Monk 1/?

[Melville's Best Friend]

Heero Yuy is?MONK!!!!
Chapter One
MBF


?Beautiful. Wonderful! Exellent! Fabulous!? the photographer paused and continued staring at her. With a wave of his hand, the camera he held was replaced with a new one, and the shoot was resumed.

The lights bore onto the model with enough force to be a tanning bed. She teasingly bit her lip for the camera and waited for her chance to be allowed to sweat; the botox was working miracles. It could have been hotter than the sun and she would not have a drop on her.

The bikini bottom was riding on her, and she was tired of holding her own?well?almost her own?bosom. She felt like she was molesting herself. She kept her professionalism, however, and pushed aside the driving need to destroy everything around her.

Starting with the camera.

?Can you try the pout you did for me the other?that?s it. Right there! Oh! You?re pulling my heartstrings, love!?

He held up his hand suddenly. ?We?re finished,? he said as he handed the camera to a worker. The model left the screen behind her and walked to the photographer.

?Good grief, finally,? she opened her hand to receive a water bottle. ?How was that, my love?? She walked out of the studio as a woman draped a robe around her arms.

?Dorothy, my darling, it was fabulous,? he kissed her cheek as she continued walking. ?I haven?t seen you that on par since February. Speaking of which, the calendar shoot is tomorrow, love. Go get your beauty sleep.?

She walked into her dressing room and practically threw herself on the couch. She banished the confining heels, relieved herself of her chafing thong, and dressed in her normal attire.

Her staff had laid out clothes for her, and within seconds, she was assessing the too-tight too-low jeans and scandalous black top that went with it. The heels she had just worn went back on as she flopped by the makeup mirror as her others weren?t in the room. With a simple press, a buzzer sounded throughout the studio, and in seconds, her makeup staff surrounded her.

While she was getting her hair brushed, she received a call. She waved at her assistant who placed the phone on speaker.

Tired, she answered, ?Dorothy Catalonia.?

?Were you ever going to tell me?? an elderly voice questioned.

The young blonde?s blood froze at the tone in the other woman?s voice, and her eyes opened wide in surprise. ?Aunt Helen! What a surprise to hear from you, dear!? she picked up the phone and swatted at her artists.

?Don?t pull that with me,? hissed her aunt, ?I?m on to you. You?ve been posing naked for those magazines. It?s all over the news. YOU?RE all over the news. Not wearin? nothin? but a pair of socks!?

?Aunt Helen, you know as well as I that--?

?Save it, Dorothy. I?ve got a visit with my lawyer in the morning. Say goodbye to your name in my will.?

The phone went dead.

A moment passed when she called her aunt?s name in abandon. He eye twitched as her hand shook with anger. Dorothy threw her phone across the room and screamed at her staff to leave. They exited quickly, screaming as a vase flew against the door from which they?d just exited. She narrowed her eyes and leaned towards her huge mirror, scowling.






Duo Maxwell listened to his adamant client as she hollered about her family. Helen acted as the mother to Dorothy ever since the girl?s parents died when she was young. Dorothy apparently never offered so much as a ?thank you.?

He tapped his pencil on his desk while listening to her rant about Dorothy. It was true; the child was a good-for-nothing little tramp. But what legs?Or?what hideously ugly eyebrows. He shuddered.

?Helen, are you leaving now? I?ll have my staff help you into the firm.?

?Yes, Duo, I?m on my way. I got ta? get down these stairs. Always trouble on an old lady, you know,? she listened while she grabbed her cane. ?Well, honey, I was thinkin? ?bout getting? a place with no stairs, yeah. I certainly wouldn?t be in danger of my lif--?

Duo heard a scream followed by several thuds and a dead phone. He screamed into his receiver before he hung up and called the police.









?Heero, put that down.?

He ignored her and continued moving the nuts around in the bowl.

?What are you doing??

?They?re not even.?

?Yeah? Neither are you,? she rolled her eyes.

His head leaned into his shoulder a bit in a nervous gesture before he looked around the room once more. Bending, he ran a tissue over an indent on the hardwood floor.

?What is that, Heero??

He opened his mouth to answer when Zechs Marquis and Trowa Barton entered the room. Zechs immediately turned around and left, where a random fit of screams sounded throughout the hallway. His deputy stood unmoved, watching Heero. Heero stood when Zechs reentered.

?What are you DOING here, Yuy? This isn?t a murder.?

?I?was in the neighborhood.?

?You were in the neighborhood? So how did you end up in here??

Heero moved his eyes away from Zechs. ?I have my ways,? he said quickly. Trowa smirked.

?Relena,? he said.

