[Fic] The Way of Love 1/3 (Tohru X Yuki/Kyo?)

[zapenstap]

Hey, everybody!! I'm still trying to figure out Blissful Ignorance for posting/editing/formatting fics (I've a ton of 1xR ones in storage) but since I'm obsessed with Fruits Basket now, I'm writing stories for that also. ^_^ Anyway, this is my first furuba story and I hope somebody reads it! It's also on Fanfiction.net if you prefer to r/r there (where I understan formatting and stuff better) but anyway, here it is. It's all together going to be 3 chapters. Thank you in advance for reading!

Summary: After the curse is broken, is there a way for both Kyo and Yuki to be happy, if Tohru can only truly love one of them forever?






The Way of Love


Chapter One

By zapenstap





Sunlight streamed through the open doorway of Shigure?s house, spilling onto the floors and brightening the walls as Yuki stepped inside on light feet, his shoes left toe-by-heel right outside the door. Without turning, Yuki shut the door behind him, feeling the warmth of daylight against into his white shirt as he closed the door softly with both hands behind his back. Shigure knelt at the table, a pile of books by his left wrist and his reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of his nose. He looked absorbed in what he was doing, smiling one of those internalized, thoughtful smiles that softened his expression whenever he was indulging in a quiet moment alone. His more infamous social antics he reserved for when he was enjoying the companionship of other people, relating to those he loved most by harassing them whenever possible. He did it so well because he knew them so thoroughly, especially his family, particularly the young people. Yuki smiled. How strange, that it had taken him so long to realize just how much Shigure cared? about everything.

?Did you come to tell me something?? the older man asked in his calm, I?ve-been-reading voice.

?I thought you should know,? Yuki said, refraining from kneeling across from Shigure for polite conversation because he meant to say this only in passing, ?what I decided.?

Shigure looked up, removing his glasses. ?That?s an unusual tone for you, Yuki. What is it you have decided?? He paused when Yuki didn?t answer, and they both waited in the silence, thinking about so many things that could not be put into words. Shigure spoke what they were both thinking. ?Now that the curse is broken, everyone is having to adjust.?

It was not a question and required no response, but Yuki reeled silently from the words. The curse was broken. It still surprised him, to hear it said, and to really understand that it was true. It wasn?t until the curse was gone that he realized how much he had depended on it all his life. The after-effects were constant: the relief, the confusion, the feeling of being stripped of his soul, his identity, and being liberated at the same time. The curse had been broken and now all that was left for them was life, a life with any future they could imagine, if they dared to live it. Shigure watched him think with that knowing smile, a smile that was full of understanding, and affection, and the fondness of someone committed heart and soul to his welfare, his and everyone?s. ?So,? Shigure continued, prompting him to finish. ?You have decided something. I guess that is not surprising, but? I don?t suppose it involves Tohru at all??

Yuki looked away. The feelings he had spent so much time analyzing since the curse was lifted were still there, buried deep in his heart and burning sweetly like soft embers. Why was it so hard to talk about what was most important? Why was it that he could carry on inane conversations everyday and yet struggle so tremendously with explaining that which moved him most deeply? But it had to be done. He had to tell her what he felt, for better her worse, if anyone was to be happy at all in this new life?or was it still the same life? ?It does,? he said. ?In a way. I?m going to talk with her this afternoon, but I thought I should let you know first, in case?in case things go differently than I expect.?

?I see,? Shigure murmured. ?So this isn?t just a confession. Why don?t you tell me just what it is that you have decided then??

Yuki struggled with himself, choosing his words carefully, taking the time to strengthen his will. Speaking up?about things that were most important?It was still difficult. ?Do you remember that scholarship money?? he said at last.

Shigure?s expression changed, altering to that light-hearted school-boy?s charm, the one that reeked of mischief. The tension Yuki had felt in his gut a moment ago was replaced by familiar suspicion. Shigure?s smile was too happy to take lightly. ?Of course I do!? Shigure sang. ?Well earned, and not because of your dashing good looks this time either! Good grades. High participation. And most importantly, the essay I helped you write..!?

