Another old fic I found rattling around the web and thought I would post here on BI. God I used to suck, not that I?m much better now
. FOREVER AUTUMN
By Beer-monster.
The summer sun was fading, Kenshin noticed as he looked up at the sky. The sun was slowly sliding behind a curtain of grey cloud. There were more clouds in the sky now than a few days ago; the approach of darker days heralded the ageing of the year.
He sat on clean swept steps of the Kamiya dojo; his sakabattou was resting
against his shoulder, the loose bindings of its hilt brushing his scarred cheek He leant his head back against one of the posts supporting the roof, and sighed as he continued to gaze at the sky.
In the courtyard Yahiko stood practising his kendo, repeatedly bringing his Shinai down in vertical stokes. The bamboo blade emitting a soft whufft sound as it cut the air.
Kaoru sat in a small bamboo chair she had brought out into the yard. Her face was buried in a translation of some western novel ? The War of The Worlds? a Science fiction of some sort. She occasionally peeked her azure eyes over the books rim to watch Yahiko practice. Then every so often she would bark an order, telling the boy to keep his eyes ahead or to straighten his posture. This would inevitable set the boy grumbling as he made the necessary corrections. The word ?busu? featuring prominently in his laments, along with some more colourful vocabulary learnt from Sanosuke.
A gust of icy wind arose from nowhere and made Kenshin?s fiery hair whip and toss in its path. The cold air blew straight through his magenta gi and sent chills down his spine. <The winds are getting colder> he thought. It had seemed so every year. For ten years the winter winds have seemed much colder.
? Now you?re not here.? he whispered.
The words seemed to make his heart lurch as the Pandora?s box of memories burst open, and brought with it a flood of things he would rather forget.
He could still see the glimmer of moonlight on his blade, as it arched though the snow and slashed into the white material of her kimono. The sensation of warm blood splatter on his face, which had become so familiar. Most of all the fading scent of white plums.
Leaping to his feet, he began walking. He needed to get away. To be alone. To think, to feel and to remember.
He paced across the courtyard and through the gates, ignoring the bemused expressions of Kaoru and Yahiko.
Kenshin slowed down and began to stroll slowly, letting his pain soak in. He tilted his head up and gazed at the clouds again. Kaoru yelled his name but he barely heard her. A flock of swallows swooped through the air, flying south across the autumn sky. They continued to glide until the disappeared over the horizon, one by one.
He wished he was one of them. To be able to fly free and liberated. To soar amongst the clouds and not have the stench of blood lingering about him.
He now walked across the grass by the lake. But this time there were no fireflies floating around him. The sakura petals had floated away at springs end, and
a shaft of sunlight shone through the bare branches. The light momentarily warmed his face.
That was what she had been to him. His life had been dark and violent. He brought the rain of blood to Japan in the hope that it would save lives and free society.
But how free is a nation built over wet blood. it foundations were bound to buckle. He could not even see the happiness he tried to protect. The life of the hitokiri was shrouded with death, it hung around him like a thick fog.
She had been the light. A shard of radiance, which expelled the haze and showed him happiness again and showed him love.
Love however was fragile. It could be lost far more easily than found. It took so little, like the stroke of a sword. Then it was gone carried away on the winds of fate. Like the amber leaf that floated on the breeze by Kenshin?s face now.
Kenshin walked in to a small copse of trees. Their branches were naked after shedding their leaves. The long, bare twigs making the trees seem almost skeleton-like.
Another reminder of the death, which dominated his past. On the grassy earth beneath the trees lay a bed of brown, red and golden leaves.
The memories resurfaced. And he saw them both kicking their way through the leaves that covered across the mountain road, like a golden gown that had been laid out by autumn. Kenshin was wearing a straw hat with a wide brim, which covered the upper part of his face. He was dressed in the midnight blue gi and white hakama he had worn throughout the war, and looked determinedly ahead as he carried his pack of apothecary medicines. Every so often he would sneak an admiring glance at his companion. She was wearing the same snow -white kimono and scarlet obi she wore at her lives end. Clasped in both of her pale, delicate hands was the handle of a small wicker basket, so that she could buy some food and sake as he sold the medicines. She stared dutifully onwards, her coal black eyes focused on the road ahead. The sun was rising over the mountains of Otsu, purple and orange lights lit up the sky and her face. Kenshin?s breath caught and his heart stopped as he saw just how beautiful she truly was.
