Christmas Cake (part eleven)

[dd]

Kaname was humming happily as she finished cleaning up the kitchen. She had eaten a simple meal, but it had tasted uncommonly good.

Everything had seemed particularly wonderful that day.

When she had gotten home from shopping, she had called the restaurant to confirm her reservations. Three times. Likewise, she called Belles Des Belles more times than they might want.

Walking by her mother?s picture, she stopped to say a quick word.

?Well Mom, I?ve finally done it. I?m going to see if Sousuke can mean something to me. Keep your fingers crossed, OK?? Walking on, Kaname stopped and came back. ?I called Ayame and told her too. She was very jealous. Not that I was rubbing things in. I hope she keeps it a secret like she promised!?

Despite showering after gym at school, Kaname took another long hot shower when she came home. The expressed purpose was to determine which combination of soap, shower gel, and shampoo did best together. There was nothing wrong with getting things just right!

?I know one thing, it will NOT be a dandruff shampoo. Big idiot.? Kaname drew a picture of Sousuke on the fogged up shower stall door. She smacked it lightly with her wash cloth.

After using up a fair amount of bath products, she settled into a more difficult task. A number of new outfits lay on the bed. They would need to be tried on. A crucial decision would need to be made.

?Too provocative!?

The first outfit wasn?t racy by any stretch of the imagination, but it did accentuate things more than she liked considering where they would be going. Sousuke was incredibly na?ve, but the old adage said it was the quiet ones that girls should be wary of. He was an all or nothing kind of guy. It didn?t pay to take too big a chance.

?Like inviting him to a Love Hotel isn?t a big risk!?

She shook her head. Trust logic to intrude on her happy thoughts. Kaname had decided to through caution to the wind, but she was not about to throw off all her clothes too.

?Not unless things are just right....?

Her face felt like it was on fire. That thought never failed to leave her flustered. She had been talking earlier as if Sousuke was some clueless farm boy, but she wasn?t much better herself. Biting her lip, she wondered if Sousuke ever had similar thoughts. Anout things being just right, that is.

That outfit set neatly aside, she moved on to the next.

?Too pedestrian.?

It was a very nice selection of clothes. But, it certainly was not quite right. She did want to accentuate certain things. Just because she didn?t wish to send the wrong message didn?t mean that she didn?t want to torture Sousuke some. It would be good for him. Right?

?He deserves it, the jerk!?

Kaname smiled. It would be nice to see Sousuke blush, stammer, and sweat. It would show that he appreciated her.

She moved onto her final selection. Looking in her full length mirror, she did a happy pirouette. Next, she practiced a slow walk. After that, she reclined on her chair and her couch. She stood staring at her bed a while, before running back to the mirror.

?It will do.?

Kaname smiled. The outfit was perfect. Everything was coming along so well. But, she was far from finished. There were different purses, watches, earrings and scarves to try on. Not to mention perfumes, nail colors, and breath mints.

When she was finally finished with her fashion and cosmetics parade, she went to her closet and took out fancy paper and other necessary items. She placed her gifts for Sousuke on the floor and began wrapping them.

The first one was just meant to be cute. She had found it weeks ago, buying it before she had even conjured up her idea for Christmas Eve. It was a pistol made out of milk chocolate. Sousuke didn?t care much for sweets, but he did like chocolate. Kaname tied a large red bow around the candy package before wrapping it.

Her second selection had been more practical. She had chosen a shirt that she thought Sousuke would look good in. That way, it would be just as much a present for her as it would be for him. It might be a little premature to be thinking that way, but she didn?t care. She was caught up in the moment.

Tears came to Kaname?s eyes as she wrapped the final gift. It was special to her. It was a scarf her mother had given her for her birthday. It had been one of the last presents she had gotten from her. She hoped that Sousuke would appreciate it and understand the significance.

It took a while before she figured out what she wanted to write in the card. It couldn?t be too forward, as this would be the first date, and who knows what either of them might be thinking afterwards. It shouldn?t be too stuffy, either. She was determined to wean Sousuke off of manuals, spec sheets, analyses, and the like.

Her choice was simple: ?I believe in you.?

