It's Not Like It's Love
By Crystaltear
Chapter Twelve
Warnings: none
Notes: Late. Prom scene gave me hell. Still not happy with it. Chapter thirteen is 1/3 of the way done and will be completed by mid-July.
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"There is a destiny that makes us brothers; no one goes his way alone: All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own."-Edwin Markham-
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Two weeks flew by in a blur for Duo Maxwell, and before he could fully comprehend how he had got there, he was standing in his suit looking forward to the night ahead, and only a month away from his graduation. As Fate would have it (or perhaps just Catherine), Duo's prom night also happened to be the night Heero moved out of their house and into his own apartment located almost an hour away. It was truly a night of destiny and future for Duo.
'But, before all that, amendments must be made,' Duo reminded himself as he glanced at his reflection a final time. He could hear Heero coming back inside the house for more boxes, and knew then was as good a time as any. Surprisingly, he didn't feel so awful about swallowing his pride this time; perhaps he was getting better after all.
He glided out of the bedroom with ease, feeling as sharp as he looked and not wanting to hide either fact. Heero spared him a glance as he entered the box-laden living room, and the small twitch at the corner of his mouth gave Duo all the encouragement he needed.
"Can you spare me a few minutes? I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Sure," was Heero's reply. They both made a move for the sole couch left in the room and sat down. Duo could see that Heero was both hoping and expecting that the conversation involved Duo requesting to move into the apartment; he just hoped that Heero wouldn't be too disappointed with the outcome.
"I was planning on having a friend come crash here and pay half the bills," he began to explain. "That completely fell through. So I had been thinking of ways to manage the weight on my own, but all that did was give me an even deeper level of appreciation that you kept us afloat all this time. And with all of that thinking, I finally got a clue."
He paused to collect his thoughts, and Heero waited patiently for him to continue. Finally, Duo began again. "I know it sounds lame, but this entire time I kept trying to hold onto this place because I thought it's been the only constant in my life." Suddenly, he reached out and tapped on the cracked wall behind the couch. "It took me awhile, but I finally came to realize all it is is/are???? walls. I can let this go, because it's not my stability, and not what's been looking out for me all of this time."
He went no further, but his message got across with clarity. Almost.
"So that means you'll come with me?" Heero inquired.
"I didn't say that," Duo shook his head, and Heero looked crestfallen. "Hear me out. A brilliant woman once told me that I rely too much on deals," he grinned. "And I have come to realize that she is completely right. So, after my deal with my not-so-reliable friend fell through and he told me the same thing, I decided it was time for me to do something without a deal for once. I also came to the conclusion that, like deals, I rely on you too much. And I'm stopping that too." Heero opened his mouth to either protest or deny that final statement, but Duo didn't allow it.
"Wait. This is it, straight out. I talked to the landlord, and he's going to let me finish out here until graduation. Then I'm going to get my own place, probably just a rented room or studio, hopefully somewhere near your own apartment. But I'm going to do it on my own." The silence passed on uncomfortably then, and Duo shifted in his suit.
"Any commentary would be great about now," he urged his brother, who was still looking back at him with an unreadable expression.
Heero sighed. "You really want to do this, don't you?" As Duo nodded, Heero gave in. All his life, Duo had wanted to prove himself, and it seemed he had finally decided on how he wanted to do it. His plan was well thought out and fairly reasonable; Heero would accept it. "Okay, But if you need any assistance along the way, don't be hard-headed; I want you to come to me for help."
"Agreed. And now that all of that is settled, I want to see your apartment."
Heero looked shocked. "You don't mean tonight I hope. I think your 'brilliant woman' would be pretty pissed if you stood her up."
"No, not tonight, and you're right, she wouldn't care for that. But I want to see it soon; you've been really excited about this place, I saw that, so I want a look for myself." He glanced at his watch to check himself and his limit and his eyebrows raised. "I need to get going; don't want to keep Hilde waiting."
"No, I suppose not," Heero mused, a knowing smile playing across his face. "And you better make sure you make her want to stay with you this time-this girl's made changes in you that are really something."
