False Engagements 3: Operation Relena Barton (TBXRP)

[Kysra]

Phase 1 begins . . .

<center>False Engagements: Operation Relena Barton
by Kysra</center>


?I do not believe I?m going through with this -- OW! Damn it Hilde, watch where you?re arranging the branches!? Duo winced as Hilde allowed yet another branch to stab his side. Why had he agreed to this in the first place?

?Stop being such a baby! It?s just for a few hours. Besides, don?t you feel good, knowing you?re enduring all this pain for the benefit of your friends? future??

He grumbled under his breath but didn?t say anything more about it. Complaining would just make Hilde angry. This was her baby, of sorts, so he would entertain her for the time being, even if he did know that this was a gargantuan mistake. Relena and Trowa? Where the hell did she get this stuff from?

?Don?t look at me like that Duo. You?re not backing out now.? Hilde?s voice brooked no argument.

?But this isn?t fair! I?m a goddamn BUSH for goodness sake! Why can?t Heero be the stupid bush?!?

?Because Heero is the chauffeur remember?? Catherine answered in a voice brimming with false patience as she knelt on the floor, altering Heero?s suit. Heero remained silently glaring at the disgruntled shrub.

?I can be the chauffeur! I can drive! Tell her Hilde!?

?You can?t drive. You forgot to renew your license, and stop whining already!? Hilde was losing her precarious hold on her temper.

?BUT I?M A BUSH!?

Yes, that?s right, Duo was currently in the guise of a shrub, a piece of greenery fit for highway median-dom. A bush.

The plan had been set after the two women had decided that Trowa was the absolute perfect match for Relena, and their collective attempt to approach Trowa on the issue had failed due to both parties chickening out at the last minute. Instead of telling him of their theories on the possible compatibility between him and a certain blonde, they had asked his opinion on certain items of clothing, Catherine?s newest boyfriend, and Relena?s dating status. His replies were inconclusive, and Hilde agreed with Catherine that they had been approaching the whole Trowa/Relena thing all wrong. More subtle means were in order.

No, if they just came out and told the two parties in question their plans, Trowa would ignore it and Relena would stubbornly refuse to cooperate. It was decided that when working with two people like Trowa and Relena, it was best to steer clear of being blatantly obvious, and with their determined mindset, Hilde and Catherine had come up with a nearly fool proof plan. The key to this whole operation was subtlety, and even though they would have preferred having a more active hand in their friends? future happiness, they had to admit that the natural route fate had in store for the desired couple would bear much longer-lasting fruit than any scheme they could come up with. Of course, giving fate a soft push in the right direction was allowable.

And so, with righteous love as their cause and Fate walking beside them, Hilde and Catherine, Matchmakers Extraordinaire, enlisted the help of some very special men (one of whom was Hilde the Matchmaker?s husband) with very specialized skills. They also approached the female subject?s sister-in-law with the plan and were extremely pleased when said sister-in-law was as thrilled about the proposal as they were.

Sufficient support bred a staunch confidence in the two schemers, and they immediately wanted to test out their Flow Chart o? Love, and that was why Duo was currently stuck in the guise of a bush.

?This is a load of sh--?

?DUO! If I hear one more cuss out of you, I swear you?ll be a pile of cow dung next time!?

Duo pouted as he sulked in silence, wincing when the sharp end of a twig got jammed into his thigh.

?There all done!? Catherine tugged on the altered coat sleeve and smiled at her handiwork.

Hilde squinted at the wall clock nearby, ?Great! It?s almost time to put our plan in action. Come on Cathy. We have to be settled in your trailer before Trowa gets home!.?

Closing her sewing box, Catherine stood and grinned at Duo which scared the living shit out of him, ?Ok, but first, I have to get a picture.?

?Oh. Hell. NO.? Duo jumped off the couch, determined not to get caught on camera like . . . well like he was at the moment, covered in dirt, branches, and leaves. He, of course, didn?t account for Heero who had a very shiny, rather evil-looking gun pointed in his face.