Looking at the clock, Kaname was shocked to see how late it had gotten. She still had dinner to fix and her homework to finish. Before she did those, there was something else she wanted to do. She ran to the phone and began dialing Sousuke?s number. She stopped.

?No. Maintain a little mystery. It?s just a date. We don?t want to overdo things!? Having said that, she went about putting away piles of clothes, boxes of bathroom items, and a whole slew of odds and ends.

To be safe, she would double check her homework in the morning. For some reason, she seemed a bit absent-minded.

Cooking dinner, she caught herself doing things she normally wouldn?t do. She had placed a package in boiling water, rather than the pouch it contained. Before that, she had wondered what was taking so long for the water to get ready---she forgot to turn on the heat. Salt took the place of pepper. Sugar took the place of salt. She put the soup through a colander.

Eventually she settled down and put together a pleasant meal. The entire time she ate, she thought about the dinner she would have the following night. She tried to think of things to talk about with Sousuke.

?So Sousuke, what do you think of the Defense Force?s new Arm Slave??

Kaname smiled. That was one of the last things she would ask! And, if Sousuke made the mistake of coming anywhere near a military topic, she would make him pay. Big time!

?Have you given any consideration to what you might like to blow up next at school??

Kaname laughed. There couldn?t be too much left that he hadn?t already exploded, torched, trashed, or otherwise dismantled. Besides, it was her duty to work on his means of personal expression.

?Sousuke, have you ever noticed just how pathetic short clumsy girls with platinum-colored hair are??

Yes. That one had some promise!

Kaname smiled and shook her head. She didn?t need to force things. In fact, it was better if she didn?t. It would be important to see if she and Sousuke could have anything to talk about when they were alone in personal moments. Her own words from the night before stood out in her mind. ?But just maybe he?s MY big idiot.? Well, she reserved the right to change her mind. As early and as often as she liked. It was her prerogative as a woman. It was also a surefire way of always being right.

?Better treat me right, knucklehead. Or, I?ll toss you aside like that!? Kaname snapped her fingers. It sounded wimpy and pathetic. She tried again with the same results. Again. And again. ?You know what I mean!?

Yes. She had the power. If she only accomplished one thing on Christmas Eve, it would be to make certain that Sousuke understood that!

?Hmmppff!!!?

Looking at the dirty pots and dishes, Kaname smirked. Tomorrow night, she wouldn?t have to do any dishes---not at dinner, and not at the hotel. That thought in mind, she filled the sink with soap suds and water and began attacking the dinnerware. Before she knew it, she was humming happily.

The day she had been waiting for was almost here.

She might be nervous, but it was a good kind of nervous.

?Please, don?t let anything go wrong!?

For a moment, she pictured Sousuke walking alone down town, visiting his favorite bookstore. On Christmas Eve. Having forgotten all about their date.

She dropped a plate. It shattered all over the floor, some of the pieces skittering far under the counter. The noise made Kaname jump.

?I?ll put handcuffs on him and me at the end of school if I have to!? Kaname growled as she reached for her broom. It was her time to do some sweeping. If there was any justice, Sousuke would show up to lend a hand.

The doorbell rang.

Kaname dropped the broom.

Her heart began pounding. Could it be him? Was it Sousuke?

She fought the urge to run to the door. She would maintain her dignity. She looked out through the small security window.

It WAS Sousuke!

How did she look? She didn?t have dishpan hands, did she? Why hadn?t she worn her rubber gloves? There wasn?t any time to do her hair. Damn him for showing up unannounced!

The bell rang again.

Kaname took a couple of deep breaths, annoyed at herself for behaving this way. What was wrong with her? It was only Sousuke. Putting on a nonchalant look, she opened the door.

?What?s up, Sousuke?? She asked, seeing him at the doorstep. Her words stuck in her mouth after that.

The young soldier was dressed in a very nice outfit, with pressed slacks and an expensive looking European style shirt. He wore a fancy watch and had a gold chain around his neck. His shoes were stylish and his belt was just right. He had presents and a card in his arms.

Kaname stood staring.

?Kaname, may I come in?? Sousuke?s voice was flat. It made Kaname?s heart skip a beat. Was something wrong? Had he changed his mind?