?Trowa,? she nodded.

Zechs looked at Trowa and scowled. ?This isn?t a crime scene, Yuy. The lady fell down, bumped about a hundred locations on her body, and died.?

Heero nodded and looked at Trowa who was still looking at Relena, who was about to raise her hand to flick the deputy off. Oh yes. Trowa liked her. A lot. More than a lot. Her husband was a nutcase, and had been for a total of four months, and he wasn?t getting any better. Trowa could handle the sexual frustration that seeped out of every point on her body.

Oh yes.

He could.

Heero raised an eyebrow.

?My wife? his eyes told Trowa. Trowa found an interesting spot on the wall when Heero glared.

?Yuy??

?Yes, Captain Marquis??

?Leave.?

?This?wasn?t an accident, though.?

Trowa looked at Heero. ?Yeah, actually, it was. The lawyer said she fell when she was talking to him.?

?The lawyer?? Heero echoed.

?I thought she was home alone,? Relena added.

?How LONG have you been here?? Zechs fumed.

?Long enough. Calm down,? she chided. ?So who?s this lawyer guy? He was here when it happened??

?He was on the phone with her when she fell,? said Trowa, who, once again was staring at Relena. She pulled her skirt down.

?So he didn?t witness the murder?? asked Heero.

?Yuy, there was no murder.?

?How old?would you say she was, captain??

?She was 80?maybe 85 years. Why??

?An eighty year old woman wouldn?t be wearing a slippery shoe. The kind that make marks on a floor,? he pointed to a scuff on the floor. ?She?d wear a bit of a rubbery sole.?

?Yuy, that could be anything?from a furniture scratch to another person?possibly you or my sister.?

?My shoes don?t leave marks,? he started.

?Of course not,? Zechs sighed. Trowa smirked.

??Relena hasn?t walked over here, and the furniture is all wooden,? he finished, looking around the room.

?Then the scuff was made by a visitor awhile ago, Yuy,? the captain snorted.

?No. It?s fresh.?

?You can tell a fresh scuff from an unfresh scuff?? questioned Trowa.

?He knows the difference between butter and ?I Can?t Believe it?s Not Butter?,? Relena quipped.

?Yuy, that could?ve been made from the wheels of the stretcher,? Zechs held a hand to his forehead.

?It could?ve. But it wasn?t. It was the murderer?s.?

Zechs bit his lip to keep from yelling.

?And on the stairs. Look. There are no scuffs. Don?t you think that she would have tried to stop herself from falling if she tripped??

?People that age can?t react that quickly, Yuy. She was lucky she could walk.?

?Right, of course. Then this nail polish on the wall couldn?t have been hers.?

Zechs walked up the stairs and looked at the wall.

?I don?t think a lady that old would be able to do her nails?do you captain??

Relena smiled as her brother continued to stare at the wall with hate pouring from every pore.

?Oh my gosh, where is she?? a blonde came running in from the front door. ?Where is she? Is she okay??

Captain Marquis looked up, ?who are you??

?I?m Helen?s niece, Dorothy Catalonia....her only living relative? Is she okay??

?Miss Catalonia?your aunt fell down the stairs and was killed almost instantly. I?m very sorry for your loss,? Zechs lowered his head in mourning as his sister teared up.

Trowa wondered how in the world there was no emotion in the room. The deputy plainly heard a fast report on Zech?s part. If it were he, Trowa would?ve laughed. Well?almost?.maybe smirked.

Dorothy gasped and moved to sit in her aunt?s loveseat. She fell into an indent from her rather?big?aunt, and struggled a bit to right herself. Coughing, she sat upright.

?How could this have happened? I was going to accompany her to her lawyers!? Dorothy sobbed.

Relena sat beside her and wrapped her arms around the young girl.

?Miss Catalonia, where were you when your aunt died??

?I was at a photo shoot,? she wiped a tear away from her eye before it blended with her mascara.

Heero smiled a bit while she rubbed underneath her eyes with a tissue.

?When I got a call from...Duo?something,? she buried her face in her purse and extracted a wrinkled card. She extended her right hand and gave it to Heero.

He grimaced and motioned for her to hand it to Relena, who glared at him.

Dorothy looked at him strangely and continued ??her attorney. He called me and told me to come over as soon as I could?He didn?t know she had died.?

Heero watched the girl. ?Miss Catalonia, is there any reason to think her lawyer would have something to do with this??

?What,? she asked. ?This was an accident?wasn?t it??

Zechs glared at Heero. ?Yes ma?am it was. Yuy was just trying to use his brain?or lack thereof.?