?Smile for the camera Duo.?

Unarmed and out-numbered, Duo knew he should just suck it up and obey. Smiling widely, Duo allowed Catherine to take the possibly incriminating, totally embarrassing picture before stalking out the apartment door, Heero, Hilde, and Catherine quickly following.

It was time to make the first move, and despite how much he disagreed with his wife?s preoccupation with this matchmaking business, he wasn?t about to sit through more pictures. He would follow through with this if only to preserve his dignity.

Reaching the ground level of the building the Maxwells called home, the men and women separated, going their separate ways.

Phase 1 of Operation Relena Barton had begun.

<center>***</center>

~ An hour later at the Bloom residence . . . ~

?Where the hell is he??

?Calm down Hilde. He?ll be here. Besides, we still have an hour before what?s-his-name picks Relena up,? Catherine pointed out reasonably to the furiously pacing Hilde. ?Now could you please stop pacing before you burn a hole in my ratty carpet??

?Maybe we should have gotten Quatre or Wufei to help. I mean Duo is totally against this, and he?ll probably screw up on purpose,? Hilde muttered, taking a seat on the couch.

?Don?t worry so much. If it doesn?t work this time around, we can always try again, and can you honestly tell me you can see Wufei taking everything we?re making Duo do tonight??

?No.?

?Exactly, and do you actually think we would ever be able to ask Quatre to be a bush??

?No, I guess not. He?s just too . . . too . . .?

?Quatre??

?Yeah. I?d totally feel like a cad if we played ?dress up? with him.?

Catherine smiled slightly then rose from her seat on the floor to fix herself a cup of tea, ?So do you think it?ll work? This first try, I mean??

A sigh was emitted from Hilde?s lips, ?I don?t know, but my gut feeling tells me something good is gonna come from this.?

?You have that feeling too??

The phone decided to ring at that moment, and Hilde, telling Catherine to keep making her tea, jumped to answer it. It was the man of the hour.

?Hilde??

?Hey Trowa! On your way home??

?No. Tell Cathy I?ll be late.?

Panic rushed through her, and the wide smile that had previously adorned her face dropped into a frown before rising once more into a rather sad rendition of a grin, the corners of her mouth trembling with suppressed anxiety, ?Wh -- Why??

He gave her a look that told her it was none of her business why, ?I have some things to take care of.?

*ARGH! He?s going to ruin EVERYTHING!* Hilde?s inner voice screamed as her mind searched for something more to say, ?When will you be back?!? She noticed belatedly that she was very nearly shouting at him.

?About two hours.?

?Um . . . ok.? She choked out, close to tears at the thought of her beautiful plan crumbling to dust before her very eyes.

?Bye.?

?WAIT!? Dear Lord, was that her that just bellowed like a friggin? banshee at the guy she wanted to set her friend up with? Where were her manners? Obviously, by the look on his face, Trowa was thinking the very same thing . . . minus the part about set ups. Time to think fast. ?Um, on your way home, can you pick up a pizza? Me and Cathy don?t feel like cooking and we have a stack of movies to watch.?

?Sure.?

?Thanks!? She flashed him a rather obnoxious grin and signed off, breathing a sigh of relief. Catherine?s favorite pizzeria was en route to the club Relena and her date would be heading to after dinner, and if they were lucky enough and the timing was just right, Relena and Trowa would bump into each other. An evil giggle escaped her. She was so clever!

?What was all the shouting about?? Catherine asked, setting a steaming cup of tea and a cup of coffee on the small table next to the couch.

?Trowa?s gonna be two hours late.?

?That?s nice -- WHAT!!!! You had better be joking!? Cathy stared at her in horror.

?Nope. I?m totally serious but never fear! I think I may have found a solution to overall failure!?

Eyes narrowed, Catherine snorted.

?I asked him to bring us a pizza!?

