For Life: For Love: Chapter [7/?]

[Hitomi Lei]

Disclaimer: I still don?t own Inuyasha.


AN: I?m so sorry that I haven?t updated in so long?the only thing that I can blame is stupidity on my part for taking too many college hours?but I stayed home tonight (it?s Friday and I could have gone out with friends) to give you all the next chapter! And I?m not complaining?cause this is so much more relaxing?I think I only feel whole when I?m writing?

Chapter 7: Drip, drop goes the clock

I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
The thought is too much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
that my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just to busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made
---Fade, Staind




*~*~*


Kagome struggled to pull her shirt over her head, hissing in pain when the long sleeve caught on the abused flesh of her hand. She paused for a moment to grab a tissue from the bedside table to blot at the wound and it was then that she realized that she wasn?t alone in her room anymore. Her eyes slowly followed a path upward taking in the other person?s shoes, legs, chest, hair?and finally stopped at his eyes. Golden eyes that bore into her soul like hot knives and left her paralyzed. Those eyes held so many emotions that only she could read; hurt, betrayal, anger, fear, hope?love?

?Running away again, Kagome??

*~*~*

There are moments in life that are filled with absolute clarity, when every sense you have sharpens, and time seems to move differently. Not speeding up, really, or slowing down, but suddenly the clock is ticking off another beat entirely. It?s almost as if for that one moment, you?ve been thrown into an alternate delusion and you?re analyzing someone else?s life.

Drip, drop goes the clock?

The smell of a hundred different cleaners trying to hide the taint of sickness?

The little way his eye twitched when he thought she was running away again?

?Fucking hell! You?re bleeding!? The sound of his words broke the spell for her and she glanced down at her hand. The blood was falling from the ends of her fingertips, making a hollow dripping sound as it hit the cold linoleum floor.

Maybe the clock hadn?t been making that sound after all.

?I guess I am.? Kagome continued reaching for the tissue from beside her bed so that she would have something to mop up the sluggishly moving crimson stain with.

?Maybe if I ignore him he?ll just go away?Maybe this is all just a really bad dream??

?Are you trying to bleed to death? Here sit down here and stay put while I call a nurse?Stupid bitches, aren?t they suppose to be watching you?? She was a little surprised at the gentleness of his grip as he pushed her down into the starch-roughened sheets.

?I?I?? Inuyasha didn?t finish, just pressed a kiss to her forehead and disappeared out of the heavy hospital door.

?He found me.? Kagome whispered to herself trying to work up the strength to leave. Some of her shock was wearing off now, and in her mind she was frantic to leave, to put as much space between Inuyasha and herself as was possible, even an ocean if she had too.

But her body refused to move.







Inuyasha had to bite his tongue to keep down the bile that was rising up his throat. For a moment his elation at seeing her again had swamped all his other senses, he hadn?t noticed the dark circles under her eyes of the weight she?d dropped, only that she was trying to run away from him again.

Then the smell of blood, her blood, filled his nose, and he?d heard it as it dropped in an ever-growing puddle on the floor.

?NO!? He viscously shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind, ?I?m not going to think about it?later?but not now?Now I need to get those sorry excuses for fucking nurses into her room. Health care providers my ass!?

He rounded the corner yelling at the top of his lungs, and the nurse sitting behind the desk at the station was so badly startled that her white cap almost fell from its perch atop her head.

?My mate is bleeding to death in her room and your sitting on your ass! Go help her!? He grasps the edge of the desk for support, suddenly finding his knees weak.

?Sir, please calm down??

?Don?t tell me to calm down! Go fucking help her!!? He was leaning over the deck now, and he would have been shaking her if he hadn?t needed his hands to support himself.

?Sir, calm down! I need the patient?s name before I can do anything to help. Now pull yourself together!? She stood up, clearly not intimidated by him.

?Kagome, her name is Kagome Higurashi, please help her?I think she yanked out her IV.? His voice was much quieter now, his desperate worry overriding his flash of temper. The nurse reached down and pushed an intercom button that was almost hidden behind mounds of paper work.

?Jun, Rika, I need you in room 404 now. The patient has removed her IV.? She released the button and straitened her cap in one motion.

