Let Go Your Heart - Chapter Four (Rated T, 1xR AU)

[NenaKR]

AN: I?ve noticed a few reviews on fanfiction.net mentioning my poor usage of an accent, especially in the first chapter. And from the amount of hits I have on the first chapter and the lack of hits I have on the second and third, they?re right. What I was trying to convey in Relena?s journal entries was her lack of an education, so she spelled the words the way she said them ? not in an attempt on my part to enhance her drawl. But I don?t think it?s coming off that way, and I?m thinking of re-editing the entire first chapter. Thanks for your criticism and your approval! I?m working on it.


Let Go Your Heart

Chapter Four

By: Nena

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?No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.?

- C.S. Lewis


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He was absolutely infuriating.

Heero Yuy shook his head, growling under his breath. Behind him, the boy was joyfully humming some children?s song. He had never met someone so?perky?in his entire life. He didn?t feel perky. He felt like reaching behind him and grabbing the boy by the neck, shoving his face into the brown, hot dust.

He enjoyed his privacy. He didn?t want to feel anything, didn?t want any sort of memory of humanity at its limited supply of ?best?. He didn?t want to think about Mae and the fear he had of forgetting her, of how, for a moment, he was naively happy with her, even if they would never be able to have the things they wanted.

?Oh the old gray mare, she ain?t what she used to be, ain?t what she used to be, ain?t what she used to be?the old gray mare, she ain?t what she used to be??

His eye twitched. There was a pause in the song as the boy took a swallow out of his water canteen, gulping down the water obnoxiously and allowing it to run down his throat. The hat covered most of the upper half of his face, so he never did get a good look at him, but little bits of blonde hair were jutting out of the bottom and slick against his cheeks and neck. The horse he was on was a good breed and seemed tame enough, following his orders and seeming at one with his rider.

He turned back around to focus on the road ahead of them. He really hoped they were heading in the right direction. The boy had said that he knew the way to Waco, but Heero was already well educated in the geography of Texas, having taught it to his students. He didn?t need him for that.

In fact, he really didn?t know why he had agreed to let him come along at all. The boy had said that he had seen Treize, and that was definitely a perk?recognition was a basic commodity of hunting down the man you were trying to kill. He was wondering if it was worth it, though. He was extremely skinny?he looked like the wind would blow him over at any moment. Even for a young man he was slender.

?The old gray mare, she kicked on a whiffletree??

He turned around and shot the boy an icy glare. He abruptly stopped in the middle of his song and tensed, wide-eyed. The horse reacted by snorting and stopping in mid-stride, shaking his muzzle against the too-tight reins.

Satisfied, Heero turned his head and tried, once again, to focus on his journey and what this new addition would cause. They had left Uvalde early that morning after buying a few supplies and rations (as well as a few odd spices, flour, and other things the kid had said would help with food on the journey), and now, the sun was beginning to set over the horizon. They would have to make camp at some point, and the boy barely had two cents to his name. He wondered vaguely how someone that young ended up on their own, but it wasn?t really his business. They wouldn?t be friends. They were just using each other.

?My name is Lenny.?

Heero shut his eyes for a moment, annoyed, and then opened them. If he was expecting a reply, Lenny would find out very quickly that Heero was not a talker. There was an awkward silence (on Lenny?s part, at least) before Lenny once attempted conversation.

?That?s a nice horse. He got a name??

The drawl in his voice was overwhelming. This kid must have been way back-woods?

?I say, yer? horse got a name??

?No.? He grunted.

?He new, then??

Heero clenched the reins tightly in his hands.

?No.?

Meanwhile, Relena was attempting to keep her nerves under control. This guy was scary.

?Oh. Well, this here?s Sanc. He?s my buddy.?

Relena patted her horse tenderly against his neck, running the mane of hair between her fingers. There was a genuine smile on her face as she stared down at him. Then she frowned as she thought about something, a ?v? creasing down her forehead as she stared at the back of Heero?s hat.

?Yer? horse ain?t got a name? Every horse needs a name, mister. Even if it?s just to get his attention. Ain?t right, a nice horse like that all?nameless??

?Isn?t.? Heero seethed between his teeth, the teacher coming out in him.

?What??

?It isn?t right. That is proper grammar. Your speech and accent are ridiculous.?

She stuck her tongue out at him, even though he wasn?t looking in her direction. She was just trying to be friendly, but this man seemed to ward off friendliness like an infectious disease. She wasn?t used to the way he deliberately separated himself from her ? the Dorlians were a very open and affectionate family. Heero?s blatant disregard and coldness toward Relena unnerved her, but if she could just make it to Waco, she would be safe. And her family would be safe.

