Memoirs of Haooies Past

[Melville's Best Friend]

Memoirs of Haooies Past
Pne shot by
MBF



She leaned over and kissed him before rolling out of bed. She had never been one to sleep the night away, and although she knew she should have been up several minutes ago, she had laid in bed with him. It had become the norm; she would wait until he would literally push her out of bed. Maybe she was fond of being touched by him after a long night of?

Certain thoughts were not acceptable when she had to ready herself for a very important meeting.

As she rid the bed of herself, she staggered into the bathroom to take a very long, very hot, very much needed shower, where, again, she began to think.

A year ago, she would have been to her meeting at 7AM, glaring at the men who dared be tardy.

Now? Now she would lie about in bed lingering on his touch. Tasting his lips. Caressing him in ways no other woman would.

Smiling, she entered the shower, nearly tripping as she did every morning. That was the other thing. She was never awake anymore. It was like she was in a constant dream.

But some dreams are, oh-so-sweet. She giggled and began to wash.






He groaned. How he hated mornings. How he hated leaving his warm, comfy bed and his succulent, pliable wife. His favorite spot was the bed. It was the first place he asked for her hand?or demanded, depending on how one would look at it. It was one of the first places they?d made love?it was where he currently was, and the sunlight that spilled onto his closed eyelids was pissing him off.

He yawned and stretched.

Odd.

His hands didn?t reach the headboard.

He looked at them.

Strange.

They were very small. Very delicate. Very manicured.

Cause for concern?

Only if anyone noticed the daisy-if-you-do pink on his nails.

A scream resonated off the bathroom walls as he shouted in unison with it.








?HEERO!? she darted out of the room with a towel over her body.

He jumped out of bed, forgetting to cover anything.

?I HAVE A PENIS!!!?

He looked at her. ?MY penis!?

She screamed.

It was at this moment that he lost all sense of clarity. For years, he had been trained to keep a steady hand and a cool head, and he would make it through any battle.

Apparently, he was never trained on this kind of situation.

He laughed. He threw his head back and laughed.

Great billows of womanly laughter.

And it scared him that he couldn?t stop. It sacred him that his breasts moved when he laughed and it scared him that Relena looked like a gay man covering her body the way she was.

She stopped screaming and fell to the floor in abandon.

?What happened? Why am I in your body??

He giggled.

She glared at him when it hit her. Suddenly and with enough force to beam a tow truck.

?Oh my word. The meeting!! I can?t cancel it!!!?

This WAS a problem.

?You?ve got to go in for me, Heero!!!!?

He stopped laughing and glared at her.

It wasn?t nearly as threatening when it was Relena?s eyes doing the glaring. She sat up. ?I?m NOT kidding. You need to be me?well?you are?you need to act like me during the meeting!! It will only last?four?five hours.?

He glared harder.

She glared back.

Ooo. He WAS scary.

?Relena-?

?You WILL carry this out because I?ve worked too hard to get these men to agree to meet. You WILL do this for me.?

He sighed. The likelihood of the men from feuding borders to agree to meet was a miracle. There was no way they would do it again. The logic annoyed him, and were it not for his current state, he would have found some way to keep himself out of the meeting. However?everything still seemed so ridiculously irrational. And he still had breasts.

?Heero stop looking at my boobs and listen.?

He reluctantly pulled his eyes away from his?her?chest.

?I have to be you pretending to be me pretending to be you. So?I I?ll be there as your bodyguard. Maybe I can help you when you get stuck,? she sighed. ?I guess I?ll have to get you ready??

He twitched. Ready? Make-up? A dress? Holy hell.







She finished applying the foundation and wrinkled her nose. Did her cheeks always sink in like that? And what was up with her nose? She glared and continued her work. Heero, for the most part, was silent, except for the few times he sneezed in the powder.

And the suit she had. She was kind enough to pick out a pantsuit?but then he accidentally spilled coffee on it. He was forced to wear a skirt. And then she had to shave his legs.

THAT was not something he ever wanted to do again.

And it made him horny.

She hit him. ?Stop blushing. You?re messing up my work.?

He grimaced. This was a horrid day.





He stepped out of the limo, where she extended him her hand. How was it that she was in control of the situation? ALWAYS? He got out of the limo, growling and grimacing.

The cameras ate it up.

Her eyes widened as she noted his expression, and she quite literally broke a few cameras. And their holders.

Once they were safe in the conference room, she stood behind him in his chair. He cleared his throat and waited.

?Vice Foreign Minister, are you ok?? asked the President of L-4.

?Yeah.?

She kicked his chair.

?Yes, Mr. President. I?m sorry for the wait. I had troubles with my health this morning. I apologize.?

She patted his chair.

Good job, Heero.

?I got my foot stuck in the toilet.?

She fell over.

Smirking, he apologized once more as she righted herself and tried desperately to remove the crimson from her face.

The men in the room laughed nervously before they started their conference.




All was going well. She was surprised and pleased. Aside from the toilet comment, which would later be dealt with appropriately, he was doing well, and she would have to thank him.

