For Life: For Love: Chapter [2/?]

[Hitomi Lei]

I still don?t own Inuyasha. Ignore any errors in spelling or grammar as I don?t really have a beta for this story yet. Also thanks goes to all the people who encouraged me to write this story.



Chapter Two: It Can Always Hurt Worse.

What will we do? What will we say?
When it's the end of this game that we play?
Will we crumble into the dust my friend?
Or will we start this game over again?
The young man lays alone but fastened to the ground
The sound of fleeing feet and a cryin' eye will be his last sound.
What did we gain from all of this? Now was it worth a life?
We've thrown all our hopes away and set our dreams aside.
Now we're cryin'
--- Three Doors Down, Dangerous Games



It was the time of night when only the outcast of society moved about the city. Hookers, their pimps not far off, lined the alleyways and peddled their wares in garish colored costumes. Inuyasha paid them all no mind as he hurried toward Miroku?s house, keeping a careful eye out for Kagome, just in case she was out here lost and alone. His thoughts were a swirling mass of confusion as he tried to figure out why Kagome would lie to him about her whereabouts. Her disappearing act in high school kept flashing up in his mind. What is she did something like that again? But surely she knew that he loved her, that he couldn?t live without her?

That he?d never let her leave him again without a fight.

He didn?t even notice as he crossed back into the good side of town, so lost was he in his own thoughts. The cold wind blew hard, mocking him for leaving the warmth of his apartment without a coat. Inuyasha roused himself from his thoughts long enough to spot the small yellow house that was his destination up ahead. He quickened his pace, suddenly feeling the effects of the stiff wind.

He knocked softly on the house?s bright Kelly green door, and while he waited for Miroku to answer he absently contemplated the color. He?d always thought it was a little too happy, but Kagome had loved the color. She?d wanted to paint the walls of the apartment that color, but much to Inuyasha? relief the building super wouldn?t allow it. He remembered her wishfully talking about the house they would have someday, where she could repaint anytime she wanted. Now that might never happen?

Why did everything have to remind him that she was missing?

Miroku answered the door, and Inuyasha could tell that he hadn?t been awake for long. Dark shadows hung under his eyes, and his normally neat hair was tussled. He looked at Inuyasha for a moment, as if to judge the validly of his visit. Inuyasha didn?t really blame him. After all, the only thing he?d said when his friend picked up the phone 30 minutes ago was that he needed to talk. Miroku must have seen some of his desperation in his eyes because he opened the door wide enough for Inuyasha to pass through.

?Sango?s making coffee.? He said by way of a greeting. Inuyasha just silently made his way toward their small kitchen. Sango was indeed going through the motions of making coffee, but unlike Miroku who looked like he?d been asleep for a while before Inuyasha?s call, she looked tired and haggard. It seemed like she hadn?t slept at all that night, but had been up pacing the floor. He wondered if maybe she knew something about Kagome?s whereabouts. If memory severed him right she and Miroku had been the only ones to know 6 years ago the first time Kagome had left.

?What?s so important that you have to get me up at 1am?? Miroku asked from the doorway. Inuyasha was a little surprised that the man wanted to cut to the chase so quickly, normally Miroku liked to draw these things out, but he guessed that anyone would be abrupt when awoken so rudely.

?I?I?? He hadn?t expected the words to catch in his throat, but they did. Inuyasha took a deep breath and tried to start over, ?I?Kagome?well?she never came home?I can?t find her?and she never went to work this morning?even though her note said she was going?she called in sick?she lied to me?or maybe something bad happened?I?
Have you seen her?? He managed to choke out the words while fighting his since of panic down. She was gone. What if he couldn?t find her?

Sango abruptly slammed down her cup of coffee and turned her back on him. He could tell that her shoulders were shaking under her thin robe, but he was clueless to the cause.

?Koshii?? Miroku left his position by the doorway and went to stand by his wife. When he?d come home from work today he?d known something was bothering her, but with Sango you never pushed her into talking before she was ready. So he?d just left her alone, now he wondered at the wisdom of that decision.

?Sango, do you know where she is?? Miroku could here the barely discernable sounds of rage and betray begin to filter into his childhood friends voice. He knew this conversation was heading into a direction that they all would probably regret later but he was powerless to stop the chaos he knew was coming.

?Yes.? That one word, said so quietly, was the word that sat the impending doom Miroku was feeling into motion. Inuyasha?s face went rigid, mouth going into a thin line that could be barely seen, eye?s narrowing into slits, even his ears went completely still focused totally on the woman whose back was to him.

?Not a good move Sango.? Miroku thought, as he moved to stand between his wife and their angry hanyou friend, but he was too slow. Inuyasha reached out with lightening speed and grabbed Sango?s shoulders. He wrenched her around to face him, shoving her body up against the bar, not hard enough to hurt her, but with enough force to let her know she wasn?t going anywhere until he got the information he wanted. Miroku stood to the side in a frozen, tense, stance. He didn?t know weather to intervene or to let Inuyasha get his answers. He finally settled on just being ready to step in if the situation got out of hand. He knew Sango could take care of herself, and he highly doubted Inuyasha would hurt her. Or at least Miroku hoped he wouldn?t.

