Possibly the first and only Angel Sanctuary fanfiction I will write, the song featured was written by Jann Arden Richards, title: <i>Unloved</i>, album: <i>Living Under June(1994)</i> by PolyGram Songs (Canada) / Girl On The Moon Music (SOCAN), Controlled by Songs of PolyGram International, Inc. (BMI)
CATEGORY: Angel Sanctuary
WARNINGS: incest, sex
RATED: R
PAIRING: Setsuna/Sara
WRITTEN: March 4, 2005 (finished 5:17 pm)
PS. I blame Wicked and RoB for getting me into this fandom, but are still awesome. And a big thanks to Andrea, whom I never cease to amaze her with my random bouts of neurotic panic attacks.
Chances Aren't Enough
~~~
There will be no happy ending for them, for this is no fairytale.
<i>// There will be no consolation prize / This time the bone is broken clean / No baptism, no reprise and no sweet taste of victory / All the stars have fallen from the sky / And everything else in between / Satellites have closed their eyes, the moon has gone to sleep //</i>
Once he told his confidante that all he knew was suffering. He was told,
"All you've known is pain."
His friend neglected to mention the fact that he had been hurting for lifetimes far longer than this one will be, that the things he had experienced he had to endure as well, but always in shadow. Until now, until she appeared. That she was the reason he had let it come to this, she was the catalyst that would send all celestial beings into a war that was centuries in the making. All because of this woman-child, all because of a young girl. Lilith and Eve would have been proud of her, for Sara Mudou's actions affected everyone. Even he, the guardian of the fallen one, had an allegiance to her in a twisted convoluted way, because she was the one that was chosen. Sara was the bride whom they feared, despised, whom they would be indebted to.
But in Setsuna's mind, they belonged to each other, they were their own people. Their tales weren't so different, hers and his, and when fate attempted to separate them on conditions not their own, they knew that they would not allow it to be. After this moment, they were never to be separated again, never to be judged from what others said. Heaven would cry tears of bitterness and hell would stop its fires for their actions, for what they wanted.
<i>// Unloved / Unloved unloved unloved //</i>
And now, they were alone. The muted lights from the city unable to illuminate the darkened room and those who hid beneath it. The door had been shut, the telephone and the television disconnected, they had isolated themselves from a world that had already distanced itself for what they were. Rumpled sheets told the tale of others before them, the same disappointment, the same secrets, the same passion that had the potential to undermine what was believed to be wrong. Pieces of clothing hung to the edges of the bed and fell to the floor, jealous of the sudden abandonment of its owners as they waited in eternity. Time held its breath as long as it could tonight, giving the lovers the only grace they knew before it too betrayed them.
Even as he bit into her skin and felt his pulse quicken when she moaned under him, he knew that she was happy. Even as she called out his name in soft, repeated and strained whispers, stroked his body in its entirety with her deft and small hands, she knew that this was what he wanted all along. He wanted to love her, to be with her, to touch her in places that nobody else had and nobody ever will. He was the only person that she'd allow to do such things to her, the single being whom could make her gasp and scream like this. To continue to want more, to feel it another time. To cry out for her release as he crashed into her again and again with all the frantic sexual passion that he possessed. For Sara was in love with him, and their happiness was all that they wished for.
<i>// Here I am inside a hotel / Choking on a million words I said / Cigarettes have burned a hole and dreams are drunk and penniless / Here I am inside my father's arms / All jagged bone and whisky dry / Whisper to me sweetly now and tell me I will never die //</i>
He had lied down beside her quiet uncertainty, always afraid that his suppressed bestiality would taint her in ways that could never be repaired, but for their love they would give up their virginity. Silence on the bed. There was pain. So she had encouraged him to rest his head on her lap and proceeded to run her hands through his hair, taking in all his sorrows and fears like only she could. Her long tresses had been released of its braid, and soon it was he whom was stroking her hair and he held her in his arms. Showing him the smile that was reserved only for him, she laid her head down on the pillows and closed her eyes, whispering words that she knew were true. Words that held promise and held hurt.
"Kiss me."
And he did.
<i>// Unloved / Unloved unloved unloved //</i>
He gazed down at her with such uncertain eyes that she thought it would be the end of him, to bring themselves to a place that they could call home. Reaching for her hand, closing his mouth upon hers, these things he had wished to do so a million different times, in a million different rooms, in a million different ways. But what he didn't know was that she had wanted this too, perhaps even more so than he had, but the demure and pure aura of the woman-child gave little hint to this darker side of her.
She sighed when their lips parted. She raised her head higher off the pillow to claim his mouth as hers again when he hesitated and retreated to his doubts. Never releasing her hand from his, she sat up and reached out with her other hand to touch his eyes. It followed with another kiss before he let her head rest on his shoulder. She felt his body go tense against hers as both their heartbeats accelerated, and in a split-second decision his mouth was on hers again. There was no hesitation this time.