?Yes... uh.... SURE... please come in.? Kaname looked at Sousuke?s face. It was at odds with the clothing he wore. He looked troubled.

?Thank you.? It was Sousuke?s turn to stand and stare. Kaname wasn?t wearing anything special, but he wasn?t looking at her outfit. He was looking at her face.

?You look really nice, Sousuke. I hope you?re not confused. The date?s tomorrow night!? Kaname laughed, hoping to lighten the mood.

Sosusuke didn?t say anything. Now Kaname was beginning to worry in earnest.

?Sousuke? Is something the matter?? He had to say ?No.? He just had to. Kaname wanted to answer for him.

Sousuke merely nodded his head.

Kaname tensed up. Her arms were tight against her body, seemingly unable to move. Her mouth opened and closed.

?I will not be able to join you tomorrow night, Kaname. I am sorry.?

The sound of the breaking plate echoes through Kaname?s head again. She imagined her heart breaking this time. She should feel sad, but she didn?t. She should be angry too, but she wasn?t. She was numb. She didn?t want to accept what she just heard.

?W-W-Why?? It was all she could manage.

?I leave by helicopter tonight at 1200 hours. An urgent mission has come up.? Sousuke?s eyes were filled with sorrow, but Kaname could not see that.

?By their request, or yours?? A little anger had crept into her voice. With that first step taken, rage began to build up, tempered with sorrow and disappointment.

Sousuke blinked repeatedly. That barb had obviously hit the mark. Kaname immediately felt guilty. Her rage began to subside as quickly as it had arisen.

?Arbalest is needed. That means I am needed. It is....?

?Duty and obligation?? Kaname?s look was one of frustration. Tears welled in her eyes. She clenched her fists. She tried to think before she spoke, but the overwhelming sense of disappointment pushed too hard.

?Is there ever going to be more than that, Sousuke?? Her words started out as sarcasm but ended up as a plea. She turned and looked away from him. She began trembling ever so slightly.

?Yes, Kaname. Duty.? Sousuke spoke quietly. He placed the presents down on Kaname?s table. ?I do not wish to go. I have no choice. I too looked forward to Christmas Eve.? He began to walk towards her, then stopped. He took a step back.

Kaname was silent. Her mind just couldn?t handle the turn of events. She had been soaring so high and had fallen so fast.

?I asked if I could stay. I cannot. But, they will reimburse you for the money you spent. I could do that much. Perhaps some other....? Sousuke was cut off.

?I see. You could do that much. You break our date... you break my heart... you throw all my hard work out the window... but you got my money back.? Kaname couldn?t stop the bitterness spilling out of her. This had been too important. She had set her hopes too high.

She had allowed herself to be vulnerable again.

?Thank you so very much, soldier.? The tears were streaming down her cheeks now.

Sousuke now stood silently. He had wondered how Kaname would take things. It looked as if his worse fears were being realized. He didn?t know what to do. He had no idea of what to say.

?I think I?d like to be alone now, Sousuke.? Kaname could hold back her sobbing for a little while longer. She would be damned if she let Sousuke see her break down.

?Yes, Kaname. But, I am not abandoning you.? Sousuke needed to make that point. He knew how Kaname felt about abandonment, given the hard times in her past.

?Aren?t you?? Kaname?s voice and posture indicated that she was in no mood to be reasonable.

?Kaname, I....?

?Sousuke, please go. I don?t want you here, now. I don?t know if I want you to come back.?

Kaname wasn?t certain if she spoke the truth, but it might be the best solution. She should have known better to place her faith in a scruffy vagabond soldier. What had she been thinking?! She hadn?t been thinking!

?As you wish.?

The words were bittersweet for Sousuke. He thought about one of his favorite movies, ?The Princess Bride.? Those words had a special meaning in that film. While it was too soon for him to feel that way about Kaname, her reaction left him feeling somewhat hollow.

He started walking towards the door, then stopped.

?The gifts on the table are for you. If you can bring yourself to think more kindly of me while I am gone, I hope that you will open them. I would not have brought them if I was rejecting you, Kaname.?

As he headed out the door, something flew by his head, hit the wall with the sound of breaking glass, then fell to the floor.

