On The Floor (V. Depressing Poem on Bullying)

[perfectpeach]

Um, didn't know that you could make anew topic for poems so, here ya go ^^

Here's one i did today. This is based on a true story from when i was fat and ugly and having siezures ever 10 minutes.

On The Floor

Days and weeks and months and years
Were spent there on a chair,
Now time has broken me to tears
No longer can I bear

The needle pievring through my shell
The thorn stuck in my side,
The blade finds placement in my ribs
They twisted till i cried.

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But names, they hurt me more
All in my little rusted cage
That's falling to the floor
A single name, made many more
and many more made tears
Those many names bring back the things
That open deepened fears.

On the floor is where I lie
Thinking of this fear
While demon classmates, friend and foe
Torture me to hear...

"I can't stand it anymore,
Just leave me here to die,
you will not stop it,
when I whimper or
When I moan and cry.

You throw your paper at my head,
You know I'm in despair,
You know that now my spirit's dead
My soul's no longer there."

Days and weeks and months and years
Were spent here on the floor
Took more than that to get back up,
I'll stay up evermore.

[Mellie]

The rhythm and flow that this poem has is very melodic. It's almost like I am hearing a song while reading it. Excellent and emotional. *huggle* Miss talking to you!

[takisha16]

Oh my God this brought back so many flashbacks from my childhood!
I love how you made the poem so you could picture what's happening in you
head, like a bunch of flashing images. It does sorta feel like a blade piercing your side doesn't it?
Little kids can be so cruel, and it lasts even until they become adults. The imagery you used with the thorns was amazing!!
I have a fencing match tomorrow and the part of the blade in the ribs definitely hit a cord in me!! ouch (physically and emotionally)
Bullying does seem to grow as time moves on, but I think that after a while bullies will still be trying to tear us down, and even if they don't realize it, they are just making us stronger people!
I loved your ending!!
It was so powerful and I guess it stands for everyone who stands up to that kid who just can help but live his life bullying other people.
I have learned over time that bullies do what they do because they have nothing better to do and are ticked off by your awesomeness (jajjaja I mean it!). It kinda makes you feel bad for them...
On a brighter note, we should never doubts for a second who we are, cause thats what makes us such awesome writers!
I guess I just diversed too long :-? ?
Oh well, anyways, awesome poem!
Ps: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

[Morrighan]

I agree with Mellie and takisha. Awesome, awesome job. I can definitely tell this comes from the heart, and that's oftentimes where the strongest imagry comes from.

[perfectpeach]

wheee! thankies! bullies suck. thank you for reviews!

mellie, me miss you *pout*