Life is Beautiful When You Dont Look Down ch6

[Perfect Soldier]

Disclaimer- I don?t own Inuyasha or any related characters.

Dialog- ?Meep meep meep.?

Thoughts- Are in italics.

Author?s Note- Hey guys!!! Not much to tell you besides that I?m not actually dead. I hope some people actually remember this fic from way way way back. Neways, here ya go.

Junction 18

We Want It All

Oh how hope has died
I am just feeding on white lies
And when the dawn breaks to the sky
I'll be the one to melt with time
How heaven hurts
Sometimes it sucks you dry and leaves you numb
And left for dumb
And where to run?
These tears have ran far enough to touch the sun
And I want it all...

Falling in two
I'm falling in two
We are lost in space without a trace
And it feels so cold
And it feels so cold
That I cannot pick myself up off the ground
And this trail of bones lingers on

No one wants to hear
No one wants to see a child they raised to be a failure
But for now, let me get this game straight
Let me strap on this fake face
You'll watch me win it all
Then watch me fall

Falling in two
I'm falling in two
Happiness fought hard with a backfire
Can it be so wrong?

Chapter 6

Gone Daddy Gone

The early happenings of the day slowly faded away in Sango?s mind as she found herself sitting quietly at the dinner table. She hadn?t been listening to the conversation but all eyes were on her now.

?What?? she asked in a confused manner.

?Did you hear what I?ve been saying at all to you, Sango?? Her father?s eyes were intensely focused on her, frustrated and slightly enraged.

She drew in a breath but nothing came out. A feeling of unease and self-doubt over took her, and she couldn?t speak. ?I??

?It?s fine, Sango.? Kaori?s hand reached gently across the table and unto Sango?s. ?We?re just worried.?

Cringing slightly Sango nodded and withdrew her hand from Kaori?s but not without some reluctance.

?Heh, well, that?s a bit of an understatement. I?m not going to put this to you lightly. Your behavior is out of control, and we?re not going to stand for this anymore. I want you to see a therapist or a physiatrist. Someone to get inside that damn head of yours!?

Tears threatened and stung Sango?s eyes, but she remained firm and resilient. ?You? You don?t understand anything!? she yelled, getting up from her seat with a start.

?How can I when you don?t tell me anything!?? Tatsuya sprang up as well.

?You?re ignorant and only hear what you want to hear. You have no idea what?s going on in my life.?

Tatsuya looked stunned and his face grew downcast. ?That?s??

No one else dared say anything in his moment of weakness, but Sango wouldn?t let it slip. He?d said so many hurtful things. It was her time now to tell him what she thought of everything. The conflict that would ensue no longer mattered.

?That?s true,? she shouted. ?It?s all true! The only time you care is when something goes wrong. Well, let me tell you everything has been wrong for a long time.? Her voice croaked; she couldn?t continue.

?Sango, that?s enough. It?s enough!?

All eyes turned to a very upset looking Kohaku. It had taken everyone by surprise that he?d spoken up like that.

?Just stop it already, both of you. We can?t ever act like a family if all we do is scream and hate each other. I realize there are problems between us but this isn?t necessary. It?s wrong.?

He?s right, Sango thought, but I?m not going to let this go. ?Kohaku,? Sango gave her brother a very sincere look, ?I?m sorry this had to be so hard on you. You?re right, and you don?t deserve this.?

Kohaku nodded, a sense of relief flooding him. ?Th-thank you. That?s all I wanted.?

?I know.? She smiled at her little brother. ?However, I won?t let this go. Not this time.?

?Sango?? Kaori questioned uneasily. The night was already such a disaster. It terrified her that things were going to potentially get worse.

Her body shook as she spoke, but it had been repressed too long. ?Fuck this! Seriously, just fuck this all. Don?t act like you care after everything that?s happened. Even Kaori tries harder than you do. I don?t want anything from you anymore. I?m too independent now to just let you back into my life. You blew it.?

Tatsuya looked like he had taken a full-blown body shot. His throat was closed up and was unable to utter anything.

?Stop, right now.? Kaori had risen from her chair and placed a hand shakily on Sango?s shoulder. The situation had stunned her. ?Please, don?t fight.?

