~This fic falls under the drama category, and for good reason too. Don't say I didn't warn you...
Disclaimer: Don't own anything, but the plot IS mine.
If Only
Part I (Searching)
By: Penybright
A.C. 197
It was finally over. The fighting, anger, and senseless killing was at last over. Peace had come to grace the world once more. This time, though, it was a true peace. One that would last. The people were not going to allow their newfound peace to be taken from them, at any cost. Peace was there to stay.
Heero Yuy watched pensively from the balcony of the large auditorium, as Relena gave her speech. Eloquent words about peace and unity flowed freely from her lips. Those words wrapped around her audience, captivating them and commanding their attention. Seeing that everything was as it should be, Heero turned and left. The only trace of his presence was the slight swaying of the disturbed green curtain.
Relena glanced up at the movement of a curtain on the balcony to her left. A small smile quirked her mouth. So, Heero had come after all. She turned her attention back to her audience, her expression becoming serious once more.
'Good-bye, Heero,' she thought wistfully. 'We'll meet again someday...'
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Heero went directly from the conference to his shuttle flight. He was going to hand in his final mission report personally. Dr. J had insisted on meeting. Heero knew the crafty old man was up to something, but complied nonetheless. The shuttle ride to L1 was quiet and uneventful. One could almost describe it as boring, but a trip to the heavens is never boring.
Heero stepped off the shuttle, slinging his jacket over his shoulder and casually walking towards the location chosen for the meeting. Several minutes later, he found himself standing outside an abandoned warehouse. Without the slightest hesitation, Heero wrenched the door open and stepped inside. Inside, it was dark, but not pitch-black. Dull, gray light filtered in through cracks in the boarded windows.
"So, you finally decided to show up Yuy."
"Dr. J," Heero nodded.
"Well?" Dr. J asked impatiently. Heero reached into a pocket on his jacket, slipping a small disk out. He handed it silently to Dr. J.
"About time," the Dr. harumphed. "Well Yuy, it appears your job is finished. You're free to go now."
Heero stared at him blankly.
"The wars are over. There's no longer any need for your... abilities. Here," Dr. J said, handing Heero a small object. Heero looked at the item in the palm of his hand with curiosity. It was a gold, oval shaped locket on a fine gold chain. He flipped it open, starring intently at the two people depicted within.
The man had the same messy chocolate hair as Heero, sporting the same smirk as the Perfect Soldier also. The woman had dazzling Prussian blue eyes and the same facial features as Heero. Heero looked sharply at Dr. J.
"Who are they?"
"Your parents."
"Why now?"
"I couldn't allow anything to distract you from your mission," The Dr. replied blandly. Heero clinched his jaw, biting back the insults he wished to express. He knew Dr. J would only mock him for allowing his anger to get the better of him.
"Their names are engraved on the back," Dr. J commented, before turning and walking away.
Heero turned sharply on his heel, stalking out the door and back to the airport. He quickly booked the next flight back to Earth. Once settled on the shuttle, Heero turned the locket over, reading aloud the engraving.
"Conrad & Sora Yuy."
'But, how is that possible?' Heero wondered. "Heero Yuy was only my code name... Or was it?' Heero mused. Intent on finding an answer to this rather annoying problem, Heero pulled out his laptop, clicking it on. The search had begun.
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Several hours later, Heero exited the shuttle with his answers, and a destination. He had discovered that the real Heero Yuy had had siblings, one of which was his father. As shocking as it was, the truth was there. Who would have thought that his name really was his name.
Heero found the prospect of actually meeting his parents exciting, and yet, at the same time he was slightly anxious. All his life he had wondered about his past. Had he been taken from his family? If so, then why didn't they search for him? Maybe they had abandoned him? There were many numerous possibilities, and only two people knew the answers. Now that he knew the truth, Heero wasn't sure if he wanted to meet the people who had, essentially, abandoned him. He did, however, want the answers to his past.
Heero's questions were to be in vain though. No answers would be given to him, not on this day. The address he had found, was incorrect. The current resident of the building, had given Heero the correct address. That was how Heero Yuy found himself in a graveyard standing over a large tombstone.
~ Well? Do you like it? I know the probability of Heero's father actually being a Yuy is impossible, but I thought, hey why not? Stranger things have been know to happen. Besides, it makes for a very nice plot twist. So, tell me what you think. Should I even bother to continue?.
