Love Beyond All Fear 13/13

[Gundam Girl]

To everyone who has offered feedback for this fic, I can only say THANK YOU for how helpful it was. I appreciate it enormously. From when I started writing this story to now, I?ve been told I?ve improved greatly.

So, from the author to her readers, thanks again. And enjoy the last chapter.

Love Beyond All Fear ? Chapter 13

By Gundam Girl

Relena?s room was lit by only a candle, dripping wax onto the half-broken table it sat on, casting a dim glow over her pale, tear-stained face. Derek was awake now, playing with two slabs of wood like another child would play with pan lids.

The sight tormented her heart, even though he was smiling up at her on occasion. She smiled back each time, though it never reached her eyes once.

How could she ever fully smile again with the truth bleeding into her heart? The truth that Heero had married another woman, forgotten her after leaving her in Japan after saying all of those things and making all of those promises.

But Relena had made a promise also. A promise to my son.She passed a hand over the dark-haired head of her child, watching those all-seeing Prussian blue eyes.

She wouldn?t abandon that promise. She would keep her word.

Heero may have forgotten her, but he would not forget that Derek was a part of him. And Derek would most certainly know his father.

No matter what it took.

o0o

Heero?s blood had quite simply stopped flowing. He felt absolutely nothing at all. Numbly, he managed to open his mouth and voice, very quietly, ?You told Relena?about us??

The way he said ?us? made Catherine?s stomach drop. ?Of course I did,? she said, slightly sharp. Heero?s eyes on her made her feel a sudden unexpected guilt.

?Why do I feel guilty?? Catherine demanded to herself. ?What I did was perfectly justified!? Anger quickly welled inside her again.

?Oh, God,? Wufei moaned, punching the wall closest to him. ?This is my fault. I knew we were gone for longer than we should have. We must have just missed her! I told her to??

?No,? Catherine interrupted him, ?I think I needed to meet her. There were just a few things you left out in your story,? she said to Heero coolly. ?Your wife wants you to come meet her tonight. I?m quite sure she?ll be there this time.?

Heero inhaled sharply, feeling desperate at her words sunk in. ?That isn?t? Lord, that?s not how it was, Cathy! We didn?t actually marry, but I did promise her??

?There?s no difference to her,? Wufei told him. ?Remember where she grew up.?

?You don?t have to explain,? Catherine said harshly. ?I doubt there?s anything you can really even say, anyway. She wanted us to take her child, Heero! Her child! It was like she went insane!?

Wufei shook his head dejectedly, dark eyes narrowed in thought. ?She wants her son to grow up as an American??

?Can?t you see what she?s thinking?? Catherine went on, setting a hand on her husband?s arm. ?Relena still believes you want to marry her! She feels like you did marry her on words alone. You have to tell her?? She swallowed, fighting the tears that wanted to escape. ?You must tell her that isn?t what happened. And it has to be you. She won?t accept it from anyone else.? She suddenly stiffened. ?Of course?it only applies if that?s the truth.?

Taken aback, Heero felt anger top the desperation for a few moments. ?Damn it, Catherine, don?t doubt me now!? He covered her hand with his own, and his grip was tight. ?You?re my wife. There were so many men who came back from that war without anything that made up a real life. I was one of them?? He met her eyes, and his tone gentled. ?And then I found you.?

Catherine?s hand shook beneath his. ?You can tell me that,? she whispered. ?You can say all of that, Heero? But she?s the one who gave you a child. She bore you a son. When you dreamed of the war, the person you cried out for wasn?t me, it was Relena.? She felt Heero jerk, but she gripped his shoulders with both hands and moved in, pressing her cheek to his chest. ?It?s been two years since we were married, and you?ve never spoken to me of the war before recently ? not once.? Her eyes lifted to his and she smoothed a palm over his hair. ?Tell the truth,? she murmured. ?Make a choice. Do you want her or me??

For several seconds, Heero could only stare at her. The room was silent, and no one moved. Wufei watched them calculatingly, while Catherine held her breath. Then finally?

?Listen to what it was like back then,? Heero said lowly. ?Back when I was a different man. Back when I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be. I had my feelings?all of us did?and no one knew them but me. I couldn?t risk letting them out.

