"Your Daddy's Son" song/darkfic, 2xH

[Gundam Girl]

This story is part of the double feature angst saga. The other is ?Atlantic City,? which is 1xR and can be found on Blissful Ignorance and FFN. This one is 2xH.

Warnings: Lime, drinking, abortion, ANGST, morbid situations, half-depressed fluff. Enjoy.

Note: Lyrics in these: )La, la, la(

- Your Daddy?s Son -

By Gundam Girl

The bar lights were dim, their reds and golds casting shadows of both blood and riches. And wasn?t that just fitting?

Hilde Schbeiker ran her finger round and round over the rim of her shot glass. The bartender had left the whiskey bottle at her request. She didn?t often rely on the escape of liquor, but tonight an escape of any kind would be welcome.

Her mother had died two days ago on Monday, five years behind her father. She had no siblings and, she knew, she should be at work right now trying to earn money for a half-decent burial.

And she *would* had she not been fired that afternoon.

Working as a waitress for the one sit-in restaurant in the town hadn?t brought in much cash. But it had paid the rent for her tiny apartment, and it had put food in her stomach. That wasn?t anything she?d taken for granted, but when your manager was lacking a cigarette and you break *one* dish, you life tended to become hell.

Mom hadn?t had anything to leave her. Her parents had been poor as well, and Hilde was very used to poverty. She was spending the last of her cash on the whiskey. She was enjoying the quiet of a Thursday night bar. There were only two other men there besides herself, and soft piano music was playing.

The low-key tinkling of notes soothed her, but not much. How could she be soothed in the midst of the lowest point in her life?

Hilde was tempted to lay her head right down on the bar and so she stood up. She couldn?t be one of those bar sobers. But she didn?t leave. The November night was too cold, and the bar didn?t close until four a.m. Maybe it would be warmer by then. Or not.

She walked around. It was a cheap bar with cheap booze, perfectly suited to her cheap life. ?Goddamn,? she muttered bitterly.

The piano drifted to a stop. ?You sound pretty upset,? said a voice.

Hilde turned. She?d wandered over right next to the piano itself. The man playing it had long, chestnut hair twisted into a braid, and his big cobalt eyes laughed even in the sober (or the not-so-sober for Hilde) atmosphere.

?I?ve got a right to be,? she counted hotly, slurring the slightest bit.

?What?s your story??

?Isn?t it the bartender?s job to lend an ear??

He smiled. ?He?s losing his hearing, but I?m young and can hear great.? He began to press out another lulling tune. ?And I?ve walked the block.?

Maybe it was the music. Maybe it was the way his braid swung as he leaned over to reach the keys. But she found herself talking to him. ?My mom died. We weren?t close, but I loved her. She was 62.?

He nodded thoughtfully. ?I have a mom still. Single mother since I was ten. My dad got shot. So I know how you feel.?

Hilde bit her lip. Her father had been killed in a construction accident. ?And I lost my job tonight.?

?Ah. Been there too. Lots of times.?

He was trying to be empathetic, and she appreciated him for that. ?I doubt it?ll be my last job, but still, it?s depressing.?

?Always,? he smiled and then they both fell into silence. Hilde watched his hands as they floated over the keys and back. The ivory danced with their black partners, and, mesmerized, she slid onto the bench next to him.

)Daddy played piano, played it very well. Music from those hands could catch you like a spell.(

The alcohol was controlling her behavior, but Hilde allowed her head to drop onto the braided man?s shoulder. He didn?t stop playing, didn?t even seem surprised. He was king, and he didn?t ask her to get off.

)He could make you love him, ?fore his tune was done(

When that song ended, he turned to her. She raised her head slowly. ?I can take you home if you want,? he offered.

In her drunken state she nodded and moved to her feet. Her ankles turned to water, and the piano player caught her.

?I?m definitely taking you home,? he grinned. ?I?m Duo Maxwell.?

Too influenced to do much else, she let him lead her out the door, securing her purse on her shoulder. ?Hilde Schbeiker.?

?Hilde. I like that name. Watch it,? he advised when they walked down the bar?s stoop and onto the street. ?Where do you live??