Annoyance obscured the difficulty of speech. ?You didn?t have any hand in writing it! I just had you read it for errors!?

Shigure laughed, rocking backward and waving a hand. ?A gave a few pointers! A few pointers!?

?Shigure!?

?All right. All right.? He wiped a tear from his eye and relaxed again into his I?m-such-a-good-listener mode. ?I?m sorry. What about it??

Yuki eyed him askance, wondering after all if this was the best idea. But no, he had made this decision, and he was going to carry it through in full. ?Awhile ago,? he began in his usual tenor, ?before I even knew if it was possible, before the Curse was broken, I mean, I was accepted into my first choice of a University. And I??

Shigure?s humorous smile melted away.

Yuki took a breath. ??and I?m going to go. I decided on my own, without my mother?s influence, or yours, or anyone?s. I think that this is what is best for me, what I want most.?

?Yuki?? Shigure started to interrupt.

?I know it?s far away,? Yuki continued quickly. ?One reason, actually, that I chose that school. But now that it comes to it, leaving I mean, I find it to be more difficult than I thought. I?m not even really sure I can do it, but I am going to try, to go out into the world on my own and be? whoever I can be. Only, Shigure, I want to do it without any help, without any help at all from the Sohma family. I?m telling you what I plan, but I want to be?on my own. No financial assistance. Or anything else. That?s what I have decided for myself.?

Shigure had half gotten up, but now that Yuki had finished, hands clenched, spine straight and shoulders tense, he relaxed, staring at the tabletop between his hands. ?Well, well,? he said. ?I must say I wasn?t sure you would really do it.? Yuki?s head jerked up, his mouth agape. He was startled by the statement, surprised that Shigure had known anything about it all, but by his tone, he had. Shigure smiled at him. ?I look through the mail, of course,? he explained. ?I saw your acceptance letter and your reply. Well, I must say that I?m proud of you, Yuki. And if this is what you have decided you have my full support. Does your mother know??

?I told her. She?s not thrilled. It wasn?t her first choice, you know. But she? I think it will be okay?eventually. She will come to accept it.?

?And Aya??

?I thought I would let you tell him. My train leaves tonight.?

?Tonight?? Shigure fingered his glasses on the table and shook his head slightly. ?It must have been an agonizing decision to wait until the last minute. Well, I suppose I can do that. He?ll want to see you off, though. I don?t suppose you will allow it??

Yuki?s response was dry. ?I don?t think I could stop him if I wanted to.?

Shigure gave him an odd look, and Yuki felt the resonance, a swift stab in his heart that dried out his mouth, a response that struck him perhaps because he wasn?t sure he didn?t want Aya to. To have someone love him, even someone completely exhausting like Ayame, someone who would always be his brother no matter what he did or how little they got along, to have someone so self-motivated to care about him?it was comforting, in a moment like this when everything else seemed so unsure.

?And what about Tohru?? Shigure asked with swift suddenness. The horrifying fear that Yuki felt in his stomach at that question was immediately swallowed by an altogether different emotion when Shigure added, ?and have you told Kyo??

?Why would I tell that stupid?!? The words failed, clipped off sharply as he remembered suddenly that Kyo was not ?the Cat? anymore, though cat he would always be in Yuki?s mind. Still, the justification wasn?t quite there. The excuse to be rude was not quite so excusable. ?No, I didn?t tell him,? Yuki said. ?I don?t see why I should, except?? He paused, remembering what else he had planned, thinking things through. He had hoped to just leave it, and let it work itself out, but perhaps that was the coward?s way out. He thought of Tohru, and wondered how Kyo might feel when he heard, especially if he was not warned, and warred with himself on what was the right thing to do. ?Maybe I should say something.? He eyed Shigure out of the corner of his eye as he looked through the window. Stubbornness settled in and he narrowed his eyes grimly. ?I?m not going on the roof, though.? A ridiculous image.