"Yeah, yeah," Duo waved him off with a flick of his wrist, and then he was back in his room for one more phone call before he left.
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Everything had run as smoothly as possible. Duo had shown up at Hilde's doorstep on time, and after complimenting each other on how they looked, they surprised the other with a corsage and boutonni?re. As usual though, Duo had one more surprise up his sleeve, and it arrived a few minutes later. Once Hilde had finished reprimanding Duo on ordering them a limo without allowing her to pay for part of the cost, they said goodbye to Kimberly and set off for the hotel where the event would be taking place.
They spent a good two hours inside the ball room where the majority of Duo's class had gathered, eating, exchanging small talk with Duo's friends that they were sitting with, and even went up for one quick dance. After the dance, Duo decided that he had had more than enough time sharing Hilde with the crowded room, and wanted her all to himself for awhile.
Hilde gave no protest as Duo guided her outside of the hotel and onto its grounds. They walked for a few minutes before they found a small bridge suspended above a pond, and silently agreed to linger there.
They were content in silence for awhile, enjoying each other's presence and the view of the moon's reflection off the pond. Hilde was the one to break the silence, with a smile and a dreamy tone to her voice.
"Thank you again for bringing me; this turned out to be so much better than my prom was," she told him as she gazed across the water.
"Oh? Why's that?" he prompted.
Hilde's nose scrunched up a little as she thought. "I think, at that time, I couldn't enjoy it or anything else because I was trying so hard to grow up too fast."
"I think I can understand where you're coming from," Duo replied, reminded of his own situation.
"I think so too," she admitted, startling him. "I noticed that you're very distant with even the people you consider your friends. Even on a night like this, when it's supposed to be all about the friendships you've had in high school, you're standing out here with me, isolating yourself from them."
There was a long pause of silence.
"Yeah, well, I'm not close with anybody here. Hell, I don't know if I would even call them friends, more like acquaintances. None of them have ever been there for me-don't go all emotional just yet, Babe," Duo warned when he saw Hilde's face scrunch up in sympathy. "They weren't because I didn't let them. You're right, I do isolate myself; because I don't like getting close to anybody."
"What about your brother?"
The corner of Duo's mouth lifted. "Heero and I don't need to be close; we don't have to sit around and moan about our problems to each other like other people do. We just understand each other, somehow, without all of that." As an afterthought he added, "most of the time, anyway. Sometimes even we need a talk to set things right."
Duo cleared his throat suddenly. "Sorry, I bet my babbling doesn't make much sense."
"No, it makes perfect sense to me," Hilde assured him, her voice quiet and her gaze on the moon-kissed surface of the lake below. She understood exactly what Duo was describing: it was the same kind of relationship that she had had with her sister, Loralei, before everything had fallen apart. That moment was one of the few that she allowed herself to admit she missed that understanding between two people that went beyond words, the best comfort there was. She missed having someone that important in her life, someone to look after, and someone who cared and thought of her as just as important.
She suddenly wanted to ask Duo about herself, where she fit into the puzzle of his life. Had she become important to him?
She looked back up at him and the question died on her lips as reality took hold. She suddenly couldn't comprehend her train of thought moments earlier, and was failing to find something to say to cover up the emotions that had crossed her face during those unguarded moments.
"I.uh-" she muttered while attempting to look back over the bridge, but Duo's fingers fluttering lightly over her arm made her look back. Somehow, she could tell that he knew, and that it was too late for denial. So, she stared up at his face openly, hoping that she didn't look as vulnerable as she felt or that rejection wasn't as close as she feared.
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Duo knew he startled her when he reached out and gently tucked some stray curls back against her ear. He thought he had destroyed the moment as she visibly flinched at his movement, but when she leaned into his hand in the barest of touches he felt it revive and made the claim. He didn't know what to say to her; he didn't know how to explain what it meant when he couldn't figure it out himself. All he knew was that he had never looked at anyone else and saw what he was seeing in her at that moment. She was, in all aspects and angles, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He felt prompted to tell her so, but his bravado was not in sync with his heart that night.