Even though Sango knew how frantic Kaori felt she couldn?t stop for anything now. ?I?m sorry,? she whispered quietly. ?Take your hand off me though. I don?t want your help or anyone else?s.?

?No more.? A hard slap came pounding down over Sango?s face. Her father delivered a strong blow. His eyes were ablaze, a weak frown on his face. ?You can?t just say all these things to people. All you do is point fingers and take no responsibility for yourself. Who do you think you are??

?Tatsuya, Sango, stop this. Please!? Kaori was just about shrieking now.

It had taken a moment for Tatsuya to realize what he?d done and looked at Sango with a heavy sense of guilt and grief. ?I?m very sorry? Are you going to be okay? Does it hurt bad??

Her hand gently flew to the side of her cheek, trying to ease the pain. ?Your words hurt me more than this ever could. Just leave me alone.? She abruptly left and ran up to her room.

?That was? bad,? as Tatsuya put it gently.

A collective silence distilled through the kitchen when the sound of a slamming door could be heard from upstairs and the thoughts of what happened only begun to sink in.

All looks were drawn over at Tatsuya, but he did nothing more than sit back down and looked thoughtfully at his food. What have I done? His thoughts would remain grim for the rest of the dinner.

?Fuck you!? a hard fist connected with the wall leaving a small mark and a soon to be visible bruise on Sango?s knuckle. H-how dare he hit me? He?s never hit me? it hurts?my heart is aching. Miroku, you should have let me die.

She closed her eyes tightly and curled into a ball on her bed. Her body shook from her quiet sobs-each one racking her more violently.

?Please,? she whispered, ?just let me die.?

~*~

Miroku yawned as he walked into the door of his apartment and abruptly threw his jacket over the couch and sat down. ?Mushin,? he called, ?I?m home.?

?In the kitchen, Miroku, we need to talk.? His voice was stale and crisp, this worried Miroku slightly.

?Right.? He was able to will his body to move again and staggered into the kitchen. ?Yeah??

Mushin?s eyes looked up to him from the table. His face was rather somber, if not a bit troubled. ?Sit down, all right.? It was a command over a request.

Shit, his mind raced, Mushin must have gotten that call from the school. I haven?t seen him this upset in a long time. He did as he was asked and sat down. ?What?s up??

That?s what I want to know. ?Why don?t you tell me and give yourself a strong alibi before I say anything.?

?I?ve got nothing. No excuses.?

?Then why?? Mushin sighed. ?Why all of this? I thought things were going better.?

He shook his head. ?No, they haven?t. I didn?t want you to worry. If you stayed out of things I figured we?d both be better off.?

?Well, Miroku, tell me who is better off now? You?ve skipped school countless times, you get no sleep, as far as I know you don?t eat, and you may not graduate.?

Fuck, I know, I know, but I can?t help it. What do you want me to do? What I can I do? His eyes looked back and pleaded with Mushin.

?Things are going to change?I wanted to let you take care of your own affairs, but you prove to be irresponsible time and time again.?

That hit hard. His heart fell twenty feet and his blood pressure skyrocketed. ?That?s not-?

?Let me finish,? he said sternly. ?I know you want to be an adult and be independent, but you can?t do everything yourself. This is proof enough.?

This isn?t what I want. This isn?t right. ?No! Damnit, no, Mushin! You can?t say.?

?Can?t I? What is there to make me believe otherwise??

His hand clenched tightly at his side. ?You don?t understand the situation. My independence is all that I have. If you take away my freedom you take everything. I thought you understood.?

Mushin toyed with his words carefully. Miroku could be difficult to talk to. ?I do, but I want you to keep your freedom. Graduating and going to a good school is part of that. You aren?t seeing the big picture.?

?I don?t?? He took a moment to gather his thoughts. What he had to say wouldn?t please Mushin. ?I don?t know if a want to go to a good school, to any school.?

An explosion had gone of in Mushin and his face exploded bright red. ?I can?t talk to you when you?re being this insensible. Go.?

?Go? Where? Or you don?t even care, do you?? His voice hinged with anger and traces of confusion.

?Just don?t let me see you your face until tonight. I need to think.?

Miroku sighed and nodded. ?I knew you wouldn?t understand. And don?t worry? You won?t have to see me anymore,? he said, barely above a whisper.

