Chapter Eight Confidence & confidants
?Whoa, look out!? Tohru blinked, a deer caught in headlights, as the car careened towards her at an alarming speed. From out of nowhere, strong arms swept her out of its path and out of harm?s way. The arms released her only to grab a hold again as her knees, jellied from the fright, gave out from under her.
?Are you okay?? Still recovering from the shock, Tohru started at the male voice. She turned her head and looked straight into frowning gunmetal blue eyes.
?What the hell were you thinking? Didn?t anyone teach to look both ways before crossing the street??
The gruff way in which he reprimanded was filled with an intense concern that reminded her so much of Kyo her heart stuck in her throat and she was unable to work up even a stammer. Partly because she was so surprised to be reprimanded so strongly be a complete stranger, partly because she was still trying to recover from the shock of her brush with almost death, she continued to barely stand, rag doll-like in the other person?s grasp, phasing out his continued scolding.
?Idiot!? Another voice, this one female, sounded close by. ?You?re scaring the poor thing!? A soft rapping sound and a soft grunt made Tohru wonder if her savior had just been hit on the head by something.
?Well, what do you expect me to do, tomboy?? the male voice argued. ?She nearly got herself killed!?
?And do you seriously think you?re helping the situation?? the female voice, tinted with laughter, retorted.
?And what is THAT supposed to mean??
?For heaven?s sake, Ranma,? the female replied exasperatingly, ?you?re shaking her to death!?
?Oh?whoops!? The strong hands released her and were gently replaced with two smaller ones.
?Are you okay, miss?? Tohru nodded. She looked up into coffee brown eyes and a warm smile.
The girl indicated her companion with a jerk of her head. ?I?m sorry about?that. He sometimes gets a little carried away.?
?Oh?no?that?s fine!? Tohru replied, finding her voice at last. ?I mean,? she bowed deeply, ?thank you for saving me. I was thinking about something else. I do that a lot?not thinking?although, I do think a lot, of course?I mean, I can be stupid sometimes, but I?m not a complete idiot?I just?have a lot on my mind
?Please, don?t worry about it,? the girl responded with a bow of her own. ?We?re both just glad that we got to you in time. So, you?re all right then??
When Tohru nodded, the boy sighed hugely. ?Great. She?s okay, I?m okay, you?re okay. Can we get a move on now??
The girl, who Tohru now realized, was not really a girl but a young woman several years older than herself, shot the boy a you-better-watch-it look. ?Please forgive his rudeness. I don?t let him out much.? She sniffed at the narrow eyed look he shot back at her and turned back to Tohru with another warm smile.
?By the way, I?m Akane Tendo and the idiot over there is Ranma Saotome.? She nudged her companion and, in unison, they bowed (although Ranma?s was accompanied by another huge sigh).
?Oh!? Tohru responded with a bow of her own. ?I?m Tohru Honda.?
Akane?s smile brightened and Tohru, who had recently been feeling immersed in a cloud of gloom, felt something light up inside her. ?Miss Honda, it?s a pleasure to have met you. Now, if you?re sure you?re all right,? she said, eyes rolling when Ranma began to tap his foot impatiently, ?we better be on our way.?
?Oh,? Tohru said again, wincing when she heard the obvious disappointment in her own voice. ?I understand. Thanks again. I really appreciate it.?
The encounter had inexplicably cheered her and the thought that it would be over so soon saddened her. She sank so instantly back into her own little world, that she missed the look of concern on Akane?s face as they walked away. So submerged was she in her world of woe, that she didn?t notice the passionate argument two people were having on her account, would have missed the sight of Akane charging back towards her if Ranma had not been grumbling as loudly as he was.
?Miss Honda, please forgive my rudeness. I hate to be nosy but,? she paused to elbow Ranma in the stomach when he snorted, ?I couldn?t help but notice that you look upset.?
Tohru raised her hands in protest. ?Me? Oh no, I?m fine! Really.?
?See, Akane? She?s fine,? Ranma, who Tohru now noticed had a rather long pigtail, took her hand, ?Let?s go.?
Without missing a beat, Akane slapped his hand away. ?I know I?m overstepping my bounds, but you look like you?re normally a very happy person and right then you looked so sad?I was just wondering if there was anything I could do for you.?
Shocked into silence, Tohru could only stare blankly.
?I mean, I don?t want to scare you by sounding like a crazy person or anything but if you just needed someone to talk to??
Someone to talk to? Someone to talk to? The thought of having someone to talk to filled Tohru with a hope she thought was lost. With all that had been going on, part of her felt that if she just had someone to share this with, someone she could talk this out with, everything would be all right. But who could she turn to? Obviously not Kyo since he treated her with a cold indifference. She didn?t even know where she would start if she were to tell Hana or Uo and, of course, Yuki and the rest of the Sohmas were beyond her confidence, in this matter at least.