?Just? round the corner,? she told him, the heels she?d worn to work catching on sidewalk cracks.

Duo laughed. ?That?s good, then, because I don?t have a car.?

?Me neither. Humans can walk,? she said with pride. ?Well, usually.? She glared at her tripping toes.

Duo nodded. ?Or run,? he muttered.

When they arrived at Hilde?s apartment building, she paused before going inside. ?Do you wanna come up??

He smirked. ?I?m afraid it?s a little early for a rendezvous. But if you need me anytime, I?ll be at??

Hilde grabbed the collar of his white dress shirt and hauled him to her so that their bodies were plastered together, soon to be followed by their lips. Her folks were both dead. She was out of a job. When they broke apart, his eyes were dazed and she was still clutching his shirt. ?I need you now.?

Well, Duo thought as she opened the door, she?d never get up the stairs in her state. She proved it too, but tripping on the first step. She he scooped her up and carried her, noting with amusement that she?d lost one of her shoes somewhere.

?You have great hands,? she said, voicing her earlier thought. ?Beautiful, fast hands.? She grinned at him, in front of her door now. ?At least I think they?re fast.?

)You have your daddy?s hands?you were your daddy?s son(

He looked at her in a way that had her stomach flipping. ?They can be.?

She fumbled with the lock and finally pulled him inside. ?Good.? Hilde caught his chin and lightly, suggestively, bit his lower lip. ?Show me.?

?Hilde,? he breathed, hands gripping hers to stop her from touching him. ?You?re drunk, girl.?

?All the more fun,? Hilde insisted. ?Duo? I told you what I need.?

He was already undoing his shirt buttons. ?You might not even remember my name.?

She shoved her belt buckle open and pulled her shirt over her head. ?I doubt it.?

They tackled each other.?

***

Hilde felt sun on her face. God, her head hurt. It wasn?t Sunday, she knew before she opened her eyes. So she didn?t have the morning shift, and she wasn?t late for work.

But wait a sec.

She had no work to go to. She?d been fired.

Mom was dead. She?d died of a heart attack Tuesday morning. Hilde remember going to a bar last night and talking to a piano player. He had walked her home.

It was a hazy after that.

Hilde rose. Her bed sheet fell to her lap. She was naked. She never slept naked. Looking over her mattress, she saw her clothes strung over the place. The place between her legs ached, she realized.

Oh God.

She had?? She *had*! So had he! In a rush, the experiences of the previous night came back

No! Hilde search her blank mind for another word? No!

)Daddy never knew that you were on your way(

Cold and shaking not merely because of it, Hilde left the bed too quickly and nearly fell. But she hurriedly pulled on some fresh clothes and kicked the ones from last night into a corner. Please, God, oh please? She just wanted Duo Maxwell out of her mind!

Well, he had been wrong last night about her forgetting his name. She hadn?t been quite that drunk, but now she wished she had been. She needed to, had to forget him.

So, he just left? Damn it, she knew that it happened a lot, but never to her. The only other time she?d had sex was senior year in high school with Michael Cage, and they were stupid kids with condoms and birth control. Michael and Hilde had simply parted ways at the end of the year and had never spoken to each other again.

Duo had probably planned to leave town last night anyway. He didn?t seem like the kind of guy to keep just one job. And Hilde had never seen him at that bar before.

)He had other ladies and other tunes to play.(

No doubt he would find another pair of legs to invade before the week was up. What an ass.

Even with that established, Hilde couldn?t shake him. What if she got??

No. That was impossible. It wasn?t the right time, she was?almost?sure. With a fist pounding at her head, Hilde began to strip the sheets to put on the only other fresh pair.

Needing to clear her head, Hilde went to the kitchen sink and drank some water. Then she ran outside, desperate for cool air.

)When he up and left me, I just up and run?Only thing in my head?(

***

Two months and two missed periods later, Hilde stared in horror at the female doctor in front of her, her hand pressed to her stomach with shock.

She was? Oh God?

She was pregnant.

)You were your daddy?s son(

?A-Are you sure?!? Hilde stuttered, half-panicked as she grabbed the doctor?s arm.

