Darkside of the Heart

[pilot03]

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam wing. Thank you

Authors notes: A quick fic that came to me. This one's for you Wicked. *Glomp*

' ' = thought


He watched in silence from the shadows as she made ready for bed. She was combing her hair and making ready for to settle down for the night. Slowly she set down her brush and stared into her vanity mirror. From his vantage point he could see the fresh tears as they made there way down her delicate pale cheeks. She wiped at them furiously, ashamed she could be so weak and angry at herself for this display. In a burst of rage she knocked down everything on the small desk. Then the silence consumed her as well.

She looked down at the mess she made, sorrow instead of satisfaction filled her. Gathering up her belongings she place each back into proper order and laid down in her bed. Hours passed by and more tears fell onto a pillow case that had seen far to many in the past and likely to see more in the future. Eventually her breathing calmed and sleep overtook her, but not before he heard her say his name. Her soft whisper was like the crashing of waves to his senitive hearing. "Heero."


Heero had disappeared after the Eve's war. Nobody knew where he was or if he was still alive. A new world was ushered in after the failed revolution. Peace had spread across the Earth's Sphere. The souls of those lost in needless battles could finally find peace, but the victims still alive carried their wounds. Many healed and moved on, while others suffered in their own grief and personal hells. It was no secret to anyone that knew Relena Peacecraft that her heart belonged to a certain gundam pilot. When he left he took her heart with him. The Relena that remained was different from the one he remembered fighting to protect with his other brothers in arms. She would parade around and hold meetings and make speeches in efforts to hold together the fragile peace earned from years of bloody battles. Out of the spotlight that her position brought her as president to the Sanc Kingdom, she would retreat to her room and slowly unravel. Crying until her throat was raw and she had no more tears left to spill. She would wallow in her self pity, a stark contrast to the strong willed and independent person she protrayed to the public.

Staying hidden in the shadows, you see things other people either fail or ignore to see. You pick up on peoples mannerisms and habits. He knew why she cried at night when she wasn't to exhausted to just collapse on her bed after a late night meeting or delegation party. She was haunted by the loss. He had promised to protect her and be by her side, but he had left her all alone just the same.

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"But why....why do you have to leave. The war is over. You don't need to fight anymore. Stay with me. Let me help you forget. Heal your wounds. I don't want to see you leave again. You don't have to. I don't want to give up on us. I believe in you...." Relena sobbed into Heero's shoulder.

"Relena....I...I'm sorry. I still see all those faces. The people I destoryed. I did horrible things. I still hear their curses and screams when I go to sleep. They are the ones that will not let me find peace. I need to come to terms with my past....I need....I need to make ammends."

"I know I'm hurting you but I don't know how to deal with all this. Me...us...you. I need to find out on my own. Nobody can just tell me what to feel and expect for me to understand. I'm sorry. Goodbye." He pushed her away and vanished through the door. The sound of her pleas still ringing in his ears.

************************************************************

Last anyone knew he was out in the colonies. Visiting the families of the people he killed. He never sent any letters or made any phone calls. Everyday since he left, a small piece of Relena died. Another victim to add to Heero's toll. It would have been less painful for her if he had simply pulled the trigger all those many years ago. Trowa often relied on his logic to help him with his decisions, but for some reason he had insight to the loss and betrayal she was feeling. "Midii.."

She had gained his trust when nobody up to that point in his life had. He brought down barriers to care for her, only to find out she was responsible for betraying him and his commrades. He replaced those barriers and promised never to bring them down again. To do so would be a tactical error. Feelings clouded the mind and made the body weak. Either condition could bring a quick end in the heat of battle.

You had to be cold. See only a target, not a person. He had witness many loveless relationships, cheating, and lust. He had no need for such things. Bodily urges could be dealt with. To try and harbor a relationship meant opening up to someone. Giving them the means to hurt you no weapon could. He had no need of that as well, but why did he keep finding himself in this same position.

Watching her at her lowest point. His job was to protect her, but he felt more then obligation. Something unknown stirred in his chest. He would have long ago gone to her side if he did not keep himself away out of shire will power alone. He allowed himself to come this close, never crossing an invisible line he had established for himself.

He often came to this spot on the balcony at this time of night. 'This is just coincedence' he keeps telling himself each time. Knowing the thought was as balantly a lie as if anyone said he was as expressive as Duo. His one emerald eye glowed in the soft moonlight on that quiet evening. His bangs hung over the left side of his face in immitaion of his clown mask. A mask he never took off so to speak. Another barrier put in place to protect himself.

The soft sounds of the night were all around the mansion but he could not hear them. Dangerous for a guard to do, as was his duty, but he would have been there watching over her even if he wasn't assigned. He was numb to the cold breeze that had his skin frozen.

He could not remember the last time he truely felt anything. He had been all alone for as long as he had memory. Living his life in the shadows as he was cloaked in now. He learned that he had to put away childish things if he was to survive in the world. Unforuntately he found things such as trust and love to be just as needless as toys or candy. The battlefield held no time or place for the things that brought comfort and peace. Quite the opposite. He was destorying lives before he was old enough to shave. Kill or be killed.

All those empty and frightening years molded him into the young man he was today. He did not fear death. He looked forward to the final embrace that would take away his emptiness but he also knew he was not yet ready to go. He was searching for something intangiable.

Trowa watched as if he were watching a movie. He saw his arm raise up and open the balcony door. Using skills that had kept him alive up to then, he crept across the room to Relena's bedside. He stood watching her sleep. How her hair draped across her face. The small rise of her chest as she took a breath. Her blankets in all sorts of disarray. At that moment visions of himself tangle in that beautiful confusion shocked him.

