Another Weakness -- one-shot Sesshoumaru soliloquy

[TigerQueen]

-- A thousand word soliloquy, squeezed into the scene in episode 35 where Sesshoumaru saves Rin --
-- One of many explanations why the demon who claims to hate humans would save one... --
-- Extremely angst-soaked romance --
-- Probably AU, as I REALLY doubt that this was Takahashi?s original back story --

Note: I?m running with the idea that demons don?t age the way humans do. In my deranged mind, Sesshoumaru was the equivalent of a 23-year-old human when Inuyasha was born.

Ten million cheers for Wicked for saying that my version of Sesshoumaru is NOT a psychopath!!


? Another Weakness ?

She is a waste of my time: a broken spirit who has offered me nothing but worthless human food and a mutilated smile. The sudden memory of another woman?s smile washes away the broken shell lying before me. She, too, was an inconvenience. Her death should have pleased me. This brat?s death should not affect me at all, but I cannot look at her without seeing a larger corpse surrounded by long black hair and blood.

She was disturbingly beautiful for a human woman. I suppose her beauty explains why my father consented to mate with her, despite the inherent weakness of her race. Young, talented in singing and painting, moving with a grace deeper than that taught by her numerous governesses and instructors...she was born noble. She was also, however, born a human. Her intoxicating scent was tinged with mortality. Though she was called ?Lady,? she would have been less than a servant in my house. Yet my father took the bitch to his bed, and there created my worthless half-breed brother.

The tiny body lying at my feet looks nothing like my Lady. Her hair and eyes and skin may be the same color, but the child is a filthy mass of skin, bones, and dried blood. The flies will come, drawn by the stink of death. They will use this inedible corpse as the birthing ground for their young. Such is the way of life.

My Lady?s body served no such purpose. I melted her with my talons, leaving nothing but a patch of half-eaten earth. I was the last living being to touch her. I would have it no other way.

She was never conscious of my touch. In life, she stayed a respectable distance away from my person: close enough for a sense of intimacy, but always just more than an arm?s distance away. I once found her alone in her garden, sleeping near a brook. The sound of the water must have been soothing to her; she was several months pregnant with the whelp. I allowed myself the charming degradation of touching her hair, the edge of her face, her cheek... She stirred, but never woke.

I took the Nothing-Woman, of course. It was a pointless exercise. Her use lay elsewhere; she served as a reminder of my shame, and she managed to make the bastard suffer. If seeing my Lady?s face while using the mindless perversion of her body made me suffer, too, it was merely a sign of my weakness.

You are a weakness, my Lady. You ARE weakness ? my weakness ? mine, and never my own.

And, should I save this battered child, she will become another weakness. If she lives, she will age. Tenseiga cannot stop time: only death. No matter how strong she will be at her prime, she will be a clumsy brat and a clumsy hag. The idea of this girl accepting me as her lord, however...

Damn.

If the bitch had accepted me all those years ago, none of this would have happened. I would have filled my need and proven her inferiority; I could have killed her where she lay, a disgusting mess beneath me. I could have hunted down the blasted whelp. I could have blotted her out of my mind; who thinks about a human bitch who betrays her husband with his own son? But my Lady smiled at me ? her smile, full of that damned pity ? and told me that her heart and body were my father?s alone. I may have knelt; I may have wept; I may have thought that I could forget her blood and serve her as I would serve no other; it doesn?t matter. I was young. In youth, such emotions burn and fade like fireflies.

If this girl accepts me, will her adoration be fleeting? What would it mean to have her follow at my feet? Will she be irritating and stupid, like the servant I can?t bring myself to get rid of, or will she become another tainted Lady? When I unsheathe Tenseiga and cut away the creatures of death, will she look at me not with pity, but with reverence?

IF I unsheathe Tenseiga...

How ironic it was to receive Tenseiga after hear death. What use do I have for a healing sword, when my Lady has long since melted away? The only remnant of her on this Earth is the bastard whelp?s human form. He dares to share her face after failing to protect her; my lips curl back at the thought. And he was given the sword suited to revenge ? something he seems unable to take ? while I was given the sword suited to mercy ? something which I refuse to have for the world which created and destroyed her.

The same world which created and destroyed this tiny girl...

It might be worth it, if only to test the sword?s healing powers. It slips from its sheath like water, and I feel its power pulsing, the dull throb focusing on the stump of my left arm. My eyes refocus, and I see the creatures of death hovering over her body. Though she is dead, her soul must be in agony...

Tenseiga moves so quickly, so easily, that I wonder if another hand ? or even the sword itself ? guides mine. A human hand is so delicate, and yet only a hand tinged with that humanity can wield Tetsaiga. Strange, that... Perhaps this girl will one day be able to use the fang now wasted on the bastard. Perhaps she will find her tongue, and become someone worth talking to.

Perhaps she will grow to be disturbingly beautiful for a human woman, despite the inherent weakness of her race. Young, talented in singing and painting, moving with a grace deeper than that taught by her numerous governesses and instructors...after all, she is reborn noble. She will be called Lady, although she will be less than a servant in my house.