?Where the fuck is she! Damnit, TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!!!!? Inuyasha was careful to not touch Sango after he?d pushed her into the bar, even though he wanted desperately to shake the answers right out of her head. He could smell the pup she was carrying and he wasn?t so far gone into his panic that he?d so something to hurt her child. For a moment he thought Sango would answer him, but his hope was quickly dashed.

?You bastard!!!? Before Inuyasha knew what was happening she?d pulled back her fisted and punched him in the cheek. The strength of the blow, and the fact he hadn?t been expecting it, sent him tumbling down to the floor on his butt. Miroku cringed, but couldn?t help but feel proud of his wife. She?d just managed to knock an enraged half-demon down! Wait?maybe that wasn?t a good thing?

?You have no right to come in here and demand to know where she is!! Not when you?re the reason that she left!!!!!? Sango was seething with anger, but now so was Inuyasha. How dare the little human bitch tell him this was all his fault! Kagome was the one who ran away again!

?I have every right in the world to demand the location of my mate!!? His voice was low and more growl than human tone. Sango took a step back and let out a breath in shock.

?Your mate??

?YES!? he roared, ?And someone had better fucking start to tell me where she is before I START LOOKING ON MY OWN!?

?Your mate? Did Kagome know you?d claimed her as such?? Miroku felt his own anger begin to rise. If Inuyasha had claimed Kagome with her knowing?

?No. I was fucking going to tell her tonight, but she?s no where to be found.? His voice was as close to a pout as it could get when he was still growling deep in his chest.

?You claimed her without asking first?? Sango swore, ?I thought you were a fucking bastard before Inuyasha, but this is the worst thing you?ve ever done! This is the closest thing to rape one can get with out actually doing it! You took away her free will.?

?She said she loved me! She said she wanted to get married. That?s permission enough.? Inuyasha was desperate to prove that his actions hadn?t been as bad as they were. Unbidden, memories of the night before flashed before his minds eye.

*flashback*


Two bodies withered together in a tangle of sheets and legs and arms. Moans and screams of pleasure echoed off the walls as somewhere in the house a clock struck midnight.

She was begging him for more, silently asking to be made to forget about their fight earlier.

He complied, pounding into her harder, wanting to take her to places she?d never been before?

Wanting to make her his forever.

He could feel her slipping away from him even as she screamed out his name in ecstasy. His instincts clawed at his insides, demanding that he do something to concrete their relationship even though he?d been hesitant to do so earlier.

?Do you love me?? He managed to gasp out. He held himself still above her, refusing to continue their love making until she answered.

?Oh, Kami-sama, yes.? Her answer came in huffs as she continued to wither under him, frustrated that he?d stopped.

That was all the answer he needed.

*end flashback*

?NO! Not when you refused to marry her on the grounds that Kikyou might wake up after five years as a vegetable!? Her voice brought him back from the moment he?d been reliving. Sango was still ranting in the back ground, but he was only half listening.

?Kagome said she loved me. Why, why did she leave again? Kami-sama I can?t take much more of this.?

?Are you even listing to me? You took something special from her! She?ll never be able to forget you now and move on! Kagome can never love another person because of you!? Her angry tone was beginning to sound more like the beginning of tears than full rage. Inuyasha went still at what she was implying. Kagome love someone else? The very thought sent him back to growling.

?She?d better not even think about falling in love with someone else.? Inuyasha?s voice was now quiet and deadly. His eyes had a hint of red in them and Miroku decided that now was a good time to step in.

?I?m sure that want happen, Inuyasha. Calm down.? He reached out to put a hand on his friend?s shoulder but the hanyou jerked away from his touch. His eyes were still focused on Sango who wasn?t finished speaking about the matter either.

?You?re such a hypocrite, Inuyasha. You?ve loved someone else for years, right in front of Kagome, but now, right when she?s finally woke up and saw what an idiot you are, you take away her only chance at happiness.? Her voice was a broken whisper and Inuyasha slowly felt all the anger drain from his veins. Is that what Kagome thought? That he still loved Kikyou?

?Mommy? Daddy? I heard mean voices, has Aunty Kago come back home?? The tiny voice of the four year old Rei made all the adults start guilty. They hadn?t meant to wake up the child with their ?mean? voices. Sango went to gather her son up into her arms and reassure him that it was only ?Uncle Inu being a complete and total jerk.? She looked up at her husband and a silent conversation passed between their eyes. Miroku sighed and reached out to touch Inuyasha?s shoulder. This time he didn?t jerk away.

?Come on, I?ll drive you home buddy. At least you can get a few hours of sleep before you have to go in to work.?

Inuyasha didn?t have the strength left to protest.


@>;---


Dear Inuyasha,


If you?re reading this then you know by now that I?m gone. Don?t look for me. (Kami-sama, that sounds so clique. Does every run away lover always start their letters out like that?)

What I mean to say is that by the time you find this, if you ever do, I?ll be long gone. Hopefully I?ll be all settled into my new life, and there will be no reason for you to worry about me.