She shivered, suddenly aware of how chilly it had gotten ? and that the last light of day was sifting away beyond the horizon. Her butt-bone was sore, and she winced as she shifted on the saddle. Ahead of her, Heero abruptly stopped and hopped off of his horse. He stood still for a moment and stared blankly into the distance, judging the time of day and the number of miles they had made since that morning. He turned to look at her.

?The distance from Uvalde to Waco is roughly a little over 200 miles.?

He seemed to ponder his own words for a moment, as if he wasn?t really speaking to her, but working out something in his head. Then, he suddenly looked up, as if reaching a decision, and began unloading his horse.

?We?ll camp here, for now.?

Relena looked around ? there was nothing around here for miles. She was stuck in the middle of nowhere with this man, who could be a trained killer for all she knew, and they would be sleeping very close to one another.

Relena began to panic.

She couldn?t move. Her hands gripped the reins sharply as she sat still, staring off into the distance. Sanc sensed her unease and moved around sporadically, her mood affecting him. By the time she realized what was happening, Heero had already unloaded everything and was beginning to build a fire. She watched as he struck the flint, the wood immediately catching fire underneath it. It lit up his face for the first time as he looked down at it, taking his hat off. His hair was falling carelessly, spiky in an unusual sort of way. Prussian blue eyes stared apathetically into the flames as they grew, and Relena wondered for a moment why there was something in her that wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him that everything would be fine. She had only met him that morning.

His eyes shifted from the fire to her face suddenly, as if he only just now realized she was there, but she knew that wasn?t true. She didn?t think anything could take this man by surprise. And then he reached down and began to tug at his belt, the metal clanking as it hit the ground?

She looked down quickly, her face turning beet-red. The slight ruffle of clothing in front of her made her quickly turn around and face the other direction, but she stopped her frantic behavior for a moment, reminding herself that she was supposed to be male and that this shouldn?t be a problem. She took a deep breath and began to unload her humble amount of supplies off of Sanc, most of which were the foods Heero had bought this morning. She would make sure and do her best in the cooking?because it was the only real thing she had to offer him, and pretty much the only thing she had been honest with him about.

Sanc stared straight ahead as she reached up to wrap her arms around his neck and began to remove the bit, halter and saddle. He really was a very good horse?and her only memory of home. She reached forward and pressed her face into his brown mane, inhaling the thick, sweaty scent of horse and leather. One big, brown glassy eye stared down at her as she clenched the hair between her hands and exhaled slowly through her mouth.

Heero watched Lenny from across the fire silently, having already lain down with his face toward the fire. This kid was hiding something?he was running away. For whatever reason, it didn?t matter, so long as he didn?t get in Heero?s way doing it. The curious part of his mind wanted to know what weighed so heavily on him? which was odd in itself ? but his logical side overrode it. He didn?t need to know. He didn?t need to get close to anybody right now.

Lenny turned around slowly ? almost shyly, Heero noted ? and glanced his way. Big blue eyes looked down at him for a moment and then he began to attempt some sort of padding by using his bags as cushion. Heero didn?t take his eyes off of him the entire time, and his scrutiny made Lenny nervous, but Heero didn?t care. He?d have to get used to it.

Finally, satisfied that he wasn?t going to get anymore comfortable, Lenny sprawled out on the dirt and yawned softly, before turning his back to Heero from across the fire and closing his eyes.

?You aren?t going to take off your hat?? Heero asked, wondering why he cared in the first place. Lenny stiffened for a moment but didn?t turn around.

?No. I like wearing it to sleep.?

?It?s uncomfortable.?

What was wrong with him?

?If it?s all the same to you, mister, I?d just like to sleep in my hat.?

Heero grimaced for a moment and was silent. He watched as Lenny slowly relaxed back into whatever nightly routine he had of going to sleep.

?Kid, just - ?

Lenny suddenly groaned and flipped over onto his side, glaring at Heero from across the fire.

?I got head lice, alright? I don?t wanna? spread it to you or the horses.?

There was a moment as the two glared at each other before Lenny blinked first and lost the battle of wills. He turned over once again on his side.

Heero rolled onto his back and crossed his arms over his head, resting it against his palms. He stared quietly up at the night sky as random stars twinkled at will, the reflection of their light in his own Prussian blue orbs. His eyelids slowly drifted close as he tried hard not to think about anything but counting every star in the galaxy.

A slight ruffle of pages caught his attention and he snapped open his eyes warily. Across the fire, Lenny was still facing away but had leaned up to rest his head on one hand and was using his other hand to handle whatever it was he was reading. Other than that there was no other sound but the wind blowing softly outside and the fire popping. Heero had gotten so used to sleeping out here on his own that any noise at all was a distraction, but he could handle a few ruffled pages.