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~ Okay, about the whole Yuy thing... Is Heero's real name Odin Lowe Jr.? I mean really IS it? I think it's a kind of wishy-washy subject. But, for the sake of this fic, just let me have my own crazy ideas. Okay? Please don't hate me or anything for taking creative liberty. ANYway, there's a nice twist in this chapter. It might shock you, it might not.
Disclaimer: Maybe in another reality I own Gundam Wing, but not this one.
If Only
Part II (Questions Unanswered)
By: Penybright
Heero pulled the locket out, checking the names engraved on its back to those etched on the stone before him. There was no mistake, no denying it. He allowed himself a small sigh. He supposed it was fitting. His past would always be shrouded in secrets and shadows.
The year they had died caught his eye.
"After Colony one-nine-five," Heero read aloud, scanning down to the short inscription below. Heero gasped as his eyes widened in horror.
"No..."
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Relena had come to the graveyard today to visit her foster father's memorial. She came every so often to pay her respects. Sometimes, she would talk to his grave, smiling at the irony of it all. Today, was no different. Glancing up, Relena noticed a familiar figure standing several feet from her. He was standing over a large headstone, head bowed.
'Why would Heero be here?' Relena wondered. 'He has no family that he knows of...'
Relena gasped sharply as Heero suddenly crumpled to the ground.
"Oh, god! What happened to him?" she cried, scrambling to her feet to rush over to him. Relena dropped to her knees beside Heero's shaking body. His eyes were lifeless. Instead of the cold glare, Relena found nothing. Heero was staring blankly at the stone behind Relena, his breathing harsh and raspy as he shivered uncontrollably. His right hand was clasped in a death grip over a small object.
Relena couldn't fathom what could possibly make Heero react so violently. A battlefield of twisted and bloody bodies didn't even make him flinch. So what, could possibly have Heero Yuy in a complete state of shock?
"H- Heero?" Relena questioned warily. He didn't acknowledge her presence, but continued to stare blankly.
"Heero, what's wrong?" Relena asked, tentatively reaching her hand towards him. When Relena's hand touched his shoulder, Heero flinched away, curling himself into a ball. Now Relena wasn't worried, she was terrified. Beginning to panic, she fished her cell phone out of her purse. Relena's hands shook as she dialed 911. After making the call, she turned back to Heero. He was still shaking, and he began to mumble unintelligibly.
"No," he whispered hoarsely. "No..."
"No, what Heero?" Relena asked, trying to get some answers.
"They're dead," he shuddered.
"Who's dead Heero?"
"They're gone..."
"Who?" Relena asked again.
"I killed them," Heero whispered, his voice barely audible as he shut his eyes tightly. "I killed them," he began to whisper harshly over and over.
Relena was completely confused, and seriously worried. Had Heero finally snapped? She knew he wasn't the most mentally stable person, but... The ambulance finally arrived, and Relena was extremely grateful. She hoped that Heero would receive the help he needed as she watched the ambulance speed away, memories of their first meeting playing through her mind. She couldn't understand why he had snapped like that. Who had he killed that caused such a reaction? During the wars he had killed hundreds with no remorse. Who could be important enough...?
Relena sighed heavily. She knew only one person could answer her questions. She didn't think she'd get any answers out of him in his current state, though. Relena picked herself up from the ground, where she had been sitting in a daze. Before walking back to her limo, which was waiting at the main gates, Relena glanced at the headstone behind her.
"Here lies Conrad & Sora Yuy, casualties of the Hickory Base incident." Relena read. She looked at the marker curiously for a moment, before turning and leaving.
"I wonder," she mused, heading towards her waiting limo.
~ Well? Do you understand what happened? Or, are you still confused? AND, Does Heero have other family? Hmm, I guess you'll have to wait till the next part to fins out.
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~ Well, you'll be pleased to note that this chapter is a bit longer. Some of you are probably going to flame me screaming: "There is no way Heero would act like that!" Well, I beg to differ. To you he may seem a bit OOC, but he is having a nervous breakdown. Don't forget that. And, don't forget that inside, Heero is really a "kindhearted young boy". Okay, now I'll let you read the story. Sorry that I went off on a tangent there!