?But he?s not on the roof,? Shigure replied with a squint-eyed cherub?s smile. ?He?s training out back. He?s seems even happier to punch air alone now than he ever did fighting you.?

?He can punch air for the rest of his life as far as I?m concerned,? Yuki said darkly.

?Now, Yuki??

?All right,? Yuki said with a bit of a snap. His fist went automatically to his hip, a gesture of indignation and a habit he couldn?t quite shake. ?I?ll do it.?

?And Tohru?? Shigure prompted again. He paused, a tinge of seriousness coating his tone. ?What are you going to talk about? Are you going to say goodbye, or? are you going to ask her to go with you??

Yuki?s arm relaxed at his side, but the rest of him stiffened. ?That?That isn?t any of your business.? He paused for a moment and then made for the door, moving more swiftly than he had coming in. He opened it roughly, feeling Shigure?s wince behind him, but the door was not damaged by Yuki?s strong, yet controlled hands. ?If you see her,? he said, hiding his eyes behind his hair, ?when she gets back from the store, will you tell her I?m in the garden and I?d like to speak with her??

?Can?t ask her yourself?? Shigure said, smoothing his chin between his thumb and forefinger. ?I suppose it would take some nerve.? He smiled excitedly. ?But you know me! I?m always trying to help out a little romance!?

Yuki glared through narrowed eyes.

?All right. Don?t get huffy. I?ll send her out to the ?secret base? when she gets back.? If Shigure had any other thoughts, guesses or concerns he didn?t voice them. Yuki wasn?t surprised in the least. He remembered the days when the base really was ?secret? with quiet envy.

?Just tell her,? Yuki said, and suppressed a sharp stab of feeling. ?What I have to say is too important to be casual, so please attempt a little tact for once in your life.?

?I can only try!? Shigure exclaimed. ?I don?t suppose you?ve written her a poem? Or a love letter? If you have, you ought to let me read and correct it for?!?

Yuki shut the door closed behind him with a resounding slam.




When Shigure was alone he relaxed his exuberant glee to the simple happiness her really felt and settled back on his heels and into in his small smile. His books lay opened and abandoned on the table as he stared at the door that Yuki had walked through. He had an idea of what Yuki was going to say to Tohru. He had been watching all this time and he could see the subtle changes among the members of this household: the gestures and smiles and the light touches that spoke volumes in such simple movements. He wasn?t sure if Yuki was really going to be able to do it, though, and worried at the consequences if he lost his nerve. It was such a difficult thing, and a feeling he knew himself too well, but it had to happen. It couldn?t go on without change forever. This was no longer a stagnant environment. This was a place for things, and people, to grow. He hoped it would be easier now, with the curse gone, in some small ways, but even without the curse there was still so much about life that had to be worked through, bit by bit. And they would all do it, bit by bit.

With a quiet sigh, Shigure returned to his book, sliding his finger down the page to find where he had left off. Out in the yard he heard Kyo cursing and suppressed a quiet chuckle. What a day this would be. He promised himself for the hundredth time not to interfere, to let things be as they would be. Yuki was right. It wasn?t his business. Besides, he had pushed and guided those kids as far as he safely could. Some things just had to be done by the people involved, and the matter of love?and heartbreak?was one of them.