It was one of the presents. The picture. He went stiff, as if paralyzed.

?You get me a refund. You bring me presents. Do you think that makes everything OK?? Kaname?s anger began shoving her grief aside.

?I wanted something more than that, or is that too hard for a puppet like you to understand. Go on. The strings are pulling, aren?t they. All you have is guns and battles and fighting. You obviously don?t have what I need.?

The words hit Sousuke hard. He jerked ever so slightly. A ringing filled his ears.

?I am sorry you feel that way, Kaname. I would have given you everything I have.? Sousuke looked down at the picture, its gift wrapping partly torn.

?I gave you my best.? With that he left, leaving Kaname?s door open and untouched.

Kaname had followed Sousuke?s eyes. His words struck a chord in her. Without knowing exactly why, she walked over and picked up the present she had thrown.

A few pieces of broken glass fell out onto the floor.

When she took the paper off, her mouth fell open.

It was the picture of Sousuke?s old squad in Afghanistan. One of his most treasured possessions. He had put it in a new and beautiful frame. For her. He was giving it to her. Just as she had wrapped up the scarf for him.

Kaname looked at the picture again. She had first seen it during their time in Khanka. She had spilled her tears upon it in the hospital, thinking she?d never see Sousuke again. It had sat in a place of prominence in Sousuke?s room, one of the first things she saw every time she paid him a visit.

It was for her. He was giving it to her. Despite what she just did. In spite of what she had said.

?I gave you my best.?

Her tears fell on the picture again. How could she have said the things she said? Sousuke wasn?t doing things to hurt her purposely. He was doing his job. His life would be at risk. Like the men in the picture, he might never come back.

?Who doesn?t have what the other one needs?? She whispered, feeling terribly ashamed.

She walked over to the table and carefully set the broken picture down. Staring at the other gifts, her head snapped up. What was she doing standing here while Sousuke was walking home alone, wounded by words he didn?t deserve.

Kaname?s eyes zeroed in on the card. After all of the things that had happened because of that other card, she felt a tremendous compulsion to read this one. ?I need the starshine of your heavenly eyes, after the day?s great sun. And if I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I?d walk through a garden forever.? The words were so beautiful. They made Kaname feel even worse.

Those words. The photograph. The new clothes he wore tonight because he wouldn?t be here tomorrow. Coming over to see her. Sousuke had obviously tried hard. He had done his best. That best was more than she had any right to expect. And she couldn?t see that until now.

Not taking the time to put her shoes back on, Kaname ran out her door, not bothering to close it. Feeling a growing urgency in her, she would not wait for the elevator. She ran down the stairs faster than a sane person should, sliding down one long straight stretch of railing.

Bursting out of the front door of her apartment building, Kaname nearly knocked over an elderly couple out for a stroll. A cat shot up a tree as if it were chased by the very hounds of Hell. The blue-haired girl was oblivious to it all.

?Damn you? Kaname cursed herself. She was feeling sick at heart. As much as Christmas Eve had meant to her, it paled in significance to someone?s life. Especially the life of someone who had risked his life for her on numerous occasions.

Kaname was growing winded. Her throat felt sore. The muscles in her legs were knotting up. She wouldn?t slow down, though. Turning one corner, she saw Sousuke.

?Sooo-uuu-ssss-uuu-k-a-a-a-a-a-y....? Kaname called out as she ran, slowing down when she saw him stop and turn. Leaning up against a fence momentarily, she looked at him while her breaths came in ragged gasps.

He stood still. He did not rush up to see how she was like he normally would do.

?Sousuke.......... please.......... wait..........? Kaname began walking forward slowly, a little unsteady on her feet. She felt somewhat light-headed. ?Please...?

Sousuke began walking towards her. She bowed her head. For some reason, his coming to meet her halfway gave her hope.

?Kaname, are you OK? Is there some kind of emergency??

Sousuke looked concerned, not sad. That in itself threatened to bring the tears back to Kaname?s eyes. Soon to be headed off to who knows where... just hurt by someone unjustifiably... and he?s worried about that person. Me. I?m that person.

Sousuke.

Who else would ever do that?

