New Orders - Ch 4 - Shopping spree?

[Amidala]

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, or the characters therein. I am only using them for my own amusement. Do not sue me, as you will only end up with dust bunnies and spider webs from underneath my bed.
As this is a humor-centered story, some of the characters may be a bit 'out of character' but I will try to keep the OOC to a minimum.

Thanks for the reviews, everyone. Keep them coming and I will keep my chapters coming. Thank you to those who understand that this is not a 'serious' story. It was never intended to be "accurate to the series". Just FUN!




New Orders
Shopping spree?
By
192455631

Integral sat on the sofa in the apartment enjoying a cigar before her date arrived. Although dreading the rest of the evening, and already growing tired of the ridiculous routine, she was at least relaxing in the comforts of the apartment. She would not fail. She would find a worthy sire for her heir, that much was certain. She would not allow those spineless old men who sat with her at the Round Table to win. They had almost destroyed her once, but she came back. The look on their faces when she returned, unbroken and perhaps more scrupulous than ever was priceless. She would not allow them the pleasure of seeing her fail.

One nice thing about the apartment was that she was away from Alucard. She gave him an order to stay away from the place and even made a small enchantment just to be safe. She could allow herself the luxury of forgetting, if only for a moment the duties and responsibilities of being the head of the Hellsing Organization. And she could relax without the presence of the vampire looming over her.

Her thoughts turned to her mother. She wondered what she would think of the predicament she was in, and how she would handle things. She didn't have a lot of memories of her mother as she died when she was very young, but the few she did have she secretly cherished. She recalled that her mother was always so happy holding her 'little Integra' in her arms. What would her mother think of her 'little Integra' now, Integra wondered. Would she one day experience that kind of happiness that she remembered in her mother's eyes?

A knock on the door brought Integral back to reality. Her date. She groaned and put out her cigar as she got up to answer the door. Upon opening it she found herself staring into the blue eyes of a very handsome young man, a far cry from the youth of Thomas from the cigar shop and not phony like that of Vladimir.

"Hi! You must be Integral!" he responded with girlish squeal to his voice. "I'm Jack."

Integral was confused but she didn't show it. Didn't Walter say that her date's name was Joe? What was this Jack fellow doing at her door and how did he know who she was?

Jack continued. "My roommate, Joe, asked me to come and tell you that he won't be able to make it tonight. He was so looking forward to this evening, and frankly so was I."

Integral looked at the man, Jack. He was looking forward to his roommates date? What kind of a pervert was this guy?

Jack continued. "Joe really needs to get out more. He's such a stiff." Jack snickered as he looked Integral over noticing her style of dress. "And honey, by the looks of things, you could get out more too."

This man was much too happy. Integral soon realized that the man was gay and merely running the errand of his roommate. Well, with the date canceled, perhaps Integral could see some Hellsing action for the evening. "What happened to Joe?" Integral asked out of curiosity and just in case Walter asked what she was doing back so early.

"Joe got called in. There was some horrible traffic accident on the highway. Several cars, lots of injuries. He was needed at the hospital. Would you believe the survivors babbling on about vampires and stuff like that? Must have been idiot drunks driving."

Vampires? Drunks? Not likely. Integral knew better.

"But hey, why waste this evening?" Jack asked. "I'm here and I've got nothing to do, and you don't either since Joe isn't coming. What do you say?"

Integral groaned internally. She really didn't want to go out with anybody, let alone this 'queen'. "I have to make a phone call." Integral replied.

Integral retreated into the apartment to call Walter to get a lowdown on this accident that Jack mentioned. She could be of some help since her date was canceled.

Jack entered the apartment. He immediately noticed the sparse d?cor of the place. It was as though a man were living there... in fact it was worse than that. Even Joe's place was better than Integral's place was before he convinced Joe to allow him to decorate the place.

Integral dial the number that would connect her to Walter.


Walter was standing by the car. He could hear the screams of the ghouls as Alucard or Seras disposed of them and the yelling of the Hellsing troops. He had to admit that it was nice to be out in the field again, even if it was a supervisory role. He missed being a part of the action. Integral wanted him at the manor where it was safe, she had once stated. She needed him too much to allow him to get hurt.