The door abruptly slammed shut, and Mushin was left with an empty room and a small hole in his heart. A rip that started out so small but now felt like it was engulfing him. Please be safe, Miroku. I hope maybe you can understand one day. Though you?d never believe this is for your sake, not mine.

?Fuck!? he nearly screamed. Fuck, fuck, fuck? His heart in turmoil, Miroku took to the streets. The memory of Sango?s house was still fresh in his mind.

I wonder if? ?No,? he shook his head. ?I?d never allow myself to be that much of a burden to her.? But I?

His feet did the rest. He wasn?t in control anymore and allowed his legs to take him to sanctuary.

It wasn?t that he wanted to depend on Sango to ease his troubles away, but a strong sense of need and desire to see her overtook his senses. The feeling was unfamiliar and alienating for so long he had taken care of his own affairs and now there was a person in his life whom he felt like he could bore his soul to.

His mind, being as fogged as it was, didn?t register the fact his legs had stopped. He looked at the house in front of him and took a deep haggard breath. This is it. He squinted and rapped lightly at the door.

An initial shock of the door opening abruptly and the ghastly face before him quickly wore off. It was a woman, middle aged, with puffy red eyes.

Tears, Miroku thought sadly. Why do such beautiful women cry so many tears? Forcing himself to speak, he said, ?Is Sango here? It?s imperative that I speak with her. Is that possible??

Her chest rose as if to speak, but slipped past her lips quickly. She turned her head away a moment and batted her eyes, blotting out the tears. Attempting to speak her voice cracked slightly, but she managed, ?She?s?up in her room but is quite upset. Now isn?t the best time.?

Miroku wanted to be more sympathetic to her plight, but his mind was too clouded with empathy for Sango and her pain. ?Please,? he said in a quiet whisper.

The young man?s sincerity seemed genuine and she nodded slowly. ?All right, but please make it quick.?

Not wanting to cause the poor woman any more pain he quietly slipped past her, his hand lingered gently on her shoulder. He offered his dashing and radiant smile. ?I will take care of Sango.?

Kaori stood awestruck at the boy?s gentleness and consuming presence, but he was already up the stairwell by the time the door shut and she could only just now register the words she wanted to speak. Shaking her head she slumped down next to Tatsuya on the sofa.

?Who was that?? Tatsuya asked in a distracted tone, scowling slightly. He didn?t like the idea of someone going to disturb his daughter.

?Sango?s friend?? her words spoken in an unbelieving tone, trying to first convince herself. And quite possibly her savior.

A low murmur of a growl was all that registered from Tatsuya.

Miroku, already having ventured upstairs, didn?t have to guess which room was Sango?s. He could hear the soft sound of her choking sobs behind the far away door. He approached tentatively and knocked. ?Sango??

The sobs halted and a roaring voice erupted from behind the door. ?Leave me the hell alone!?

Of course. Miroku chastised himself mentally. He tried again, ?Sango, it?s me, Miroku, please let me in.?

In a whoosh the door swung open and Miroku was haphazardly drawn into Sango?s lair, the door banging loudly behind him.

?Um?Sango?? Miroku inquired meekly.

?S-sorry. I?m just??

A comforting hand enveloped Sango?s. ?Just what??

Sango could only helplessly stare into Miroku?s enchanting brown eyes, warmth dancing within their depths. Her honest emotions won out over her barriers. ?I?m just so fucked up.? She collapsed into his chest and squeezed him tightly as the tears started pouring out unchecked.

Having Sango?s soft pert breasts rubbing up against his chest momentarily immobilized him but his mind knew better than to listen to his body. ?S-sango.? He willed his arms to wrap lightly around her and lull her deeper into his chest. Just focus, Sango needs comfort, not some horny guy wanting to sex her up.

His breath tickled her ear as he spoke softly to her, ?Everything is going to be just fine, Sango. Have faith. Besides, no matter what, you?ll always have me.? Miroku?s hand arbitrarily started stroking her silken black hair.

?Will I?? Her voice was barely over a whisper and her eyes looked up at him pleadingly.

?Yes,? he choked, ?always.? He crushed her deeper into his chest and held her as though she?d be violently ripped from his embrace. I don?t know what it is about you, Sango, but I feel like I have to protect such a gentle and vulnerable soul. I won?t let you go until you don?t need me anymore.

