AN: After an extended wait i finally got this chapter out...we're almost to the end...one more chapter and then the epilogue!! hold on to ur hats ppl...it's gonna be an angsty ride...
Disclaimer: I don?t own any of the characters?or the songs? or anything at all? please feed the poor college student? w/reviews of course!
<font size=+2><center>So Close... And Yet So Far</center></font>
Read Chapters 1-9 Here
Part Ten: ?All Fall Down
Blinding white agony, sharp as knives, pounding into her brain. Relena groaned, writhing in pain and finding her movement barred by some unknown force. It was warm. Hard...yet somehow comforting. She settled further into it, hoping it would take the pain away. It started to pull away, and she was suddenly left cold and vulnerable to her pain. She groaned again.
"Relena.." The knives in her skull twisted sharply, increasing her agony. She buried her head into the pillow, futilely trying to pad the blows. "Relena.." She cringed again, but the sound was softer now, and not so aggravating to her head. The warmth was back, a comforting presence resting near her shoulder. She craned her neck slowly, trying to keep the fluid that seemed to fog her brain from sloshing around too much. She squinted up at the hard body next her, pins attacking her eyes before finally focusing on bottomless pools of Prussian blue. Heero. Her head flopped down on the pillow, her brow furrowing at the pain the sudden movement had evoked.
"Unnh.."
"Relena... drink this." His voice losing the softness it had acquired just moments ago.
"Not so loud?" She murmured, cracking open one eye to see Heero offering her a tall glass of water. "Mmm..." She tried to raise herself up to a sitting position, but the swimming pain her head was making it hard for her to make her muscles function. Heero's firm hand supported her back and gently lifted her up. She gulped the water down eagerly, gasping once she had downed half the glass. "What's wrong with me?"
"A hangover is caused by a bodily reaction mechanism to severe dehydration." The words seemed jumbled, incoherent. The letters were bumping around in her brain aimlessly.
"Hangover...?" Eyes widened after a ten second delay and quickly shifted to her attire. Her heather gray skirted had hiked up to an indecent level, baring her legs to the sunlight pouring through the window. She closed her knees awkwardly, feet pointing in opposite directions. She grabbed at the sheet that lay crumpled at the foot of the bed. Pounding. Pounding. Pounding. Her excited heart rate only added to her headache, which throbbed at every echoing beat.
"Finish the water." Heero commanded, oblivious to her embarrassment. She gave him a look, which changed from her previous nervousness to that of indignation, before imbibing the rest of the cooling elixir. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the bottom of the glass, and the white crystals that lay settled there. She gave him a furiously questioning look.
"Did you---"
"Just some sugar and salt to help your system absorb the water more easily," he interrupted before she could finish her verbal accusation. "Let's go. Time for lunch."
"Lunch?"
"It's almost noon," he offered, before taking her hand and helping her out of bed.
*************************************
The roaring of machines flooded her ears, and she found herself cringing. It wasn't like the roar of thunder that made you shudder, or the majestic roar of a lion. It could never sound so natural as that. Maybe that was why she had escaped to the vacuum of space, where the only sound that could reach her ears was the crackling of voices over the communicator. Where the sounds of buster rifles and mobile suits would be muted. Where she could forget the sounds from her childhood, the sound of machines demolishing her home. She couldn't remember where she got the idea that fighting in the war would end all that destruction, but she had joined Oz with that ideal. And then she had met Relena, that girl who stayed a prisoner on her own brother's command, that girl who would do anything and everything to stop the war, even face a long-lost brother who lingered on the brink of madness.
Hilde knew then that this would be the last time she would pilot a mobile suit. Because she had found a better way to stop the destruction, a better way to ensure that no child would lose their home or family ever again.
But it hadn't been stopped, had it? Hilde mused, bitterly. Perhaps she had been wrong to ever believe that the violence could end. Maybe Relena had been as naive and deluded as all those Romefeller cronies had thought she was. She shivered at the implications of her last thought. Duo wrapped a warm arm around her and gave her a bright smile, but she could see the concern flash through his violet eyes.
"Noin's over there talking to Sally. Wanna go say hi?" He said it as if he wasn't standing in front of a dismantled building, as if Relena wasn't even buried underneath it.