?Sir, your mate is going to be fine, but I?m going to ask you to stay out here until we get the IV back in.? she grabbed a trey of things from the cabinet behind her and started off down the hall. Inuyasha stubbornly followed.

?If you think for one minute I?m going to stay out here?! You people almost let her bleed to death and you want me to stay out here?!?? His anger was back now, but the nurse had apparently seen worse in her time because she didn?t even blink.

?Sir, you can not go in there. In your state you?ll upset the patient. The way you can help her now is by staying out here and calming down.? And with that she shut the door in his face.






Kagome was sitting where Inuyasha has left her when the first of the three nurses rushed in. She was a matronly woman who reminded Kagome of Kaede in a comforting way.

?Oh, you?ve bled quite a bit haven?t you? Now why would you want to take out your IV? If you?re ever going to get better you have to leave it in.? The nurse took Kagome?s hand and peeled away the soggy tissue that the girl was still pressing to the wound.

?Looks like you?re going to have a nasty bruise here, why don?t I put a bandage on this?? Kagome just nodded, her mind else where.

?Mika paged me here?? A much younger nurse popped into the room.

?Yes, Higurashi ?san decided to pull out her IV and she bled a little. Do you mind cleaning up the blood??

Kagome let their conversation fade into the back ground. Inuyasha was here?

Finally here.

That thought surprised her, because up until now she hadn?t realized that so much of herself longed for him.

It was startling after she?d spent so much time and energy obsessing about getting away from him. Oh, she was still scared that he would hurt her again, that he?d never love her, that he?d always see Kikyou when he looked at her?

But?

But some how all of that didn?t matter as much as it had two months ago.

She knew she?d regret it later, but all she wanted right now was to just get the up coming confrontation over with.

?Miss, this might sting a little, we?re putting the IV back in.?


Kagome was suddenly very tired. Tired of holding all of her pent up frustration inside. Tired of thinking about her confusing relationship with Inuyasha and the fact that she would latterly die without him now. Tired of worrying. Tired of being scared.

Just tired of everything.

?Okay, the IV?s in. This time try to leave it in, okay?? The older nurse patted her knee as she stood up. Kagome just lay back against the flat pillow and closed her eyes.

Maybe the world would fix itself while she was sleeping.




?Okay, sir, you can go in now if you promise not to wake up the patient. The doctor will be by in a little while to talk to you. He left instructions for us to page him if you ever showed up.? Inuyasha ignored the nurse and her disapproving tone. He didn?t give a damn about what she thought of him, to be frank; all he was concerned about was getting to Kagome.

The first thing he noticed when he walked into the room was the heavy smell of bleach and cleaning alcohol, and underneath that the lingering scent of Kagome?s blood. Inuyasha squashed down his anxious reaction to the thick smells and forced himself to move toward the bed.

Kagome was sleeping, her pale skin almost blending in with the stiff white sheets. The dark circles under her eyes stood out stark against all the whiteness. She looked so frail, so small and broken. But he was here now. He?d make sure she got better, he promised himself, because he was never going to leave her side again.

Inuyasha sat down in the uncomfortable chair that was beside her bed. He gently picked up Kagome?s closest hand and examined the already forming bruise.

?Kagome??He stopped to clear his throat, ?Kagome I?m so sorry. I?m sorry that I never told you how much I loved you. I?m sorry that you always felt second to Kikyou. Kami-sama I?m sorry for everything. I was so caught up in my own little world that I never realized how unhappy you were. And I know you won?t believe me when I tell you this, but I was planning to ask you to marry me the day that you left. And I was going to tell you that we were mates then too. And I know you won?t believe this, but I wasn?t calling her name?well I guess I was, but it?s not what you think. There?s so much that you don?t understand?so much that I never took the time to explain to you?I thought I could just forget?that it would all go away now that you were back??He laughed bitterly, gently rubbing a finger over the scarlet-purple spot marring the skin on the back of her hand ?I guess I was wrong though, because trying to forget only made things worse??

?I know I?ll never be able to make it up to you, but maybe---?The door opened behind him and he looked up. A strange man in a long white coat was standing in the door way motioning for him to come outside. Inuyasha realized that this man had to be the doctor so he tenderly placed Kagome?s limp hand back onto the bed and stood up. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

?I?ll be back Koishii.? He whispered then turned and headed out the door. The sound of the door shutting softly echoed through the door and Kagome finally let herself wipe at the tears that had been forming under her eyelashes.