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is copyrighted. You all know what that means, right?
If Only
Part III (Breakdown)
By: Penybright
Relena walked anxiously into the hospital room. She wasn't quite sure what to expect. Relief flooded through her when she saw that Heero was sleeping peacefully. Apparently, he had been given a sedative, which had calmed him down. Relena knew there was no telling what Heero was capable of when he was mentally unstable. As she approached his bed, she saw the I.V. tube running from his arm, liquid slowly dripping into it.
"Ah, Minister Dorlain," a voice from behind startled her. Relena turned to see that a doctor had just entered the room.
"You're a friend of the patient I assume?"
"... Yes," Relena answered cautiously. "I guess I am."
"Well, your friend appears to have gone into complete shock. Do you know the cause of this?"
"No, I'm sorry. I have no idea what caused his condition."
"He was brought her from Longmont Memorial, correct?"
"Yes."
"Do you have any idea why he was there?"
"He was visiting someone's grave," Relena replied, thinking that the answer should be fairly obvious.
"Thank you," The doctor replied, nodding. "If we could understand what caused his condition, we would be able to help him a great deal better," the doctor explained.
"How is he?" Relena asked, dreading the answer.
"For now, he's stabilized and resting. When he wakes up, he should be calmer due to the sedatives. For now, that's all we can do."
"Thank you," Relena said kindly.
"Perhaps a familiar face will help him," the doctor said, turning and exiting. Relena turned back to Heero's sleeping form. She supposed that if he didn't get any better, she'd have to contact the other pilots. Maybe, with their combined efforts, they would be able to bring Heero back to his old self. Relena was startled from her musings when Heero's eyes fluttered open. He stared blankly at the ceiling above him.
"Heero?"
Heero turned his head to look at Relena. When his gaze fell on her, Relena gasped. His eyes had a haunted quality to them, their Prussian blue now faded.
"Relena... I..." he abruptly turned away from her.
"Heero, what happened?" Relena asked quietly as she approached him. He refused to look at her, meet her gaze.
"Leave me alone."
"I can't do that. I want to help you, Heero. In order to help, I need to understand what happened. Heero, who has caused you this pain?"
Heero's head suddenly snapped around to look at her. Relena saw profound sorrow etched on his features.
"I killed them," he murmured. "It's all my fault. If not for me, they'd still be alive. Relena... I killed them," Heero said, looking into her eyes, beseeching her for forgiveness. Relena wanted to forgive him, but had no idea what to forgive him for.
"Who?" she whispered softly.
"My... parents..." Heero choked out. Relena gasped, and her eyes grew wide.
"How?" she blurted out without thinking. Heero averted his eyes, turning away once again.
"I destroyed the base they were stationed at. I'm nothing but a murderer! I killed the people who brought me into this world. I repaid their kindness by killing them! They should have killed me when they had the chance, they never should have let me survive..."
"Heero! Don't talk like that! You had no idea that they were your parents. How could you have known? You didn't purposely kill them."
"I killed them," he whispered remorsefully as he began to sob. Relena was completely shocked. She didn't know that Heero even knew how to cry. The Perfect Soldier was now nothing more than a lost child, begging for someone to ease his pain, end his suffering. Relena's heart went out to him. After all he had suffered, he didn't deserve this. Relena sat on the edge of Heero's hospital bed and pulled him into her arms. He grasped onto the lapels of her coat with a death grip, sobbing copiously.
"Why?" he choked out between sobs. "Why?"
Relena held him tighter, willing for his pain to cease. She knew that Heero could survive this. He was strong, but in her heart, she knew that Heero had already given up. He had always survived through impossible odds, but now fate had caught up with him. Relena decided then and there that fate would not have its way. Heero was going to recover. She was going to make sure of it personally. Instinctively, her arms wrapped tighter around Heero, holding him against her as he cried on her shoulder.
"I'm not going to let it end like this," Relena whispered soothingly. "I still believe in you..."
At these words, Heero calmed slightly and his grip loosened. Relena sighed heavily as she felt Heero go lax in her arms as he fell asleep. Tomorrow she would have to contact the others. The pilots now had a new battle to face. Perhaps their hardest yet.
~ Did this chapter turn out okay? Well, I'm finally going to get the other pilots in this story. Also, I haven't decided yet if Heero should have a brother or a sister, or both (or maybe none?). What do you think?