Hilde decided she did not particularly like the look she was receiving from the knife-thrower. This feeling of dislike was verified by the words that left said knife-thrower?s lips a few moments after the look, ?Hilde, I think all this scheming has finally gotten to you. Sit down dear, calm down, and wait while I get the nearest mental hospital on the line.?

?Damn it Cathy --?

?Now now, aren?t you the one always fussing at Duo for having a potty mouth??

?FOCUS CATHY!!!! Now, where is your favorite pizzeria??

?Corner of 34th and Mowley.?

?And where is the club Relena and her date are going to??

?Mo . . . I get it! Good job Hilde!?

?Yes, I know. I?m so brilliant.?

Calming down, the crisis seemingly over, the two girls popped a movie in the VCR and settled down to watch, confident in the knowledge that all hope was not lost.

<center>***</center>

~ Roughly two hours later in town . . . ~

Relena was miserably trying to find a way to plead some excuse or another to successfully get away from the jerk that was her date, Joseph William Krapper III. He was everything from arrogant to witless, and right now, he was drunk.

?Come on, Mr. Krapper,? she bit her tongue on the chuckle that rose to her throat, ?let?s get you home.? She looked around for the limo that was supposed to be parked just outside but mysteriously wasn?t. Turning a little, she opened her mouth to ask the valet where their limo was when her date tore his arm out of her grip, staggering back precariously, his eyes glaring daggers at her.

?You can?t tell me what to do! I?m the man here! Now shut up and tell that driver you?re walking to the club with me.?

Oh boy, what was she going to do now? If she went with him, she was certain he would try something, but she didn?t want him making a bigger scene than he already was. She was at an impasse, and all because of one bottle of champagne.

?Very well, sir. I accept your invitation.? Maybe she could sneak away at some point to call Milliardo to come help her out. Right now, she needed to make sure this ass hole got to the club in one piece then she would think of what to do next.

Reluctantly, she allowed him to tuck her hand into the cradle of his arm while her other hand clutched the ends of her shawl tighter around her shoulders.

She really hated this. Every single man Milliardo had arranged to date her was the same. They would put on nice airs for her brother, but the second she was alone with them, it was as if there were a sign hanging around her neck saying ?Hit on ME!? Sometimes it went beyond mere passes, and she would have to get help from an outside source, a chance passerby or some other person who just happened to be convenient. They usually expected her to pay too, and while this didn?t necessarily bother her, she thought it would be nice if, just once, she could go on a casual date at a fair or something with a friend, someone she could get along with, and have them pay for . . . well, whatever. That?s all she wanted, a nice, *normal* date with someone she could call a friend.

This date had been the worse so far. Joseph?s false charm, arrogance, and blatant sexual harassment were something she had not been mentally prepared for. The ride to the restaurant had been somewhat quiet, neither of them talking very much and him staring at her like she was a slab of premium choice Grade A beef. Dinner had been a disaster she didn?t want to dwell on. He had yelled at the waiter for everything under the sun and moon, from seating arrangements to the silverware, from the appetizers to dessert, and finally from the water to the wine. She had been mortified with his horrible table manners and even more disturbed by his disregard for date etiquette. He had made it quite clear where she stood with him -- nowhere. Just like the rest of the men she had been forced to spend time with so far, he didn?t even see her as a person but a possession, a doll that came with money, power, and influence. As far as he was concerned, she was ripe for the taking, and he was going to be the one to own her.

Shuddering slightly, she tried to pry her hand from his arm when his other hand swung around to impact with her face . . . hard. Her head whipped to the side, her now-loose hand coming up to cup the stinging heat of her cheek, her startled eyes swiveling to meet his drunken ones.

?Bitch,? he spat in her face, approaching her.

This was not good. Her survival instinct kicked in, and Relena moved to run. She didn?t get very far, his hand clutching the back of her gown and shawl halting her progress. Her mind raced madly. What in the hell was going on? What had she done to trigger this? How was she going to get out of this?

Blue eyes darted from side to side. When had the street become so empty?