He needs this too, she thought, grasping back almost as tight as Miroku. ?Thank you.? I can?t ever repay you for your kindness, but I?ll be sure to be around long enough to try.

?Our emotions are like a river, Sango. We freeze over our hearts with a barrier, like ice, and try to cross the raging river, the ice as our false sense of security. Then, the ice breaks, and we find ourselves drowning and struggling in the raging waters. The barrier we had created traps us under it with no escape. It?s incredibly terrifying thinking you have control when really you?re in too deep to even save yourself. Don?t do that, Sango. Get out before the depths devour you.?

Sango was shocked at the profound statement but could also understand its meaning. ?You?ve been hurt greatly, haven?t you??

Miroku nodded solemnly, he was not entirely comfortable where the conversation was headed. ?Yes.?

?I?m sorry. You seem like a tender soul; you shouldn?t have had to experience such overwhelming pain.?

?Despair doesn?t care who you are. Don?t dwell on your mistakes, just improve.?

Oh yeah, this comes from experience. ?I?ll?I?ll try.?

?It?s all we can ever do.? He smiled his big gorgeous smile and hoped it would be enough to reassure her. ?Will you be okay??

Fear initially struck Sango. ?You?re leaving,? she nearly screeched.

He sighed and nodded dejectedly. ?Unfortunately I need to go back home and make things right. I was a bit frustrated and did something I regret. I need to make it right.?

?You?re very strong. I wish I could face my father.? I?m such a coward.

Sensing what Sango was getting at he quickly detoured her from such negative thoughts. ?It?s not strength so much as it is humility. He was right and I didn?t want to face that. To be a strong person is to talk to someone even when you want to tear out their throat, when they?ve hurt you, not to run away. I ran. You though, you have a chance. You?re father is right downstairs, I?m sure, more than willing to talk.?

She cringed at the word ?father.? ?And if I don?t really feel like talking to him??

?That will always be your choice, Sango. I just hope it won?t be your regret either. If you make things right now, it isn?t going to be as difficult as it?d be later.?

?This coming from experience again??

A grin tweaked his lips, and he appeared rather sheepish. ?I?m no angel and don?t ever let me tell you so. I?ve made my mistakes, and they?ve been rectified.?

That was certainly a hard truth Sango had to come to terms with-mistakes, regrets, and the repercussions of those actions. ?Yes, I understand,? her voice was tight and barely controlled.

Not wanting to say good-bye, Miroku embraced Sango tightly and gave her a soft kiss on her pouted lips. He whispered hoarsely into her ear, ?I do have faith in you.? He abruptly stood up and crept to the door.

Sango felt overwhelmed and confused at everything that just happened in such a short amount of time. Now, her savior was leaving her. She was beginning to feel terribly lost again.

?It?s okay,? he smiled. ?Really. Remember, you?ll always have me.? The door closed softly, and Miroku vanished.

Taking a deep breath she laid herself down on her bed and looked up dimly at her ceiling. A variety of complex emotions were all hitting her at once. She didn?t know whether to scream in frustration or cry in rejoice.

There was a rap at the door, but she knew better than to believe it was Miroku. Am I really ready for this confrontation? Maybe? But avoiding it can?t make it better. ?Come in,? was the soft reply.

The door opened and?it wasn?t whom Sango had been expecting. ?Kaori,? she struggled, visibly confused.

?May I sit?? asked the soft voice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of chapter~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WOW- Okay, so I haven?t wrote anything in ages. God, I can?t even begin to explain the complications going on right now in my life. I wouldn?t even want anyone to be able to understand. All in all, I haven?t had the time and the emotional stamina nor enthusiasm to write anything half ways decent that I?d want to share with anyone. Please forgive me. God. I promise though, if you want me to, I?ll still finish this story?and not in like another two years. I?ve been finding my muse as of late. Please have faith. And thank you to everyone. My reviewers are absolutely terrific. God bless.

[Lara Winner]

Geez... I have so been there. Only when I was coping with my problems I didn't have a guy like Miroku to fall back on for support. :-?

Great chapter!

[BrokenWings]

I really love the way you describe what is going on in their lives, their feelings inside, the things that Miroku and Sango want to say to their guardians but cannot. Can't wait until the next chapter!