The accident scene had been a bit sticky when the Hellsing troops arrived with all the civilians and news crews involved. He had to hand it to the commander to suggest that they dress as game hunters. Now things were under control and the vampires and ghouls had been chased away from the initial wreckage. Things had been handled nicely and no footage of vampires would make the evening news, only the panicked accounts of accident survivors. By now, no doubt, Alucard was having his fun.

Walter's phone rang. It would be only one person. "Sir Integral. No, everything is under control. No, no, there is no need. You take it easy for the evening. No, please, relax. I made sure that you have plenty of cigars. Your date canceled? Well, then, enjoy the rest of your evening Alucard free."

Just as Walter put the phone away, the aforementioned Alucard appeared behind Walter. Did he hear that last comment, Walter wondered?

"Target has been terminated." He replied. Alucard then looked to where Walter had placed the phone. "Was that Integra?"

Walter glared at the vampire. "Yes, and don't even think of bothering her tonight."

Alucard just grinned.


After hanging up the phone with Walter, Integral found herself being dragged out of her apartment by Jack who insisted they spend the evening together and it was apparent that he was not going to take no for an answer. Integral's only escape was to go along with him. Where Jack was taking her she had no idea.

Integral found herself looking at curtains; window curtains, kitchen curtains, shower curtains... and any other sort of window dressings. It was making her head spin. Her idea of window fashion was a black drapery to keep the sun out. Next it was things for the bathroom and bedroom.

By the time Jack suggested they look for things for her living room, Integral was enjoying herself although she wouldn't dare admit it, even to herself.

When Integral resisted going into a dress boutique, Jack shook his head. "Oh no you don't, honey." He insisted. "I went into that nasty cigar place with you, honey, you have got to come inside here with me."

"I will not. May I remind you that I am not on a date with you and you have no right to give me orders," Integral replied.

"Oh, lighten up, honey." Jack responded. "I'm not ordering you to do anything. We are just two girls out having fun. Come on. When was the last time you did this sort of thing, hmmm? Went out and just let your hair down and got out of those stuffy clothes of yours, and pampered like a lady should be?"

Integral groaned. It had been a while. She had never bee 'pampered like a lady' as Jack put it. Her childhood had been devoted to her study of the undead especially vampires and how to kill them, in preparation for her future as head of the Hellsing Organization. As an adult she did not have time for such luxury. "You are not getting me into a dress." She replied as they entered the boutique.

The two young ladies who ran the boutique smiled at Jack. "My, what is this?" One of them asked. "Are you going straight on us, Jack?"

Jack chuckled. "No, sorry. This is Integral. She was Joe's date for the evening but duty called, so I'm showing her around. I decided that we need to try on a few things." He leaned over to whisper something in the young girl's ear. "Start out conservative, make-up, hair, clothes. Then just when you have her trust, spring something really snazzy."

The young girl smiled. Integral was glaring at Jack. Jack smiled.

"Oh, relax. This will be fun!"


Alucard sat in his chambers. Walter brought him is nightly ration of blood. As the vampire drank he wondered how his master's evening was going. He was growing bored. He needed something to do. But orders were orders and his master ordered him to stay at the manor after any missions were completed.


Integral found herself trying one several nice woman's suits. The two ladies did her hair and make-up as well. She lost track of the time and just how many things she had tried on. Suddenly looking at herself in the mirror, Integral saw herself in a slinky, but very tasteful, sexy but not slutty blue silk dress. At first she wanted to scream. After however getting over the initial shock of seeing herself in the dress, she thought that she looked rather nice. The blue fabric of the dress accented her icy blue eyes and her hair and make-up was perfect. The contrast of her dark skin and platinum blonde hair added to the ensemble. However, it was still a dress and Integral wanted out of it.

After trying on a few more suits, Integral was relived to be back in her own clothes. However Jack wanted to try on one more dress. Jack strutted out in the same blue dress that Integral had been wearing only a few minutes before. Integral was horrified. Jack looked good. Too good. Better than she did.

Jack modeled it for the women and then went to change into his own clothes. He emerged from the dressing room carrying the blue dress. He turned to one of the shop girls. "Could you ring this up for me?" he asked.

