My Immortal

[Oyuki]

Title: My Immortal (songfic)
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: 2xH more or less
AN: I love angst and I love music. I love angsty music! I hope you guys like this fic!

Disclaimer: Oyuki does not own Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. She's sad about that. Maybe her boyfriend will buy it for her for Christmas... Oyuki is also sad that she doesn't own the song "My Immortal" but she's happy that Evanescence does because Oyuki can't sing to save her life...


My Immortal

Hilde sighed again as she cleaned her stove. She should have been out there. She should have been doing her job. She was a soldier and yet here she was, sitting comfortably at home doing nothing. But it was too late. Too late for lamenting and too late for regrets. Three years. It was all over now. There was nothing for her to do anymore. She wasn?t needed anywhere.

She angrily flung the dish towel away from her. This was her greatest failure yet. It seemed that Fate hadn?t dealt her a bad-enough hand years before, every time she picked up a new card to play with, Fate gave her a bad card. Her hand hadn?t been one she thought she?d win for a long time now.

She should have listened to herself. She should have followed her instincts. Her heart, damn it! She should have followed her heart! ?Damn it,? she cursed lightly. After all this time, she was still angry at him, but she was angrier at herself for listening to him. Her hands fisted at her sides until her knuckles were white. She ran her hands over the bandana that covered her head and sighed. She needed to get back to work. Her house needed to be cleaned.

I?m so tired of being here

Suppressed by all of my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish you would just leave

Because your presence still lingers here

And it won?t leave me alone

Hilde placed one of her hands over her heart. It still ached for him, she still pined for him. She took deep breaths to calm herself. She didn?t need to be this upset over something that had happened a while ago. The tears came as unbidden as the heavy rain that started outside.

She looked out the window in wonderment. Rain was very rare on the colonies. It almost never rained. She wiped her tears away, silently wishing he was there to wipe her tears as she?d wiped his when he was in need.

But there was no one left for her, no one left who cared for her. She was alone. She had been left behind by everybody she?d ever cared about. Why couldn?t she let it go? Why was she still lingering in the past when she had so many things to think about in the present?

These wounds won?t seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There?s just too much that time cannot erase

She was in pain. In more pain than any physical wound could ever cause her. She had not found anything that would rid her of her pain.

?It?s so unfair,? she whispered, tracing little patterns on the foggy window pane. ? You were never fair to me, Duo. You thought you were protecting me but you were only thinking of yourself,? she said to the empty kitchen.

Hilde wiped her tears away again.

When you cried I?d wipe away all of your tears

When you?d scream I?d fight away all of your fears

And I?ve held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

She was so in love with him then. She did anything and everything for him during those few short months they were together.

And it all had been for nothing. Nothing! He?d just left her the first chance he got! The first time he got word of a battle he left her.

Hilde pulled lightly at the bandana wrapped around her head. He had left nothing for her. No letter, not a note, not a thing for her. He?d left without a word. She used to think they?d be together forever. She cherished him so damn much at that point. Her heart beat faster again and she placed her hand on top of it.

All of her being had left with the braided man that night.

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

But now I?m bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all of the sanity in me

His brashness, his confidence and his attitude were what had captured her heart. She?d loved him more than anybody far older than either one could imagine. And now, here she was, dwelling in her memories of him. And it was all she could do and it was all she would ever do.

She was stuck in a part of her life that was long gone, and it had been for years but she wasn?t willing to let it go yet. She clung to them like a man adrift at sea would cling to a raft.

These wounds won?t seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There?s just too much that time cannot erase

There was no one left for her. There was nothing left of her former self. She was the shell of the young woman she had once been. She was sickly thin, her eyes and cheekbones were sunken in. She looked horrible; like death warmed over.

Hilde finally pulled the bandana from it?s knot and away from her head. She ran her hands through her short hair and sniffled.

When you cried I?d wipe away all of your tears

When you?d scream I?d fight away all of your fears

And I?ve held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

She hugged herself and looked out the window again, the rain doing nothing to soothe her emotions anymore.

He?d taken everything and never returned to give it back.

I?ve tried so hard to tell myself that you?re gone

And though you?re still with me

I?ve been alone all along

Hilde didn?t fool herself for one second. She knew that Duo had never been hers to keep. He belonged to no one. He was a free spirit and no one could have ever told him where to go or where to stay longer than he was willing to. He was like a bee who flies from flower to flower but never pays special attention to just one.

She was alone now and she had always been alone. Duo had never been more than a passing cloud over her sky. Beautiful to look at for a while but never staying long enough to appreciate.

When you cried I?d wipe away all of your tears

When you?d scream I?d fight away all of your fears

And I?ve held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

The rain continued to poor on Hilde?s old house. She sighed sadly. Resigned to always being alone, with only her memories of her passing dream.



The End

[Chibi-sitter]

song stuck in my head now. But that's a good thing.
Are you planning on writing a sequel, maybe this time from where Duo is? I wanna know where he is
Good lil songfic, I'm gonna listen to My Immortal now.

[Oyuki]

Chibi-sitter,

no, i'm not writing a sequel. actually, i'm now writing anything right now. i need to get A's in all of my classes at school so... fanfiction is on the backburner. but, no, i wasn't planning on writing a sequel to this fic. i like to keep my one-shots as one-shots. i think they have a better effect that way. kind of a cliff-hanger of sorts. read my fic called "Last Breath" for some Duo sadness. it's kind of the other side of the coin from this one. also an Evanescence inspired songfic. anyway, thanks for reading!

[Calla Lily]

:-? Aww, too bad about the fanfiction. (nice songfic, BTW) Anyways, I'll be lookin out for ya when you return!

[Raspberry]

Sad story... Poor Hilde...

GREAT FAMFICTION!

[Oyuki]

Calla Lily,

thanks! don't worry, i probably won't be gone too much longer. the semester will be over in about eight weeks. hopefully i'll finish my two as of yet ufinished stories that i have waiting and my original fiction. i'll be out of the country for all of july so that'll either give me lots of free time to write or none at all. thanks for reading!

[Oyuki]

Raspberry,

thank you!

yes, very sad. it's the song though. that's why i love evanescence!

[Wingnut]

In that case, WHERE THE HELL IS THAT BRAIDED BUTTHOLE? I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS MYSELF! :evil:
Does he have any clue as to how much he means to this woman? If Heero did this, then I could understand, it is something he would do, but Duo? It will be a very slow and painful death for him indeed when I find him.

[sweetangel]

AWWWWWWWW.....I feel so sorry for hilde. I can't believe you made her suffer like that but then again I have no room to talk with the fic i put up recently...lol. Anyways keep up the good work on all your fics.

[Oyuki]

Wingnut,

slow and painful indeed! i can see all the rage building up inside you! as to where duo is... well, even I don't know that. thanks for readign!