?But then I met her?and she was so young and so lonely and afraid. She was the only good thing about that whole place, Cathy. Like an angel in hell. The war was in shambles, and then, in her, I finally found what it was I wanted. Japan was a crazy dream, barely there in my mind?but she was real. And, like never before, I could feel true things. I saw the world in such a different way, and the way she was to me, I felt the same pain she did. And in spite of everything, the low chances of staying with her, I began to believe in her. I needed to believe in her. And she loved me. Me.

?So I wanted to save her. I had to protect her, like it was just something I couldn?t live without doing. And, good God, I?m American! It?s what Americans do, isn?t it! But I failed?how could I fail, was what I thought for a whole year. I lost her, she was dead. I felt like I had killed her! Killed the only girl who?d ever loved me, who I?d started to love back!? He was pale, and with the flow of raw emotion he was letting run, perspiration shone on his face. His whole body trembled.

?But, really?in the end of it all?the end of her, all I wanted was home. And home wasn?t Japan, it was here.? He brushed some strands of auburn hair away from Catherine?s face. ?With you. Because when I met you, and you started loving me, it was like you filled up what losing Relena had done to me. My life began again with you.? He shook his head, miserable. ?I should have told you, Cathy. How could ever trust me after??

Catherine kissed him, this time letting the tears fall freely down her face. ?Oh, Heero, I love you. I do. And I don?t doubt anything you?ve said, except for one thing.? She cradled him against her, his chin on the crown of her head. ?It didn?t end, dear. Relena hasn?t ended for you. You have to see her.?

Heero held his wife tighter. ?You?re right.?

Wufei cleared his throat, and the couple broke apart. ?There?s still the issue of Derek, the son. It?s terrific you guys have each other, but the kid exists too. He?s yours, Heero. And if what Cathy said is true, Relena wants you to take responsibility for him.?

?I know,? Heero murmured, ?and I?m still confused. Christ, Wufei, Relena?s there too. What could I possibly do for her now??

Wufei frowned, avoiding the question. He didn?t rightly know. ?There are shelters being built in the States for children like him, kids who aren?t ever going to find their fathers. There?s no difficult choice to be made here. Do you want to put him in a home or take him to yours??

?If it was just Derek,? sighed Catherine, ?I?d take him, of course. He?s your son.? It would hurt, Catherine admitted to herself, but she would accept it. ?It would work out. But Relena ? Heero, I don?t think I?m strong enough to have her near us like that??

?No.? Heero didn?t think he was strong enough for that either. ?I think the answer?s fairly clear, Wufei. They could come to New York, say, in Brooklyn. We could support them there.?

?Listen, Heero, you didn?t see Relena. When I spoke of you to her, it was like she came back from the dead.? And the thought still sent chills through the Chinese man?s veins.

?Then the most I can do for her is to keep her and my son alive,? Heero replied.

?Relena?s smart,? chimed in Catherine. ?I think she?ll eventually understand.?

Doubtful, Wufei stuck his hands in his pockets. ?I just don?t know. Her heart is sore, the kid is young.?

?He?ll get an American education. We?ll provide what they need,? Heero went on. ?They can start new lives there. Isn?t that what the whole American Dream is about??

?You?re talking like a fool,? Wufei grunted.

?It?ll work out,? insisted Catherine.

?So it?s done,? Heero said, sounding certain ? mostly.

Wufei watched both of them for a minute. ?So this is your decision.?

?I think it?s the best one.?

?Fine,? he said, turning towards the door. ?Both of you can come with me then. We?ll fly back early in the morning.?

o0o

?Relena.? Howard stood in the doorway of her room, sunglasses low on his nose so he could peer over them at her. ?You look horrible. Is there anything I can do for you?? Of course there wasn?t, but he?d basically used the woman and her son for his own purposes. At least he could offer his help and pretend to mean it.

That Yuy was a bastard. When Relena had returned in the state she was in, he had been able to guess the situation. When Howard talked to him, Heero had said he?d married again; a woman named Catherine. Ugly name, Howard thought. Probably an ugly woman.

