Anything you can do...

[rockerbaby1321]

Anything you can do?..
A fic to answer the age old question:
Which is the better sex?

A/N: This idea came to me after having been inspired by a highly self centered egotistical member of the male species. Thanks to this person, I thank whatever higher power for making me female. Now, everyone may be thinking that since I am female, my opinion will be slanted one way; however that would not be a very entertaining story. I will do both sexes as much justice as I can, and I promise that readers will not be disappointed with this one. By the way, I am not in any way, shape, or form a feminist. I have trouble spelling the word without spell check so there is no way I could be one.


Now, on to the battle to end all battles.

*****

Anything you can do?..

Chapter one: Boys (enough said)



There is a saying that women are from Venus and men are from Mars.

If this is true, I would have given anything at that moment in time to be back on Venus. Not that I absolutely abhor math, it?s just that logarithms aren?t exactly the most exciting subject in the world.

Especially a pop quiz on them.

Oh, the joy.

Alas, I shall have to rip myself away from the wonderful world of complete nonsense to properly introduce myself.

My name is Alana Morris. I am fifteen-years-old and currently a quarter of the way into my freshmen year of high school. I?m pretty much the typical teenage girl. I like talking on the phone, shopping, and eating stuff that?s bad for me. Besides that, I generally enjoy school and get good grades, but even though I am considered above average, I can not stand math. Which brings me back to my current situation.

Pop quiz. Logarithms. Not pretty.

It?s one of those five question deals. Basically, if you miss one, you fail. Since I had already realized approximately three minutes and forty-two seconds into it that I was going to fail, I decided to quietly accept my fate and guess as best as I could.

After turning in my paper, I returned to my seat to try and enjoy the rest of the period without being depressed about my below average performance.

Thank goodness for Sabrina. I don?t know what I?d do without her.

Allow me to introduce Sabrina Williams. She is also fifteen and has been my best friend since practically forever. That?s been at least since before pre-school. She has always been there for me through thick and thin and has never let me down once. You could say that she?s my moral support. ?You look excited,? she says casually.

?That?s funny, I feel like I just threw up.?

?Oh come on Alana. One little insignificant pop quiz isn?t going to hurt you. Besides, I?m sure you?re just overreacting and you really got a one hundred on it.?

?Overreacting.? I reply in an awe struck tone. ?Overreacting would be if I were to personally lead an angry mob, mostly teenage girls complete with pitchforks and torches, to stake outside the house of Orlando Bloom?s girlfriend waiting to make my move.?

?Relax, Alana. I was only kidding, besides, if anyone was to lead the mob, it would definitely be me.?

It would probably be wise at this point to mention that my very best friend has an unhealthy psychopathic obsession with Orlando Bloom. It is to the point that when we went to go see ?The Return of the King?, she was sobbing uncontrollably while clutching a magazine picture of him. The reason being, because she would never again see ?her? Orlando with his long white flowing locks ever again. Oh, but it didn?t stop there. To add to my embarrassment she only got louder and more hysterical. After about twenty minutes of her sobs, we were finally asked to leave. Ever since that fateful day, I have vowed to never accompany her to another movie with Orlando Bloom for as long as I live.

?Sabrina, you do know that he will never know who you are no matter what you do, right??

?Hey now. You don?t know that for sure. I mean, one day when I?m rich and/or famous, I could be walking down the streets of Beverly Hills, while carrying bags from only the most exclusive stores and boutiques, when all of a sudden, while being distracted, I bump into a solid, well toned chest. As I slowly look up into those dark brown orbs, I go weak at the knees. He catches me before my legs completely give out, and gently steadies me. Then, he goes on to ask me in that all but too sexy English accent, ?Are you all right?? As I continue to gaze into his eyes, I am at a lost for words, until I say the first thing that comes to mind. ?Orlando Bloom, I lov-.?

I had started to drift during Sabrina?s dramatized story a while ago, when suddenly, out of no where; the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life entered the classroom. At that point, ten Orlando Blooms could have walked in and I would have never noticed. That was the day my life changed forever. It was both the best thing to ever happen to me and at the same time, it was the most horrible thing imaginable. It was the day I met?.him?
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So, chapter one is finally finished. I am really excited and I would love to get some feedback on what everyone out there thinks about the way things are going so far. Please feel free to e mail me on your opinions. If everyone were to tell me the things that I need to work on in order to improve my story I would be very grateful. For those interested, I also have this story posted at Fictionpress if you would like to read it there.


Next Chapter: Girls, Girls, Girls