Continuity: Polite Acrimony
Length: Ficlet
Pairings: 4xD
Prompt: Authority?"Just because I say so."
Teaser:Quatre arched an eybrow. "Is that street slang?" "Don't be silly. I've only had one slang lesson with Maxwell so far, and I'm far from getting my- how did he put it?" At this point, she raised her hands up to form air quotes, "street cred?"
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5424671/4/Polite_Acrimony
Disclaimer: GW = not mine
Author's Note: Since I'm a child of the nineties, I'm not exactly equipped to write for my new fandom: Psych. Tons of eighties references in that show, and it's so awesome! Quirkiest and funniest detective show I've ever watched. Anyway, the protagonist has a bad habit of passing lies off as "trivia" so that's where this comes from.
Polite Acrimony
by mistress amethyst une
Authority?"Just because I say so."
"In Ancient Rome, they used to train dogs in the arts of fellatio and cunnilingus," smirked Dorothy, petting Relena's new tiny mutt of a puppy. It sat cradled in Dorothy's lap with its nose buried in a very risque area of her skirt. "Looks like this little thing's a natural."
The three of them were huddled around the fireplace, each seated in a separate plush chair. Quatre threw Dorothy his best impression of a glare, silently urging her to behave as Relena almost lunged from her seat to take the creature back. It quickly settled into her own lap where it almost instantaneously fell asleep.
"I suppose you're not a turn-on," observed Dorothy as the dog began to snore.
Now, there were two weak glare impressions directed at her. Compared to Heero's burning stare, this was child's play.
"Come on, you two," she chortled. "I'm just trying to make conversation. Don't be a pair of socks."
At this, Quatre arched an eyebrow. "Is that street slang?"
"Don't be silly. I've only had one slang lesson with Maxwell so far, and I'm far from getting my- how did he put it?" At this point, she raised her hands up to form air quotes, "street cred?"
"Then what exactly do you mean?" inquired Relena, her interest perked as she absentmindedly ran her hands through her sleeping pet's fur.
"Don't be a pair of socks," she repeated, before adding: "I might have to knock you off."
Dorothy knew that it was sometimes difficult for people conversing with her to tell the difference between a death threat and a joke. However, Quatre had been married to her for years and Relena had been one of her closest friends for the longest time. They should have easily discerned that it was a joke. Laughter was the appropriate response, not this confused and mildly tense silence.
"I'm joking," sighed Dorothy. "What's troubling you two?"
"Have you forgotten the purpose of this visit?" hissed Quatre, his patience wearing thin. "Miss Relena's worried about Heero. He hasn't come back from his mission. He was due to return last week."
"Yes, I remember perfectly. What do you think I brought her the furry little Roman sex toy for? Gloom isn't going to help matters but a little levity never hurt. It's the cement that keeps a heart from breaking for no reason. I know for a fact that Heero's going to be back today."
Quatre and Relena gaped at her.
"And how would you know this?" asked Relena hesitantly.
"I know it will come to pass because I say so," replied Dorothy with the utmost confidence.
Their gaping then evolved into looks of disappointment, something they were far more adept at than glaring.
"And now I see that you have no faith whatsoever in what I'm saying," she added. "How disappointing... Look, the economies of whole colonies and continents have been decided by a simple word from me. Do you think a little matter like Heero is beyond my control?"
Quatre found annoyance quietly seeping into his veins. "Aside from your God complex-"
"Generic figure representing the ultimate good doubted by agnostics and ignored by atheists complex," she quickly corrected. "Political correctness, remember?"
"All right," continued Quatre. "Aside from that, how exactly-"
The doorbell rang before Quatre could finish as Relena bolted for the door, rudely awakened dog tucked under one arm. Confused, Quatre followed as Dorothy remained settled in her seat. It wasn't long before he returned, most likely because he would rather be in his bewildering wife's company than witness just how passionate a reunion between separated lovers could be.
Slumping back into his seat, he looked at her in awe. "How did you-"
"Because I said so," she shrugged. "And I might have given Marshal Une access to our company's resources to aid in the search while you were busy contacting the Maganac Corps. Anyway, one of our tracking devices found Heero this morning. I got the message and-"
"You didn't tell me."
He sounded, for lack of a less dramatic term, betrayed.
"I didn't want you to get your hopes up just in case the intel was false. You're the sort of man who blames himself for things he shouldn't. I was trying to make it so you might blame me if things went wrong."
"Dorothy, I could never blame you. I didn't even blame you for the literal gaping hole you poked through me on Libra."
"Yes, as I recall, we both agreed to blame the ZERO system for that. But that's beside the point. Even if I didn't hurt you of my own accord, I couldn't help but feel responsible. I have to protect you. That's why I didn't want you to be entwined in all of this. I actually wasn't sure Heero would get here today. Thankfully, he did. I was beginning to run out of levity to fight my nerves."
His annoyance faded into sudden understanding.
"So the puppy, and all that ridiculous-"
She nodded. "And unless you're willing to rewrite all the history books for me, that fun little fact about Roman canine sex toys is completely untrue."
"Actually, that can be arranged," said Quatre, the faint beginnings of a smile forming on his lips. "Dorothy, you don't need to protect me. I'm a grown man and-"
"I want to, and I will because I say so. Hasn't today taught you that there's nothing you can do to keep the things I say from coming to pass?"
Defeated, Quatre stood and planted a kiss on her forehead. "I suppose I can't stop you. Protect me then. Just know that I'll be doing the same for you, and you can't stop me either."
Reaching up to stroke his cheek, she grinned. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
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Dorothy definitely has street cred. Have you seen her pimpin gold limo? And the capes and canes her homies at Romafellar have? If anybody in GW is "gangsta," it's definitely Dorothy.