*****


Kyo wiped sweat from his brow with the towel hanging around his neck and paced a little to cool off. He didn?t allow himself to stop and think too much, even now. There was so much thinking to do, a lifetime of adjustments to make. Everything he had known, everything he had believed in, all of it broken apart and scattered like shards of glass. It was an invigorating feeling, and a terrifying one. He was no longer ?the Cat,? anymore, but in some people?s minds he always would be, perhaps most especially his own. He took solace in the things that remained the same, and hope in the things that had changed, continuously surprised that not everything had changed for the better like he thought it would. No longer being cursed did not fix broken relationships or smooth over the faults in an ignorant and unforgiving human race. He was still estranged from his father, his real father, and it took a lot of effort to give a damn, even now, though there was something in him that wished it wasn?t so, simply because the bitterness was a difficult emotion to live with. His mother was still dead too, and though he no longer blamed himself, it saddened him to remember her and wish about how it might have been. Like Tohru must, whenever she thought of her mother. He avoided thoughts of Tohru.

It wasn?t just him, it was the whole of the Zodiac, each of them bewildered by no longer being part of a cursed group, like a unit of soldiers after the war was over, disbanded but still bound together because they once had been. Only, Kyo was part of this group, accepted into this group, because he had been cursed and now he wasn?t; that and not the memory of some silly banquet was the only shared element needed for admittance into a unit of people who were lost and shipwrecked on a beach after a long and tortuous journey at sea. He still thought of everyone else the same way he always had and perhaps always would. The Dog, the Cow, the Rabbit, the Rat? Nothing particular about them had changed. It astounded him how mental it all was, and perhaps had always been. Even he was still the same in most ways. He still hated the rain, and his hair was still orange, and he supposed he would always have a temper, though he was learning to control it. Big changes, wishes come true, and still such constancy, except for the bewilderment of new days stretching out endlessly before him.

He had a future. He had it in part thanks to that girl, that silly, sweet, idiot girl that was currently at the store, probably forgetting what she went out to buy (eggs, he remembered) and thinking about them, the Sohmas, and her family and her friends and never giving a thought to herself. What an idiot. Tohru Honda.

It was best not to think too much. He scratched his head and then lifted the towel to his face to wipe off the remaining sweat, but then stopped, staring at the blue sky, white clouds drifting listlessly overhead.

?What are you staring at? I suppose this is your idea of intense training.? Yuki?s voice, full of condescension.

Kyo heart sped up with the shock of surprise. He jumped and then bristled, every muscle tensing until he was rigid with explosive rage. Whirling, he shouted, pointing an accusing finger with whip-crack impulse. ?And I suppose that sneaking up on people is your lame excuse at a sense of humor! Why don?t you wipe that contemptuous smirk off your face and come down here instead of that hiding behind that girly face of yours!?

Yuki narrowed his eyes and Kyo stiffened from his shoulders to his knees, gritting his teeth in anger that was directed at Yuki but also at himself for failing again to control his anger. It was always like that, whenever he blew off at anybody, but Yuki was especially conductive for Kyo?s unrestrained rage. Kyo braced himself, not knowing if Yuki was going to accept his challenge or brush him off.

He got annoyance. ?Oh shut up. I?m not here to fight with you.?

The explosion renewed with refueled energy. ?Then what the hell are you here for??

Yuki stood on the steps of the house, arms hanging loosely at his sides, white shirt sleeves unbuttoned a pulled up above the wrists. He just stood there like that, waiting. ?I wanted to tell you something.?

?Eh?? Kyo blinked, relaxing his guard. When Yuki still said nothing, impatience slipped into anger under that violet-eyed stare. ?What? Tell me what? What do you got to tell me??

?I?m going away.?

Yuki didn?t move and neither did Kyo. Kyo paused with one fist in the air. ?What are you talking about? Where are you going to go??

?I?m going to school,? Yuki said. ?My train leaves this evening. Shigure thought I should tell you.?

Yuki watched him and something in his gaze was significant but Kyo couldn?t connect the meaning to the words. What did he care if Yuki was going to some fancy university for a few years? Yuki just watched him with those large, girly eyes of his, long lashes and a soft shine set in a face too pretty for a boy, all quiet politeness, modest strength and gentlemanly charm. Every girl?s dream? and a damn annoyance whether he was?had been?the Rat or not. But under the surface there was all that lack of confidence and uncertainty, all that childhood angst and adolescent social complex, everything that Tohru Honda understood as she seemed to understand everyone and everything.