Relena looked down at the pages quietly, trying to get some sort of guidance out of the old Bible that had been a present from her mother. The pages were yellowed and torn in some places, but it was her lifeline out here. She was scared. Scared of this strange man, scared of being out in the middle of nowhere with him, and scared that her brother would somehow find her and get himself in trouble. And she missed her family so much. She glanced over the words quickly, but one verse stuck out to her. She read it, devouring the words, peace springing forth in her heart.


I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them. O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. O fear the LORD, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him. The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the LORD shall not want any good thing. ? Psalm 34: 4-10

She read over the verse three times before finally smiling and closing the Bible, given the encouragement she needed. She glanced up at the same stars that Heero had before, only they meant something a little different to her.

?I trust You.? She whispered into the darkness. Heero stirred across the fire and she shut her eyes, saying her prayers. She asked for forgiveness for lying to Heero about so many things, she asked for protection over her family and their journey?and she prayed for the stranger.

--

The air smelled very sweet, like honey. The world around him was fuzzy, so he knew he was dreaming, but little outlines of their home still appeared in his vision. He was dressed in a brown pair of corduroy pants and brown boots, a thin off-white shirt coming undone at the top to reveal his chest. Everything had a slight glow to it. He heard laughing ? children?s laughter across the porch. He glanced out the door and saw three blonde-headed children playing Ring Around the Rosy in the grass, all of them dressed in white little potato sacks. He smiled genuinely at them as they continued playing, unaware of his gaze.

?I?m in here, baby.? He heard a voice call out to him. He turned around quickly and walked down the familiar hallway of his home toward an open door. The kitchen.

He pressed hesitantly against the door. Mae was sitting inside the windowsill, facing away from him, her legs dangling off the side. She was absolutely glowing, the light causing her white dress to blind his eyes slightly and lightening her brown hair to a muted blonde. He glided over to her and touched her shoulder. She turned her face to him ? nearly blinding him with the light shining from what seemed like every pore of her body ? and clear blue eyes stared lovingly back at him.

He frowned. Mae had hazel eyes.
--

Heero awoke groggily to the smell of pancakes. He sat up and shook his head, trying to recall the last few moments of his dream. He turned his head and saw a small pile of pancakes next to the fire in a small black frying pan, but no Lenny in sight. He scowled under his breath, certain that he had already been deserted and ready to search for anything stolen, but looked over to see that Sanc was still where he had left him the night before. He stretched languidly and then got up and walked over toward the fire, his mouth already watering. He had been living off of the bare necessities the past few months. Pancakes were a privilege.

A breeze ruffled the pages of whatever book Lenny had been reading the night before. Heero walked over and crouched down next to it, flipping through a few pages. He glanced over the words and then closed it, looking at the cover.

Well, that certainly wasn?t something you saw everyday.

--

Relena glanced warily at a nearby rock that she could have sworn had moved, halfway into unzipping her trousers. She had held it for as long as she could, but she couldn?t stand it anymore, and as soon as she was done making breakfast she had high-tailed it to go and do her business in the closest covering she could find.

Unfortunately, there wasn?t much ?coverage? around, and what should have taken only a couple of minutes turned into about 30. It also led her further and further away from the protection of her horse and Heero, and there were reports of Indians ambushing travelers around here. She quickly did her business and left, walking quickly back to camp. Her hair was a tangled mess (even though it was quite short), but she knew it couldn?t be helped. Even if Heero had seen her with hair, he couldn?t have guessed that she was a boy. At least, she hoped not.

She spotted him as she rounded a large, drying boulder, digging into his breakfast. She had to smile to herself at the sight of it. At least there was one thing she could do for him. She didn?t know what secrets he was hiding, but she knew there was something about him that made him as intense and anti-social as he was. He turned his head at the sound of her approaching footsteps and blinked at her, before turning back to his meal. She sat down across from him and took off her boot, shaking out a rock that had gotten stuck in there through her short trek through Texan soil alone.

?What?s on the agenda for today, mister?? She asked, nervous for some reason. Heero swallowed his last bite of food slowly, not really glancing her way. It was like he barely knew she existed.

?We will probably make it to Waco in three or four day?s time. Probably the same schedule we had yesterday.?

She nodded and set her chin in her hand as she looked off into the distance. Heero watched her for a moment, thoughtful.

?Breakfast was good. Thank you.?

She turned to him and smiled.


--

[flipped]

heero's subconscious speaks..
wish you'd update much sooner.