?Yes, Sousuke.? Kaname almost smiled, seeing Sousuke go through his usual routine of surveying the immediate area.

?You almost walked away with hearing my apology. That was very inconsiderate of you.? Despite her feelings of guilt and shame, Kaname felt some of her spunk returning.

?Kaname?? Sousuke looked incredulous. Kaname almost smiled. She didn?t, though. She couldn?t. Not yet.

There were a number of minutes of awkward silence. As hard as Kaname tried, she couldn?t get the words to come out. Sousuke stood patiently.

When Kaname looked up, her eyes looked haunted. ?I?m sorry, Sousuke. I?m so so-or-eeeeeeee...? She ran up and threw herself up against a startled Sousuke, Her arms went around his back and locked tight. She placed her face into his chest and began sobbing uncontrollably.

Sousuke did not know what to do. Kaname obviously regretted her earlier words. That made him feel somewhat better. But, he now had a trembling girl latched onto him.

What does one do with an inconsolable woman?

Buried though they might be, the young soldier did have normal human instincts. He began stroking Kaname?s hair with one hand. He placed the other around her waist. His own pain slowly ebbed away. He started to take note of Kaname?s sorrow. He was in part to blame.

?It is not a problem.?

Kaname stopped crying and looked up into Sousuke?s face. ?It?s not a problem.? Those words seemed like the world to her. He could have said ?I love you, Kaname? and it wouldn?t have moved her as much. He didn?t hate her.

She began to take notice of Sousuke?s stroking. Closing her eyes, she enjoyed the feeling, momentarily forgetting why she was standing in the darkness in her stocking feet. When Sousuke stopped, Kaname frowned.

?Who told you to stop, soldier??

?Uh....?

Try as she may, Kaname couldn?t make light of the situation. Her conscience would have nothing of it.

?I?m sorry, Sousuke.? Kaname stepped away from him and bowed. ?I?m so ashamed. I will understand if you don?t want to speak with me now. I.... I....?

?I understand, Kaname. You were upset. Once again I have ruined things for you, even though it was not my intention. But I suppose that does not matter, when you always find yourself miserable because of me.? Sousuke looked at the hand that had been caressing Kaname?s hair.

Those words struck Kaname square in the heart.

?Sousuke.... no.... it?s not your fault. You have a responsibility that would break most men. I should know that by now. You can?t blame yourself when I set my expectations too high. It?s... I....?

?Kaname...?

?No, Sousuke. Let me finish. I?m selfish. I could only think of what was important to me. A lot of people will probably die if you don?t succeed. I?m not important compared to that. I?m just one person.?

Kaname began crying again. She shook her head, but the tears wouldn?t stop.

?That may be so, Kaname. There was something I read that makes sense to me now. ?To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.?? Sousuke looked into Kaname?s eyes and blushed. Why did he say that?

How much did Kaname mean to him?

Kaname looked up slowly, a look of disbelief on her face. ?Sousuke??

Now that the words had spilled out, Sousuke?s discomfort grew. ?It is cold out here, Kaname. You should have a coat. Shoes also.?

She was not about to be distracted now. Not at that moment. Pulling the hair out of her face, she wiped her eyes.

?What were you trying to say, Sousuke?? Kaname looked hopeful. Suddenly, her grief and shame melted away. It was as if the earlier events had never happened, or had taken place days ago.

?I... uh... the night air is somewhat cold and chill. Warm clothing would be advisable.?

Kaname scowled. She knew Sousuke understood the spirit of her question. She could tell by the uncomfortable look on his face.

?Sousuke. You?re right. I?m cold, tired, and near freezing. I can?t stand out here much longer. So, will you please tell me what you meant??

Sousuke sighed.

He looked away, glancing up at the moon. He ran his hand through his hair.

?You are important to me, Kaname.?

Somehow, Kaname realized that she wouldn?t be able to coax anything more out of Sousuke that night. It could be because of the way she treated him earlier. It could be the setting. Or, he might not be entirely certain of his own feelings.

It didn?t matter.

Those words were more than she deserved. They warmed her up more than any coat would have.

?Thank you, Sousuke.? Kaname paused until Sousuke looked her in the eyes. ?You are important to me too. Very important. That?s what I wanted to find out on Christmas Eve---just how important.?

