Chapter Seven The pain and pleasure of a broken heart
For what felt like the millionth time, Tohru pressed her fingers to her throbbing temple in an unsuccessful attempt to silence the voice that had been unrelentingly groaning ?Why me?? since she had left a still snuffling Kiyone. How was she supposed to plead Kiyone?s case to Kyo when she could barely speak in coherent sentences anywhere in his vicinity?
You only have yourself to blame. You should have just refused, she scolded herself. That girl has been nothing but cruel to you. Isn?t it her fault that you?re miserable? If she had never stopped you in the hall that day, if she had never planted to seeds of worry, you and Kyo would still be together.
But Kiyone had looked so sad, so pathetic that the most down and out dog looked like a circus clown next to her, that there was no way Tohru could have refused the teary request without feeling like the most cruel-hearted of villains. And her plea was so sincere, her cheeks so blotchy, her nose so runny, that Tohru?s easily sympathetic heart-strings were moved to song.
?I?ll be honest. When I first went after Kyo, I didn?t think anything of it. I thought, I?d go out with him for a few weeks, bask in the envy of all the other girls who are dying to date a Sohma, break up with him and move on.?
Even as she recalled the other girl?s words, Tohru could feel her muscles tightening in the beginnings of rage.
?If I had known?if I could have predicted.? The usually queen-like Kiyone very inelegantly blew her nose. ?I just didn?t think I would actually FALL for him, you know? I just?I just?I just,? she hiccupped, ?it just felt like it happened so fast.? Kiyone stared down at the worn wood of the caf? table. When she spoke, Tohru had to strain to make out the words. ?I think I love him.?
Tohru shuddered as she remembered her chilly response to the obviously heartsick girl?s quiet declaration. She had never before felt so clammy and cold, had never before felt a void of compassion as she had at that very moment.
?I?m sorry, Miss Kobayashi. I do not understand what you want me to do.?
Kiyone must have sensed something Tohru?s response because her head shot up, her moist eyes glinting with surprise. Quelled by the iciness in Tohru?s question, she gnawed on her bottom lip.
?I told him. I told him that I?ve never felt the way about any boy the way I feel about him. I?I wasn?t sure what he?d do, you know? I thought he?d freak out, but he didn?t. He just looked so?so?sad. And then he?he?he?told me that he was sorry. That maybe it would be better if we didn?t see each other any more. And now I don?t know what to do. I don?t want to be without him.? Kiyone wiped sloppily at the tears that spilled down her cheeks. ?Will you just please tell him?that I?ll do anything, anything to make it work? Please??
And, because she understood the helplessness that Kiyone must be drowning in, because she was sinking in that same ocean herself, Tohru agreed. She had left the caf? quickly, unwilling to continue choking on Kiyone?s misery and was now walking home in mixed daze. Part of her was sorry for Kiyone. How could she not help but feel bad for someone who was so depressed? Another part of her was hesitantly joyful. Why would Kyo turn down one of the most gorgeous, sought after girls of their high school? Was he simply worried about Akito and the curse? She remembered the look on his face when he found out they could spend the afternoon together. Did he realize how she felt about him? Was he willing to give her another chance? Tohru sighed heavily. She couldn?t ever remember feeling so muddled.
She was so lost in thought that she didn?t realize she was in home until she was standing in the entranceway of the house.
?Oh,? she remarked out loud, more to herself than to anyone else. ?I?m home.? She was only halfway out of her daze when she saw the orange-haired subject of her thoughts peering out from the living room.
?Oh,? Kyo replied, frowning only slightly. ?I thought you were Shigure.?
?I?m not.? The simple sight of him jumbled up her thinking. ?I mean, that is to say, of course you can tell that I?m not Shigure. I mean, he?s a man and I?m,? she trailed off when she realized that Kyo was studying her too intently, ??not.?
?Hey,? he said, stepping through the doorway. ?Are you all right??
?Me? I?m fi??
?Because you look pretty pale.?
?I do??
?Do you need water or something??
Still thrown off by the fact that he was talking to her, Tohru fumbled at something, anything, to continue the conversation.