?But?murder? Isn?t that a bit?extreeme?? Dorothy questioned.

?Not really. There are a few things that?bug me,? Heero stated.

Relena glared at him. ?Like sunlight??

?Yuy, I told you. This was an accident, pure and simple. She was an old lady, she fell,? Zechs said.

Trowa nodded, still watching Relena. She blinked at him and stuck out her tongue.

?From her shoes or cane, I?m sure, Heero,? Marquis reminded him.

?Yes, but a cane would leave a rubber mark and so would her shoes?because of her weight, Helen wouldn?t have worn a very?hard?shoe,? his shoulder and head twitched again.

?Then what are you going to do?? Dorothy asked Heero. ?Who did it??

Heero looked uncomfortable and nodded. ?Someone who likes the color ?Ruby Red.??









?Do you really think there was a murder??

Relena walked down the isle and waited for Heero to pick was he deemed the best lettuce. When he had, she picked it up and placed it in the cart.

?I know there was, and what?s more, Catalonia has something to do with it.?

Relena gasped. ?Dorothy? But she was in a modeling session, Heero. How could she have done it?? she grabbed an apple and placed it in the cart as well.

?No idea,? he said, putting the apple back and inspecting the rest, ?but she did it. Or aided in it?or something.?

Relena rolled her eyes. ?Are you going to do that with all our groceries??

?I can?t to the things in boxes.?

She looked at him through narrowed eyes and sighed. ?I don?t know why I married you.?

?You love me,? he said while inspecting a tomato.

?You?re afraid to be intimate with me, you know that? Any other woman would scream.?

?We?re intimate,? he said looking at her.

?You haven?t touched me in four months, Heero. No kissing?no copping a feel?jack.? she said with a grimace on her face.

?Is that all a relationship is??

?Well, darling,? she snapped, ?Sex is a good way for me to forget that you act like a freak,? she shoved the cart into a stand, ?WOULD YOU PICK A TOMATO??

His eye twitched as he found one and pointed to it. She sighed and placed it in a plastic bag.

?I?ll fix you. You know that, right? I?ll put up with this phobia deal, Heero. But I?m GOING to fix you.?

He looked back at the tomato counter. ?Wait, I was wrong. This one?s better.?

Her face turned red as she slowly reminder herself to count to ten?or twenty?or one million?










?I?m telling you he knows.?

?Well, what do we do??

?You can?t do anything. You?ll give us away.?

?We can do this. Make sure it happens in front of Yuy, though. I want him thrown off the track.?

?They?ll catch you. It won?t work.?

?It will work. Just follow our original plan. Maxwell has to die. I?m sure he knows what Helen was doing to the will.?

?He suspects you??

?Us??

?YOU.?

There was silence in the room.

?I?ll do it. What time will you be in the studio??

?I won?t be. I?ll be at Police HQ answering some questions about Helen.?

?That?s good.?

?I know.?

?If you get caught??

?If WE get caught. If I go down, WE go down.?

?????

?Kill him. Call me when it?s done.?








Disclaimer: I really don't own either show. The basis of the murder and who killed, how, and why, are my own. I can be clever. I can.

Thanks for reading!!!!

[Wingnut]

He he he. Oh you are evil! :evil: :evil:
So what else is new?
Bad girl Dorothy. Better get Heero at somewhat back to normal ASAP before Trowa decides to get Relena laid himself! That must not happen!

[Akasha]

Heero a neat freak...Trowa oogling Relena; Heero and Relena NOT having sex?? I wonder of that'll ever happen, considering Heero being Monk.

[Melville's Best Friend]

He he he. Oh you are evil! :evil: :evil:
So what else is new?

You have no idea. I get it from special people like...well, like Wicked. I get it all from her. Only her. And I love it. ^__^

Bad girl Dorothy. Better get Heero at somewhat back to normal ASAP before Trowa decides to get Relena laid himself! That must not happen!

Is it Dottie? *thinks* Unless you can prove it, don't think it's Dottie. She may be innocent.

Heero: If she's not behind it, I'll chop off my--

Relena: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! FIND THE PROOF! DEAR LOVE OF BOB, FIND THE PROOF!!!!


Thanks for reading!!!!! *glomp*[/color]

Heero a neat freak...Trowa oogling Relena; Heero and Relena NOT having sex?? I wonder of that'll ever happen, considering Heero being Monk.

There is no way I'm ending this fic without haooy.

No way at all.

*GLOMP!!!!*

~MBF

[Akasha]

Haooy? Did i miss out on something?

[Perfect Soldier]

Things really are getting interesting now. Poor Relena though, maybe all Heero needs is to fall down some stairs...

Zero