The vision faded and was replaced by a new memory. He knelt on the humble, wooden floors of their home in Otsu. His gi sleeves were rolled up and his arms were elbow deep in soapy water. He had insisted that he helped her by washing the pots after she had cooked such a delicious meal. As he scrubbed at the small rice bowls, he watched her every movement intently. She stood at the small window, gazing out into the small garden of daikon radish and other crops they had pain-stakingly grown. Despite the heavy rain they had salvaged a good yield, and the fruit of their labour were now almost full grown and ready for reaping. He followed her eyes and saw an autumn wind come whirling from the trees, it caught up the fallen leaves and sent them spiralling and spinning like a tiny hurricane. As she watched the whirlwind of brown and gold leaves, Kenshin thought he saw the ghost of a smile on her face. He asked her if everything was all right, and she answered.
? I used to love autumn.?
Now Kenshin stared at the leaves, which were strewn across the grass. Carefully using every scrap of his training he picked his way through them, taking care not to touch even one. Somehow it seemed wrong to displace them at all without her there to do it with him. So he continued on his way, the fallen leaves lying behind him, undisturbed.
Kenshin now found himself back on a narrow, cobbled path. It was an empty track, leading into town from some surrounding fields. As he strolled along, a light mist of rain began to fall. The material of his gi suddenly shifted from magenta to a dark purple as it became soaked through. The rain ran through his clothes and down his spine, causing him to shiver.
He remembered it was raining when she told him about her past. About the happiness he destroyed. Once again showing how so much joy could vanish with the sweep of his sword. He sometimes wondered how many peoples? lives he had destroyed with his katana. How many families ruined, how many children orphaned, how nay wives widowed and how many promises broken. He had once claimed that his skills were being used to murder men who deserved to die in order to preserve the happiness of the people. But did he crush more joy and lives than he saved. He had been and in someway still was Hitokiri Battousai. The man history remembered as a murderer, someone to be feared more than the devil. He was not known as a Saint or a hero. He was not regarded as the saviour of the common man as Katsura and Takamori were.
Perhaps it was truly he who deserved death
Not yet.
He had too much to do, too many people to protect. Too much to atone for.
It had been raining hard that day. Not like now when it fell gently. Kenshin turned his face to the sky and let the rain softly fall on his weary eyes. The fallen droplets ran down his face, hiding the lone tear that slid down his scarred cheek.
He was surrounded by the signs of the season. The fading sun, the gentle rain and the fallen leaves. Nature was in a transition slowly slipping into the hollow, cold of encroaching winter. Kenshin thought the same about himself. Without her in his life he was always in transition, slowly sliding deeper into the bitter cold, which filled him with the pain of lost love.
? Aishiteru Tomoe,? he whispered into the wind. Knowing that without her his life would be forever autumn.
~ Owari ~
Below are the lyrics from the song FOREVER AUTUMN taken from the musical version of the ? War of the Worlds.? The song was written by Jeff Wayne and sung by Justin Hayward.
The summer sun is fading as the year grows old
And darker days are drawing near...
The winter winds will be much colder
Now you're not here.
I watch the birds fly south across the autumn sky
And one by one they disappear.
I wish that I was flying with them.
Now you're not here
Like a song through the trees you came to love me.
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away...
Through autumn's golden gown we used to kick our way.
You always loved this time of year.
Those fallen leaves lie undisturbed now
'Cause you're not here
Like a song through the trees you came to love me.
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away...
A gentle rain falls softly on my weary eyes
As if to hide a lonely tear...
My life will be forever autumn
'Cause you're not here!
