as she had been embarrassed, she tried to appear natural.
?Y-yes. Please. Uh, we?d like the, uh ? ?
Her mouth froze with her jaw hanging. That coupled with her popping eyes, she appeared as a deer would bathed in headlights.
?Miss??
Relena shook her head and cleared her throat.
?Yes. Um. How about two hamburgers ? make that cheeseburgers ? and fries. And..?
She looked to the man seated in front of her, but his attention was on the dead deer across the parking lot. She lifted an eyebrow, but dismissed it and looked back to Quatre.
?And two cokes.?
?Is that all??
Relena scrunched her nose in mischief.
?Bring us a slice of pie as well, please.?
The blond man taking the order allowed a corner of his lips to pull into a grin.
?In that case, may I suggest the Dutch-apple pie? I had a wedge of it myself.?
He paused as if to enforce his opinion with a pause for dramatic effect, looking at one, then the other of his patrons. Satisfied that he held their collective interest, he held up a hand and gave an ?OK? sign.
?It?s terrific!?
Relena nodded enthusiastically, and received a wink in return. When she looked at her companion, he was staring at her intently. Unwilling to give in to her weakness again, she took out an antique map that had come with the car and spread it out before her.
?Now pay attention. This is where we are.?
She pointed to a place crisscrossed with red lines and black lettering. He cocked his head, as she had done, and peered at the jumble of lines and markings, understanding naught.
?Do you know where in Arizona you are to meet your? friends??
She looked up, and saw that he was not looking at the map, but rather out the window at the deer again. Her eyebrows twitched, but she waited until he turned his head to look at her. When he did so, it was as if his attention had never been divided. He reached his hand over the map, and with seemingly random precision, pointed to a spot.
?Thiz place.?
His finger rested on an insignificant place on the map, but he had found it as though it were the only thing depicted in the chaotic clutter. She moved his finger aside, and peered at the spot, trying to distinguish what it was. Bewildered, she spoke, more to herself than to him.
?Winslow? What was in Winslow??
A moment passed, and still she sat contemplating. Then, she bounced in her seat a few times in a pleased dance of sorts, and a wisp of a smile ghosted her features before she found his eyes with hers once more.
?You mean the old crater??
He nodded once, and she smiled before bending her head over the map again.
?Alright. As I said, this is where we are. Since this is where we?re going ? quit looking at that deer and pay attention ? we?ll need to follow I-80 for about 200 more miles before turning onto-?
She paused when she realized she was under his scrutinizing gaze.
?What??
?Why you tell me di-rec-tions??
Blinking in relief, she blew out air she hadn?t been aware she was holding.
?I?m giving you directions in case something happens to me. I want? I want you to be able to make it.?
He narrowed his eyes.
?Why some-thing happ-en, Releena Peese-crafft??
She drew in another breath and looked everywhere but at the man across from her.
?I don?t know. Just.. just in case.?
He seemed to relent as the food was placed in front of them. She picked up a fork, eager to taste the burger that was wafting incredibly delicious smells under her nose. She looked up to see that her companion was trying to lift the pie into his mouth with his hands. She smiled, and dropped her fork to direct him to release the pie back onto the dessert plate.
?No, you eat it with a fork. Like this.?
She demonstrated, and almost laughed at the anguished look on his face. He took the instrument in his hand, and attempted to jab a hunk off the pie and shove it into his waiting mouth. Again, Relena stopped him.
?No, no. That?s your dessert. You eat that last.?
Perplexed and almost desperate, he glared at her.
?Why??
?I uh, huh. I really don?t know. Alright then. Pie first, hamburger last!?
She cut a dainty piece of pie with the side of her fork, and gingerly took the morsel into her mouth. He looked at her with appreciation, and then the pie with childish anticipation. He stabbed the entire pie with his fork and practically shoved an entire corner into his maw. Following her example, he began to chew. Slowly, his chewing faltered, then stopped all together. He looked as though he were in such awe he was about to be sick, and a look of sheer incredulousness came over his face. She stopped chewing and swallowed, curious.
?Good??
He sat and stared at her, stunned. Slowly, he brought his hand up to her line of sight. Forming it into an ?OK? sign, he sputtered, his mouth still full.
?Dutch-ap-ple pie? terri-fic.?
She nodded, pleased, and took another bite of her own pie, savoring the flavor.

When the waiter came to refill their drinks, she caught Quatre?s meaningful yet short look as he leaned over to take the now empty dessert plates. Almost as if a reverie had been broken, she froze. When the waiter was out of sight, she looked at the man across from her.
?I need to use the restroom.?
She knew her voice had sounded flat, but she waited for his approval, hoping that he wouldn?t try and follow her again. She was in luck, he seemed to understand, and even blushed. At his overzealous nod, she picked herself up and walked towards the back of the restaurant. Her companion continued to eat.

[kawaiiemogirl]

Gosh that was so sad what happened to Heero... I almost cried.