?Oh, Inuyasha, what are we going to do??





The doctor said nothing to Inuyasha for a full minute after the inu-hanyou had stepped outside the room. Inuyasha began to nervously shift his weight from foot to foot as he waited for the man?no by his sent the doctor was definitely full youkai of some kind?to acknowledge him.

?You are Kunikada Inuyasha?? The doctor looked up from the ivory colored folder he?d been glancing through.

?Yes, can you make this quick? I don?t want her to wake up alone.? He growled.

?Hmmm, and I take it that you are.? The doctor sniffed the air delicately, ?An inu-hanyou??

Inuyasha was quickly loosing his patients with these stupid questions, ?Yes, damn it! I?m a hanyou and right now you?re keeping me from my mate, who I haven?t---?

?Yes, I know very well that you haven?t seen Higurashi ?san in almost two months. Are you aware of how dangerous it is for mated pairs to be separated so soon after the binding?? The doctor?s eyes seemed to bore into him as Inuyasha struggled to keep his voice down.

?Yes, I am very aware of how dangerous it is. I?ve been searching everywhere for her since the moment I realized that she was gone.? He couldn?t help the growl that underlined his tone.

?It?s un-fucking-believable! I finally find Kagome and these fucking morons won?t leave me alone with her.?

?I?m going to be level with you, Kunikada-san, by law I?m required to report any instances of partner abuse that I see to the Youkai Council ---?

?ABUSE?!? You THINK I did something to HURT KAGOME?!?!?!? Inuyasha?s eyes bled a little scarlet at that suggestion.

?Well, you obviously did something to make you?re new mate want to leave you.? The youkai doctor was unfazed by Inuyasha?s rising ire.

?I refuse to listen to this fucking shit any more.? Inuyasha turned away from the doctor, but before he could open Kagome?s door the feel of the other youkai?s claws pressed firmly against his back stopped him.

?Before you can check her out of this hospital you?ll have to fill out some paperwork and agree to at least six months of counseling.? The doctor released his hold on Inuyasha and backed up a few steps, ?You may go back to Higurashi-san now, but I suggest that you not upset her.?

Inuyasha stood there for a long moment with his hand resting against the cold hospital door. Did they really think that he?d done something to hurt her on purpose?

?And why wouldn?t they? She ripped her own IV out and was trying to run away again when you found her.?

In the past, thoughts like that would have sent Inuyasha running as far away from Kagome as he could get, because she was obviously better off without him. But today it just stiffened his will. He loved her damn it! And if it took six months of counseling he was willing to do that. Hell, even if it took the rest of his long life to prove to her just how much he cared he was willing.

At this point he would do anything.





He came back into the room as quietly as he anger would allow his to. Inuyasha expected to see Kagome asleep as he?d left her, but to his surprise she was sitting on the side of her bed looking out the window. He stopped short, not sure of what to do. A part of him wanted to smother her in his arms and never let her go. But the memory of her blood dripping onto the floor, the way she?d reacted to his arrival earlier, put a hold on that desire.

?Kagome?? he asked hesitantly, not daring to move any farther into the room until he knew how she?d react.

?Why are you here, Inuyasha?? Her voice was merely curious, as if she was asking about how the weather had been in Tokyo while she?d been gone. Deciding that she probably wouldn?t cause herself any harm if he moved closer, Inuyasha took a seat in the chair at the head of her hospital bed. Kagome kept staring out the window.

?You know why I?m here, Kagome. Did you really think I wouldn?t look for you?? He didn?t try to hide the hurt in his voice, it was too raw, and impossible to disguise. She didn?t answer him, but he could sense a change in her demeanor.

?No. I knew you would come eventually.? Her voice was stronger than he?d expected.

?If you knew I would come after you, then why did you leave?? Inuyasha asked the question that had been burning in his soul for months, maybe even years. Oh, he know the answer, had figured it out even before he?d found her picture journal, but he needed to hear the answer from her own lips, see the truth in her eyes.