You will be a weakness, little Lady. You ARE weakness ? my weakness ? mine, and ever my own.

Humans. Damn the lot of them.

? fin ?


Trowa: Can I shower now?

Inuyasha: MY EYES!!!!!! AAAAAAAAH!!!

Miroku: Was she really that beautiful?

Inuyasha: JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!!

TQ: ...?cause it doesn?t really matter tonight! I will guide you all the way...(to-niiight), ?cause I know exactly what you?re tryin? to say...*ba bum bum bum* You have the right *ba bum bum bum* to re-main si-lent *ba bum bum bum* I?ll get the light...*ba bum bum bum* YOU GET THAT SMILE AND YOU SAY NO-THING AT ALL...

Trowa: >_<*

TQ: I love men...even if I torture them sometimes...with Meatloaf songs...and angst...

[Wingnut]

At that point in time this fic has Sesshoumaru's feelings down to a T.
Jumping into characters minds at times like this is often very enlightening and interesting, and this one is no different.

[bookworm]

Fluffy...oh, Fluffy. U definitely r something.

Rin, little Rin. Make Fluffy suffer. Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!! :evil:

[elyra-chan]

Wow. This is amazing, if somewhat disturbing. Good job, I love this, You really captured Sesshoumaru's feelings. Keep it up!

[dark-angel]

ok everyone one...two...three AWE!!!!!!!

[Kanya Barton]

Awwwww...that was sweet. But I didn't really understand completely how it was angst, that also might be because I haven't seen the entire season quite yet. LoL...I need to do that before I get into college.
Peace out!

[TigerQueen]

Eheh...I sometimes forget that I'm kind of rare in that I've seen the first 104 or 5 episodes...and there are another 30-some out! Must see them!!! Feel so left out!!!!!

*coughs* Right. Erm. The thing that I've changed -- or at least THINK that I've changed (who knows, something major could have developed in those still-unseen 30-some episodes!) -- is that I've made Sesshoumaru fall in love with Inuyasha's human mother. Or rather, I've made him have been in love with her...getting confusing. Right.

Timeline! (consider the "present" to be the time in which Sango, Miroku, & Shippo live, not Kagome's native era) White = anime story, Yellow = my version:

~ 67 years ago
Sesshoumaru's father, the Lord of the Western Lands, meets & falls in love with a 20-ish-year-old woman. Inuyasha is born some time shortly therafter. Sesshoumaru, of whatever physical age but the mentality of a 23-ish-year-old, is young, snobby, horny, and (shocker!) passionate. He's of noble blood, and considers other DEMONS to be inferior -- HUMANS aren't worth spitting on. Imagine his shock when he finds himself increasingly attracted to the beautiful human woman his father has (gasp!) chosen for a wife/consort/mate and who has already borne a half-breed child. He calls her "My Lady" very sarcastically, but it turns into a term of (damn!) affection. Inuyasha, already an eyesore, becomes more specifically targeted as the physical barrier between Sesshoumaru and The Lady. What could be more infuriating than realizing that the human bitch affects him? She refuses him. She looks sexy, sexy Sesshoumaru in the eyes & says, "Sorry, I'm already taken." Noooooo! Of course, what he doesn't acknowledge is the fact that he's not only attracted to her; he's in love with her. Her refusal breaks his heart, & he stomps off to parts unknown.

~ 63 years ago
Sesshoumaru & Inuyasha's father dies while defeating a dragon. Inuyasha's mother, The Lady, is killed by Evil Villain XYZ. Sesshoumaru arrives just too late to save her. He melts her body, as he doesn't want her body to be defiled by wild animals, worms, etc. He consciously blames the half-breed brat for her death, as it should be her son's duty to protect her. Of course, Inuyasha is much too young to do any such thing. Unconsiously, Sesshoumaru blames himself, and has to find another responsible party to blame in order to avoid his own guilt. His hatred for Inuyasha becomes absolute loathing. To rub salt into the wound, he receives the Tenseiga a short time (i.e., a couple of months) after melting The Lady's body -- a couple of months too late to save her.

Present
Sesshoumaru saves Rin. Y'all know the rest.

Hope that clarifies everything! Thanks to all for the reviews! -- TQ

[Calla Lily]

"She looks sexy, sexy Sesshoumaru in the eyes & says, 'Sorry, I'm already taken.'" (Mm. Damn sexy alright.)

*jumps up and down* "I'll take her place, I'll take her place!!!" (j/k)

Holy sh*t. I adore this introspective to bits! The intensity of it all and how you tweaked the story to your purposes. I think this was wonderful.

[wicked]

And you were worried TQ. Psh. No need to worry 'round here. We're all pretty open minded. ^_^

You did an excellent job with this piece. I enjoyed it very much and definitely getting into that man's mind.

Wicked: *waiting to here the cheers*

BI: *chirp*

Wicked: :-?

Bring some more on! And when I say that I mean I hope you have more Sesshoumaru introspective fic's up your sleeves.

~Wicked

[sailorDH]

~squeal!!~ That is amazing!!

I love sesshoumaru, and I love the rin/sess pairing.

Beautifully done~