He was making good points, and acting as she did when she was in the chair. It was impressive, and she had to stop herself from smiling at him.

It had only been three hours into the meeting when a sound burst through the doors and pummeled the men in the room. Reacting out of instinct, Heero leapt out of his chair and covered Relena.

To his utter embarrassment, it was only the lunch tray where something ?a la flammable? had been too hot for too long and had exploded.

Relena pushed him off of her and righted herself, dusting off her Preventer?s jacket. Realization kicked in, and she picked up her husband and dusted him off, completely unaware of how to deal with the situation.

In her best Heero voice (which almost made her sound retarded), she spoke:

?Gotcher back, VMF. Yeah.?

She blushed and went back to her station behind his seat.

Heero, who was completely disheveled, tried to fix his swept-up hair to no avail. He sat back in his chair and tried to continue the meeting. A strand clung to his face for the last 2 hours.









?You are so lucky they agreed to call off their petty squabble and forgo their borders.?

Heero didn?t say anything, but drove down the street scaring the crap out of his wife as he usually did.

?Heero? Where are we going??

?I know how to fix us.?

?Really? Thank the Lord.?

He looked at her.

?I don?t know how you men hide the fact that you?re horny. I swear, I had a hard on every time you looked at me. I can still see your soul in my eyes. Darn your sexiness,? she shuddered. ?I want out of this body and back in my own.?

He smiled. ?For a woman who sits through 6 hour meetings, you have no patience.?

?You?ve got boobs, Heero. I have a woobie. You like yours, and I most DEFINITELY do NOT like mine.?

?What if I want to keep this body??

?I don?t think I could screw you. It an entirely different concept.?

He drove faster. With threats like that, he would have to switch them.










He was stirring an elixir when he was thrown against a wall by very strong hands. Very womanly hands.

?Relena Peacecraft??

?Relena Yuy, actually,? Heero said from behind them, smiling.

Relena pushed the old man higher against the wall. ?What did you do??

Oh crap.

?IT WASN?T ME!!! I SWEAR, HEERO!!!!?

Heero didn?t loosen his grip, but scowled less.

?Who, then??

Silence.

Heero tightened a hand around the man?s throat.

?WHO, J??

?Duo?came?in here?a few nights ago??

And they were gone.

The doctor choked and rubbed his hand over his throat. Well.

At least their sex life had to be interesting.








?DUO MAXWELL, OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT!!!!!!!!!?

Heero Yuy shouted to him from the door.

Afraid for his life, he opened it.

?Heero? What?s u-?

He grabbed his friend by the balls and glared.

?What did you do to us??

?OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!!?

Relena, who was behind Heero, laughed.

?What are you talking about?? Duo choked.

?You had BETTER fix it. NOW,? his package was squeezed harder.

?Mommy??

?Relena, stop. He can?t talk. You?re not getting anywhere.?

?Relena? This is Heero??Duo said.

Heero grimaced. ?You know very well I?m not Heero. I?m Relena.?

?Wow. Why?d you guys get plastic surgery??

?WE DIDN?T!!!!? they shouted in unison.

?Then how??

?You have something of Dr. J?s,? Relena/Heero said.

?Yeah. I didn?t know I had taken it home. It?s busted, though. It doesn?t do anything. Molecular transfer-er or something. I don?t get it.?

?It SWITCHED US you moron!? yelled Relena. She started crying. ?I want my beautiful body back!!!?

?I wouldn?t mind having mine, either, Maxwell. Where is it??

?On the table?but?How could I have done it? Wouldn?t I have needed to be around y?Oh.?

Heero and Relena glared.

Heero picked up the machine and pointed it himself. Pressing the trigger, the two melted into a haze and when they blinked, they were back to normal.

Relena grabbed her breasts to be sure.

Heero did, too.

?Hands off, Yuy,? she slapped him away.

Duo scratched his head. ?So, I guess since ya?ll are OK now, you won?t need to hurt me??

Relena smiled. ?Oh no. We don?t need to hurt you.?

Heero aimed the weapon at Duo.








Hilde called the next day.

?What, Hilde? I can hardly understand you. Stop screaming.?

?YOU SWITCHED THE LAWN GNOME AND DUO!!!!!!!?

Heero smiled into the vid-phone ?Are you sure it?s not a better mate, Hilde??

She continued to scream as Heero twirled the weapon in his hand.





END!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: Don?t own the show. Matter of fact, I don?t own much. Bob is all I need in this crazy mixed up world.


^__^

[Kari]

Ooh my God!! That was just too hilarious.
I especially liked that part

Relena grabbed her breasts to be sure.

Heero did, too.

?Hands off, Yuy,? she slapped him away.

*snickers* Too good

[Perfect Soldier]

Interesting concept... I especially liked the ending with Duo ending up as the lawn gnome. It was a great story with lots of humour. ^^

Zero

[Akasha]

So cute! I giggled all the way through.

