Beer-monster wrote:Ah S v T, ever since Blackrose first mentioned it to me its been on my mind. However not in my fics unfortunately.
LOL. Go check out my rant on adverbs. Maybe that will help get you started in the right direction?
The main problem is a block when thinking up ways to show the emotions. Of course the use of the pencil gave me and idea. However the displey must be appropriate for that character. Since I like to write Heero, that is often a problem as Heero does not show emotion often or in such graphic ways.
Oh, I dunno, Beery. I think you're over estimating. Sure, when it came to dealing with his classmates, he was standoffish and cold, but he DOES things that give away his emotions. And he does have them.
He has probably got too much control to go around snapping stationary all the time, so that poses a problem.
All the time, no, he probably wouldn't. Occasionally? I think it's not OOC.
You can of course use his glare to portray different emotions, I am very fond of using eyes to show feelings (eyes are the windows of the soul).
Yes, with exception. First off, do NOT, please please PLEASE do NOT do things like "and his eyes shone with love mixed with confusion and hurt". That is telling.
His eyes blazed with fire, that is an observation. Heero wouldn't be able to tell us that his own eyes were blazing, but he WOULD notice Relena's eyes blazing.
That's another part of your solution, you know. Dealing with POV. If you're IN Heero's POV, he's not going to be noticing too much some of his unconscious declarations of emotion. He might clench a fist or set his jaw, but there's also internal dialogue.
*****************
The bell rang, and Heero threw his notebook into his backpack and made for the door. Before he got halfway there, a hand on his arm brought him to a halt.
"Hey, you. Where are you going in such a hurry?" Her voice sounded teasing. Was she laughing at him?
He turned his head to glare at her, but felt his anger dissipate when he saw her smile. "Relena..."
"Did you get your paper done?"
He saw her lips move, but his brain had slowed to second gear.
Paper? Oh, the reason he was at the library on a Saturday in the first place. He started to reply when he saw her face dim.
"Is something wrong? Did you not get it done?"
"No. I finished it."
"Oh, okay. You just...looked upset for a moment."
Heero blinked. "Sorry," he mumbled and glanced at the floor. He was no good at this - talking to girls. Talking to HER especially. His tongue managed to thicken in his mouth and his brain wouldn't work the same way it did the rest of the time.
"Well, I didn't mean to make you late. If...if you're in a hurry." She dropped her hand from his arm and he looked up in time to catch her gaze for a brief second. She blushed and turned to stare at the door. He caught his breath, why would looking at him make her blush? And when had she gotten so close?
"Are you planning on going to the dance next weekend?" Relena motioned at the advertisement for Homecoming on the library bulletin board.
Heero frowned. "No."
"Why not?"
He shrugged. "I don't dance."
"You don't like to dance, or you don't know how?"
"I know how. I just...don't like it."
"Oh." Her eyes fell to the tabletop between them.
"Well, I'd better get to class...."
Ask her!
"Yeah."
Ask her, you idiot!
"Um, I guess..."
"Relena, um--"
A heavy hand clapped down on his shoulder. "Heya buddy, how's it hangin?"
Heero turned and glared daggers at the braided menace. Duo Maxwell had just earned himself a one-way ticket to hell.
*******************
Eh, it's not necessarily very good. I just made it up off the cuff.
However how do you differentiate between looks of love, of anger of indifferience of jealousy without saying something about it?
Okay, the only way you can do it is by also working on your point of view, to be honest.
You should be only in one point of view per scene. Most mainstream publication houses will tell you that POV should not change in the middle of a scene, and that the whole novel should be in EITHER the hero or heroine's POV at all times. So, no, don't write that scene from the cat's perspective or from homeless guy #3's POV.
Heero isn't going to be able to see his own looks. He can see other people's reactions to his looks. He can see OTHER people's looks. When he sees Relena look at him and then blush, that's implying she's nervous is it not? When he sees Duo grin at him in a less than friendly manner, that's his interpretation. Duo could just be teasing him, but that's not important to the story at THIS point in time. What's important is Heero's perspective. He sees Duo as a threat. Maybe Duo is, maybe he's not. All that matters is Heero's perception of Duo's intent. Because Heero is the one telling the story.