?Tea!? Kyo jumped as the word exploded out of her mouth and Tohru smacked herself on the head. ?I mean. I think I?d like a cup of tea.?
?Oh. Sure. Have a seat. I?ll be right back.? He turned towards the kitchen and Tohru, suddenly coming to herself, grabbed an arm to stop him.
?That?s all right Kyo,? she blurted, relishing the feel of his arm beneath her fingers. ?I can get it.?
He smiled at her then, the familiar you?re-an-idiot-let-me-do-something-nice-for-you smile she so adored. ?Hey, you?re the one that isn?t feeling well, right? I?ll get it. Take it easy for a change.?
She argued with him a little bit more, partly on principle and mostly because she was thrilled by the teasing twinkle in his eyes.
As they sat, silently sipping their tea, Tohru deliberated on her plan of attack. The best approach, she decided, was a direct one. If only she could work up enough courage to get the words out.
Finally, she forced herself to break the comfortably companionable silence. ?Uhm?Kyo??
?Yeah??
?I ran into Miss Kobayashi this afternoon.?
?Yeah?? his reply was slow and cautious.
Tohru inhaled deeply, then rushed to expel the words from her body. ?She was very upset, bawling really. And?well, that is, she wanted me to talk to you. She wanted me to tell you that she?s sorry about anything she may have said to upset you and?uhm?? she hesitated, ?she said she would do anything if you would take her back.?
Silence. Long heartbeats of silence. The air in the room tightened and Tohru grasped at anything, anything to say, hoping and praying that her words would loosen the atmosphere.
?I?m sorry for intruding on your personal business, I really am. It?s just?she was so sad! I wanted to help her somehow.? She bowed low and, in the process, smacked her forehead against the low tea table.
When she came to, her head was in Kyo?s lap and an ice pack was pressed against her forehead. He peered down at her, his face somehow emotionless even though his eyes seemed to swim with concern. ?You okay??
?Yes. I?m sor?? She started to get up but he lightly pushed her back down.
?Just rest a second, all right?? Since her head was swimming and stars were dancing just faintly in her line of vision, she readily complied.
She continued to rest there, taking guilty comfort at the feeling of Kyo?s lap beneath her head, the slight press of his wrist against her forehead. Closing her eyes with the sheer bliss, she was just a little disappointed when he spoke.
?I?m sorry that Kiyone went and got you involved with all this,? he said quietly. ?This is between me and her.?
Tohru opened her eyes to gaze up at Kyo, only to find his eyes focused everywhere else. ?It?s all right. I didn?t mind,? she protested. He looked back down at her, the unspoken message in his eyes enough to cease her arguing.
?She told you what happened, right?? When Tohru nodded, he continued, ?I?m sorry I made her cry, I really am. I just didn?t know what else to do.
?It?s not that I didn?t like her, you know.? Tohru tried to disguise her wince, hoped that Kyo would mistake it for a different kind of pain. ?Because, once you get past her initial bitchiness, she really is a really cool person.
?Don?t get me wrong, I know what she wanted from me. And, to tell you the truth, at that point, I really didn?t care.? He shrugged. ?I guess, in a way, we both know we were using each other. After I got to know her better, I found out that she really isn?t as bad as she pretends to be. Did you know she takes care of her little brothers after school? I met them a couple of times. They?re pretty cool, for brats.? He smiled fondly. ?She?s crazy about those kids, always doings things for them like buying them ice cream, reading to them.
?It was stuff like that that made me feel like I really did like her, that maybe I could make it work, that maybe I could forget?? he broke off abruptly. She could feel his muscles grow rigid and wasn?t surprised when he gently eased her head off her lap and onto one of the seat cushions. He didn?t stand up, but instead shifted away from her so that his face was out of her view.
Tohru squeezed her eyes shut even as the tears trickled quietly down her cheeks. Because it was tormenting, torturous murder not to know, she asked the question that gnawed at her soul, knowing full well that his answer could destroy her.
?Why, then? Why did you do it?? Her throat felt lumpy and dry. ?Was it because of the curse? Because of Akito??