But she nodded and forced a smile, if only to reassure him. "Sure," she said, but the word was lost in the shouts that were coming from the site. Everyone in the surrounding area whipped their heads in the direction of the commotion to see what was going on. The earth trembled, and Fate?s hesitant hand struck its deadly blow.
Hilde and Duo ran franticly with Noin and Sally towards the spot where Milliardo stood as an ever-present guardian over his sister. They watched in horror as what was left of the building?s structure gave a final wheeze before collapsing completely. Milliardo released a strangled cry before launching himself at the rubble. He clawed at it helplessly. Bloody fingertips grasped the chunks of metal and cement, trying to pry them out, trying to release his sister from her inevitable grave. He was too weak, he had always been too weak to save his sister, and in helplessness he cried out.
"Help me. Please," he gasped, "help me!" His voice shook everyone from their dazed horror and they approached him slowly and uncertainly. His dust covered hair and face made him look like a weary old man, hunched over the ground muttering, "help me, God help me" over and over again. It was Quatre who reached him first and gently grasped his shoulder.
"There?s nothing you can do, Milliardo, there?s nothing you can do." Milliardo shrugged him off violently.
"I have to save her! I?m her big brother, I?m supposed to protect her." He said stubbornly, trying not to acknowledge the lump in his throat or the tears burning at the corners of his eyes. Duo approached from the other side and grabbed his other shoulder.
"C?mon Zechs, we have to get out of the way. We don?t want to be here when the rest of this collapses." He glanced at Quatre, who nodded as they simultaneously pulled Milliardo away. He thrashed violently.
"Get off of me! Let me go!" The two ex-gundam pilots braced him firmly, tugging him away from the site as he continued his angry shouting. "Get off of me you fools!" When he was a safe distance away from the wreckage, Noin rushed to his side. At the touch of her comforting hands, he broke down completely. "Relena! Relena?"
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Relena?s fork clattered onto her plate. Her eyes moistened dangerously as she watched the television screen. She felt as if her heart had dropped into her stomach and leapt into her throat at the same time.
"Milliardo?" she whispered before covering her mouth with her pale, trembling fingertips. She glanced across the table at Heero, tears sparkling like gems at the corners of her eyes. She stood up abruptly and fled to the door of the diner, Heero at her heels. She stood on the pavement, hand leaning against the brick wall for support as she looked at him in the eyes. "Heero, she said unsteadily "my brother?" Her throat closed up and the rock in her stomach burned painfully before she bent over and released it onto the pavement.
Heero?s hand on her back steadied her enough for her to regain her speech. "I have to go to my brother, Heero. I have to tell him I?m alive." Heero grabbed her arm and pulled her across the street, back towards their temporary safe-haven.
"Not here, inside," he whispered in her ear, as he led her to the door of The Rusty Bucket. Once within the confines of the room, Relena released all she had been holding in since she had watched the televised broadcast of the debris? collapse and her brother?s reaction.
"Heero, I?ve been sitting in this room quietly for two days while the rest of the world has gone upside down. I don?t know how long you expected to keep me here but I have to go back now. I have to tell them I?m alive. I can?t bear it. I can?t bear knowing that people are in pain because of me. That my brother is in pain because of me." She challenged him with her ocean blue eyes, daring him to stop her. And Heero realized that maybe it was time she knew the truth.
Keeping his glare level with hers he started to speak, "We know who planted the bombs." Relena?s eyes widened, but she stifled her words, knowing that Heero would tell her what she wanted to know. "General Tausend was a top official in Romefeller. During the Eve Wars he had accumulated a large fortune and an impressive reputation. With the dawn of pacifism, he lost most of that. Becoming a senator of the ESUN was the only way he thought he could regain all that. Unfortunately, he was one representative among hundreds, and to top it all off he was expected to value the opinions and ideas of a teenage girl." Indignation flashed on Relena?s face, but Heero gave her a look that told her he wasn?t done yet. "He realized the only way to get what he had was to bring back the military, where he could be a general once again and he pushed for re-armament. But as long as you were against it, the bill would never pass. So he had to get rid of you."