After all the years we?ve been together you?d think that we?d some how get this thing right, ne? But I guess some things just weren?t meant to be. You love her, I love you, and she might as well be dead. Welcome to the Soap Opera of our lives. I hoped for a long time that you?d finally get over her and that you?d finally see me for me and not just her replacement, but I realized last night that nothing would ever change.

You called out her name in your sleep after you?d just finished screwing me.

That woke me up. I remembered why I left seven years ago, why I swore I?d never come back again, why I have to leave now while I can still look myself in the mirror everyday and not feel disgust over what I?ve become. I refuse to be a replacement fuck Inuyasha. I refuse to be her in your head every time you touch me.

I need a life without you in it. I almost had that once, you know. I was going to take that all important step with my boy friend the night Sango called to tell me you might not live through the night. He loved me and for you I broke his heart.

Now I know what a bitch karma is. Now I know what it?s like?again?because some how I forgot over the years what it feels like for the person you love to trample your heart cause they love another person more.

But just so you know, I don?t blame you for high school. Kikyou was the goddess between the two of us. Always graceful and gentle, while I was awkward and clumsy. I would have picked her too, if I had to choose. So I forgive you for doing that?

I think I can even forgive you for now?I mean, I can understand never giving up hope that one day the one you love will wake up and realize you?ve been waiting for them the whole time they?ve been gone. Ironically that?s how I?ve always felt about you. But I?m tired now Inuyasha. I don?t have the emotional strength to live with all this anymore.

So I?m leaving. Don?t bother looking for me, not that I?m assuming that you will. Maybe one day it won?t hurt as bad as it does now and I?ll be able to see you again?.

At least this time I left a note.


Kagome

The paper crackled loudly in the silent bedroom as Inuyasha crushed in his trembling hand. He?d found it when he?d collapsed into bed and reflexively reached out to at least cuddle her pillow since it was the next best thing to cuddling her.

?I never knew you felt like this Kagome. Kami-sama knows it I did I?d have let you know just how wrong you were. Why couldn?t you just talk to me? Why didn?t you trust me to love you?? He asked questions aloud that he already knew the answer to. For the first time since he?d found out that she was truly gone Inuyasha realized the emptiness his life had without her in it.

With a curse he started to throw the letter as far away as he could then had second thoughts. With a gentle hand, so as not to tear the purple stationery?s fragile edges, he smoothed it back out over his knee. He on second glance he could tell just how distressed she?d been while writing the letter by the way her scrawl ran unevenly down the page. Inuyasha held it close to his nose and sniffed. It smelled like Kagome?and tears.



TBC


AN.

That was my first semi-lemon?sex scene thingy?

Eh?not bad?

I guess now you know why it?s rated R.

That and the language here is much worse than in my other story?or at least I think it is?

For those you you who have read my other story and see a link between the mating thing, please not that in this story the process is quite different. But is was thinking about the other story that brought this idea about. Just like in TWTHE Kagome has no choice in the matter of becoming connected to Inuyasha, but unlike TWTHE Inuyasha?s own stupidity creates the problem here.

So I guess you can say that this was Inuyasha?s revelation chapter. He no longer has the wool over his eyes. He knows what a big fuck up he is?

Now if only we could bring Kagome around?

In the next chapter Inuyasha follows her false trail and goes to LA?.
[/i]

[Nausica?]

This chapter was so sad, especially Kagome's note. Very heart-felt, just like the rest of the chapter. Awesome work.

But what's this? Inuyasha goes to LA? Great. Now not only are they separated, but he's on the other side of the world... I'm interested in finding out how long it'll take him to realize that Kagome's not there? Hope it's not long...

* holds up Inu/Kag banner *

Go get her, Inuyasha! Don't give up!

:razz:

Next chapter, please!

* muah *


- Naus

[wj]

Since he's coming to America in the next chapter, can you have him stop by my apartment, please? Heh heh....

The story is so sad now. I hope you give us a happy ever after by the end.

Now I must bug you to update both of your stories, Hitomi. Keep them coming.

wj

[Kanya Barton]

Wow...this is so good! Inuyasha IS waking up! Yay! Man...you need to get the next chapter out as soon as you can! Puwease! LoL
Peace out!

[Lara Winner]

Well they're mated now right? So kagome has to give in and got to him one day right? He will find her... RIGHT?

WAAHH!!!!

*sniffs* Okay I'm better now.

Excellent story, very emotional and heartfelt. I know what this feels like and you've hit the nail on the head. However in my case it turned out to be a blessing in a painful disguise but we all know that Kagome and Inuyasha could never be a mistake right?

I sure hope so...

[Eden]

*Sigh*

At least he knows he's an idiot. The first step to recovery is admission, right? Somehow I don't think that will be enough for Kagome though.

Wonderful story. I'm really enjoying this. I love the way you've kept everyone in character eventhough its AU. So often you see them loose the traits that make them so intersting to follow, but you found a great storyline that accomadates them.

I really can't wait to read more of this, the suspence is killing me!

Till next time!

~Eden