[One-Shot ~ PG-13] Survivor Stories

[wingzerosnuggles]

Title: Survivor Stories
Continuity: Figurative Brotherhood
Length: One-shot
Pairings: Hints of 1xR
Teaser: With Relena on the campaign trail, Heero's assigned to a new client with a reputation for wild partying. Duo, Trowa and Wufei recount their own experiences with this difficult client to help Heero. Will it be enough?
Prompt: "Punch your lights out. Hit the pavement. That's what I call entertainment. Causing problems make you famous. All the violence makes a statement" from "Lights Out" by Mindless Self Indulgence.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5227951/11/ ... rotherhood

Disclaimer: GW = not mine.

Author's Note: The sixth August prompt is "Punch your lights out. Hit the pavement. That's what I call entertainment. Causing problems make you famous. All the violence makes a statement" from "Lights Out" by Mindless Self Indulgence. This fic shows Heero as being pretty high up on the Preventer totem pole. Also, this is more of a "let's talk manly stuff" fic between the boys but there's hints of 1xR.

Figurative Brotherhood
by mistress amethyst une

Survivor Stories

~Article 147~

If A Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back.

--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p. 184

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Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlian was out on the campaign trail with Foreign Minister Octavia Richter. Regrettably, Heero Yuy couldn't come with her, tied to certain duties that kept him from leaving Preventer HQ for extended periods of time. Long separations had become the norm for the couple over the past few months. How was Heero handling it?

He had taken to reading reports from Relena's security teams, venting his frustrations by scolding them for the smallest oversight. Suffice to say, she changed security teams on a weekly basis out of necessity. It would be evil to have just one team deal with Heero's rage every week. And so every Preventer faced the prospect of protecting Relena with fear... Who would be this week's sacrificial lambs?

Marshal Une's patience was wearing dangerously thin. Still, she couldn't exactly sanction him for doing his job. With his help, Preventer boasted an 8% semi-anuual boost in efficiency ratings. Still, she would prefer that her agents not need so much psychiatric help following encounters with him. She needed to get Heero out of HQ. But how? She couldn't launch him into space for months again. The best she could do was send him away for two weeks on a security assignment.

She knew just the man to assign Heero to.

"Ambassador Ethan Beckett?" asked Duo, shaking his head in dismay. "Buddy, you're gonna get beat up."

Heero, Duo, Trowa and Wufei sat in the break room, each nursing his own cup of coffee.

"Probably break a few bones," added Wufei.

"Pepper spray and tazers are the norm," said Trowa nonchalantly.

"What are you three going on about?" asked Heero. "I'm aware that Beckett's a bit wild but his partying shouldn't be too much for anyone to handle."

"Partying," snorted Duo, exchanging knowing glances with the other two Beckett survivors in the room. Together, the three of them gave off an air of superiority, silently telling him "You don't know what you're in for, Yuy."

"Are you going to give me intel for this mission or not?" asked Heero, trying to maintain his patience.

Trowa shrugged. "Who wants to recount their horror story first?"

Duo shook his head and Wufei rose from the table to pour himself more coffee.

"I guess I'm up then," sighed Trowa.
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Exception: If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary-looking guy.

--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p. 184
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A knife zoomed past his ear but he was nowhere near the circus. No, Trowa Barton was in a dark dead end alley, stuck between the man he was protecting and a would-be assassin. He couldn't exactly turn to see if the knife that had missed him had hit the ambassador. That would leave him open to attack. What to do?

He quickly drew his flashlight in lieu of his gun, putting it on its brightest setting and using it to blind the assailant. He dropped the flashlight in shock as the beam of light simultanenously revealed and blinded the now shrieking attacker as she fell to her knees.

"Catherine?" he gasped.

"Trowa!" she yelped, recognizing his voice even as her arms remained raised to shield her eyes. She dared not put them down as white flashes swam in the darkness behind her eyelids.

"What were you doing-"

"Arrest her," thundered Beckett. "She attacked me."