As for Relena, whose name and face were both not ugly, she didn?t deserve this. Howard might have been through hell, but Relena had been through worse. Odd, he thought to himself. He?d never have said that before now.

Relena turned to him and gave him the most pathetic smile he?d ever seen. ?No, Howard, thank you. I would like to be alone with my son.?

Howard felt something inside of him rip. ?Sure,? he said softly. ?I won?t let anyone bother you.? He closed the door on his way out.

Relena walked to the small, dusty window. The only thing worth looking at in this town was the sky, but even the stars seemed dimmer tonight. The moon shone yellow, proving just enough light to see the outlines of things in the room. She turned back away from the glass and looked at her son, pride swelling. Derek wasn?t afraid on the dark.

She had dressed him in his lesser-worn clothes. They were still close to being rags, but they were nicer than the others. She had tried to comb his hairs with her fingers, but it was as unruly as his father?s. Her heart clenched tighter at the thought.

?You are such a good son, Derek,? she murmured, pulling him tightly against her. ?Give mother a hug, okay??

Derek did so, kissing her on the cheek as well. Relena had to will herself not to cry. Crying only scared the boy.

?Let me tell you a story,? Relena said, letting Derek sit in her lap. ?My brother told me this story when I was your age. There was once a kind of bird called a phoenix. There aren?t any anymore, but it was a very special bird. It was large and colorful and it always protected whatever it loved. The bird lived for a very long time, and when it finally died, it didn?t die like other birds. It died by bursting into flame until it had made itself nothing but ashes.?

?It died?? Derek whispered, his voice broken and not fully developed.

?Yes,? Relena nodded. ?But see, it didn?t really die. Because every time in became ashes, it was born again from the ashes. So it lived forever, restarting over and over again.?

She stood up, taking him into her arms and brought him by the window, nearer to the pale light. ?I found out something tonight, my son. I?ve been looking for your father for me and you ? both of us. But I know now that he can?t be with both of us. I knew him and had his love once.? She kissed his forehead even as the tears sparkled in her eyes. ?I think this time it?s your turn. I won?t ever be far from you; please remember that. I will always love you. Could you try to remember me even if I have to go away??

Derek nodded solemnly, wrapping his little arms around her neck.

Relena set him on the floor, keeping his small hand in one of hers. ?After tonight, Derek, you?ll be with your father. After I?m gone, you must give all of your love to him. Look at me very closely.? The round face peered up at her, his eyes wide. ?Don?t forget how I look. Because now, you must keep on living ? for me.? She bent down and gave him one more kiss. ?Now stay here by the window,? she ordered softly, ?and no matter what you hear, you mustn?t move. Sit down.?

Derek obediently sat on the floor, leaning against the wall.

Relena forced herself to smile as real a smile as she could muster. He was a good son. He would be to Heero as well.

She stepped backward, turning away from him and moving to the bed. She wrapped the bed-curtains around it so that she was blocked from Derek?s view.

And she took a deep breath.

o0o

?That last person,? Howard said dangerously from the front of the hotel, ?who is going to see Relena now is you.?

?We have business,? Heero replied.

Howard snapped back. ?I gave you yours three years ago. Don?t you remember, in Fair View??

?That?s enough,? Wufei said. ?Do you want those two to go to America or not, Howard??

?I want all three of us to go there,? Howard shot back. ?But not with Yuy. I highly doubt she wants to see him.?

?You?re wrong,? spoke up Catherine. ?She told me herself that she did.?

Well, Howard thought, he?d been wrong about something if not that. Catherine wasn?t ugly. And that had probably just been another wound to Relena. ?Then I?m going to stop you anyway. I won?t let her hurt herself like you hurt her.?

Heero?s fists clenched, then slackened. ?I?m trying to make up for this, Howard. And if you try to stop me, I?ll remove you myself. Some things I can?t fix,? he cast a look at Catherine, ?but what I can, I will.?

And then they heard a sound that stopped their hearts and chilled their blood: a single gunshot.

Heero, Catherine, Wufei and Howard all froze, the only sound being the wind that rushed past their ears and their own heartbeats pounding in their throats.