She was so distraught that she couldn?t even share her concerns with her mother. Talking to her mother, whether in her heart or in her head, had been so therapeutic in the past. Just voicing her thoughts out loud (with her mother in mind, of course) often gave her the needed nudge in the right direction. But this time, this time she needed an answer, an out-loud answer not an answer she made up in her head.
So yes, she did need someone to talk to. But could she really tell a total stranger everything that festered within her? She studied Akane more closely, trying hard to remain subtle. Her face was kind and the sympathy in her gaze definitely genuine. Should she take this chance? She gnawed at her lip and looked down at the sidewalk. When she looked up again, she found that Ranma was watching her closely.
?Akane,? he said softly, ?I know you want to be helpful but?? he held up a hand when she opened her mouth to protest, ?You don?t want this girl hurting any more than she already is.?
Akane stiffened, ready to defend her cause. She regarded Tohru carefully then turned back to Ranma. She must have understood the unreadable look in his eyes because her body visibly relaxed. ?You?re right,? she told him, her voice softly resigned. With a wistfully sad smile she said, ?I shouldn?t have asked you to bare your soul to a total stranger. I apologize.?
When she realized that they were moving on, this time for good, panic blasted throughout her, a cannonball of awareness that stirred her dull senses. What if an outsider could see something she could not? Wouldn?t it be worth it to release the doubts, the hurts, the unknowns that she had kept bottled up for what seemed like forever? This time it was she who reached out to Akane.
?Please,? she croaked. ?I do need to talk to someone. Will you listen??
*****
Tohru shifted uneasily in her seat. They were sitting in charming little bakery she had always wanted to visit. She passed it often on her way to work and it wasn?t too long ago that she and Kyo had sought shelter underneath its striped sidewalk canopy one rainy afternoon. Wasn?t it funny? She could still remember the way he grumbled about the sudden downpour, could still remember the way it felt when he used his handkerchief to dry her off, wiping tenderly at the drops of moisture in her hair. Her eyes filled as she remembered the taste of the clean fresh taste of the rain when Kyo?s mouth had brushed over hers.
Still half lost in the memory, she was startled out her memory when their order arrived. She apologized profusely for her rudeness. ?I shouldn?t have drifted off. I just?remembered something.?
Akane looked at her over the edge of the coffee cup. Her eyes closed in bliss as she inhaled the bitter tanginess of its contents, then began to fill her drink with so much sugar and cream that Tohru was convinced it would overflow. ?I know what you?re thinking,? Akane continued, not looking up from her task, ?and yes, I know I might as well drink hot water for all the other stuff I have in here. But what can I say? I love the rush that caffeine and sugar give me.?
She took a sip and, almost reverently, set her cup back down. ?Don?t worry about it. The drifting off, I mean. Looked like it was a good memory,? she commented.
Tohru stared into her tea. ?It?it was.? She knew that she should probably say something, should probably begin the torrid outpouring of emotions that she knew was welling up somewhere within her, but she couldn?t. The adrenaline rush that had spurred her into begging Akane to listen to her had faded quickly and all she could do now was sit in unsure silence.
Akane didn?t seem to mind, though. She sipped her drink, companionably patient.
?I?m?I?m?I?m sorry to be taking up your time. Mr. Saotome looked like he was in a hurry to get somewhere.?
?Oh, him. Forget about it. We?re here to visit some friends he made on a training trip. I haven?t met them yet so it will be nice for them to have some private time before I show up.?
?I?m sorry. You traveled all this way to get here and I?m keeping you from your friends??
?I said, it?s all right,? Akane said, much more firmly. ?We live fairly close, if you take the train. And since we both have the weekend off, we were thinking about staying overnight anyway.?
?Oh. Okay.? Just get it over with, she berated herself. You wanted someone to talk to, so start talking. But she couldn?t begin. It was as if her words were stopped up within her by a big plug.
In an effort to say something, anything more than mumbled apologies she asked, ?So, are you a model?? She winced. Dummy. What kind of question was that?
?I mean, you?re so pretty and sure of yourself and ladylike??
Akane laughed heartily. ?Thanks. Remind me to get you to repeat that in front of Ranma later.?
?Actually,? she continued, ?I?m still attending university.?
?What are you studying?? Tohru asked, shyness forgotten as her curiosity peaked.
?Physical therapy.?
?Oh, how interesting! So, what does that involve??
They chattered amicably for some time. Reassured by Akane?s open friendliness, the dam within Tohru broke and her story spilled out. She found that, once she started it was difficult to stop and, to her relief, Akane was an attentively intense listener.
Ever mindful of keeping the Sohma secret a secret, Tohru managed to tell her story without mentioning actual names, a feat she silently congratulated herself on. It wasn?t easy, but she found that, when she said HE or HIM just so, she could refrain from repeatedly calling Kyo ?my friend, the one I well, you know.? (If it bothered or confused Akane, she did not say anything.)