That why I've been finding the s/t thing hard. Also when you lose yourself in writing, its hard to notice such things (well it is for me personally).
It takes practice. First, you have to have someone tell you, you have a problem. Then they have to explain to you the problem in a way that you can understand, and/or that you can then recognize problem areas on your own. THEN you have to remember to apply that knowledge. Even if it's not in the first draft, have it on the tip of your brain when you read through that rough draft to make edits. As you get more used to it, you'll catch it more the first time around. I'm not saying that it'll ever be FIRST nature to write a particular way. But it can become second nature. Where, when you start to write that line about Heero being angry, you catch yourself before you write the word "angrily" and describe something about him that indicates he's angry.
Another problem is introspection. I personally like to get into a characters head and see what makes it tick. Blending the specific emotion with some very deep introspection. As a science student (Scientist who writes? Hmm thats odd), I'm very analytical and I like to analyse the characters in all dimensions to really show what they're like. Such introspection I find does often require telling the readers some things. But hey I'm no expert so I'm probably just doing it wrong
Yes, yes you are doing it wrong. Introspection is fine. But long passages of narrated introspection is not good. There should be an equal balance of dialogue and narration. Long sections of YOU telling us how Heero feels and why is YOU TELLING us how Heero feels and why.
Instead, flashback on something that demonstrates why he came to feel this way. Or have him mutter something to himself. Or think something in internal dialogue form. Heero remembered a snippet of conversation from the library on Saturday. Relena hinting about Homecoming - that she'd like to go with him. That's from RELENA'S perspective. From Heero's POV, he didn't catch on that it was a hint. BUT, *we* probably did (girls did, at least), and it jogged his memory that he had been thinking of asking her to go.
Now, if we really want to think about it... This is a demonstration in and of itself as to the fact that Heero is sweet on Relena. He doesn't dance. But he'd consider asking Relena to the dance. Why? Because he wants to be with her, and she seemed interested in the activity. Not everything has to be implied in such a way as it's RIGHT THERE for us and explained. I think it's a fairly logical assumption that if Heero's considering taking Relena to a dance, and especially when he doesn't like dancing, he's attracted to her. Did I spell that out in simple language in my scene? No.
She had such beautiful eyes and he couldn't help but compare the color of her hair to the last waning light of the sun on the horizon... He was attracted to her, not for her looks only, but because she was smart and fun... GAG! It's not only lame, but OOC for Heero. Meanwhile, with a flashback on him telling her he doesn't like dancing, which IS Heero-like, and then trying to ask her to the dance, we demonstrated that Heero has some feelings for Relena, and they must run fairly deep to make him consider an activity like DANCING.
Puzzled and surprised. These are the ones that have been causing me trouble of late as once you have used the confused frown, furrowed brows, upcast eyes, wide eyes, what left is there, especially if it happens often in one scene and no one is carrying anything to drop. Also surprise and confusion are often easy expressions to define and so the term bemused look, or shocked face come naturally to me.
Okay, here's a question. What do you do when you're puzzled or surprised? Because me, personally, I don't FEEL puzzled or surprised too terribly often.
I get confused, perhaps. And then I might arch an eyebrow and ask someone to repeat themselves, explain it, or I might just say "I'm confused." or "That made no sense." I don't see why confused/puzzled is anything terribly difficult. Maybe I'm missing something?
Surprised. I'm not often surprised. You might gasp, take in a sharp breath, have your breath catch, or your heart pound in your chest. If you're noticing someone else's surprise, their eyes may widen, they might gasp, clutch a hand to their chest, stagger back, mouth drop, gape, cry out, any number of things. You suggested dropping something, that's good.
Confused frown, bemused look, shocked face, all of those are telling. If your character isn't sure what someone else's expression might mean, you could say that their eyes widened and mouth dropped; the person appeared to be surprised by the information.... That's your character's observation, not YOURS, the narrator.
You can come up with excuses about this or that all day. I wanna see you try to do it, Beery.
So... *pokes pokes* Where's your attempt? Come on, write, you you...Beer monster, you!
Love,
Rose
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