Red Wing Rebellion Part 2

[Tapping]

Ok-People I really need some reivews here! OK this is more like prologue then anything
I do not own Gundam Wing





The people in this small town all came looking to escape the doom that was hanging in the air. Everything seemed to be going fine, they occupants of the city were able to stay neutral for sometime. Until the EX Federation came looking for more troops. Rumor had it that this city held some more possible EX?s. So a small group assembled to head in. Call it fate but that very day, a stranger arrived in the city.

Heero was coming out of a small shop with a drink in his hand. He leaned up against his bike and finished it. Just as he was tossing it away he heard an ear piercing scream. He threw on his helmet and started on his bike down where the scream was coming from.

?Get your hands off of her!? A man screamed. Two EX soldiers came up and grabbed him. They began to hit him without letting up.

In a small alley a group for about six soldiers were surrounding a small group of kids no older then 17 years old, with a few younger ones.

?Stop, let Jake go! We want nothing to do with your little crusade! Get off.? The girl lunged at the men holding Jake and landed a solid punch across one of the soldier?s faces. He was knocked down for a moment and started at her in amazement.

?You?re an EX as well aren?t you, you little bitch.?

The man got up and began to attack her. Just as he was about to reach for her hair a red helmet came flying and hit the man in the face.

All the others went silent as a tall man with dark brown hair, and deep Persian eyes stepped on the scene. The man that was holding Jake released his grip and Jake went to his knees rubbing his chest were he had just recently been beaten. The soldier who had been restraining Jake was now moving closer to the new stranger.

?Hey Mac you ok over there.? He asked his comrade.

?Yeah? he said while wipping the blood off his forehead. He looked once again at his attacker. ?Who the hell are you??

Heero simply continued further and helped the young boy off of the ground.
?You ok kid?? he asked, but there was no sympathy in his voice.

?Fine, but who . . . .? Jake trailed off.

The soldier became more irritated.

?I asked you a question! You have got a lot of nerve messing with the EX federation. Must think your hot shit.?

?No not really, people like you just really piss me off. Don?t you know you never hit a lady?? Heero remarked with his calm exterior.

?Get him!? The soldier finally yelled

All at once they took off at Heero. Heero was a little surprised by their speed, but he was still on his guard. The first two went down, one with an upper cut, the other with a powerful kick to the side of the face. Heero ducked narrowly escaping a soldiers attack. He countered by grabbing the man?s arm and tossing him into a pile of garbage and trash cans. Heero regained his stance as the rest of the soldiers confronted him. Dropping back to his hands he spun knocking over to more soldiers jumping up and punching another. He looked over at the remaining EX?s.

?Who else wants some??

With a look of total shock on their faces they just stared.

?Then get the hell out of here, before I have to escort all of you out.?

All the men scrambled as they picked up their beaten comrades and followed Heero?s directions precisely. Heero approached the kids who now stood in astonishment. They did not know if this man was an ally or enemy. Jake regained his composure and stood in front of everyone else with another young boy coming to his side.

[RyanEX2000]

Been awhile since I was the absolute first to respond to a post, but here I go.

Your story starts off good, but it has two major flaws( in my opinion).

First, and most major, the chapters are two short. This and the first one could've been just one. Having chapters too short miffs readers, especially if it regularly cuts off as it gets to a good point.

Second, and not really a flaw, you make things out to be a bit overly dramatic. That could lead to trouble later as readers may miss key points you want them to notice.

Other than that the story has potential but you have to careful how you tell it.

[Tapping]

Thanks that helps when people tell me what they want