When Tohru finished her story abruptly, uncertain about how to say "And that's that" without really saying "And that's that," the older girl sat there, absentmindedly stirring her coffee (her second cup).
Tohru waited, looking everywhere but at Akane, feeling a shade better after emptying the emotional load that had been weighing her down for so long. Despite her gratitude to Akane for taking the time just to listen, Tohru couldn?t help but feel disappointed, as if she were hoping that she would get a little something, well, MORE out of all this.
?Well,? Akane said, setting her spoon aside with a decisive clatter. ?May I say something?
?I get the feeling, Tohru, that you would really love for me to tell you that you have two options and that one of these options is right and the other is wrong.?
Yes, Tohru rejoiced silently. Please! She managed to keep her enthusiastic relief channeled inward and instead nodded vigorously.
?I thought so.? She cleared her throat and signaled for another cup of coffee. ?Before I continue, I have to tell you that I promised Ranma I wouldn?t give you any advice.?
?You did??
Akane grinned sheepishly. ?I?ve been known to allow my personal opinions to color my advice way too much in the past and?well, let?s just say the end result was never very pretty. So, even though I?ve taken a few psychology classes here and there, I?ve been strongly discouraged from giving advice to strangers.?
?Oh.? To cover her disappointment, Tohru pretended to take a sip out of her long cold tea.
?I can, however, mention some things that you can think about. I can?t promise that all your problems will be solved, as a matter of fact, I might even confuse you more but I really do think that they may help you see something you really can?t see right now, okay??
Tohru was confused. Truthfully, she hoped had that Akane, who was older and hopefully wiser, would be able to offer her the sage advice she so craved. To have told her everything and then be told that, not only could she NOT offer any real help but that further confusion may ensue, well, was it really worth sticking around for?
But what other options did she have? Could she really continue to feign happiness? Could she really continue pretending that not being able to touch Kyo, to talk to him, to be in the same room long enough to even catch a whiff of his scent was enough for her? What would it hurt? The damage was already done. Who would it hurt? She was hurting enough for this generation and the two hundred generations to come.
*****
?I?d like to hear,? she whispered, nodding gratefully at the waitress and the fresh supply of tea. ?I?d like to hear what you have to say.?
And so, Tohru sat and listened attentively.
And then, she sat and pondered.
Every so often, she would rouse from her ponderings to ask Akane a question only to be countered with another question which then opened up a whole new vein of possibilities.
And then, she sat and reflected.
She was jarred from her musings by a melodious buzzing sound and found Akane motioning for the check while fiddling with a cell phone.
?Oh! I?m sorry I?ve kept you too long! Is that Mr. Saotome on the phone? Please tell him I?m very sorry!?
Akane laughed and Tohru couldn?t help but find the easy gaiety slightly contagious. All this thinking really had lightened her mood. Her blood hummed with refreshed confidence. Sure, she didn?t have all the answers yet, but she now understood a lot more about where her heart lay. The world was no longer the sparse black and white it once was, but a rainbow of could be?s.
?That?s just my alarm. Ranma gave me two hours to ?advise? you and now, my time is up.?
?It?s been two hours??
?Yup. Oh no, Tohru don?t worry about the bill. I?ll get it.?
?But, you?ve already done so much...?
?No really, I?ll get it. Think of it as a favor.?
?A favor??
?Yes. At first, I was just going to ask you for directions, but now I?m hoping you?ll show me the way. I liked talking to you, will you keep me company??
?Well sure, of course! I have to go home and make dinner, but I still have time.? She really had enjoyed spending time with Akane. It was almost like talking with Mom. Neither one was afraid to say what was on her mind, although Akane was a little more tactful than Mom was and more careful about giving Tohru ?points to ponder? instead of outright advice.
After the bill was paid and bathroom trips were taken, Tohru left the bakery with Akane, still slightly befuddled but a whole world sunnier.
?So,? she said breezily. ?Where are we heading??
?Here?s the address. I need to get to Kazuma Sohma?s dojo.?
Author?s notes: Well, there?s chapter eight! I must confess, it?s a little more of a filler than I intended but I?m hoping it sets up enough for later on.
And yes, that?s Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo from Ranma ? (definitely not my characters insert further disclaimer here). I?ve actually crossovered them from another fanfiction story of mine that is currently in the works so, they are as they appear in that story. The story you ask? It?s ?On a Road Called Oppenheimer? and yes, that IS a shameless plug. BTW, updates to that story are even more overdue than updates to this one which just goes to show how behind I am!
Thanks a gajillion for reading and for the reviews. They are touching and inspiring and so many other things including the reason why I keep delaying the end of this story! If you ever want a personal response, please let me know and I?ll try to do so. Or e-mail me directly! Just keep the vulgarities out, please. hee hee.
Anyway, I hope you keep reading! Please tell your friends!
THANKS AGAIN!
cant wait for next chap.! Byeas! 