?Yes,? she said clearly, gently pushing her hand off of her arm. ?Happy New Year, Miss Schbeiker. I?m sure the father??

Hilde didn?t want to hear more. ?Thank you.?

The doctor, who went by the name of Sally Po, smiled sympathetically at her. ?If you want, there?s an organization in two that??

?No,? Hilde said briskly. ?No, thank you. I don?t think I? I can?t possibly?? She felt the tears rushing up to her eyes. She had just gotten another waitress job and was barely scraping by on her own. There was no way she could even keep work pregnant, much less afford a baby. No. There was something that definitely had to be done. And her only open option was one thing.

The screaming she was doing mentally was deafening her.

)Couldn?t hear no music(

?Doctor,? she said quietly, ?when can I make another appointment with you??

***

)Couldn?t see no light(

It was done. It was?gone.

Hilde?s hands still shook, even as she was lain down on her own bed. Sally, such a nice person, had performed the operation as carefully and painlessly as within her ability. She had also paid for a taxi to drive her home from the hospital. She had also told Hilde something.

?Just so you know,? she had said while patting her shoulder, ?it would have been a boy.?

*Why* did she have to have told her that?! It had caused her to inquire if the boy would have looked like her?damn sentimentality coming up?and Sally had looked through the punnett squares and had replied that yes, mostly. The only exception would have been his hand structure, as strange as that was.

The hands, then? They would have been Duo?s.

The thought was depressing. Hadn?t it been his hands that had attracted Hilde to him in the first place, drunk or not? Though the rest of him was nearly all forgotten now, she could remember Duo?s hands. Wide-palmed and callused, and so graceful as he had tapped out the melodies of such beautiful songs.

It was no good to think of them now, Hilde told herself firmly. In twenty or thirty years, those hands would wither and grow haggard, and their beauty would be lost.

Discomforted, Hilde wrapped her arms around herself and buried her face in her propped up knees, just for a moment. She did it several times a day, and it did help. But not much and not for very long.

)Mama ? she was frightened, crazy from the fright(

She had become very good at keeping the heart-tearing emotion of it bottled up inside of her. After all, the only person who knew of her abortion was the diner manager who had showed her sympathy and had given her a loan, one she had almost finished paying off.
)Tears without no comfort(

Yet, there were moments ? and they were always just moments, she had too much composure for it to be any longer ? when she wanted to shout, to talk to a priest even, just to say to somebody, ?I killed my baby! It would have been mine, and I *killed* it!?

)Screams without no sound(

But even if she did, there was no one to listen.

)Only darkness and the pain(

A month after the operation, she placed the small little rock in the yard behind her apartment building. It was a little boring, gray like cement, and in white magic marker, the word SON was scrawled across it. Hilde half dug it into the brown earth.

)The aching and the pain(

There. Now it was done. When a human died, it deserved a proper parting, often a burial. Hilde had given her baby one, complete with a headstone?even though it was not above any body.

She closed her eyes. God, it hurt. It hurt more than she had that day?

)The blood and the pain(

She had been woozy all day after the early-morning operation, and had been ordered to stay in bed. She had slept, heavily so: But her mind had stayed awake and taunted her in her dreams. She had seen young, rich blood on her hands, and the dead corpse of a tiny body in her arms.

No! She didn?t want to conjure those hellish images up again! Hilde?s eyes popped open.

)I buried my heart in the ground! In the ground!(

And she saw, again, the little grave she had made for her unborn child with her own two hands.

)When I buried you in the ground?(

She leaned over, her hands on the ground and squeezing it, tearing out grass with the between of her clenched fingers.

And finally, finally, the tears came. They were diamond-bright and poured down on the baby?s grave like shimmering stars. Hilde?s sobs were those of a heartbroken mother and the saddest sounds in the world.

)Daddy played piano?bet he?s playin? still(

?Duo,? she murmured. ?Oh, God, Duo. Why? Why us??

)Mama can?t forget him, don?t suppose I will(

?Why my boy??

In the harsh, judging silence, another voice reached her ears, its tones soft and sad.

?That?s a good question.?

Hilde shot to her feet and whipped around, unable to trust her own eyes. The sight before her she had seen too often in dreams. ?Duo?? she choked.