He loved her. He told her he loved her before he laid her down gently on the sheets. He told her that he had always loved her as he gently pulled his weight upon her body, as her hands were moving across his shirt and finding their way around his chest. Setsuna closed his eyes and breathed deeply at the sight of the woman lying before him. His wife. He told her that he would always love her as he delicately removed her blue dress, quickly followed by her underwear and brasiere and enveloped her body in deep kisses that made her sigh. His hands moved to her waist, lowering himself over her as her head tossed languidly on the pillows under his breathless whispers like a slow-burning fire. Dark brown eyes came into contact with his and a hand moved up to his face, carressing the cheek lovingly before it traced a line down his shirt and farther.
His clothing was dealt with just as quickly. Every article stripped off and tossed to the floor. There was not enough light to cast their shadows on the walls, but the movements from the bed were enough to claim what happened next. Her hair spread out like a fan about her head, her body rising and falling to the rhythm of his ministrations, the way his lips made her lose her breath wherever they may be. His legs were completely interwined with hers like two hibernating snakes. With limbs wrapped around his lean back, her nails etched dark red lines on his skin as he fondled and suckled her breasts with lavish attention. She threw her head back on the pillows and moaned aloud, breaking the solitude of the room. Sara bit her lower lip in determination. Not yet, they would not give in yet.
There was nowhere else left to go, except down.
<i>// Here I am an empty hallway / Broken window, rainy night / I am nineteen sixty-two and I am ready for a fight / People crying hallelujah / While the bullet leaves the gun / People falling, falling, falling and I don't know where they're falling from //</i>
To be a sinner is to reject the Creator, and to reject the Creator is to sentence yourself to death and beyond. What logic is there left when the single, idealistic notion of love is held under the bonds of someone else's rules but not theirs. They've been accused of being impure, been given judgements, been ostracized, scolded, neglected and separated from their free will. Which ones are the true sinners; they try to understand but they can't. They've forsaken all the rest.
The tears flowed freely from their eyes, they were going to pay for their sins.
<i>// Are they / Unloved //</i>
Did she know that she was going to die? Did he know that she would have given everything and anything to be with him? Sara wasn't afraid when they met each other that night, when Setsuna came in to see her in her room after she had been hurt. Without words they told each other what they so wanted to say but were so fearful of what would happen if they did. They couldn't say it out loud, not in the presence of someone else. But here nobody was watching.
She felt his eyes score numerous tatoos on her unbroken skin, and those wandering lips of his were never too far behind. Her hands drifted and parted, and as she pulled him closer to her she felt that this was right, it was always right. His hand closed around hers just like his mouth did to her exposed neck, bringing a sweet rush of adrenaline to her head that only increased her laboured breathing. Her toes curled up in anticipation when he called out her name with half-lidded eyes. Her body twisted and writhed in pleasure, relishing the sensations that his burning body was giving hers in soul-shaking ecstacy. It was enough to erase her mind from the suffering that they knew together, his sex rubbing - teasing - pressing - gyrating - pouding her in intensified repetition as they both groaned for more. The sounds that left his tongue told the tale all too well. Her skin melted with his effortlessly.
Love.
Her thighs were somewhere where they ought not to be. His hands didn't leave hers.
Flash.
<i>// Unloved unloved unloved //</i>
My name is Sara Mudou and I am in love with Setsuna. Setsuna Mudou, who has always been in love with me even before I realized what this feeling I felt for him was, who has always been there to take care for me, to look after me, to make me happy. But he is my brother.
Setsuna Mudou, whom fate decided to give a higher purpose than the one he wanted in this life.
Setsuna Mudou, whom only wanted peace within his soul.
Setsuna Mudou. Wanted happiness.
Setsuna Mudou. Wanted a love like no other.
Setsuna Mudou. A wanted criminal.
<i>// Hoping that the kindness will lead us past the blindness / Not another living soul will ever have to feel //</i>
How strange the world can be, to take both their lives and to rejoin them in the next, wherever it is. To take her away in a freak accident, for him to lose the only thing he adored in this existence. To learn that it he was destined to always carry out an unhappy life. Her end was supposed to be his end, but her actions were unforseen. They were out of love, out of her love for him. Setsuna. Fate, that's what they called it. It was all too much, it would have to change.
As he laid down her broken body, her eyes closed and and her heart's blood painting the cement in deep crimson, there was nothing left to say that could possibly make things better between them. He would go with her, he would bring her back from the underworld and god forbid he should lose. God wasn't on his side. God had to listen.
The world was ignorant to the pain that they've felt in life and they continued to ignore it. They chose to judge the fallen ones and to believe in grace, but even they were none the wiser. His moment of true happiness, her moment of true happiness was the bribe for inevitable tragedy, they should have known. Would it have been different if she had chosen to leave him and he chose to never see her face again? He can't say.
"Aishiteru."
<i>// Unloved unloved / Unloved unloved / Unloved unloved unloved //</i>
If he can't be with her in this lifetime, she'll wait for him in the next.