?No.? His reply was barely a whisper. She raised her eyes to his because she knew he wanted her to. And when he spoke again, even her fingertips seemed to pulse with rapture and tears of a different sort poured down her cheeks. ?It was because of you.?
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Her eyes locked with his, Tohru painstakingly sat up so that she was now kneeling near him. Afraid to shatter the magic of the moment, she tried to tell him how she felt with her eyes, tried to reinforce the joy radiating from within her so that it filled the air, chasing away all the anger and tension of earlier.
?I couldn?t forget,? he continued croakily, ?what we had before. The way I feel about Kiyone and the way I feel about you?it?s just so different. I couldn?t be with her?I just couldn?t. She deserves better than that.?
He looked away then and Tohru saw his hand tighten into a fist. ?Look, I know you can?t stand the thought of being with me but?? Tohru?s nerves rang with alarm and she clumsily scrambled closer to him.
?No,? she rasped, her voice scratchy with panic, ?no. Kyo, you have it all wrong.?
His eyes narrowed and she continued more forcefully, taking his hand in hers. Fervently she pressed her lips to his knuckles. ?I want to be with you, I want to be with you more than anything.?
Kyo jerked his hand from hers and stood up. His countenance was stormy. ?Quit messing with me,? he warned her. ?It?s the last thing I need right now.?
She got to her feet, unafraid of the danger in him. It was so simple really, now that she he wanted her too.
She curled her fingers into the orange of his hair. ?I?m not messing with you. I meant every word.? She pressed her lips to his and he responded instantly. His hands went to her shoulders, tightening slightly when she instinctively moved closer. When he deepened the kiss, her balance disintegrated, and they sank to their knees on the floor.
They remained that way until he broke the kiss. He studied her then, the look in his eyes so intense, Tohru felt as if he were holding her heart in his hands. ?I missed you.?
So overwhelmed with emotion, she was unable to speak; Tohru smiled and pressed a hot kiss into the palm of his hand.
?It?s going to be different this time, Tohru,? Kyo said, his voice tinged with a seriousness that filled the pit of her stomach with a dread she didn?t yet understand.
?What do you mean?? She turned all her attention to the floor. Don?t say it, she silently begged him. Don?t ruin it.
Kyo tilted her chin upward so that he could see her face. ?This time we tell people we?re together.?
?People?? She giggled nervously. ?What people??
?You know what I mean,? he responded, running his hand along the length of her spine in that way that made her head tingle.
Tohru could feel the happiness begin to slowly seep out of her. Kyo must have sensed it because; he too, seemed to deflate. ?But??
?But what, Tohru??
?But,? she continued, despite his warning, ?what about Kiyone? And Kagura? And?? she trailed off, but she knew HE knew who she meant.
?What about them?? The tender look in his eyes was slowly disappearing and he seemed to be pulling away from her. ?I thought this was about US. Not Kiyone and not Kagura, and sure as hell not that damn rat! I thought you said that you wanted this, that you want us to be together.?
?I do, Kyo! I do!? She wrung her hands in desperation. ?It?s just?I don?t want anyone to know just yet. Not until they?re ready. I don?t?I don?t want to hurt them.?
?What about me, Tohru?? his voice was deceivingly mild, but she could sense the hurt in it. ?What about hurting me??
She gnawed at her lip. She wanted desperately to give Kyo the words she knew he needed to hear. She knew how much it cost him to expose his vulnerabilities this way and yet, she was heartsick at the amount of hurt if she would be causing if she followed Kyo?s wishes. It all seemed so fruitless. Where was HER happy ending?
?I don?t want to hurt you either, Kyo. I just?I just don?t see why we can?t keep it to ourselves. I liked knowing that only you and I knew what was going on. I liked sharing that secret with you.?
?That?s just it, Tohru, he hissed. ?Don?t you understand? I want something more than hiding out in a closet. I hated having to move away from you when someone else entered the room.
?I don?t want to be your dirty little secret, the one you go skulking off to when you have some itch that needs to be scratched. If you?re that ashamed of being seen with a monster like me, keep snuggling up to that damn Prince Yuki and leave me the hell alone.?