Relena was speechless. A man, a senator who was supposed to look after the welfare of his constituents, would blow up an entire building just to regain a title? Didn?t he realize that titles were absolutely meaningless, that power was nothing in a world where war would destroy everything?
"I have to talk to him," she said suddenly. "I have to make him see-"
"I don?t think so, Relena. You have stay here until we can arrest him and everyone who was involved."
"Everyone? Who else would follow him?"
"You can?t have a war without soldiers, Relena. The Veteran Soldiers Coalition follows him as blindly as they follow you. Listening to words without actually understanding them." She had helped form the Veteran Soldiers Coalition, just so this would not happen. So people like Heero could find their place in the world. She looked into his hard, cold blue eyes.
"I was so wrong. I have to fix this, Heero."
Heero gripped Relena?s arm firmly. He looked into her eyes and watched in fascination as the greens and blues of her eyes swirled around each other, like the thoughts warring in his own mind.
"No." he said definitely and deliberately. A myriad of emotions flashed in his cobalt eyes. Relena caught them, trying to read them, trying to understand them. But how could she understand what he himself did not?
A million thoughts were echoing in his mind. And underneath them all, a resounding, What is wrong with me?
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
He found it hard to rationalize these conflicting feelings of anger and protectiveness. It?s her fault, his stubborn side contended. He had to be perfect and all this time spent with her in such close proximity was blurring his judgment.
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
How can she do this to me? I?m the Perfect Soldier. She?s an obstacle! No! I care about her. I have to protect her. Why? She?s important to peace. Is that all? No, she?s important to me. Why? I don?t know. She?s confusing me. Relena felt his grip on her upper arm tightening as he battled his thoughts.
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
"Heero?" she said softly, trying to speak to him, she felt as if she had lost him somewhere along the way. His thoughts were drowning out all external sound, including her voice. Don?t let her leave. Don?t let her come too close. The grip started to become uncomfortable. "Heero," she called, a bit louder. His eyes were dazed as he struggled to control the thoughts battling in his mind. He no longer saw her or felt her, but Relena was in pain. It felt as though Heero was going to break her arms in two. "Heero!" she gasped out in pain. Her cry broke through like pebble through shattering glass. Startled out of his thoughts, he released his vice-like grip on her frail arms.
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
His eyes widened in shock as he realized what he had almost done. You?re a killer. He stared at his hands in horror and he slowly backed away from her. You destroy everything you touch. His back hit the wall. He slid down until he was seated on the floor against it with knees bent. His hands flew to his head as he ran them through his hair thoroughly, trying to brush his thoughts away.
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
Relena watched him, her heart twisting at the evident pain he was experiencing. She had thought him a pillar of strength for herself and now she realized her selfishness. He was not a machine, he was a human being, who hurt as much she, or anyone else, did. She slowly walked towards him and knelt beside him. She touched him lightly on the shoulder. "Heero?" He flinched and tried to back away, but the wall behind him prevented any escape.
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
"Don?t touch me, Relena. I?ll destroy you. I destroy everything I touch," he voiced his rampant thoughts. She brought her other hand to his knee and sat down, facing him.
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
"You can?t hurt me, Heero. How many times have you tried and failed? You will never hurt me."
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
He looked at her with the eyes of a lost little boy, tears hanging precariously at the corners. So much pain and confusion.
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
She finally did what she had been longing to do for so long. Cupping his chin in her hands, she brought her face close to his. She kissed his eyes, one at a time, softly, as if kissing the petals of a flower. The hesitant tears rolled gently down his face. "I love you, Heero. I will always be here to help you. Please let me."
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
"Relena?I?you" he stammered, "?too many emotions?I can?t decide?I don?t understand?" He struggled to express himself, as the tears continued to fall unconsciously.
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
"I?m here for you, Heero. I promise I?ll never leave you. We?ll do this together."
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
She stroked his hair and took his head into her arms, trying to comfort him. The outpour of emotions had exhausted him, and he was lulled to sleep by her delicate touch.
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
It would be a sleep like none he had ever had. Peaceful, dreamless and deep.
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
So Close and Yet So Far - Chapter 10 by Miaka Mouse
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Angeldreams
- Coordinator||Plotting nightly on how to 'get' Kyo
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