She was pulled back against him, his arm snaking around her waist while the other held her arm pinned between their bodies in a painful grip, and with horror, she realized she had no voice to scream.

Distantly she heard the squeal of tires skidding on the cement and the rustle of leaves. Was someone coming?

?You were thinking about him, weren?t you Princess? You were making eyes at that god damn waiter all night! You are MINE! I?ve watched you since you were Queen, and you will always belong to me, understand??

She shuddered again when she felt his hand traveling downward towards her . . .

Fear stabbed through her heart, and she began to struggle in his hold, not caring when she heard and felt the fabric of her dress give, ripping away from her skin. In an act of desperation, fueled by the adrenaline pumping through her body, Relena brought her heel down upon his foot, effectively breaking his middle toe in the process.

He yelped in pain, letting her go with an acid curse, just as the headlights of a car illuminated him and a bush jumped at him from out of nowhere. By then, Relena was so lost in her own miserable world and running away too fast to notice she had been saved.

<center>***</center>

~ Meanwhile, somewhere nearby . . . ~

?Here ya go kid,? the old chef smiled brightly as he handed a boxed pizza to his silent customer.

Trowa accepted the pizza with a nod and left with nary a goodbye.

Stepping out into the street, Trowa walked, unseeing, towards the place he had come to think of as ?home?, which, for him, was a pretty big step towards humanity. He?d never had a home before, and now he not only had a place to go to when the sun set, he also had friends and family who cared about him. It just never ceased to amaze him.

And yet he couldn?t let go of the war. The fighting, the killing . . . terrorism was what he was raised for, and even though there were no more serious threats to peace, he couldn?t let go of his Gundam either. In fact, that was what he had been doing for the past two hours, a maintenance check on Heavy Arms.

Sighing softly, he shifted his hold on the pizza, and tried to focus on the stretch of cement ahead of him when he spotted a red blur moving toward him.

Narrowing his eyes, he studied the blur till it came into focus and then --

*WHAM*

The red blur, which just happened to be a woman dressed in a red cocktail dress, crashed into him, but he didn?t budge, having braced himself for the impact. The pizza wasn?t as lucky and was now splattered on the sidewalk. Meanwhile, the red blur had gotten over the momentary shock of running into him and was now babbling.

?I?m so sorry Mister! Let me help you w-- Trowa? Oh! Thank God! Trowa!?

His eye(s) widened so slightly it wasn?t even noticeable, ?Relena.? He took in her appearance with an analytical eye. Her hair had come slightly unraveled on one side, a few strands hanging in her face, free of the constraining hair arrangement. One cheek was stained with an angry red handprint, tears further marring the pale skin of her face. He noticed her hands were clutching her dress to her chest, as if holding the material was the only method by which to keep herself covered, and further study unearthed the revelation that the dress had been torn open rather savagely in the back.

It didn?t take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened, and Trowa was by no means a stupid man. Relena had been attacked and possibly sexually assaulted. The fear in Relena?s blue eyes said enough.

And then she was hugging him as if he were an anchor keeping her from drowning in a sea of pain, sobbing into his chest while he just stood there stunned.

Not knowing what to do, his arms stiffly moved to hold her, more to keep her dress from falling to the ground than to comfort her, or at least, that?s what he tried to tell himself. She trembled in his embrace, her sobs shaking her entire body as the panic drained out of her and the realization that she was safe filtered in.

A few moments later, Relena sniffed and shuddered against him, signifying she had calmed down, but she didn?t move, too afraid her legs wouldn?t hold her weight any longer, ?I?m sorry I ruined your dinner . . . I?ll buy you another one.?

Trowa shook his head, ?What happened??

?It?s . . . nothing. I just . . I?ll just go home. Thank you, Trowa. I?m sorry for wetting your shirt.? She began to pull away, her arms again coming up to hold the red, shimmery material to her breasts as she smiled for his benefit, the tears still running down her face but with less frequency.

He shook his head again, setting his lips in a firm line of command, ?Come with me.?