?Yes.? Sousuke nodded his head. He obviously had the same question.

Both Sousuke and Kaname took a step towards one another, then stopped. It was as if they could read each other?s mind. More than anything, Kaname wanted to be kissed. Sousuke had an urge he wasn?t certain of. Neither felt comfortable enough forcing things.

?I...you...could you come back to my apartment for just a moment, Sousuke? Is there enough time? There is something I really want to give you tonight before you go.? Kaname?s heart was in her eyes. There was something she needed to do.

?There is still time,? Sousuke answered. ?I will come.?

When the two of them finally made it to their destination, Kaname handed Sousuke a package and a card. She had him open the card first.

?I believe in you,? Sousuke said, reading. He bowed his head and found it heard to look up again. No one had ever said that to him before in a personal manner. His commanding officers and fellow soldiers believed in his skills and abilities, but not even Melissa or Kurz had spoken words that touched him this much.

He sat that way for a while, not knowing exactly what he was feeling. There was a joy he was afraid to acknowledge for the fear that something would come and snatch it away. There was the weight of so many years alone, suddenly feeling heavier than they ever had before.

Kaname watched with an odd mix of happiness and sorrow. She walked over and wrapped her arm around Sousuke?s shoulders. ?I really do, Sousuke.? She leaned her head against his.

?Thank you.? If Kaname hadn?t been so close, she never would have heard the words.

?Here. It?s time to open this.? Kaname handed Sousuke the present. ?The other?s can wait until you get back.? Kaname forced herself not to think the word ?if.?

As Sousuke removed the wrapping, Kaname told him about the scarf. She marveled at how the two of them had independently chosen gifts that had such great value to them.

?I would like to ask a favor of you, Sousuke.?

?Kaname??

?When you go into battle, will you wear that scarf for me?? Kaname?e eyes were very wide.

?Like a knight wearing a lady?s favor??

?No. If you wear that, I will feel that I am still close to you. Maybe you can feel the same.?

Sousuke looked at Kaname, taking note of the look in her eyes.

?Yes. I will do that.?

He hesitated, suddenly knowing what he wanted to say next. The inspiration caught him by surprise. The urge inside him would not give him any peace. But, it was so rash, so unlike him. It might be a mistake.

He was afraid of doing things wrong, or making a fool of himself.

Especially at a moment like this.

?Under one condition,? he said, stepping past the point of no return.

?And that is?? Kaname arched an eyebrow.

?Uh...?

Sousuke...?

?Uh...?

?SOUSUKE!!!?

?Kaname, there is something I would like to do, but I need your assistance to get it right.? Sousuke was sweating. He was teetering on the edge.

?And??

?I would like to kiss you, Kaname.?

Kaname froze. She couldn?t believe what she just heard. Her heart began beating wildly in her chest. With her heart stunned, her mischievous part took over .

?Maybe when you get back. If you take good care of the scarf.? She sniffed loudly. ?Big idiot!?

?Uh...?

Kaname threw her arms around Sousuke and kissed him. He was shocked at first, but soon showed that he was an apt pupil.

?So, was that wonderful for you too, Sousuke?? Kaname felt like gloating when the embrace broke.

There was a moment where no one spoke.

?I will let you know when I get back,? Sousuke said.

He was an apt pupil indeed.

[TimeShifter16]

GREAT chapter! Keep 'em coming, I NEED to know how this ends .

[TimeShifter16]

GREAT chapter! Keep 'em coming, I MUST know how this ends !

[Perfect Soldier]

Heh heh, way to go, dd. This fic is going along beautifully, i check everytime I come here to see if you've updated. ^_^; Wonderfu, this chapter was just wonderful.

Zero

[Eienvine]

AHHHHH! The sappy sweetness is taking over! Oh, the absolute cuteness of it all. That was perfect.

?I will let you know when I get back." Ha, Sousuke, you rascally devil you!

Seriously, though, my little brother is trying to force me off the computer and I am just laughing like a maniac at how ADORABLE this all is! I cannot express how much I loved this chapter. Way to go.

[pilot03]

*falls over* That was wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!