[Wingnut]

I thought this was going to be a hot lemon recolection fic then you pull the freaky friday thing on us. There was a darn good reason that the writers didn't let the crackpot scientists live through the series and this is why!

[cherryflavored1R]

That was certainly the most interesting thing I've read in awhile. I mean, I've read really crazy (mostly perverted) stories that had similar plots, but you know... they sucked.

This one didn't! Yay for you!

Now everybody has got something good to laugh with tonight. I've been so sick I needed a laugh, anyway.

-Cherry

[bookworm]

It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hilarious. I luv it! Especially the ending.

[blackrose]

And you say I'M unbalanced.

Ahem O_O <--me, looking at you

[wicked]

Maybe you should give her a new title Rose!

Melville's Best Friend -- The Unbalanced 1xR Lemon Writer (so unbalanced she even scares Rose).

~_^

Ah sis, I wrote a much larger review on your LJ so I won't bore the masses again here.

Although I did forget in the other review to mention the scene that Kari did where Relena had to grab her breast to make sure she was herself again and so did Heero. That cracked me up like a sumo wrestler skating in Central Park.

Too good. Too funny. Too you.

~Wicked

[Melville's Best Friend]

Wow! I work hard on something and it pays off!!! I kinda' feel like Strong Bad answering all of his e-mails. Perhaps I should sing a little ditty.

Replies, replies!!! What, what? Replies.

My ditty needs work.

That was just too hilarious///*snickers* Too good

Merci!!! You know, I think I should proclaim that I am a humorous writer. Seriousness gets me Jack pukk. *smile* Actually...lemons get responses...*thinks*

Though not the laughter I love to aid in giving people. ^__^ I'm glad you thought it ws funny!!! Thanks a bunch for reading!!!!

Interesting concept... I especially liked the ending with Duo ending up as the lawn gnome. It was a great story with lots of humour.

Interesting? Really? I think I could have gone farther but I felt lethargic.

Duo: I want my body back.

Hilde: Me, too.

Heero: *still twirling the weapon*

Relena: *pats her chest* I got my babies back!!!! ^___^

MBF: I told you. I own their minds. The results...are scary.

Thanks for reading!!!!

I thought this was going to be a hot lemon recolection fic then you pull the freaky friday thing on us.

I think the title is off, too. But, really, I got you to read it, didn't I?

^__^

I'm glad you liked. I thought about making it a series...then write a lemon where the two of them were still switched...

But then I remembered lemons scare me. >__<

Thanks!!!!!

That was certainly the most interesting thing I've read in awhile. I mean, I've read really crazy (mostly perverted) stories that had similar plots, but you know... they sucked.

This one didn't! Yay for you!

Now everybody has got something good to laugh with tonight. I've been so sick I needed a laugh, anyway.

HUZZAH!!! That, for all those watching at home, would be TWO days I've helped make better.

And people say fanfic writing is a waste of time.

Peh.

*GLOMPS*

I'm glad it didn't suck. I went for that. ^__~

Catch you on AIM? ...when we live 20 minutes from each other... *hug!!!!*

Thank ya!!!!!

It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hilarious. I luv it! Especially the ending.

Yay!!!! Why was the ending everyone's favorite?

Duo: We...represent...the lollypop guild...

MBF: *cackles* Righto. I had forgotten. *snerk*

Thanks!!!!

And you say I'M unbalanced.

Ahem O_O <--me, looking at you

First: I don't recall stating you were unbalanced. Though it may be true, I don't remember saying it. I trust you, though. So it must have occured.

Second: I know I never claimed to be sane...balanced...right...calm...or even non-hentai. You, miss Rose, are merely confirming a fact.

Third: Don't kid yourself. You read it because haooy was in the title.

Rose: AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAOOY!!! *glare* That's false advertising.

MBF: Haooies past. PAST haooies. Ones that happened in the past.

Rose: Where's the lemon?

MBF: I shan't be so easily manipulated into a lemon...like my sister.

Rose: You've written, like, 3 without me hastling you.

MBF: For this, I am thankful.

Rose: *flares up prod* Write.

MBF: LOOK OVER THERE!!! IT'S DARK COVERED IN CHOCOLATE!!!

Rose: O_O HUZZAH!!!

MBF: *runs*

*GLOMP* Thanks for reading, commander. ^__~

Maybe you should give her a new title Rose!///Melville's Best Friend -- The Unbalanced 1xR Lemon Writer (so unbalanced she even scares Rose).///Too good. Too funny. Too you.

THAT TITLE IS NOT FOR ME.

*super death glare*

But I did scare Rose. I don't consider that a good thing, actually. O_o

Too me, huh? But...What IS me? What ISN'T me? Maybe it would be a shorter list if we went with isn't... I did read your comment...s....on LJ. I had to laugh at your comments. Your happiness actually makes me happy, so I'm glad I could benifit from myself.

^__^

Wicked: You're all unstable.

MBF: You fit in well.

Wicked: Yes. Yes I do.

*GLOMP!!!!!!!!!!!* You glomp whore, you. ^__^

Thanks, all!!!!!