Tohru was torn between feeling shamefully remorseful and horrifically outraged. Was that what he thought? Was that how he was feeling this whole time? How could she have been so blind? She claimed to care so much about him; how could she have overlooked the doubts and fears that lay festering in the heart and soul of the zodiac cat.
At the same time she was furious with the sometimes feline. How dare he trivialize what they had? How dare he corrupt the beauty of it that way? Didn?t he know that she wanted all those things too? That she wanted to tell all the girls that ogled him, ?Hands off, Kyo Sohma is mine!?
He was moving away from her now and she knew she had to do something, anything to stop him. Brushing all apprehensions aside, she lunged forward and grabbed his arm.
?Kyo, you?re wrong. It?s not like that,? she said fiercely. ?Please, don?t let it end like this. I?I?I don?t want to lose you. I need you too much.? She was so caught up in the despair that was flooding her tear ducts that she barely acknowledged the swish of Shigure?s front door opening.
Some undefined emotion glinted in Kyo?s eyes as he stood there, studying her. Long fingers reached out to caress one of her braids, tugged it lightly to pull her just enough closer. ?Is that so?? he whispered silkily. He brushed at her tears. ?Why don?t you prove it??
Every fiber in her being screamed out that something was wrong, that acting this way was so unlike Kyo, but she couldn?t resist the temptation of his mouth on hers. As always, she was swept away when their mouths touched and was almost lost in the current of desire when Yuki?s ?I?m home? penetrated her Kyo-induced haze. She tore her mouth from his.
?Kyo,? she panted. ?It?s Yuki.?
?Yeah, so?? he murmured, his words barely intelligible as they tickled the shell of her ear. He kissed her again. Tohru responded, reluctantly at first, silently praying that Yuki would pass the front room and continue on up the stairs.
Her prayers went unanswered. Yuki?s footsteps grew closer. ?Miss Honda, are you home??
Terrified at the thought of Yuki discovering them while Kyo?s hands roamed over her body as if he were trying to memorize very centimeter, Tohru squirmed. Kyo?s however, stubbornly held her fast. ?Kyo, let go! He?ll see us.?
?I don?t care,? he murmured, stealing another kiss. He looked at her then, a challenge in his eyes, ?Do you??
?Kyo, please?? Even as she said it, the door to the room began to darken with Yuki?s presence. At that moment, Tohru did what she knew she had to do. Her head demanded that she act swiftly, her heart begged her to think it over. She did what she thought was right, it was the only way.
She threw her arms around Kyo, triggering the transformation. In the poof of smoke that followed hurriedly straightened her clothing and, in her haste, almost missed Kyo?s defeated ?I thought so.? She opened her mouth to reassure him, then snapped it back shut. What good would it do to start another scene? She would find him later and explain, ask him for another chance, beg if she had to.
When the door slid open, heralding Yuki?s entrance into the room, Kyo was already heading for the door, stalking out of the room as only a livid cat can.
?Miss Honda, are you all right? You look flushed. Why is there an ice pack on the floor??
?Oh, it?s nothing. I was just being my usual klutzy self and I fell into Kyo, right Kyo?? she babbled, slightly amazed that she was able to construct a semi-logical sentence.
Kyo paused just outside the door. He didn?t even bother to turn around. He instead managed a forcefully non committal, ?Whatever,? and strode out the door.
Sheer will alone kept Tohru from sinking to the floor in defeat. She forced herself to cheerily answer all of Yuki?s questions, to soothe all his concerns as she tidied up the room. When Yuki excused himself to change out of his school clothes, she picked Kyo?s clothes from where they lay abandoned on the floor, and buried her face in the achingly cherished scent, so drained she couldn?t even work up the strength to cry.
Author?s notes: Hello and thanks for sticking with me! I?m sorry for taking so long between updates. There?s really no excuse.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Part of me originally intended for it to be finished after this chapter, but I couldn?t help torturing our star-crossed couple a little bit more. An end is in sight, the next chapter should hopefully be the last one. Really. Yes, I do have an idea of how it?s all going to end and how I?m going to get there. Big, wonderful, heartfelt thanks for all the reviews, too. I really truly appreciate them! Read, review, tell your friends! 
cliff hangers as usual.