Before the shop girl could respond Integral grabbed the dress from Jack's hand. "Oh, no you don't. I am buying this dress." She found herself replying.

"But I want it." Jack replied with a pout.

"It's mine," Integral replied, with a trademark icy stare.

Jack backed off. "Okay, it's yours."

Integral paid for the dress. She didn't want it, but damn her stubbornness. She had to admit that Jack looked better in the dress than she did and she wasn't going to let him have it.


Alucard paced the halls of the Hellsing Manor just outside Integral's bedroom to her office, making no attempt to conceal his footfalls. Back and forth, back and forth. If the floors were made of dirt, he would have made a nice little trail. Finally, Walter approached him.

"Will you stop that pacing? You are driving me crazy!" the normally calm Walter snapped.

The vampire looked at the Hellsing retainer. "Where is my master?" he demanded. Oh sure, Alucard could go out and find her but she was in no apparent danger. And then there was the official order to stay here. He also didn't want to upset his master too badly. He had hopes of a possible outcome and if he played his cards right there would be a possible chance. He could almost taste it.

Walter was also a bit worried as well, but he didn't reveal that to the vampire. Integral had never been out this late on personal business of any kind. He hoped that it was a good sign. "I don't know, but you have your orders, Alucard."

Alucard nodded as Walter walked away. Alucard resumed his pacing.

Finally her night was over. Integral had called for her chauffer to pick her up at the coffee shop where she had departed company with Jack. She now not only had the blue dress, but a matching pair of shoes, a new handbag and make-up to complete the outfit. Jack had insisted. She sighed. Damn her stubbornness. What the bloody hell was she going to do with all this stuff she thought as the car pulled up.

Integral got into the car and relaxed on the way home. It had been worth it to see Jack's face when she paid for the rather expensive dress without batting an eyelash. But now she had all this stuff to go along with it.

Integral managed to make it up to her room without running into anybody and placed her bags into the darkest recesses of her closet. There the dress would stay, she thought.


Alucard stood outside Integral's room. When the door opened his master nearly bumped into him.

"Alucard! What in the name of hell are you doing standing outside my door? Get out of my way.!" She demanded.

Alucard stood there looking at her. "I missed you." He replied.

Integral shoved him aside. "Oh shut up!" she replied as she headed toward her office.

Alucard watched her as she walked away. She was hiding something, he grinned.



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Next chapter: Can things get any worse? Does this guy ever shut up?

[Stella]

I swear to you that you have written my friend Matthew - he's practically Jack! When he comes to stay with me he redecorates my house and the time he dressed up for the Rocky Horror Picture Show he looked so much better in his fishnets than I did *frumps*

Integra needs more friends like that - I'm sure the Hellsing house could use some sprucing up. And I can just imagine what Jack would say if he saw Alucard's getup *dies*

This chapter was so fun *giggles* Great job!

Love,
Stella

[melrose_stormhaven]

Fun, fun! I love the shopping part. Ahh...maybe integral could wear that dress some other time.

[Amidala]

Queer Eye for a Straight Vampire?

[Eden]

That was too funny! Who would ever picture Integra being pulled around the city with a gay man! I loved it!

I also thought it was interesting that you chose to mention Integra's mother. I don't think that any other fic I have read mentions her mother in any way, and I'm glad that when you did, you chose to give her good memories of the parental figure.

Keep up the good work!

~Eden

[Amidala]

Jack? The dress? *covers notes* Wait, I haven't gotten that far yet. Never mind.

Yeah, going shopping is not something one would picture Integral doing. Not to mention, actually enjoying it! I've been taken out on shopping sprees with gay men (I HATE shopping!) and have had a blast.

Mother? Yeah. I got the inspriation from that glared out picture you see of somebody I am assuming is her mom in the background while she is with her father during the flashback.

[Stella]

Queer Eye for a Straight Vampire?

OMG! *dies*


I'll be laughing about that one all week.

Stella

[Amidala]

I am off to a gaming con where I do nothing! since I work security or man the video room. (got Hellsing slated for Saturday night )

I hope to get some writing done... maybe and ending will come to me... well not an ending but more of ideas.

Hmmm.... what kind of friends can Alucard round up to help him?