SO! I thought back, and remembered the first step I had to take in my quest to be a better writer (a quest I'm still on, just FYI). And that very first step is....
ADVERBS.
What is an adverb? It's a word that describes a verb. Heinous examples often found in fanfiction are:
He said FLATLY.
She blinked RAPIDLY.
He smiled BLANDLY.
She replied STUPIDLY.
There are some adverbs you won't be able to refrain from using. But most of them, you really really SHOULD refrain from using.
"I hate her," Heero said flatly.
Trowa glared angrily at his friend. "You're lying."
or
Heero's brow creased into a frown. "I hate her," he said. The muscle under his left eye twitched and his right hand curled into a fist.
Trowa glared at his friend. "You're lying."
I know which one *I* prefer to read. How about you?
Okay, okay, WHY is the second one better?
Does anyone think the first one is better? Why or why not?
Which one had more tension?
Which one was from a distinct point of view?
Which one told us more about the characters?
Anyone up for an exercise of their own?
EXCELLENT!
Forum: *groans*
I want you to write me 2 versions of the same 500 word scene (give or take, I'm not really going to count): Heero is arguing with someone over his true feelings for Relena. He's denying that he cares about her, for whatever reason you want to come up with, but the person he's arguing with knows Heero really does love her because they saw...(fill in the blank here). In universe, alternate universe, doesn't matter. (I'll also take pairings from other animes, preferably that I recognize, but just let me know....)
The first one, write normally. Use adverbs. You can recognize an adverb by the -ly (95% I think end in an -ly). He said grumpily; she said softly.... Said is the one that will have the most infractions. She stared aimlessly, he sat stiffly. You can recognize them now, right? Ok.
Once you've written the scene 'normally' (adverb), come back and I'm going to tell you why it is you're putting them in there. Ready?
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Highlight me: (position the cursor over the Highlight me text, click the left mouse button and drag the mouse down the page in order to highlight the text that follows)
Because you're afraid the readers aren't going to 'get' it
You need to let go of that fear. We're smarter than we look (most of us). Find other ways to SHOW us what your characters feel. Let your characters tell the story. YOU need to stop teliing us what they're saying. Don't be our interpreter. If Trowa's angry, show us how TROWA would be angry. Would he punch a wall, break a pencil, pound someone's face in? Or would he grit his teeth, clench his fists and have fire blazing in his eyes?
Don't TELL us he said it angrily. It's like.... You're being a radio announcer, and the action is going on where YOU can see it, and not where we can see it.
"You're lying," Trowa said angrily.
WE want to see it! Don't be an announcer, be an audience member with the inside scoop. YOU know what the characters are going to do before we do, but that's the only thing you know that we don't.
We're all one big audience at a play. We can all SEE your characters on the stage.
"You're lying!" Trowa said and slammed his fist into Heero's stomach.
Got it? Okay, now, take your 500 word scene and rewrite it. I don't want to see ANY adverbs in it. This version should be longer, I expect it to be longer. Don't worry about the word count. Write the scene.
Okay! I'd LOVE to see people take this up and have something in by... July 12th. Of course, if you come upon this much later on, and want to write this exercise, I'll certainly take them.
Post them as replies to this thread. You can post them both, or just the second one, the choice is yours. I'll read them and reply with a critique.
Okay! And remember... Have fun!
Love,
Rose