And then Kyo understood.

Tohru Honda.

Without another word, Yuki turned and walked back inside the house, shutting the sliding door behind him.

Kyo?s mind went blank, his brain numbing with a chill that quickly spread throughout his entire body. The uneasy tremble in his stomach had less to do with Yuki?s leaving and more to do with?

?Tohru,? he whispered. His voice was quiet, the anger stolen. In his mind, he saw her smile, that goofy, wide-open smile that made him think brightly about the world. And so it was for Yuki. And the one thing that would make her sad, the one thing that would tear her heart, was hurting one of them by choosing one of them. And she always was so happy all the time. She was happy being together with both of them, and she didn?t want to hurt either of them by choosing one of them, and she would want to remain that way. Or, maybe it was just him that wanted her to remain that way. Happy.

?You damn Rat,? he said under his breath, knowing that the title of useless and not giving a damn at the moment. His fist clenched as he tried to physically grip his rage. Making her choose, hurting her heart? He clenched his fist tighter and then slowly exhaled, slouching and slumping to the ground on both knees. Yuki wasn?t trying to make her choose or trying to hurt her. Kyo admitted that to himself with annoyance but he admitted it. Yuki wasn?t like that. He was always the gentlemen with Tohru, as much as that bit. But he was leaving, and he had to talk to her and he would have to tell her something about his feelings, and knowing Yuki, it would be the straight and simple truth. Yuki would tell Tohru in that quiet, safe, affectionate voice that he loved her? and she would say?she would say?

Kyo leaped to his feet. ?I don?t care what she says!?

Why did he hurt so much? In all this time he had not seen Yuki hurt this way. Kyo could talk to Tohru too, of course, right now, but he couldn?t because he was afraid. She frightened him. He was terrified of hurting her, of forcing her will when she was so easily led, of not measuring up to what she expected, of misusing her or troubling her or doing anything other than loving her. She was so simple and sweet and brave and kind, but she was such an idiot she needed somebody to watch out for her and pave the road clear of bumps and potholes so she wouldn?t trip on her klutzy feet. Kyo knew that Yuki was smarter than he was, and better looking, and more athletic, and nicer and safer and more controlled and what?s more, he needed Tohru too. They both did. They both loved her. It irritated him but he knew it was true. How could anybody not love someone as selfless and caring and sweet as that wide-eyed?? He rubbed his hair furiously. Tohru wasn?t even stupid; she just never thought things through. She just wanted to care for other people, for everyone. Shigure was right with all his obnoxious joking. Tohru would make a wonderful housewife, but Kyo wouldn?t allow that. He would never allow Tohru to be anybody?s servant or prize or sexual?he couldn?t even finish that thought. Yuki would never treat her that way, of course, but Yuki wasn?t?.Yuki wasn?t him.

?She can?t always be nice,? he mumbled to himself. He had feared that someday she would have to choose, but he told himself that if she pushed him away, he could take it, because he loved her. He had no claim on her, none at all. He was just a stray?a stray cat that wandered in and got what it was given. He wanted her to be happy, and protected and cared for. He wanted her to want things for herself. So she should. She should want things, even if it was one of them, just one. She could want Yuki? if that?s what she wanted.

He hung his head. Rage or pain or regret warred with acceptance. He took deep breaths, wishing for one shred of the nobility that Yuki radiated so easily, like he did everything so easily. His heart stilled after a few minutes, winding down to a steady beat. There was still that one clear thought in his mind, and with a willful effort, he managed to straighten and smile. He wanted her to be happy.

Even if it hurt.





To Be Continued?

[miyuchan]

WAI! Such angst and drama! This is wonderful. Must have more. Must. Have. MORE! Pretty please?

[Dark Deity]

wow wonderful job with characters. on to the next chapter!