He didn?t wait for her to resist, but grabbed her upper arm and began to lead her towards the circus. He couldn?t let her return home like this to Zechs. Catherine and Hilde would be able to get her to talk about whatever happened, she would feel better, and then he could track down whoever had done this to her and kill him -- along with the others, of course.

?Trowa? You?re hurting me,? her quiet voice whispered through the darkness, and he relaxed his grip on her arm.

?Sorry.?

?It?s ok.?

No it wasn?t. He was supposed to protect her, not hurt her more than she already had been. An unsettling thought came to him: Where had Heero been while Relena was being attacked?

Relena felt Trowa tense beside her, his hand pulling her a little closer, as if to shield her from some unseen threat. It was such a minute gesture, Relena wondered if she hadn?t just imagined it, but that small movement, imagined or not, caused an odd sense of peace to flow through her. She felt comfortable with him, and before she could stop herself, she was speaking.

?I didn?t expect it,? she said softly, and he glanced at her, listening silently, ?I mean, there was always the possibility, but I just didn?t think it would actually happen. He was drunk . . . I should have told him to slow down, that he?d had too much. I should have picked up the warning signs, especially when he yelled at me outside the restaurant, but I didn?t. I just . . . didn?t. I guess I didn?t think he would try anything or . . . I don?t know. I?m so confused about everything.?

She fell silent for a few moments then took a shuddering breath, ?I shouldn?t be burdening you with this.?

?Keep going.?

His voice was so soothing, deep and velvety. Relena tipped her head up to look at him as they walked side by side, ?It?s not the first time one of my dates has gotten fresh, but this is the first time one of them has gotten violent. I?m so tired of it, and it isn?t as if I don?t give them a chance; but a girl can only stand getting fondled so many times before she begins doubting she?ll ever find a decent man to spend her life with.

?I mean, this wasn?t even my idea in the first place,? her voice picked up a little volume, anger and long bottled up frustration reflected in every word, ?All I want is a date that respects me, someone I can get along with and have a nice time with! I just want to go to a fair or some other casual function and laugh! I haven?t laughed in what seems like years, and I want to laugh with someone who actually cares if I?m having a nice time! Is it so much to ask that one of those stupid men my brother sets me up with actually wants me for who I am instead of how much money they?ll get if they succeed in bagging me!??

Trowa didn?t offer an answer, and Relena let out a deep breath, thankful to have vented even a portion of her cooped up irritation. She had never expressed her real feelings on the issue to anyone, including Catherine or Hilde, and now that she had, she felt drained and tired. Leaning against Trowa?s shoulder, Relena removed her arm from his grip to wind both hands around his arm and whispered, ?Thank you.?

Her silent companion didn?t give any sign that he had heard her, but she knew he had . . . somehow she just knew.

In the distance, a man in a suit with Prussian blue eyes and a man-sized bush watched them with satisfied smiles. Maybe Hilde and Catherine hadn?t been wrong after all.

To Be Continued . . .

[athena]

*claps* You make me happy! I love this. Most pairings like this make Heero a jerk, and he isn't. Poor poor Relena..but, she'll get the guy in the end. Right?

Better go find out! off to next chapter!

[Kanya Barton]

Wow, athena is right! There is no "Heero is dead so now I want Trowa in this story" nor is there any Heero-bastardizing in this story! This is really good! I'm going to read the next one now!:salute:
Peace out!

[Kysra]

Hold on to your seats . . .

athena: I love Heero too much to make him a jerk . . . as for Rel getting the guy *mysterious look* we'll see . . .

Kanya Barton: The whole "Heero's dead therefore I'll be with so-and-so" plot thing is so overdone and -- dare I say it -- contrived, I avoid it like the plague. I wanted this fic to be a romantic comedy. In my mind, angst had no place here. Also, I wanted to capitalize on the possibility of a Heero/Relena friendship The fact that I love Heero had absolutely nothing to do with his more than fair treatment on my part

Thank you thank you thank you everyone!!!!

- Kysra