"Attacked you?!" screeched Catherine, slowly stumbling to her feet, eyes still covered. "You tried to grope me, bastard. I only hit you so I could run. And you! Trowa! What the hell were you thinking chasing me down like that? Didn't you recognize me?"

Trowa really didn't want to say no. How could he not have recognized her? To his credit, he hadn't really seen her face, kept a safe distance while watching Beckett at the club. From his vantage point, it simply looked like the ambassador was getting frisky with some random girl on the bar. Then things got ugly and Beckett ended up getting punched as the girl ran off... What was Trowa supposed to do?

"Do something!" insisted Beckett.

"Trowa, if I have to spend tonight in jail for protecting myself-"

Trowa did what seemed logical at the time and chalked it up to temporary insanity. He quickly picked up his flashlight and blinded Beckett, helping his sister run to safety and hoping the ambassador would get drunk enough to forget this night or write it off as a bad dream.
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"Cathy wouldn't speak to me for a month," said Trowa, wincing at the memory. "The rest of my time with Beckett followed a similar pattern. Angry girls rejecting his advances, him crying wolf about being attacked, me getting attacked by an angry girl in some shape or form. You learn things. For example, no matter the difference in the voltage levels of tazers, pain's pretty much the same. Also, you can't acquire immunity to pepper spray. Not to mention that Cathy's prone to missing her targets when she's angry..."

"You call that bad?" scoffed Duo. "At least you survived your whole two weeks. I was down in three days."

"And you're proud of this?" taunted Wufei.

"Shut up. You'll get your turn. Everyone knows you had the worst time with Beckett. Lemme tell my war story first."
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Exception: If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week.

--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p. 184
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There were two sides to Ambassador Ethan Beckett. The man was drunk as all hell at night but he was also able to maintain just enough energy to power most cities once it was time for him to perform his duties.

When the ambassador was at work, he was more than competent. His speeches were brilliant, and he was truly enthusiastic and passionate about the peacekeeping effort. This was why nobody wanted to impeach him.

When the ambassador was partying, he was a Grade A douchebag. He had no respect for the women he hit on and drank until he passed out. Reputation meant nothing to him. This was why a lot of people wanted him dead.

Duo had met both of Beckett's personas, and one thing Ambassador Beckett and Douchebag Beckett had in common was that they were both very confrontational.

As an ambassador, Beckett often got into heated arguments. That was fine. ESUN televised these arguments and called them debates.

Douchebag Beckett often got into physical fights. This was not fine. Newspapers published pictures of these fights and Beckett's rivals called it "good news."

By Duo's third day with Beckett, the douchebag had been in more fights than Duo cared to count. Duo had done his job and broken up each and every fight but not before taking some serious damage to himself. He was exhausted, unable to keep up with Beckett's "Work hard, party harder, get beat up the hardest" lifestyle. Bruises covered his body and he winced at the slightest contact. He hadn't slept since- He couldn't remember.

He stood there and watched Beckett get roughed up. The idiot deserved this. Maybe the ambassador wouldn't be so eager to fight if- Oh fuck, the prick was bleeding now. Duo honestly did try to break up this fight once his conscience hit him but- Well, he passed out. Thankfully, the girls beating on Beckett took pity on Duo and called an ambulance. Paramedics don't discriminate and they mopped up the bloodied diplomat, too.
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"Beckett will wear you out," said Duo, shaking his head. "I don't know how Trowa managed to keep up with all that."

"I didn't," admitted Trowa. "After awhile, I learned to buy him drinks. Cozied up to the bartender and told her to keep sending him free shots to get him drunk enough to pass out. His staff had a hell of a time getting him prepared in the morning but, at least, he got into less trouble."

"I'll take note of that," nodded Heero. "Wufei?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Aw...come on," chided Duo. "You did your best. No shame in that."

"My best wasn't up to par."

"Just think of it this way," offered Trowa. "From your failure, Heero might succeed."

