Shut Up and Drive (songfic)

[raine_yuy]

Disclaimer: i don't own crap. It's sad really, i know. i don't own the song either. its by chely wright called "shut up and drive"

AU: wow, i haven't written anything in a year or so. my muse left me for another. someone probably more worthy. but heck, i found another. ok, enough with that. this is a songfic about heero and relena. the best couple ever and you can't argue with me. a little sad i suppose but the ending is actually...hmm...well, hopeful. ok, enjoy! and reply if you'd like to tell me what you think or what i can improve on.





Taking care not to disturb the sleeping form beside her own, the girl climbed out of bed with as little movement as possible. She needed a shower. She headed for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later, hoping against hope that the occupant of the bed was still asleep. Dressed in faded jeans and a simple blouse, she headed for the bed. She stood just above the blissfully sleeping form. His sight made her ache physically and mentally. Tousled chocolate brown locks fell gently on a guarded face that held strength and little gentleness. Behind closed lids the girl knew hid prussian blues that can only appear indifferent and nothing else. Sighing with great resignation, she tucked the ends of the white silk around the muscular form of the boy and tried desperately to hold back tears. How many times had he only to look at her with longing and she went running straight into his arms inevitably? Like a damned magnet that cannot stay away from the force. And how many times had she woken up in her own bed with empty arms and even emptier heart? Too many mornings. Too many pathetic tears. It was so unfair. He was able to walk away without ever feeling regret. Without remorse. Without pain. Without even a goddamn apology. A woman can only take so much before common sense reared its painful head to bash some reality into her with unstoppable force. And so she gave him all she had the night before to make up for the nights to follow that she will give no more. When their bodies had met at the very climax of ecstacy, a lone tear had trailed its way down her cheek. Unnoticed by the man but felt by the woman. It was the last tear to fall before her soul accepted what was to be done. What was to come. But god, how she longed to stay. How she longed to give up everything for this one man.

<font color=blue>Shut up and drive
You don't know what you're talking about
He's not the one
You ought to know that by now</font>

Just one last touch. She heard herself whisper. And in doing so, laid a tentative hand on his forehead and brushed back unruly locks from his face. It stabbed her with such force, that one gentle act and she closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay. She promised to cry no more. Why? Why the hell couldn't he just love her? Angry thoughts and questions that went unanswered by the still form of the former soldier. The girl leaned forward and brushed a lingering kiss on the exposed forehead. Grief clawed her heart with a vicious grip and held until she could not breathe. I would have given you anything. Had you only asked for it. Had you only felt the same. But the girl knew otherwise and swallowed the bitter taste of reality. <i>This is for the best. And i suppose a little payback won't hurt.</i> Oh but it did. It certainly did.

<font color=blue>You've got one of those hearts
That keeps changing your mind
Your heart has a way of making you stay
So shut up and drive</font>

Turning her back on the boy, she walked to where her suitcase sat waiting for her at the corner of the bedroom door. She put on her jacket before reaching for the suitcase and silmutaneously took out a sunglass to shade her eyes from the morning sun. She opened the door and used all her control to keep from glancing back to where the sleeping form lay unaware. How many times had he done the same exact thing to her? Countless horrible times. And the thought gave her the final courage to close the door with a soft final click. The last piece of her heart broke for the last time. But the hollow feeling she expected never came. Instead came the sudden light wind of freedom. She almost smiled through her sorrow. She headed to where the red convertible car was parked and hefted the suitcase at the back seat. Trembling hands reached for the door and finally pulled it open, settling in and shutting the door. She took a deep beath and started the engine. <i>This is it Relena. Don't lose courage now.</i> The mental voice urged her. She turned the key in the ignition and the sports car roared to life with startling ferocity. Another deep breath. Then she put the car on drive and pulled out of the parking lot onto the highway.

<font color=blue>Don't look in the mirror
He might have that look in his eyes
The one thats so strong
It strangles your will to survive</font>

Heero rubbed the last fog of sleep from his brain and opened his eyes to be greeted by the sunlight streaming into the bedroom through the window. He winced and reached an arm across the space of the bed, fully expecting to feel the presence of another but encountering only soft sheets. Startled, he came to a sitting position and let his cold eyes travel around the spacious bedroom. <i>What the hell?</i> Apprehension made his back rigid and his brows furrowed in a temperamental scowl. It didn't feel right. He padded into the bathroom with determination. Empty. He glanced to where a suitcase was suppose to be waiting by the corner and also found the spot empty. Something was definitely out of the loop. He quickly showered and dressed. A feat that took only 3 minutes flat and only men had ever had a right to accomplish. Looking around the room to make sure that the conclusion he came to was still very much the reality, the boy finally let out a strangled sigh. Unfamiliar pain seared through his empty stomach and laid there like a dead weight. He was suppose to be the one who left no trace in the mornings. Never she. He sat on the corner of the bed and for the first time in his short life, did not know the next move.