?Why?? Duo finished, her cobalt eyes questioning and depressed. ?Why did it have to happen to us??

?I thought you left,? she muttered, frozen to the ground as he came toward her. ?I know you left.?

?That?s right,? nodded Duo. ?I did. And for the last four months, I haven?t been able to get you out of my mind. Do you have any idea how much that hinders a traveling musician??

?Musician.? Hilde?s dark blue eyes sharpened. ?So that?s the name of your profession. I was wondering, because ?playboy? works just as well.?

Duo flinched but held his ground. ?Hilde??

?*And* he remembers my name! Miracles upon miracles.?

?I told you I liked it, didn?t I?? Duo?s eyes narrowed. ?I liked a lot about you.?

?Oh really? You failed to mention that after you knocked me up. Of course,? she added, feigning forgetfulness, ?you weren?t really about here *to* mention it, were you??

?Hilde, come on.? Duo?s eyes softened again. ?I can?t talk to you when you?ve still got tears dried on your cheeks.?

Hilde pressed her lips together. ?Duo? I barely know you. That?s true enough.? She was tired. So tired. ?But what I went through? Or, I guess, didn?t go through?? She looked at the ground as more moisture welled up. ?I would have liked you to be here. I?m not in love with you, and I doubt you are with me. I don?t even know if I can fall in love with you ? maybe. Maybe I could. Maybe I will. Hell, maybe I would have if you had stayed?if I hadn?t??

?Oh, God, shut up!? Duo said lowly, reaching out lightning-quick and pulling her to him. ?Hilde, I?m sorry you had to do this. I?m more sorry you had to do it alone.?

Hilde only clung to him for physical comfort, not for much emotional value. ?It was gonna be a boy. He would have been my son.? She sighed into his chest, covered by the same white dress shirt he?d worn on the night ? that night.

)God wants no excuses(

?Ever since I found out I was pregnant,? she said in a trembling voice, ?I thought of him as mine. Not as yours, because if I thought of him as yours too, I?d have to remember you. That?s a lie,? she said immediately. ?I had to think of you no matter what; you were inside me, Duo.? She swiped under her eyes. ?I think, a little bit, you may still be.?

?Hilde.? He took her hands, brain hanging dejectedly. ?I don?t even know what to say to you. I just wish I could do something, anything, that would make you smile at me.?

)I have only one(

?There is one thing. After the day I ? I let him go, my doctor told me one other thing other than it was a boy.? Hilde did smile slightly now. ?She said that he would?ve looked mostly like me. Except for your hands. He would have had your hands.?

Duo looked confused. ?My hands??

)You had your daddy?s hands(

Hilde nodded, lifting one of them and pressing it to her face. ?I still like your hands. I really, really do.?

Duo shook his head. ?I don?t see how you like anything about me? But fine then.? Gently, he gripped her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. ?That?s a start.? Then he smiled too.

)You were your daddy?s son(

***

Wow. Angst. Lots of angst. Review please! (I don?t think I?ll be doing any more angsty one-shots for a while!) -GG

[Lara Winner]

Whoa!

I think I'm going to cry...

[bookworm]

...reality check... Very nice, even though it is dark.

[Raspberry]

*shivers* Lol, thatwas very down-to-earth story. Great work!

[Calla Lily]

Wow, that was both beautiful and heartbreaking. You definitely made your point here, wonderful work, Gundam Girl.

[Gundam Girl]

Thanks, guys. It was a little harsh to write about, but yeah. It is a reality check, Bookworm.

I'm glad you guys thought it was good!

[Andrea]

I finally found it! I didn't know you had posted it already! Thank you for not ruining the surprise for me, because I think this was truly amazing. I loved the angst, and loved how you portrayed Duo and Hilde here. It was all really heartbreaking, yet beautiful. Good job, Nessie!

[Gundam Girl]

Thanks, Andrea! I forgot to mention I'd posted it that night! *is a moron* Glad you liked!

[APerfectSoldier87]

i didnt know that you had it in you, too write something this dark. Great Job.

[Gundam Girl]

Thanks!!!