Wufei glared at him before taking a deep breath to calm himself. "Fine."
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Exception: If his Bro has a note from a physician excusing him from having anybody's back.

--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p. 184
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"Your knee injury isn't fully healed," scolded Sally. "Going on this mission is just asking for trouble. Beckett's already downed two former Gundam pilots."

"Thrid time's the charm," said Wufei, putting on his jacket.

"I'm not giving you medical clearance."

"Dr. Kane already gave me medical clearance. I'm well enough. I can do this, woman."

"And if you can't?"

"I can, and I will."

Hours later, Wufei found himself in a hospital bed. Beckett's first failed female conquest of the night had used her high-heeled boot to kick him in his injured knee. He suffered a concussion when he hit his head on a bar stool. Sally spent all night at his bedside, telling him "I told you so," in all the variations she could think of."

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"You need to be completely fit before taking on Beckett," Wufei bit out. "That's all I can offer."

"Thank you," muttered Heero. "I'm sure I can succeed in this mission."

"Confidence is good," nodded Trowa.

"Just don't get beat up too badly," added Duo. "Good luck."

Heero walked out of the break room, intent on succeeding where his comrades failed. Duo, Trowa and Wufei watched him leave, maintaining their silence a few seconds after the door had shut behind the perfect soldier. Once they were certain he was out of earshot, Duo took out a small notepad.

"What's your bet?"

"Put me down for two days," replied Trowa.

"Wufei?"

"Eight hours."
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~Article 20~

A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.

--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p. 32
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Two weeks later, Heero returned intact, even looking well-rested. Duo practically dragged him into the break room, eager to interrogate him on his survival techniques. Trowa and Wufei were in their usual seats, feigning disinterest.

"How'd you do it?" asked Duo, not bothering to hide his burning curiosity. "We didn't see Beckett in the papers except for work-related crap. What gives?"

"I just gave him a good scare," said Heero. "I don't see why you three had such difficulties. Relena's a much tougher assignment."

"A good scare?"

"I showed him footage of various terrorist torture techniques," explained Heero. "Then, with Marshal Une and his entire staff's permission, I sent him a fake death threat. He stayed indoors for the duration of the entire conference except for business matters. I also made sure he knew I was his only defense against possible attack. He was more than willing to cooperate with me on anything regarding his safety. I don't know why this didn't occur to any of you."

"You broke him," muttered Wufei.

"I did what was necessary," stated Heero. "He has a new-found respect for the efforts Preventer puts into protecting people like him. He's better now. If you three will excuse me, I have to go write a report."

Upon Heero's departure, the remaining pilots in the room heaved a collective sigh.

"How does Relena deal with that on a daily basis?" wondered Duo aloud.

Trowa shrugged. "That girl's more powerful than anyone gives her credit for."

[Ice_Vixen]

lol! well done again!! good one wing!

[wingzerosnuggles]

Thanks!

[AliasGrace]

For a hot second I saw the story going in a totally different direction (even if it was a stretch)...allow me to share...I thought we were going to see a scene where Beckett tried to obnoxiously hit on Relena and Heero 'loses' it and he is the one that punches Beckett instead of the usual female in heels scenario resulting in Beckett having respect (or perpetual fear) for Heero, because let's face it Heero would have laid him out, Relena would have simply reminded him not to kill the pig bastard, and Heero getting a little slap on the wrist for beating up the charge he was hired to protect.

Still Loved it. Always Brilliant.

Also love the emphasis on Relena's power..over everyone and everything. haha

cheers

[wingzerosnuggles]

Yeah, I know. Your scenario was one of the ones I was considering but I needed the build-up for the next one-shot which would mean that Heero and Rel wouldn't see each other for quite awhile. Besides, I like to go the unpredictable route. My version of Heero's still rough around the edges but he has enough finesse to get the job done "his way" without getting in trouble. Thanks for the input!

And of course Rel rules. What else do you expect from the former queen of the world? xD

[Elyn Yuy]