<font color=blue>He's mastered the art
Of looking sincere
His eyes have a way of making you stay
Don't look in the mirror</font>

Out in the highway, Relena took the time to bind her hair with the scarf she wore around her neck as to keep her rebellious locks from getting in her way. She felt light and absolutely careless. She smiled into the image the rearview mirror projected. She was a woman free of a man's binding force. A woman free to feel different emotions rather than the constant hopelessness that a man who refused to love had caged her into feeling. She had never known such emotion before. Freedom was an unfamiliar territory she had yet to explore.

<font color=blue>I'm the voice you never listen to
And I had to break your heart to make you see
That he's the one who will be missing you
And you'll only miss the man
That you wanted him to be</font>

She had left. There was no way in which to get around that truth. She had left him without even a goodbye. Without even glancing back in regret. Heero never knew that silence could hurt so bad. So, this is what it's like. To be human. To be needy. To long for something you no longer had a right to. To regret so many careless actions he had committed in the past. To love someone who was not there to wake up to in the morning. And the hardened soldier closed his eyes and learned empathy. Learned the true meaning of emotions for it gripped his heart like talons. Sharp and demanding. How many times had he done this to the very woman who finally had the courage to do exactly what he had done? Countless, heartless mornings. Christ, he was an ass. She offered everything. Had given all of herself without reserve. Without asking for anything in return. Selfless love. The highest gift given by the most amazing woman. A gift any man would have killed and died for. And he had been so arrogant. So sure that she would always be willing to reserve herself for him. And how long did he expect her to go on as they were? With her sacrificing her pride and freedom just for the taste of him? He had asked of a woman what no man had the right to ever ask of her. To demand what he knew was already his for the taking but not giving in return. He groaned in self-loathing and wished he had the right to ask for a second chance.

<font color=blue>Turn the radio on
To drown out the sound of goodbye
Blink back the tears
Show me you've still got your pride</font>

She had tried her best to give him what he wanted. But it was never enough. She was never enough. And Relena knew for the first time in her life that she also had the right to demand happiness as much as he. The war had taken from her things she would never be able to recapture. Her innocence in simple things. Hey eyes were too open to the reality now to wallow in such ignorance. And adoslecence. She would have loved to just be able to act like a normal teenager without the worlds critical eyes looking in on her and judging what they deemed inappropriate actions for a leader. Yes, she certainly had a right to her own happiness. And with Heero, she had held his happiness way above her own. But god, how she loved that boy. And the times she had slept curled up in his arms, she had felt more complete than any angel in their rightful heaven could ever feel. No. Her freedom came above all else. She deserved it. She had to drown the sound of his voice and hers out of her mind. The sound of her name on his lips when he thought she had fallen asleep after making love. That angry and fiercely gentle tone. She reached for the knob to turn on the radio. <i>Don't lose that resolve Relena. Don't let yourself remember now.</i>

<font color=blue>Just get yourself lost
In a sad country song
Those guys that they play
Know just what to say
Turn the radio on</font>

Heero gathered himself from the bed and collected the gun he had tucked under the bed last night, placing it behind his jeans. He walked out the door and slammed it shut with a resounding finality that scraped more skin from his heart. He headed for his motorcycle parked next to where Relena's car would have been. Slipping his leather jacket on, he started the engine and headed on for the highway. There was no going back now. There was nothing to return to. The only woman to have ever given him anything worth keeping had taken away his reason for living. And so he resolved to breath but never feel again. But that was exactly what he had been doing all this time. Except when he had Relena in his arms. Relena who had trusted him without ever questioning his own ability to trust. <i>Relena...</i>

<font color=blue>I'm the voice you never listen to
And I had to break your heart to make you see
That he's the one who will be missing you
And you'll only miss the man
That you wanted him to be</font>

She let the wind washed away the last trace of sadness from her face. She let slipped a sad smile before a genuine grin split her face and made her eyes return from the shadows into the light. She loved him still. Would love him always. This she accepted without a trace of bitterness. But he had to learn that walking away from her was not the way into her heart. He had to learn what pain and loss was before he would be able to accept happiness. But for now...she would enjoy the new found freedom she had discovered. <i>Heero...</i>

<font color=blue>Shut up and drive
Don't look in the mirror
Turn the radio on
Get out of here
Shut up and drive
Shut up and drive
Shut up and drive</font>

<i>Someday Relena...</i>and the motorcycle suddenly burst forward with a blast of energy until it became only a distant form. <i>Someday...</i>

<i>Until someday Heero...</i>and the radio kept playing a soft tune that made her eyes water with sudden happiness. <i>Until someday...</i>

[Eden]

Hummm, Relena's trying to teach him a lesson, eh?
Never been much for song fic's myself, but this one was really good. Keep it up!

~Eden

[Kiyoko]

Aw, this was really sad! But I must give credit to Relena for walking away from Heero. You portrayed their characters well. Great job, can't wait for more.

[AngelOfDeath]

I'm always so sad when they don't end up together in a fic, but I think you did this well and it ended very appropriately.

Heero on a motorcycle, eh? heh

[lilac310]

This is good stuff so far!!!! Keep it up!!!!