?Because I couldn?t stand to be second best, to only be loved because I could fulfill your twisted longing for a memory! I left, Inuyasha, because I am not, nor will I ever be Kikyou! I can?t be what you need me to be, no matter how hard I try! I left because I was slowly dying inside!? she turned to him now, looking at him for the first time since he?d come back into the room. The realization that she really believed that he saw her as second best struck a hard blow to Inuyasha?s chest. Up until now he hadn?t really believed deep down that that was her reason for leaving him. But now, confronted with the horrible truth in her eyes, he felt as if his heart was being crushed inside his chest.

?You don?t understand---?He tried to explain, to some how take some of that pain from her eyes.

?No! You don?t understand! How could that be love? I don?t understand a lot of things, but I understand that what we had wasn?t love! It couldn?t have been!?

?But in this letter you said you loved me!? Inuyasha held up a badly worn piece of paper that he?d jerked from his pocket. He could feel his anger rolling under the surface. If she thought she?d been the only one hurt in all of this then she was dead wrong. Kagome?s eyes darkened for a moment as she tried to remember exactly what she?d written on that long-ago day.

?I also said I refused to be a replacement fuck! I?m not going to pretend not to hear you call out for her in your sleep anymore! I?m not going to act clueless about the fact that I?m obviously second best to a vegetable!!? Kagome made the mistake of meeting his gaze, and was caught like a deer in head-lights. She?d never seen him look quite so intense before. The anger and hurt reflecting in his eyes were so bright that she was sure that if she held his golden gaze for much longer he?d scorch away what was left of her heart and soul. Inuyasha refused to let her look away. It was time that she realize she wasn?t the only one broken in this relationship.

?Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, you don?t know what you?re talking about? Do you want the honest truth about Kikyou and me? The truth that no one knows? After you left we hit the rocks. I think we were both feeling so guilty over driving you away that we couldn?t be happy together. Every time the phone rang, Kagome, I hoped it would be your voice I heard on the other end. Every time I checked my e-mail or the mail ran, I hoped to hear from you! I even called you once! Kikyou knew all of this even though I didn?t tell her and she was okay with my obsession for awhile but then?? He paused, wondering if he should sugar-coat any of his story, but decided that the only way Kagome was ever going to understand was if she knew all the details.

?But then she got tired of never having my full attention?and the fighting started. In the end I think she just gave up. That night?The night of the accident, Kikyou saw that truck coming and didn?t even scream. Kikyou ran away too, just to a place where I couldn?t reach.? Inuyasha had never told anyone this story, had never wanted to reopen those old wounds, but he needed Kagome to understand.

?You always want what you can?t have, don?t you Inuyasha?? She sounded tired and resigned. And Inuyasha cursed under his breath. Hadn?t she understood a word he?d said?

?I know what I want, fuck it! I want you, and a house and kids. I want to wake up beside you seventy-five years from now and still think you?re the most beautiful woman on the face of the planet, wrinkles and all! That?s what I want! And if it takes me moving to Kyoto to be near you, I will!? He leaned in close to her, making sure she could see the truth plainly written in his eyes.

?Why couldn?t you have figured all of this out a year ago, Inuyasha?? Kagome asked, looking away from him, but not before he saw the moister gathering at the corners of her lashes. ?How am I supposed to believe that you?re here because you truly love me and not just because you miss having someone around that looks like her? How are we supposed to move on?? Kagome desperately wanted an answer. Desperately wanted for him to come up with some kind of miracle that could wipe away all the pain and misunderstanding that stretched out between them, but she just didn?t believe that it was possible.

?I don?t have an easy answer, Kagome, but I?m willing to try to start over if that?s what it takes for you to trust me again. I?ll wait however long it takes for you to love me again!? He reached out and grasped her hand in his own. He willed her silently to let him back into her life. A shaky sob from the woman next to him surprised Inuyasha. He tried to drop her hand, but Kagome tightened her grip on his fingers.

?No,? she choked out, ?don?t let me go, please.? Inuyasha moved from the chair to sit beside her on the bed and wrap and arm around her shoulders. His ears perked up a little in hope.