"Where did that come from..." He continued his slow study of her features and took note of the small changes the years had brought her. She kept her hair shorter now, to the shoulder, as was the fashion now. She was slightly taller now and more filled out in other places since she shed childhood. His hand moved again of it's own accord and reached toward her golden hair. Heat for his frozen limb. 'I really should cut that hand off'

Gently he stroked her hair. Amazed in how soft it felt to his course hands. That odd feeling in his chest wrapped around his lungs. His breathing coming in strained gasps. His fingers brushed her cheek and she shuddered. As if her skin was suddenly fire he jerked away. His instincts told him to flee.

'Run you moron! How will you explain if she wakes up to find you touching her while she sleeps!' For the third time that day his limbs failed to respond and move as if controled by some other. He reached down again and stroked her cheek and traced a line across her jaw. He heard her let out a soft sigh. 'Did I make her do that?'

The feeling in his chest tighten harder. 'Maybe I'm sick and lack of oxygen is causing me to act out of character. I must remove myself before I do something regretable.' Relena moved on the bed against him. Wrapping her arms around his legs while he stood over her still tracing lines along her jaw.

'Danger! Danger! Detection of your presence is assured if you continue to persue pointless actions. Disengage!' His lips curled up in a uncommon response. Trowa thought how funny this might look. Relena asleep in bed with her arms draped around one of her bodyguards. 'I may as well put on a ribbon and start calling myself teddy.'

Suddenly her small frame began to shake. Tears once again silently fell from her closed eyes. 'She must be having a dream' He listened to her sobs and the pain in his chest lit a fire in him. "No...come back...please.." she cried.

"Oh..she's dreaming about him," he spoke to himself. Hearing the words rather then thinking them brought reality back to his senses. 'She still has not let go of him. Could I have ever inspired anyone to feel the same about me. Have I not suffered enough to have earned that same peace for myself. Do I have to be alone forever.'

"I wish I could fill your empty heart. I wish I could fill my empty soul." Trowa whispered. Relena tossed the sheets off in her sorrowfilled dream and moaned, "Heero..."

'Ha. I could never compare to the great pilot of zero. I can never be the one that is needed for how he is and not what I can do. My skills as an assasian will always be sought after if there are wars to be fought. I will find the death I long for on some obscure battlefield buried in an unmarked grave. The name I have now is not even mine. What place is there for someone like me.'

Trowa moved to untangel Relena's arms from around him. He gently place them at her side and covered her with the discarded blanket once again. In a daring move he bent and touched her lips to his own.

'I wish I could find someone to want me as you do for Heero.' Lifting himself back up he made eye contact with stunning blue eyes. Sleepy, but open blue eyes. Blue eyes that belonged to Relena Peacecraft. 'Oh crap..'

They stared at each other for a few seconds and Trowa made ready to run. His body tensing. Quickly he turned to escape the way he came in when she spoke.

"Stop Trowa.....please. Stay with me tonight."[/i]

[takisha16]

.....well she was lonely...
Go Trowa!
I am a complete H*R shipper, but Trowa makes it very hard to resist him as
a possible option!
I guess his thoughts are a little out of character. I would believe him to
panic in a sort of silent serious way and reprimend himself and 'hmf' allot!
jajajja...just like Heero...makes you wonder the possibilities of Relena
actually being attracted to Trowa as she is to Heero since they are both
very similar.
Nice story! I do hope Heero comes back and witnesses Trowa's affections
for HIS princess! That would be very interesting to see!
update soon!

[Mellie]

I loved how in depth you described their emotions. It was raw and true. I loved the line about emptiness, it was so fitting and powerful. hehe, I love a little 3xR and this was an excellent read.

[pilot03]

Thank you. This is not the best fic I've ever written. It just came to me. I have some ideas where I want to go next with this. Perhaps I'll just turn to my darker nature and leave this as a one-shot. Mwhahahah!! If I do plan on updating look for the next chapter in the near future.

[wicked]

Authors notes: A quick fic that came to me. This one's for you Wicked. *Glomp*

Heehee. Thank you Pilot! And people wonder why I adore you so.

'I wish I could find someone to want me as you do for Heero.'

She's right here you fool! *waves arms* RIGHT. HERE. *points*

*cough*

Loverly fic Pilot. 3xR hasn't gotten much love lately, least of all from me. *tear* I must say, I hope a little more action happened after Trowa, you know, stayed with her in the bed that night. *wiggles eyebrows*

It goes without saying that Heero is a complete idiot for leaving Relena behind to wallow in misery, however, so long as one bucket of studliness that is Trowa is around to perk her up who am I to deny Heero his stupidity?

And I must say I'm happy that you gave Trowa more emotions than "hn" or some such thing. What we don't say aloud is screaming in our heads and the silent ones are usually screaming the loudest.

*GLOOOOOOOOOMP*

~Wicked

[pilot03]

And I must say I'm happy that you gave Trowa more emotions than "hn" or some such thing. What we don't say aloud is screaming in our heads and the silent ones are usually screaming the loudest.

Thank you my Wicked. Exactly! I know I go around not saying anything most of the time (if you can believe that) but the dialouge is going crazy in my head. I could see Trowa doing that. He's not dumb, just slow with his words. He unlike Heero, Trowa knows what emotions are, but hides them. I was going with that idea in my head while I was writing. Glad you brought up that point. I was beginning to think I had written him OC. Thanks for the review.