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~ I must apologize, I didn't manage to get the other pilots in this chapter. They're in the next one though. I promise! All right, now on with the... story!
Disclaimer: "A refusal to grant the truth of a statement or charge." Hm... I wonder if there are any loopholes?
If Only
Part IV (Suicide)
By: Penybright
Relena led a dazed Heero through the door of her mansion, tugging lightly on his hand. She allowed him to glance disinterestedly at his surroundings, before guiding him to the staircase. Relena then began to guide Heero up the stairs, glancing at him worriedly. Heero was staring vacantly into space, his movements languid and mechanical. Relena sighed, tears threatening to flow. It was disheartening to see him like this.
Heero had been discharged from the hospital only two hours ago. Relena had informed the doctor that Heero would be staying with her. There were more than enough rooms in the expansive mansion. The doctor agreed and instructed Relena on the time and dosage of Heero's medication, and what to do if Heero suddenly snapped.
They finally reached the door to Heero's room and Relena turned the knob, swinging the door open. She flipped the lights on and ushered Heero inside.
"This is you room," Relena said gently, turning to face him. Heero showed no response.
"My room is right across the hall if you need me," she explained. Still, no response. Relena sighed again, gently taking Heero's hand. She led him over to the French doors leading out to the balcony. The view overlooked the picturesque garden below. The flowers we gone due to winter's approach, but the shrubs were still green and hearty.
The scenery did nothing to Heero's blank, stoic expression. He simply sunk to the floor, sitting Indian-style in front of the doors. Relena decided to leave him be for the moment, and quietly exited the room. He was still in the same spot whe she came to get him for dinner six hours later.
Getting Heero to eat, Relena found to be a chore. It was a miracle that she managed to get him to eat three bites. She practically had to spoon feed him those. Relena began to wonder how much longer she could keep this up on her own. It would be a day or two before the other pilots finally arrived.
The hospital visits had been less than pleasant, and smotheringly quite. Since that first day, Heero had only spoken two or three words, most of which were one syllable. In order for Heero to heal, Relena knew he had to let his feelings out. She had tried to get him talk, which resulted in him sinking away even further. Heero never did deal with emotions to well, and this was proving to be no exception. Relena only hoped that the presence of Heero's comrades would help him open up a little.
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Late that evening, Relena was startled awake by the sound of shattering glass. She immediately grabbed her robe, stumbling down the steps to the kitchen. She had heard the noise from there. The first thing Relena saw was Heero, lying slumped against the cupboards. She picked her way through the shards of glass to him, her breath leaving her when she saw him fully.
"Oh, god no!" she choked out. "How could you?" Relena accused as tears began to stream down her face. She grabbed a towel from the counter and bent down in front of him. Blood had already formed a pool beneath his slit wrists. A bloody knife lay several inches from him. Relena wanted to scream, but held it back. She never should have left him alone. This was partially her fault...
"Please... No..." Heero murmured weakly, feebly trying to tug his wrists from her grasp.
"I...I- I can't," Relena sobbed. "Heero, I can't let you go!"
"Please," he begged, his hooded eyes pleading for her to let him go. "I- I don't want to feel the pain anymore..."
"Heero..."
"Relena, let me go... Please," Heero whispered breathily as he began to shiver.
"No!" Relena shouted. "I'm not letting you go this easily. You have to fight!"
"No," Heero murmured feverishly. Relena frantically grabbed the phone and dialed. She waited in agony, holding the bloody towel over Heero's wrists as he continued to fight her. By the time the paramedics arrived, the towel was soaked, and Heero had passed out. Relena was a nervous wreak, not even able to speak coherently.
'How could you? Why?' the questions continued to repeat in her mind like a chant, haunting her.
"Did I do the right thing?" Relena whispered sorrowfully as the ambulance sped away.
~ Do you understand why this is under drama now? I haven't decided yet if this should have a happy ending... I'm just not sure. Well, I'll get part five out as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!
If Only (1-4)
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Penybright
- Fanfic Connoisseur|NewType
- Posts: 128
- Joined: Fri Mar 08, 2002 5:00 pm
- Location: Louisville, KY
heero killed his parents how sad 
...i'm sure to read the continuation to this. good job 