?I?ve never stopped loving you Inuyasha, I-I-I doubt I ever could.? She allowed herself to lean against him, and felt his arms tighten around her, ?I love you with all my heart, but I?m not ready to give it back to you?But if?But if you?ll wait?I?m willing?to try again.? Inuyasha?s ears were at full-mast now and the look of love and tenderness in his amber orbs was strong enough to rival their intensity from moments before. He leaned down to nuzzle Kagome?s cheek, but she held up a hand to stop him.

?No, if we?re starting over then we actually have to talk first. There are things you should know?that you deserve to hear from me. For the first time in our lives, we have to communicate!? Inuyasha snorted as he bent over and started untying his shoe laces.

?I mean it! There are important things you need to know!? But she didn?t sound as determined as she has a moment ago. Inuyasha gently maneuvered Kagome down so that he could slip into the hospital bed with her. It was a tight squeeze, but that only meant he had to nestle her closer to his chest.

?We can talk in the morning, Kagome. We can make all our decisions, tell all our secrets and set all our boundaries then, but right now I just need to hold you.?

For once in her life, Kagome didn?t run away. In fact, she stayed snuggled close to her mate all night long.











TBC.




AN

I'm BACK!!!

I don't know how long I'll be able to fight off the ravages of brain numbing classes and teachers whoes soul purpose in life is to suck the imagination right out of helpless students...

But until I'm recaptured I'll be working on my stories again...

Sorry I haven't had the time to be involved around here and read the stuff you've all been writing...hopefull I'll get caught up soon...

Kisses!

[AidbiA]

OMG.....YIPPY!!! Wow it's been a while but damn the wait was definitely worth it! I'm so glad that you were able to update this fantastic story. I actually read the story on ff.net but thought I would review here.

Anyways, I'm glad Kagome and Inu Yasha finally come face to face after months of separation. They've got a lot of issue to muddle through, but I can't wait to see how you have them hash it out. I'm also curious how Inu Yasha will reacte to Kagome adopting Shippou, hopefully the little green monster won't rear its ugly head. Sigh, only three more chapters to go and I know I'll savour each and every one of them.

On a slightly different note, I've noticed that in all your fics you have a habit of using 'you're' instead of 'your' or 'they're' instead of 'there/their' and vice versa. This really isn't a big issue or anything, but if you're ever in need of someone to edit past and future works for grammer and the whole shebang, then I'm a willing beta-er.

Enough of that, great chapter as always and I can't wait to read the next chapter to FL:FL and TWTHE!!

Ciao,

AidbiA

[Leia Avenrose]

Most interesting. I enjoyed all of it, and while the grammar mistakes were distracting ... I sat and continued to read. Now ... all I need to do is search for the last 6 bloody chapters.. =)

[Lara Winner]

*Super Duper Glomp*

Hitomi-chan! You're back! *breaks into a chorus of Oh Happy Day*

I knew that if I kept my fingers crossed long enough that one day you would find your way back us through the maze of textbooks you lost your self in. I mean seriously, I got as giddy as school girl when I saw that there was an update from you. Now no matter how crapy today gets from here on out I'll still have a good day because you updated!

As for the chapter.... Bittersweet. I almost cried but the promise of them working things out kept the tears at bay and made me smile. So now I?m left to wait, rather impatiently, for more. At this point I would usually gush and say you?re one of the bestest writers ever- ahh screw it.

You are one of the best writers ever!

[takisha16]

Yay!
The story is still alive and going quite well I presume!
I really liked this chapter. It gave Kagome the right to make Inuyasha know what he was doing to her!
I also like the way you portray Inuyasha here, sure he can be stubborn, but it's about time he showed consideration to kags situation.
More please!!!

[Hitomi Lei]

Lara-chan!!
Oh I've missed you too!

I feel like I've come home...as corny as that sounds!


Oh and to AidbiA....

*sobs* Yes YES! I need a beta soooooo baddly...but I think I keep running them off....

If you're still interested in helping me...could you email me at The_Purple_ghost@yahoo.com

please?

Thanks to everyone else that said all those nice things!!

Oh and if you ca't find the first 6 chapters here you can find them on ff.net...

I write under the name The Purple Ghost

Kisses

HL

[tiffsmeow@yahoo.com]

OMG! i loved it so much!!! i hope you have time to make another one!

[DL69]

cant wait to read the next chapter this story is great