Howard?s sunglasses fell off. ?The top floor.?

?But that?s where?? Wufei swallowed.

?Oh my God,? Catherine whispered.

Heero wasn?t nearly as quiet. ?RELENA!? Shoving past Howard, he was on the stairs in an instant, thundering upward with Catherine, Wufei, and Howard right behind him.

He burst through the door, the wooden panel nearly falling off. He registered the sound of a startled child crying softly, but the first thing he really noticed was the enclosed bed?and the blood leaking out from under it. ?Relena?? he gasped.

He rushed to the bed and pulled back the drapes?to see Relena lying on the bed, eyes closed, blood gushing darkly from a bullet wound in the stomach, and her hand spread near her head. He recognized the gun lying in the palm as his own?the one he?d given her three years ago.

?Oh?God.? He swallowed, shaking, and he slowly lowered himself onto the bed beside her. Behind him, Wufei and Catherine were tending to the crying boy. His son, he realized. Derek. ?Relena?? He passed his knuckled over her cheek. It was pale and cool. Too cool. ?Why did you? Why??

Relena blinked rapidly, staring up at him. It was the first time she?d seen him in three years; the only thing she?d wanted to see. ?You?ve been guided to your son, Heero. I just helped a little.?

He shook his head, denial setting in like a ghost as tears streaked down. One fell onto her neck. ?Please, Relena? Please don?t die.?

Her lips parted and she smiled a little; suddenly, she felt so careless. Maybe she could smile truly again after all. Slowly, she lifted a hand and eased it across his rough cheek, luxuriant with the feel of it again. The coldness of her fingers made a sob rip from Heero?s throat. Her own tears heated her eyes.

?Please,? she echoed him, ?Heero?? Saying his name to him was like living again?like the phoenix? ?Hold me. Just one more time.?

Oh, God? His only image of her had been as she had seemed to him in Japan. As though she were an angel sent directly to him from heaven, to sooth him, to heal him. And in return for all she had done, he?d caused her pain. Caused her to cause herself pain. Now, she still looked like an angel, but one that was ill and had been for a very long time. Obligingly, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her thin and fragile body against him. To think that this delicate creature had brought life into the world?life created by the two of them together. ?Relena,? he murmured. ?Our son?please know that I?ll love him the same way I?? Loved you.He couldn?t bring himself to say that to her.

But Relena knew. Her eyes glowed with more than just her tears. Blood continued to drip away from her, and she was growing pale and colder. Howard had gone for a doctor minutes ago, but? ?I never,? she gasped out, her breath raking through her throat, ?stopped loving you.? Her eyes drifted shut, dark eyelashes standing out on her white cheeks. Her head fell back over his arm, golden hair spreading across the bloodstained bed. She gave a small shudder.

And then she was gone.

Heero trembled, still holding her to him, wanting her to stay, wishing? But no one can wish away death. As he laid her down on the mattress, he leaned over her and touched his lips to hers. Her lips had told her love even as death had come to her. And what had he done??

It didn?t matter, Heero told himself. Trembling, he slid off the bed to the floor, unable to stand. His eyes flashed in the dim light as he turned his head to look at the child huddled in Catherine?s arms by the window. The boy looked almost identical to him, but the soul behind the Prussian blue eyes was Relena?s. Heero could feel her inside of him.

He will be whoever he wants to be, Heero vowed silently. Exactly what you wanted, Relena.

On unsteady legs, he walked across the room to Catherine and the child. Catherine backed away. The boy had stopped crying and now looked at Heero was dry, curious eyes. And then he spoke the word Relena had taught him:

?Father.?

Heero broke; he fell to his knees in front of the smaller version of himself. Spreading his arms, he embraced his child for the first time.

And could have sworn he felt Relena embracing both of them.

Fini

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Many thanks to all who have been here from the beginning. I hope I didn?t anger too many of you. And if you want to put down your torches and pitchforks and make a final review for this fic, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks again. Hopefully I will see you in some of my other fics.

Love,

GG

[epyon]

ooohhh, i get it, phoenix nice touch.

[Gundam Girl]

Thanks for reading!