"You.I don't know about you, Hil, I really don't," he confessed to her, shaking his head. "You're something.different," was what tumbled from his mouth, and he waited for her anger.
'Different, yeah, real eloquent there, Idiot," his mind scolded.
But Hilde had figured out Duo and his mask in the short time of knowing him, and she knew that his failed attempt to remove it had been something he wouldn't do for many people. So, she took the gesture for what it was worth, and was grateful.
"You're something yourself," she replied in turn, then smirked up at him. "But don't think for a moment that because you said something endearing that I'll be participating in any post-prom rituals."
Duo didn't miss a beat. "There goes my whole plan," he groaned but the tell- tale grin let Hilde know that he was kidding. "Let's head back; they should be putting out the desserts soon," he suggested and grasped her hand to lead her back.
The gesture was noted and welcomed by Hilde, and her heart felt light as they walked back toward the ballroom with hands intertwined.
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As they entered the ballroom, Duo caught sight of someone standing over to his far left and suddenly halted in his steps. "I need to talk to someone quickly," he told Hilde. "I'll meet you back at the table?"
"All right," she replied, and was immediately swallowed up in the lingering crowd as she walked in the direction of their table.
Duo made his own way around the clusters of teens scattered around and finally made it to the specific group he was seeking. "Yo, Chang," he greeted as he tapped the shorter teen on the shoulder. Wufei turned and seemed surprised to see him, but didn't turn away as Duo thought he might. "Can I talk with you for a second?" he inquired uneasily.
"Sure," Wufei replied. He leaned over and whispered something to his date, a small Chinese girl with hair as dark as his own, and then pointed Duo over to a table that was unoccupied.
Wufei regarded Duo with curiosity as they made their way to the table. While he had never had a problem with his peer, they were in very different social circles at school. Wufei was fairly certain he could consider he and Heero friends, yet he could probably count on one hand the number of times he and Duo had conversed. Therefore, he was ignorant as to why Duo wished to talk with him. Had something happened with Heero that he didn't know yet? Last he had heard, Heero was ready to move into a new apartment and was back to reasonable working hours.
"Is there a problem?" Wufei asked as soon as they reached the table.
"No, nothing wrong," Duo assured him. "I heard you're leaving for China soon?"
"Yeah, I'm leaving right after graduation." Duo whistled. "That quick, eh? Well, good luck with everything over there. I didn't mean to pull you away from your date for long, so I'll get to the point. I just wanted you to know that we'll keep an eye out for your mom while you're gone."
Wufei nodded. "Heero already assured me of that; I appreciate it."
"Don't mention it. You and your mom helped us out too many times to count. It's the least we can do, really." He stood up to end the conversation, and Wufei followed suit. "Make sure you let us know how things are going there, too. We'll have to all get together when you get back," he added in closing. Then they parted, Duo hurrying back to Hilde, and Wufei going back to his group of friends, all the while contemplating how two brothers who were usually polar opposites could sometimes be so similar.
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Heero dropped the last box of his belongings onto the couch and sat down beside it. All of his things were stuffed inside the car and ready for the trip to his new place; anything else that remained was Duo's or the furniture he wouldn't need since his place had been newly furnished at Catherine's insistence. He gazed at the box, realizing that its contents were the last pieces of him in the house-his presence would be completely gone once he walked out the door with them.
He took a long look around the living room and in the kitchen, taking in the dimmed ceilings and cracked walls, and recognized that the longest chapter of his life was coming to a close. Relief and regret flooded over him all at once, and he tried to block the feeling of fear that was trying to creep up. He understood what Duo's concern had been better in that moment than ever before; the house was security, it was familiar, while the rest of the world was uncharted ground for the both of them.
Thinking of it could paralyze someone with fear, but Heero picked up the box with ease and placed it under his arm without hesitation. When it came time to close the door behind him, he walked out without looking back.
He was prepared for whatever it was that would come his way.
TBC
It's Not Like It's Love, Chapter 12
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